Hi everyone!
Here's the story: I have just come out of a painful relationship with my ex... I had a really tough time because of my ex boyfriend. OK it was over some weeks ago... I went to a party with another friend to think about something else and change my mind. I stumble upon a guy that I met through that friend. The partying with their group was great, we were talking and joking, it ended up at some bar, I was almost drunk, my friend suggested to look for a cab to take me back home, no cab available as it was really late. So the guy mentioned above suggested to take us to his home the closest one to the bar. I said OK as I had no choice, my friend too agreed. So we all went back to his place, his bedroom was underground, my friend took that bedroom, I wanted to sleep on a chair, the guy insisted that I share his bed... Ok, we ended up in the same bed, he was so nice so caring, I kept the distance so that nothing could happen. And nothing happened that night. The next morning, getting up with a hang over, but going home. We kept in touch through Fb, he was inviting me, at first, I wasn't accepting, until I said yes for a drink in town, we talked a lot around a drink about relationships, I felt that he was not the serious kind, and not willing to start something where commitment is involved, because of some past relationships.. I thought it was the same for me, and made him feel it. The night after, he suggested paying me a visit late at night... In the same concept, always thinking I could handle it, I said I was OK. He came in really late. It made me angry because I kept awake waiting for him. Once together, I really enjoyed the times we had together, he was playing the guitar and talking. And then first quick kiss, I ignored it at first, but quite fast things evolved, and again together in bed, this time kisses and hugs all over again, we didn't even sleep that night, it was tiring, as we both are students and we had our studies to worry about. Something worth mentioning is that he asked for sex, I was reluctant, it was too early for me, so we didn't go that far, although we were close. Sometimes, we were wondering how it was too quick! The next morning, he left early because we both had to study for exams. We are on different campuses. We kept in touch through sms. I am too demanding and when I get nervous about studies, I am too fussy with him and want him to comfort me all the time! During the week, we wanted to meet, but quite impossible... he sent me once "I want you now", I said no no. And as the weekend got closer, I was looking forward to meet him, he didn't show up because his friends came to his place unexpectedly...
I was so angry, I thought it was over, I wanted it to be over because I was starting to get very close to him and he seemed careless sometimes. I decided to go and see him on Sunday, to talk it over, it made him really happy, instead of really talking, we spent the day in bed, I was almost in the state of mind yeah let's keep it not serious, not a big deal, let's keep on. I had a great day, we both agreed that we need to know each other more and that we would keep it not serious until we want it to evolve or one of us gets fed up... I said OK but somewhere hidden in me I wasn't OK with that...

We got really close to each other, and no one of our friends knew about it although they suspected something going on. After that long day together,I got a message from him saying he needs a time off. I said OK but I couldn't understand why he was asking for that. So I became fussy again and things got worse little by little until he said I was invading his life, too demanding, putting restrictions to his freedom etc... and especially that I haven't respected his wish of a time off, so we went apart with me almost crying in my corner of anger... I didn't realize he was right and that it was too much what I was doing... Now, I know it but it is too late indeed. Sometimes I feel I miss him although it was a quick "adventure", I feel guilty, I don't know if I can get him back or if it was what I really want, Now , I just want someone close beside me and he seems to be the greatest person but he's still angry maybe... I have to see it as over but I can't help it, it makes me feel bad... What do you think please?
Thanks in advance for any answer..

You seem to be needy. I don't know why you were geeting so angry and demanding about. You jumped into a physical relationship with this guy too soon. It does not appear you are healed from your previous relationship. It also could be that this guy wanted to get in your pants, he did and now he is moving on to the next one.
I suggest you just stay away from guys for awhile, get comfortable with yourself and being alone. Maybe speak to someone about your issues with being so needy.

