Over two years ago I started seeing this guy in the fall. We weren't in a real relationship since that spring he studied abroad. We were exclusive but not "boyfriend/girlfriend" I guess. But I fell hard, and when he was gone he led me on after he broke my heart before the trip. Basically the whole time, I was confused, he had mixed feelings and really, really hurt me.

The fall he returned, I was really resentful at first, but we were really good friends for like a month. And then we hooked up. And I felt stupid and horrible because I knew he still wouldn't want to be with me. Ever since then, I've been angry at him. That was over a year ago, and I'm with someone else now, but I can't seem to get over the anger.

We have a lot of mutual friends. I see him at least twice a week at school because of that. When he's not around, I have to hear about him. I hate seeing him on Facebook, and I get really angry seeing him like other girls pictures. The worst part to me is that he wanted to be friends, yet makes absolutely no effort. Although I see him making plenty effort with other people, even though I'm "one of the most important people he knows" as he told me recently. Sigh. Idk what to do. I can't really ignore him and every time we talk about repairing things, we just fight. I am desperate to move on, to feel nothing when I see or hear his name.

Please move on. This whole relationship seems to be nothing but problems for you. He really is "stringing you along". I am 70 yrs old, been through many relationships. A good relationship is based on trust, faith, respect, and being able to talk about anything. This really doesn't meet the "test". I am sure you can move on, and meet new people. Try getting your mind off him, by talking with some new people, outside your present friends. I wish you the best, and have a great New Year. Merry Christmas.

Please move on. This whole relationship seems to be nothing but problems for you. He really is "stringing you along". I am 70 yrs old, been through many relationships. A good relationship is based on trust, faith, respect, and being able to talk about anything. This really doesn't meet the "test". I am sure you can move on, and meet new people. Try getting your mind off him, by talking with some new people, outside your present friends. I wish you the best, and have a great New Year. Merry Christmas.

Thanks for the response. I am actually glad it ended, because I know he was awful to me. And I will take your advice to spend time with other people. But I need advice to help make the anger disintegrate. Should we try to be friends again? Should we have no contact?

In a perfect world I would say cut him out of your life for a set period (90 days maybe)... take him off Facebook, avoid him like your life depends on it... maybe absence will make him a bit more tolerable to be around after the fact?

Your situation is very sensitive because you and your ex share mutual friends. Here's the bottom line, in order for you to completely move on, you need to forgive him. Now this doesn't mean you forget his previous behavior. Forgiveness is all about you, and it is a continual process. To help, stop contacting him and remove him from your social media circles. If you are socializing with your mutual friends and he is present, be cordial, but keep communication to a bare minimum. Show him that you too are moving on, but your friends are your friends.

I agree, forgive him, for hurting you, and forgive yourself for letting it happen. Also think how an angy person makes a lousy partner. That does mean no contact, no friendship, and no talking of the past, no Facebook stalking.


Should we try to be friends again? NO!!


Should we have no contact? Yes!!