Please help.. Im 25 years old and totally in love with my boyfriend in everyway... everything is perfect except the fact that he never wants sex... he never initiates it either... he works nights and 16 hour days so I know he's tierd most of the time... however I only ask or try to have sex when I know he's a bit rested and still he's not too ready! What do I do? I know he's attracted... he does get an errection all the time... hes all over me with kisses and hugs... he went to the dr and got tested and he does have a low sex drive... but come on he's only 30 years old... what can I do? I don't want to leave him... I know he's not gay because I have seen him act sexual before... really onto me... but that's sooo rare... he never goes down on me either... help

Thanks :)

I think you both need some space... I mean you guys can go for some kind of holiday... take rest and make him fresh... it will help him to gain his interest as well as confident...

:o thanks

Your situation sounds EXACTLY like mine which I posted about here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-sexuality/me-boyfriend-never-wants-have-sex-31354-2.html#post334709

Except it sounds like we are even younger than you guys. This scares me. I don't want things to be this way forever. I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you- I wish I did. It just makes me feel better that there are other girls facing the same problems because everyone I ask for advice is baffled.

Hang in there if he's really worth it... By the way has he been tested at the dr? My boyfriend has had some blood tests done and they found that he has a low testostorone count which means there is something wrong that doctors are trying to look into... it may be he's pituatory gland so they are running more tests... keep in touch and I will let you know what happens :)

I can tell you my advise from me being a guy, but always remember every ones different, in my experience I have falling for girls before and held off sex... even though sex is great there where past relationships where sex ruined my relationship it just goes down hill from there so maybe he's afriad for the same reason ( I may be wrong just thought id say what I have done as a guy )

Hang in there if hes really worth it...By the way has he been tested at the dr? My boyfriend has had some blood tests done and they found that he has a low testostorone count which means there is something wrong that drs are trying to look into...it may be hes pituatory gland so they are running more tests...keep in touch and I will let you know what happens :)

He hasn't been to a doctor, but I've talked about it with him before. I think he's scared to face it. Please do let me know what happens. I wish I knew if it was emotional or physical- maybe it's both. How did you get your guy to see a doctor? Was he embarrassed or was he okay with it?

i can tell u my advise from me being a guy, but always remember every ones different, in my experience i have fallin for girls before and held off sex.... even tho sex is great there where past relationships where sex ruined my relationship it just goes down hill from there so maybe hes afriad for the same reason ( i may be wrong just thought id say what i have done as a guy )

How long did you hold out? Me and bones3 are both in quite long term relationships. This is sort of what I thought my guy was doing at first, but it's been over 3 years. If he's not comfortable opening up to me sexually by now, there's something wrong. We HAVE had really great sexual experiences which I know we both enjoy. He always says he WANTS to have sex but I think by now it's a combo of the pressure to perform because it's become such a sensitive subject and possibly a physical/mental issue. Both of us have come to avoiding it at this point.

Is your relation based on sex? If he don't want to then you should honor his request ans he should do for you.. Maybe sex ruined a prior relationship and now he wants to wait to be sure this one is the right one. Be patient if you really love him.

I also have a similar problem. He went to the doctors but they said he was fine. Our relationship is defo not based on sex. We are taking it slowly working on the problem.

My post is called 'Our sex life is a disaster' if you want to see the advice people gave me by the way

Where is "fun" in your relationship? Where is levity, longing (for one another) and mystery, finding out, learning of one another? Could you both be "game" for an activity which in the old days (1960's) was called "sensitity training."

Assuming that you are consenting adults, you arrange for yourselves in a safe place, a table cleared of things, a bed room, or a sofa. You blindfold one another, and you begin feeling each other's face, ever so lightly.

Be well, be yourself. Learn.

Our relationship is clearly NOT based on sex. If it was we would not be together right now. But I am a personal believer that sex is a part of a healthy relationship and I want some passion! I can't lie- sex IS important to me. It's fun and liberating and I want to share it with the guy I love. I am not the only one who is upset about the problem- he wants to be more intimate as well. I don't push him, but it's hard to feel good about your body and feel sexy when your own boyfriend has trouble getting aroused by you. Sometimes I really feel okay with it because we love each other and I tell him it doesn't matter to me, and sometimes I go to bed crying.

I know what you mean. I've got really upset a few times and its hard not to get emotional because it just makes it worse.

Rose, don't listen to the advice people gave you!!