I don't feel as the needy kind, but I thought a physical relationship will help me get through all this and actually my ex is no longer a big trouble to me, I really moved on to something else, it's just the fact that I always want someone to comfort me and I can do any craziness to keep that person by my side. And if you want to know although it was physical, we didn't go as far as you can think... sometimes I see happy people in couples and I wonder why it failed for me... My ex almost gave no explanations, this guy took some time to explain what he felt... only because I was nagging too much and asking for answers! I did some mistakes for sure... maybe the same mistakes twice, nagging too much and complaining... Now, I'm still thinking about it, it's not the greatest thing to think about, such an "adventure"... How could it be so easy for him? I just wonder again... There's something I want to add is that I get easily angry when people do not answer me by sms... it's a very bad behaviour, I was demanding as I was asking for an immediate answer... I really regret that... :'(

Wanting to always have someone to comfort you and answer you is needy.

OK you suggested to talk to someone about being needy, I did it when I had issues with my ex boyfriend. It led me nowhere but again to the same point, before my ex boyfriend I was quite OK with myself, handling everything on my own... he was there, it was like sharing the burden, I was there for him too and I always did my best to make him feel good, it went wrong once with me having too much pressure from the studies and my surroundings... I was being unbearable with everyone and with him too... I messed up and he messed up more than me... now it's over ! But this end left a hole that no one could fill, an unusual hole, I always dealt with problems on my own now, I need this back up, this hug to make me forget everything... The new guy almost filled everything although he was away during the week, when we were together I felt secure and forgot all my problems. I told him once don't let me get attached to you because I might do and it will hurt even more when we part. He said yes and kept his promise because he made me hate him by moments as he was mean, he removed me from fb and so on. But at last, we spoke on the phone, and he said I was invading his life, it was too much for him and he needed his time off, for me time off meant ending it especially with something so new! So it went wrong again and here "back to black"...

You still need to talk to someone. This need for back up and being hugged is a bit extreme and to lay that on someone who have not even known that long is a red flag to someone. Get those issues taken care of you will be emotionally healthy for someone.

Just some facts: I am studying away from my family and my closest friends are with their boyfriends, I spent the summer away again working on my own, now studying, my friends are around, everyone minding his own business, some living in their bubble because of their boyfriends "he's great he did this he did that"... I just wonder why they are happy and I'm not with the ones I choose... because I have my best friend, he lately confessed somehow his love for me, I said no because I consider him as a friend, we are still good friends but something has changed... Anyway, a friend is a friend, that's it... If I were that needy, I would have accepted his love with pleasure, it's more complicated, you were right when you said that I need time away from all this to work on myself, but how to get rid from his thoughts?

The
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The more you work on yourself this guy will fade. You are lonely and away from family. How long were you with this guy?

2 weeks, too short for a time off, he wanted to end it, I thought he would be brave enough to tell me in the face!

Two weeks is no time at all. The drama you put him through in two weeks... Let him be. Move on and work on yourself.

Do you think there is any chance that I could fix things with him! I ruined it myself! Now it has been a week and I'm still mumbling about it in my corner. He was travelling this week, I focused on my studies and had an interview for studying in another university, it went quite well, he knew about it and didn't even say how did it go?
I don't blame him although I used to wish him good luck every time with his exams...

I think you need to leave him alone. He will contact you if he wants. You have been a bit much already. Leave it be.

I know I did too much already, Hopefully, last week, I was focused on my interview, now, the studies are lighter, I thought about him again too much today, I know he's back from his trip, no messages allowed for me, I should let him be, I keep thinking it went too far so quickly, a lot of memories for so little time, I know I am exaggerating, but it's hard right now... I was talking about him with one of my friends... it's not the biggest affection on Earth but it's something weird, I wished I could do something to change things right now or fix a part of it :(

You need to let this go girl. After only a 2 week relationship and I would not even call it that, this is a bit much.

Threads have been merged

Hi everyone! Will there be an after part?

Hi to you to.. can you ask again, and explain what you mean?

Sorry I did a mistake while typing and lost the message.
It's about a guy who had a crush on me at a party, we danced and kissed and finally slept together... I was drunk and frail that night because I just got out of a messed up relationship that caused me a lot of pain, but in the next morning, I almost wanted to get rid of that nice guy. I told him I had to study, he kissed me and just left. Since then, I avoided him and had no news, we didn't even exchange phone numbers when he left... it was weird and I don't know if it's worth it, I know it's not so great and that I shouldn't have done that, but I was rather depressed and he offered me a chance to chill and forget. Now I still haven't talked to him, and don't know if I should he gave no life sign either. I got thoughts about my ex and tried to contact him that was even worse... that's the story and my question is in the title... thanks in advance

I think you need to forget about him as he has probably done the same with you.
Having sex with one person because you are bummed out about another is a foolish thing to do. Stay away from guys and alcohol until you get yourself together.

