Hi,
So my boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half now and we don't have sex really anymore. He still is very affectionate, kisses, hugs, fondles, cuddles etc... but he's not really interested in having sex or any sex related stuff no oral, anal, anything.

I don't mind not having sex all the time but I would like to do it once in a while. I have talked to him about it on a number of occasions, he says that he still loves, me finds me attractive, and wants to have sex, but he doesn't feel like it, or he's too stressed out or worked up about work.

He's told me that he will go talk to his doctor about it to see if he has low tess. But he still masturbates daily or every few days, not to mention the LARGE amount of porn on his computer, and before we had sex a lot like a few times a day, then a few times a week, then once or twice a week to now we're at like once a month or less. We live together and have for several months and we get along amazingly. I still love him like crazy and want to be with him both sexually as well as emotionally. At this point I'm not sure what, if anything, I can do. We are both in our mid to late twenties and are working professionals we don't have a lot of time together but even when we do it seems he would rather watch TV then have sex. If anyone has some suggestions then I'd be happy to hear.

Thanks

You asked him the wrong question, as its not about the sex life, its about making more quality time to fully enjoy each other on a regular basis. Your minds have to meet again, and share with each other, so the bodies can come together naturally.

Lack of sex is but a symptom of a greater issue to be addressed in other areas of the relationship. Be it stress or the rut of taking the easy way out. Or no healthy distractions or stress relief.

You mentioned stress at work. For men that's one of the main reasons they give for not wanting sex. Stress at work, stress about family, money, stress period. I'd bet that the stress plays a large part in why he's not having sex with you.

As for masturbation, that's just an itch that needs scratching. It's a lot easier to spend a few minutes with yourself to scratch an itch, than it is to put in the time and effort of having sex. It has nothing to do with his sexual attraction to you, it has everything to do with how he's feeling right now.

I would definitely support him going to the doctor. I'd also sit down with him and be very honest about how you feel about everything. Don't ask "what's wrong with me, why don't you want to have sex with me, why do you masturbate but won't have sex", ask him how he's feeling, if he's okay, if there's anything he can do to solve this. In the end, he's the one that has to fix this, but you should let him know that you'd like it fixed, as it's affecting your relationship.