I have been married to my current wife for 4 years and the relationship is failing due to inability to reach agreement on issues involving my 11yr old daughter who lives with her mother.

I am not allowed to contact my ex unless clearing it with my wife first, and she will demand to listen in on the conversation if by telephone. If I go to her house to pick up our daughter for a contact visit, I will be interrogated as to whether I entered the house.. did I speak with my ex wife... what was the fat b*** wearing?

If there is a necessity to attend an interview e.g. school re our daughter, current wife expects to be invited to attend so that the three of us are present. I feel that this is unnecessary... as much as I love her. Can I not just attend a small number of such events with my ex wife and daughter as the child's parents.. albeit divorced? If my ex wife had a new partner and wished to bring him along I would not object and would feel more inclined to try to bring my wife along too, my ex doesn't object to my wife attending, but I know she would prefer to keep things simple.

Is it normal for re married couples to allow each other to attend some of their respective family events without having to be there and requiring overt displays of affection, hand holding etc in front of everyone?

I want to do what is fair for my wife, daughter, ex wife... and me too.

Any constructive comments/experiences welcome.

Let me preface this by saying I've never been married nor do I have any children. I'm 30 years old though so you not getting advice from a teenager.

But I think you current wife is completely out of line and obviously very insecure. I think you just have to put your foot down and firmly say that she is your daughter and you will raise her as you see fit and in certain situations that means your time with your daughter is just that. Time between you and your daughter and it does not involve your wife.

Your current wife seems very paranoid and insecure. Sometimes it's hard for new partners to really accept that you could have loved someone so much before that you had a kid together - something along the lines of out of sight out of mind, so with your old life being involved in your current relationship, she feels spooked. Is that reasonable? No, not at all, but perhaps an explanation of why she's behaving the way she is... S

Your current wife is very controlling and yes I can see why this is causing problems. Never ever blame your child for something that has nothing to do with them. They did not ask to be put in that position.

Have you brought up your concerns to your wife? If not, it is time. Counseling, if you want to make it work. If that behaviour continues you will need to figure out is this really a person you want to be with?

Your daughter is more important then anything else. You still have a connection to the ex wife and there will always be and if your wife can not except that I think it is time to set her straight.

Joe

Thank you all for your responses which are much appreciated:)

There is no nice way to say this, but you should have put her in check over your daughter long ago. It will take many conversations and hurt feelings to convince your, current wife to back off. You must be firm on this as she will put up a lot of resistance.

I think your current wife may be a little over protective... HOWEVER... I do think she is entitled to attend events with your child and exwife if she wishes to do so. She should however be trusting enough to allow you to speak with your ex on matters concerning your child. I do not think you should be as concerned about your exwives feelings as your current wives and your daughters. Your exwife should fall at the bottom of your list of priorities.