Had you talked that day, but you brushed him off, so he figured you were just another easy sex partner, He may try and have you again if you meet at another party, since heck, why not.

But who would want a steady girl friend who is so easy at a party.

Something worth mentioning there was no sex, we just slept! I actually said no, anyway, I know how it could seem, I should have talked more with him that morning

So you were more standoffish than he was... and acted blah in the morning as well. Why would he contact you? You may have lost out on a nice guy who really wanted to like you (you say he's a nice guy, and he was willing to spend the whole night with you without sex).
The burden is 100% on you now if you are hoping to reconnect.
I say go for it. Tell him how mixed up you are but don't dwell on all that, just that you are sorry it got off on the wrong foot and is there a chance to try again without booze.

I wonder if I should talk to him, He really seemed to like me so much and accepted to spend the night even when I said there won't be sex! And in the morning it was like getting rid of him, now we see each other and we don't even talk about it. There's also a lot of pressure from the students around, they can't mind their own business and love to have something to talk about it, that's why, I didn't dare to talk to him, I sent him an indifferent message on Facebook, he didn't reply. Messages always are , I agree, but I just couldn't go and say hi without him giving any signs, I don't know if I should do anything about it!

You aren't putting yourself in his shoes at all, poor guy. I think you hurt his feelings a lot.

Seriously, how? I stumbled upon him today, no word, not even hi! Why didn't he answer me then? What is he thinking? Tell me! It was the first time we talk to each other that night although we are at the same university not the same class though, he came to me and it was like an accident but nothing happened that night except kissing and sleeping, we were both almost drunk, I don't see how he is the poor guy, how should I see it then?

You brushed him off and he gave you your space. If you want to see him or talk to him again, you need to explain your actions. The ball is in your court.

yeah true, I know I'm going to see him a lot especially after the holidays, it would be better to get things straight before we leave! I really regret my reaction in that morning, however, he was still nice and didn't leave without kissing me gently! I offered a coffee with no enthusiasm and felt relieved when he declined, it all just reminded me of my ex, I was all committed and got really disappointed at the end, I was afraid and acted cowardly with this new guy! Is there a way I can fix it so that he can understand? It will surely be through talking and not a random message or mail!

When you stumbled upon him, did you say hi first? Did you stop to say hi, or breeze by?
I still think you aren't realizing that men are sensitive too.
Of course he declined the unenthusiastic offer of coffee.
Maybe it's all too soon to even try though, if you can't stop thinking about the failure with your ex.

No I didn't say hi first, I walked through the door and he was just standing at the entrance, I didn't want to look at him... I think I need some time on my own, I sent him a message to apologize and say that I had my reasons and that I have been through a lot of trouble because of someone very close but that it was over now. I know it's all confused and unclear but anyway, if it's bound to be part of the past too, It's OK for me, I know I will have the chance to talk to him in the next days, I will do it if I feel OK, perhaps to just remain normal friends. For now, he is keeping his silence, it's better this way...

Up to you , you have choices to make ? I say out with the old in with the new on this one

I think you leave this fellow alone and deal with your own issues and healing after your break up. If he wanted to keep pursuing something, he would have and so far he has not. Not fair that you rebound so quickly for another that you don't even know his feelings or your own.

Work on just you for a while.

Right that's what I want to do for now, just focus on myself. I know I will have to talk to him in the next days... there was a lot of pressure from the other students around, all they wanted was a story between two students hooking up for a while... no one could mind his own business! So just the fact of talking back in so little time could have triggered tons of stories, it was all clear at that moment in my head, I wasn't ready for a new relationship although that new guy seemed so nice that he didn't want to leave me that night even without what he expected. It was strange though... I regret it sometimes, my reaction and my confusion that morning... Apparently, it was rude! If I were in his shoes, I would have acted the same. I'm going to just leave it to time for now!

