Tawny80
Dec 7, 2012, 04:25 AM
This is quite a complex problem but basically my older sister has phsycological issues which caused a major drama in our family around 6 months ago. She has said and done a lot of horrible things to our family including stealing money and making up horrible lies like accusing my dad of beating her up and my uncle molested her. She also works for my dad along with my husband and is very lazy at work. She also seems to have a problem with my husband and at one stage manipulated a misunderstanding between my younger sister andhim to try and turn the whole famly against him which eventually backfired. A lot of the time she does her own thing at work like organising her parties for her children etc. This has obviously caused a lot of tension at work as my husband is left to do all the work.
Mum and dad spoke to my older sister and advised she needed to pull her weight and that she would be given a paycut etc. My younger sister even stood up to her and said she needed to stop being so angry and pull her weight. My older sister didn't like this and got really angry accusing everyone of turning on her and being abusive. But with the family standing up to her she finally realised she'd been caught out and she gave up with the crap. The only problem left was the fact that all the lies she has said about our family, like my dad beating her and my uncle molesting her was never addressed with her. It was seemingly swept under the carpet. My husband and I also made a truce with my older sister and just decided to move on even though she deeply hurt us.
Everything seemed to be going well. My older sister seemed to change her ways in respect to the family. She went above and beyond to help with my wedding and hens night and stopped talking crap about our family etc.Once the wedding was over her behaviour at work continued to be the same. She would come and go as she pleased and half the time didn't do much work.
My husband went to my dad MANY times to explain this to him and to say its not fair and its driving him nuts. They told him they would talk to her and that she would leaving at the end of November anyway. Well the end of November came along and my husband found out from another office that she wasn't leaving and was going to continue to work part time. NONE of this was explained to my husband and he was quite upset. One day it all became too much and my husband had a go at my dad about it all. He told my dad that he had to sort things out with my older sister or he would quit. My dad said he would talk to my sister that night. The next day my dad fired my husband! He said things weren't going to change so he should leave!
My husband and I were devasated and immediately knew that my older sister had obviously said something to my father the night before to bring this decision on.
The next day my husband and I had a meeting with my mum and dad. My dad and husband continued to argue the whole time and mum and I just cried. It was horrible. My dad was so horrible to my husband. He basically blamed my husband for all this and said that my husband just hates my older sister and that he was causing all the issues at work, that he causes arguments and that the office has gone downhill because of it! My husband has gone above and beyond to build my fathers business! ` He installed new phone systems which saved my dad thousands of dollars every year plus provided my dad with all the IT support he needed free of charge which would have costed dad thousand of dollars as well if he had to have gotten someone in. My husband also brought in around $60,000 of new business for my father and never got anything for it. He got minimal payrises each year and barely got anymore money than my older sister who did nothing. NOT once did my dad show any appreciation for what my husband has done for him and the business.
MY dad also said that he had an agreement with my older sister that she could do her own thing at work and that this had nothing to do with my husband and he didn't have to let my husband know that? My husband tried to explain how unfair that is and that no employee should have to take on all the work without some form of compensation etc. My dad just didn't get it. He's just got it so stuck in his head that my husband hates my older sister and that he's just causing all the trouble. Its like my father feels responsible for my older sisters pshycological problems and so he just gives her anything she wants. Every other employee in the office is DISGUSTED about what my dad's done as they saw how hard Ivan worked.
I don't even know if this agreement between my father and older sister is even real as neither my husband or I knew nothing about it until after he was fired. If this agreement was true then why didn't my father tell my husband about it earlier. Why didn't my older sister tell me husband about it? She obviously knew how frustrated he was. My husband went to my dad many times about his frustration with my older sister doing no work and he never told my husband about this agreement. My husband was just left to get more and more frustrated until he was pushed to his limit and exploded and now he looks like the bad guy. It just doesn't seem right. If my husband knew about this agreement he would have given my dad 3 options:
1. get another employee to help him out
2. negotiate a payrise to compensate for the extra work he was doing
3. if dad wasn't prepared to do either then my husbandwould have resigned and it would have been a lot more amicable
I just don't understand why they are treating him like this. My husband is such an amazing loving person and would never hurt anyone but he is also someone who doesn't take crap and tells it how it is. He will tell the truth even if the truth is hard for some people to handle. I think my father knows my husband is right but won't admit it and its easier just to blame my husband than to deal with the fact that his older daughter has a lot of issues and that in-turn this has caused a lot of issues for him as he feels responsible for it.
I just don't know where to go from here. My husband and his family now hate my family and even though my family say they don't hate my husband I don't believe it. My older sister says to my younger sister she is devastated by all this and understands why ivan got frustrated but I don't know whether to believe this. If she understands then why didn't she tell my husband about this agreement? It just doesn't add up. It feels like she's just manipulating everyone. She's just saying this to make everyone think she mrs perfect and a changed person where really she hates my husband and this was all part of her plan to get rid of him.
Im now in a position where I feel I have to choose between them. I still love my family but I am so hurt by what they have done to my husband. I am also hurt that just because my older sister has been acting nicer that last few months that just gives her a free pass to do what she wants and once again she has torn the family in pieces again. But my family just won't see it.