OK well don't listen to SOME of it. People can't understand what we're going through. It's easy for people to just say "well it's a deal breaker", or "this guy obviously doesn't care" or "there must be something ELSE wrong in your relationship if you're not having sex" or "is he gay!!???"

They just don't understand that we have loving men who we would never want to live without. People refuse to believe that 2 people can be completely in love, but have bad (or no) sex. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that things will get better, but I love him anyway. And of course I know that my life is never going to be a top notch hardcore porn flick with a guy who has a low sex drive, but all I really want is compromise. I want to get to a place where we're comfortable having sex on a regular basis. I don't mind if he's not in the mood sometimes, but the problem is that its ALL the time, no matter what I say, wear, do, kiss, lick, or grind! It's a big blow to a girl's ego no matter how much he tells me how hot/sexy/beautiful I am- actions speak louder than words.

I feel bad for you because you are at a point where you're getting married. I'm only 21 and though both of us have thought about marriage, it's a long way down the road for us at this point, and I've always said to myself that if our sex life is still this uneventful I won't marry him- I'll tell him we need to work on things first. But again, it's easy for me to say now because it seems so far away to me.

I have said that to myself so many times. I have even said it to him in the heat of the moment (not recomended) but I know I don't mean it. When I think of my children I know they will be his and I have done since the second I saw him (literally). My main worry is that because I have Polycystic ovaries us conceiving will be difficult as it is so if we have sex less the odds are lower. On the plus side we have made some real improvements recently. In fact since I found this site I have felt a lot better knowing that other people feel this way too and hearing it from the other side occasionally. I also think that maybe we all try to have sex as often as we did with every partner so sometimes I look back on my 1st partner where we were like rabbits and think it should be like that. But then I remember now that I have a full time job, a house that needs cleaning, two kittens that take up a lot of my time, a wedding to plan and a normal social life so there just aren't enough hours in the day any more.

Have you tried talking to your guy about medication? I really want to try it, but I'm afriad it will make him more upset if I bring it up. My boyfriend is also really against taking pills. Has anyone had a good experience with this?

We tried viagra from the doctor and it didn't really help to be honest. When I was younger a partner took it when there wasn't really anything wrong with out sex life, and the effect was amazing! But that was a dodgy one from another country so I don't know if it was a higher does and it wasn't a particularly smart thing to do.

Please help..Im 25 years old and totally in love with my boyfriend in everyway...everything is perfect exept the fact that he never wants sex...he never initiates it either...he works nights and 16 hour days so I know hes tierd most of the time...however I only ask or try to have sex when I know hes a bit rested and still hes not too ready! What do I do?? I know hes attracted...he does get an errection all the time...hes all over me with kisses and hugs...he went to the dr and got tested and he does have a low sex drive...but come on hes only 30 years old...what can I do? I don't want to leave him...I know hes not gay because I have seen him act sexual before ...really onto me ...but thats sooo rare...he never goes down on me either...help

thanks :)
Try something spicy... men love flavor! Sexy clothes-- dirty talk--role play anything out of the box.. try that.

The more you pressure him the harder he will find it!

If he is open about this suggest some viagra, if it is a closed subject try leaving it a while.

Please help..Im 25 years old and totally in love with my boyfriend in everyway...everything is perfect exept the fact that he never wants sex...he never initiates it either...he works nights and 16 hour days so I know hes tierd most of the time...however I only ask or try to have sex when I know hes a bit rested and still hes not too ready! What do I do?? I know hes attracted...he does get an errection all the time...hes all over me with kisses and hugs...he went to the dr and got tested and he does have a low sex drive...but come on hes only 30 years old...what can I do? I don't want to leave him...I know hes not gay because I have seen him act sexual before ...really onto me ...but thats sooo rare...he never goes down on me either...help

thanks :)
Consider yourself lucky that's all my boyfriend wants... to me its not that important

Hey Bones3

A year or so ago I was so concerned about this! I just didn't understand why he never initiated, I began to question myself.

I finally mustered up the courage to just ask him, and the answer was simply that he was trying not to seem like all he wanted was sex, and that asking for sex so much might upset me or embarrass him. But these days we're comfortable with each other and now I'm saying I'm too tired or have a head ache so often haha!

We'll I have the same problem my boyfriend is 26 and I'am 28 and I am having the same problem I don't know what to do because I am very sexually active now, I love him to death I don't want to cheat on him. What to do??

Research, get you some books and see what you can do.
Also this is simplistic but spice it up, some adult entertainment might help.
Stay in shape and take care of yourself , men are visually attracted.