Anyway, when I think about it, it was a way too quick: a week after a break up (I was arguing with my ex almost about everything and he was more than unbearable, he made me feel depressed all the time) I spent a horrible week following a break up and I had a sentence echoing in my head "get out of my life..." for nothing... without an explanation! This new guy appeared in the wrong period, I was really down, but spending some time with him made me forget a lot of pain and especially the most awful week of my whole life... I didn't have to talk about it, the whole pain faded away and he somehow brought back the smile for one night. Now, my story with my ex is almost part of the past and I learnt a lot through this bad experience... I still think about this new guy and I feel grateful to him I regret that I acted that strange at the end when the memories were back...

You may be grateful to him for showing you that life can still be okay after a breakup, but its up to you not to get carried away by your gratitude. The last thing you need is a rebound, quick fix feel good right now, to ease your pain, but stopping a healthy healing process.

It was rebound that night there's no doubt... but when I look back at it, I wish it was more than that, if I had acted differently and if there had been no breakup a week ago, things would have been different, and I really do like him! I will talk back to him for sure...

Just one more thing, some of you told me that his feelings are hurt... Is the fact of not even talking back to each other a way to say hey girl you hurt me? He was so nice that night and even the following morning when I was rather rude, he was just saying OK as you like! He didn't leave without kissing me! And then walking past each other without a word... Right now, I am away from all this but sometimes I find myself still thinking about everything, sometimes even torn apart between old memories of my ex and getting used to this breakup. Something that I need to say is that the new guy that I met one week after the official breakup was like someone who saved me that night, I had a lot of thoughts about my so called ex and wanted to call him so badly, but as soon as I was with someone else, I thought I forgot, I kept my mind almost busy until the next morning... the new guy was kissing my hands all the time, it felt strange yet... I have noticed him at university before but never talked to each other until that night... anyway, maybe it's better to be considered part of the past too!

You sent him a signal that said "it was nothing" maybe he just respected that.
Just take your time from now on. Quick fix sex does not work.

And there was no sex! I said no and he respected that too, we just slept in each other's arms! I don't know what to think... Now he has never answered any mail I left!

I think most of us experience these same feelings after a breakup and find a feel good by a little attention while we get through this rough time, and of course want it to continue. I think the thing to do is acknowledge our dissapointment that it didn't go anywhere and look around for other, better opportunities to heal, grow, explore and experiment and not get stuck on a feel good that went no where.

I mean so much thought to a potential booty call that didn't happen? Really? High hopes for romance that went no where? Likely the reason you are still even reliving that night because you think you blew something,when you didn't.

Time to let this guy and look around and othr things to focus on.

The thing is that I have so many things to focus on starting with my studies, but I get distracted every now and then and those thoughts come back to me, maybe I missed an opportunity; and the fact that I know I'm going to see him a lot till the end of the year makes me still think about it, I won't mind talking back to him and being honest just to gain a friend or make things clear... that's why it's still coming back to me

The more I think about it the more I realise I was wrong: I didn't give time to myself to heal from this breakup... too soon I resorted to rebound twice: once with a guy who wanted to date me a year ago but failed. I met him at a party while I was having a rough time with my ex and we were like being apart but still talking to each other. I was texting him that night and drinking too. He was unnice as usual but told me to beware not to end up with a guy there and it happened. I went to the guy mentioned above and some minutes later we were kissing. It didn't go further I never liked him anyway. It was just a strange way to have revenge on my ex. The next morning I texted my ex and told him about it (I lived something strange and great... ) he acted weird and said He's jealous because of this guy and the conversation went crazy he ended up saying that his dreams might be haunted by a last night with me... I said keep on dreaming. And then he went crazy and said what do you think yourself as? Why are you telling me half of the boys around have a crush on you? I don't care about it... He was more than pathetic and we kept on talking until he became nice and caring... I stopped talking about any further "conquests" we tried to behave... but one day he changed all of a sudden because his closest friend told him sth about us while they were both drunk... he was mean and rude again after vain efforts to regain something he changed his mind I was shocked and couldn't answer him but I did say that he was pathetic and we ended up agreeing that we both never want to see each other again. I know he didn't deserve anything from me... but he's still in my head and I know I don't like him anymore. I wanted to take him off my head because I tend to give him a word from time to time saying he's a jerk. I fell for a rebound a week later and brushed off a nice guy after sleeping in his arms and having him comfort me without even giving him what he expected from this apparently easy girl... I just want to forget but don't know how... sorry for being too long!