I just don't what is true and what is not anymore. I don't know who to believe. Is my sister a changed person or not. Can someone who has stolen, lied and manipulated people for years change in just a few months? Talking to my dad seems pointless as he just doesn't listen. Talking to my younger sister doesn't help as she will just say anything to keep the family together. I feel so lost and alone. Has anyone got any advice and how to handle this?
Mum and dad spoke to my older sister and advised she needed to pull her weight and that she would be given a paycut etc. My younger sister even stood up to her and said she needed to stop being so angry and pull her weight. My older sister didn't like this and got really angry accusing everyone of turning on her and being abusive. But with the family standing up to her she finally realised she'd been caught out and she gave up with the crap. The only problem left was the fact that all the lies she has said about our family, like my dad beating her and my uncle molesting her was never addressed with her. It was seemingly swept under the carpet. My husband and I also made a truce with my older sister and just decided to move on even though she deeply hurt us.
Everything seemed to be going well. My older sister seemed to change her ways in respect to the family. She went above and beyond to help with my wedding and hens night and stopped talking crap about our family etc.Once the wedding was over her behaviour at work continued to be the same. She would come and go as she pleased and half the time didn't do much work.
My husband went to my dad MANY times to explain this to him and to say its not fair and its driving him nuts. They told him they would talk to her and that she would leaving at the end of November anyway. Well the end of November came along and my husband found out from another office that she wasn't leaving and was going to continue to work part time. NONE of this was explained to my husband and he was quite upset. One day it all became too much and my husband had a go at my dad about it all. He told my dad that he had to sort things out with my older sister or he would quit. My dad said he would talk to my sister that night. The next day my dad fired my husband! He said things weren't going to change so he should leave!
My husband and I were devasated and immediately knew that my older sister had obviously said something to my father the night before to bring this decision on.
The next day my husband and I had a meeting with my mum and dad. My dad and husband continued to argue the whole time and mum and I just cried. It was horrible. My dad was so horrible to my husband. He basically blamed my husband for all this and said that my husband just hates my older sister and that he was causing all the issues at work, that he causes arguments and that the office has gone downhill because of it! My husband has gone above and beyond to build my fathers business! ` He installed new phone systems which saved my dad thousands of dollars every year plus provided my dad with all the IT support he needed free of charge which would have costed dad thousand of dollars as well if he had to have gotten someone in. My husband also brought in around $60,000 of new business for my father and never got anything for it. He got minimal payrises each year and barely got anymore money than my older sister who did nothing. NOT once did my dad show any appreciation for what my husband has done for him and the business.
MY dad also said that he had an agreement with my older sister that she could do her own thing at work and that this had nothing to do with my husband and he didn't have to let my husband know that? My husband tried to explain how unfair that is and that no employee should have to take on all the work without some form of compensation etc. My dad just didn't get it. He's just got it so stuck in his head that my husband hates my older sister and that he's just causing all the trouble. Its like my father feels responsible for my older sisters pshycological problems and so he just gives her anything she wants. Every other employee in the office is DISGUSTED about what my dad's done as they saw how hard Ivan worked.
I don't even know if this agreement between my father and older sister is even real as neither my husband or I knew nothing about it until after he was fired. If this agreement was true then why didn't my father tell my husband about it earlier. Why didn't my older sister tell me husband about it? She obviously knew how frustrated he was. My husband went to my dad many times about his frustration with my older sister doing no work and he never told my husband about this agreement. My husband was just left to get more and more frustrated until he was pushed to his limit and exploded and now he looks like the bad guy. It just doesn't seem right. If my husband knew about this agreement he would have given my dad 3 options:
1. get another employee to help him out
2. negotiate a payrise to compensate for the extra work he was doing
3. if dad wasn't prepared to do either then my husbandwould have resigned and it would have been a lot more amicable
I just don't understand why they are treating him like this. My husband is such an amazing loving person and would never hurt anyone but he is also someone who doesn't take crap and tells it how it is. He will tell the truth even if the truth is hard for some people to handle. I think my father knows my husband is right but won't admit it and its easier just to blame my husband than to deal with the fact that his older daughter has a lot of issues and that in-turn this has caused a lot of issues for him as he feels responsible for it.
I just don't know where to go from here. My husband and his family now hate my family and even though my family say they don't hate my husband I don't believe it. My older sister says to my younger sister she is devastated by all this and understands why ivan got frustrated but I don't know whether to believe this. If she understands then why didn't she tell my husband about this agreement? It just doesn't add up. It feels like she's just manipulating everyone. She's just saying this to make everyone think she mrs perfect and a changed person where really she hates my husband and this was all part of her plan to get rid of him.
Im now in a position where I feel I have to choose between them. I still love my family but I am so hurt by what they have done to my husband. I am also hurt that just because my older sister has been acting nicer that last few months that just gives her a free pass to do what she wants and once again she has torn the family in pieces again. But my family just won't see it.
I just don't what is true and what is not anymore. I don't know who to believe. Is my sister a changed person or not. Can someone who has stolen, lied and manipulated people for years change in just a few months? Talking to my dad seems pointless as he just doesn't listen. Talking to my younger sister doesn't help as she will just say anything to keep the family together. I feel so lost and alone. Has anyone got any advice and how to handle this?