Glad you are finally seeing the reality of your situation. The dust from your emotional fall out is finally setttling and that's how it should be. More will be revealed to you as you continue your healing.

I don't know if it's healing or not but I still have those memories. I still think about all the awckward things he did or said to me, but the final episode which was his messages strange and saying that I am the worst person ever, his closest friend told me that he was drunk then but he never did apologize... He was trying to get back to normal for one week I was making efforts because I felt he was doing the same and then blowing out everything because of that friend that I trusted when I was feeling things were not right with him... he mentioned me to the other apparently and he didn't like me talking to his friend!! I don't know whom to believe.. rather complicated and worthless I don't want to understand anymore, all I want is to forget and avoid any rebounds...

A new year with old thoughts... not the best thing ever! I was just wondering why it is sometimes so difficult for an ex to be just friends!! It's over and it's OK but why becoming enemies? I made efforts to try to be just friends with him... he didn't miss a chance to talk about sex, the simple fact of saying I'm going to bed gives him such an imagination... he said he has a next close female friend so soon, I said I was happy for him which was partly true... but when I said I kissed a boy who wanted to date me at a party, he said he was jealous... strange story! Then he confessed that his dreams are maybe haunted by a night with me even if he thinks I'm a real pain... he seems to have a lot of female friends, why did it bother him so much to just stay friends with one more girl? I know I'm talking again about my ex but at some point I still can't get what he meant by all his nonsense, he was the one to say that we still have things to say to each other and we both tried to act normally without his being rude most of the time, but he called me two days later because of his chatty friend who couldn't keep a secret when he's drunk, and said "get out of my life", I surely don't want to be with such an unstable guy but I am still wondering and wondering whenever I am on my own... I don't talk to him anymore, that's the best thing I can do, one week ago whenever I felt depressed I tended to write him something, he said that he was used to those messages who look like those of a desperate teenager! He said a lot of awful things to me, I still have them in mind... I wish I could just wake up and forget about all this...

You will in time but not in a week or two. Maybe months or a year depending on what you do with yourself when you are alone or bored.

I am feeling better little by little, even though it's still not that easy, I'm looking at things differently, yesterday, the students around reminded me of the episode od the other guy that I dated for one night and who ended up with me that night without anything happening between us... this guy that I reluctantly got rid of the next morning without even asking what's next? I was depressed and ended with him as a rebound, he was nicer than ever, I really liked him, but I couldn't help acting that way, yesterday, I saw him again at a party and couldn't find a way to talk back, he was looking at me sometimes, I tried to contact him twice and he didn't answer. I said OK! But seeing him at a party knowing that it was unclear in my head made me avoid him again, especially with this big pressure around from the other students who are just unbearable, when they see a girl talking to someone, all they think about is what kind of story about it they are going to make. I don't like them talking about me, my ex was from another university and no one knew him here, so I was left alone but now with this guy, who was apparently nice but now is not talking to me anymore, I should admit that apart from a message I never tried to talk to him directly and God knows that I got several times the chance to. I couldn't find a way to talk back to him just to make things clear, "it happened only because I was depressed that night nothing more!" and my reaction in the morning was on the same line. I don't know what to think, for me it was a little embarrassing, seeing him around without that explanation. I don't know what to think or do.

You let it go, and don't let peer pressure make you relive this incident and doubt yourself any more.

You cannot control what others say, but you can control what YOU do about it.

This fellow has had plenty of chances to say whatever he wants to and he has NOT. So forget it.

I can't help just forgetting and letting it go, I just feel guilty about it, I know that all he wanted that night was to get me and he almost did it, I'm quite sure he felt frustrated because there was no sex although I expected him just to go away when I said no, he might think she sleeps with guys and then sends them away which is not true, I wish I had acted differently, maybe just explaining that night that I was not feeling good, and never accepting him to spend the night with me too! An explanation is not a way to get him back or make things restart! Why do they all think that? Whenever I think about talking to him, I see faces of others peers saying "oh yeah! what's next?". If I were in his shoes, I surely would have acted the same, why talking to someone with whom it could have been serious and who sent me away the next morning! But if I know why, I will maybe change my mind and see things differently!

In time you will see things differently on your own, and maybe not be a slave to the peer pressure, and guilt feelings you now have.


Why do they all think that?

Peers your age usually get together and gossip and speculate, and create drama to amuse themselves. IMMATURE. And should be discounted as serious or relevant to you as you go through the healing process from your own break up.

Its normal to want to do something to better your circumstances or correct a perceived mistake but sometimes acting on feelings without the benefit of a lot of thought and the facts is a mistake in of itself, so do NOTHING until you are sure it's the best, or right thing to do.

It's all about gossip, and I find it just unbearable and perfectly immature, they don't know anything about me or my life and as soon as they see something they go and build a whole story, especially when it's around a guy who is well known at university! Yesterday, before the party, they were shouting my name and saying I don't know what under my window, it was really annoying and made me feel bad, so bad that I sent my ex a message without expecting any answer, I don't know even why actually, of course, there was no answer, they are making me sick all the time... I wish I could just ignore it, but as I said, I don't know why I feel that I missed something with that guy and so I deserve what's happening to me now! And that's where the guilt comes from, that's so confusing!

I think it's OK to need a relationship if you are lonely. A lot of people do not understand that they get treated exactly as they demand to be treated much of the time. You put yourself in a really dangerous situation going home with that guy. You could have been date raped and are very fortunate that this person you barely knew was not that type of man.

Still, it was not a good way to start a relationship. When you are out and meet a cute guy, it's fine to talk to him in the bar or at the party but don't go home with him the first night. If he pushes for you to come home with him or even suggests it, you can respond, "not tonight but maybe you could text me?" Give him your phone number or let him ask for it. In other words, "I'm not the kind of girl who will go home with a random guy, but you're intriguing and you an ask me out". If a guy calls you for a booty call, "why don't you come over?", you aren't available. If a guy calls and says, "I had fun meeting you. I was wondering if you'd let me take you to dinner?" that's a "yes". It's not about a free dinner - it's about how you are demonstrating that you should be viewed - not booty call material, girlfriend material.

A lot - even most - guys aren't going to follow through. Good for you. That's called culling through the weeds! The good one - the keeper - will ask you out and will take his time before he puts on the heavy moves. Keep those standards - nothing more than a quick kiss goodnight the first night, even if you're dying for more. Let him ask you out again. Go out with him several times before you go back to his place, and even then, go home. Do not stay over, even to sleep fully clothed, until you are into a committed relationship with him.

And be really careful with the drinking. You need to always be in condition to get yourself out of bad situations and safely home, and when you drink too much, you make yourself vulnerable to some really terrible outcomes.

yeah I agree with everything you said! But that night I was really frail and needed just someone to hug me and make me forget, I felt so lonely that I accepted him spending the night with me! My ex destroyed every little good thing in me, that's what I was feeling that night. I'm not that kind of girl, I have never acted this way, and that's what 's making me feel ashamed and guilty, here at university, random things used to happen so often, they rarely end up serious and I knew it, I've seen how the girls around act and how they are treated. I stumbled upon a very nice guy who was the one I got to know little by little, I even fell in love with him, he was my boyfriend for 4 months, he ended up cheating on me through a random hook up apparently, he said it was an accident, I held a grudge against all the people who accept such random things, it made me suffer, and now after another breakup, I was so depressed that I ended up doing what I despise most. Which is going for random things, I know it was dangerous but I was just blinded by so many things that night... I try to be careful with the drinking, I have seen people in really bad condition, and I will never reach that state... Now, I don't know what to do to just start over and let it go! Talk back to that guy, I didn't have the courage yesterday, it would have eased my mind maybe!

QUOTE by jojo6590;
It's all about gossip, and I find it just unbearable and perfectly immature, they don't know anything about me or my life and as soon as they see something they go and build a whole story, especially when it's around a guy who is well known at university!

LOL, thats what a pack of young people do, with you or anyone else so I doubt you are the only targets of their immature behavior. May seem like it, but you are not


yesterday, before the party, they were shouting my name and saying I don't know what under my window, it was really annoying and made me feel bad, so bad that I sent my ex a message without expecting any answer, I don't know even why actually, of course, there was no answer, they are making me sick all the time...

Texting your ex over this wasn't the way to handle yourself was it? Why would you react this way over the immature actions of others?


I wish I could just ignore it, but as I said, I don't know why I feel that I missed something with that guy and so I deserve what's happening to me now! And that's where the guilt comes from, that's so confusing!

Maybe a close examination of your own feelings and actions and reaction would shed a better light on why you feel the way they do. An honest self evaluation may clarify your own confusion.

Talaniman Rule- Always try to stay cool, calm, and collected, and in control of yourself. No matter what the circumstances.

I think it would be worthwhile for you to go to your university counseling service and talk through things, too. Some things I think would be good for you to work on are first, not putting all your happiness in someone else's hands. You need to keep some perspective in a newer dating relationship in particular. Four months is a really new, short-term relationship. You have to maintain your friendships, interests, classes, and view the dating thing not as "everything" but as a light, fun new interest that has potential to grow into something more.

The other thing that's important to learn is this "I needed to be held" thing is not a healthy way of thinking. You need to meet your own needs and be OK alone before you can have a good relationship. It's nice being held, but frankly, we have to be able to take care of ourselves when we're lonely or sad. A man cannot fill a bottomless well of emotional need for you, and most will turn tail and run the moment it becomes apparent you have that degree of need.

You need to feel complete on your own. What guys want are to be with girls who make life fun, lighten the load by providing a respite from their hard classes, jobs, money struggles. When you're in a relationship, sure, you hep each other through tough bouts - it's nice to make the guy cookies if he is killing himself to pass his worst class ever. It's nice if he comforts you if your grandparent dies. But if his job becomes "making you whole" or "helping you through a hard time", ugh.

Other posters have suggested you are too needy. What they mean is that your expectations that a guy will meet your needs are unrealistic and a turnoff. So go to counseling (free for most college kids) and work through those needs on your own. Take care of that problem. Then when you meet the right guy, you can keep all the garbage and bad feelings from your past bad experiences from ruining a new one. You can actually have fun with your dates. Faking that you're the fun girl won't work either. I'm sure you ARE a fun girl, but you're hurting. So take care of the hurt independently, and change your view on the purpose of men in your life. They aren't there to save you - they are there to enjoy being with you.

For texting my ex, it was like saying in public "just leave me alone I already have something to think about and you really don't know anything about me, the texting tendency among the students is a real fashion, the more you text the more successful you are! That's what they make you think, I really got trapped in their prejudices and went the way they want every girl to go, falling in those stereotypes is one thing I really don't like. The pressure they put me in, asking how are things going with my boyfriend or when I am single, is there a hook up or anything new in the air!! When they catch something they make a whole drama and develop things and exaggerate to live in their fantasy!

For texting my ex, it was like saying in public "just leave me alone I already have something to think about and you really don't know anything about me, the texting tendency among the students is a real fashion, the more you text the more successful you are! that's what they make you think, I really got trapped in their prejudices and went the way they want every girl to go, falling in those stereotypes is one thing I really don't like. the pressure they put me in, asking how are things going with my boyfriend or when I am single, is there a hook up or anything new in the air!!! when they catch something they make a whole drama and develop things and exaggerate to live in their fantasy!

You are an adult woman now and have to rise about this silliness. Seriously - texting more makes you more popular? Nobody cares how much you text, seriously. Everyone else is worried about how they are being perceived - they are not focusing that much on you.

Manage your relationships like an adult woman. A casual hook-up is not going to treat you like a girlfriend. Texting about personal things is poor form, no matter what generation you're in. Getting drunk to the point you can't get across a college campus to your own bed is dangerous and irresponsible. Setting low standards will result in low results.

You cannot possibly be so weak that you send text messages to be more popular.

Text messages are fine for a bit of humor, to confirm some plans, to say, "hey, want to grab a burger with me? Hungry!!!!" But it's not the right forum to negotiate the terms of an adult relationship - that requires an in-person conversation. And your epersonal relationships need to be between you and another person - not material to feed the furnace to make people feel you have enough man drama to be important. You really lost me with this last post - you should know it sounds terribly silly and immature.

Oh I know it's silly and immature and childish, That's the way I acted all along, I tried to be the easy fun girl which was not the case, I am funny and my friends like me so much, (my best friend went to saying he's in love with me... ), I am a successful student usually and have big goals in life, greater than any silliness but lately, I got trapped in those stereotypes, some of my friends are deserting the group.. I was going through hard times away from my family because of studies, I reconsidered everything in myself and tried to change although I was really successful. My professional success was not enough somehow, I lived for my studies and ignored all the signs any boys sent me, I was going up and up in my studies, I was having fun with friends, some boys tried to date me in vain, I had no time for them apart from a dance at a party! But then I met someone and it got serious and I got really emotional and emotions were blinding me, I really fell like ever before for him, he did what he did and we broke up it took me more than 2 months a lot of tears and a last conversation with him to think I recovered... and then things got really faster, the boys to whom I said no were now once again coming and I was pretending to accept to fill the emotional gap, I was demanding and wanted my last boyfriend to give me detailed reports about his daily life(as the other one did) especially as we were on different campuses... it was through texting to fill that gap, he was not ready for that, and it went down and down to reach the deepest bottom which is going with a random guy after a party... that's the evolution! I am myself disappointed but anyway we have to learn from our mistakes...

So I think you have this figured out. The first thing is, you're going to keep doing what you're doing well - excelling in school. That's why you're there and no matter who comes in and out of your life, you are stuck with yourself for life,so your success has to be paramount in importance.

You took some time to recover from a disappointing and painful breakup and you did some things that were self-destructive in that process. You know it wasn't the right way to manage it, so you learned something and it was a worthwhile experience. Fortunately nothing terrible came of those mistakes. You can go to counseling now and work through your remaining grief, talk through things and maybe develop some coping strategies because, I hate to say it but you may have more disappointments and breakups in your future.

You also have learned that your need for constant updates from men you are dating annoys and suffocates them. It is absolutely exhausting to have to continually check in and constantly build someone up and convince them of our feelings, so you need to stop expecting that. By having balance in your own life and developing perspective, and practicing self control, you can act differently next time. Because this is something you struggle with, let the man set the pace next time. If you have a real reason to text, like to invite him to your party, sure. But to just check in and check in and check in and check in - no. He doesn't work for you, he dates you. He will share what he wants you to know.

It seems you're looking for proof and reassurance, and more reassurance, that the guy wants to be with you. Counseling can help you work through this perceived need. You're giving the guy too much control over your happiness. You have fun, let him do what he likes and you make an assessment based on what he does voluntarily. You can't nag a person into loving you more.

Absolutely right, I have to say that I really did wrong on the whole and having to deal with those issues made me neglect my studies... I have some difficulties to completely focus on my first goal, I don't want to have any bad adventures at all, I don't want anyone to have power over my happiness, he can make me happier but I have to make myself happy, when I am in a relationship, I become totally devoted and just want the other one to do absolutely the same, and my emotions just blind my reason. I act like an idiot then and wonder why everything is not OK, that was how it turned to be with my ex, but he did a lot of things to make me feel down... with the last hook up, I acted indifferent and regretted it, I was afraid of any other kind of commitment which might lead to another disappointment, and I know even if it seemed like a hook up, I could have drawn something from it, the guy was totally falling for me that night, it got me scared and I almost ran away after spending a good night, it's over, I won't talk to him maybe, I will leave it to time.

I want to say some things: I just don't get how people work! I know I did a mistake by spending the night with that guy, it was absolutely wrong and I have never ever acted that way before, and it was even worse when I made him leave without even asking if there will be something next, I remember saying indifferently that he could come later and was again relieved when he said that he couldn't, but now I wish I could have acted differently, I am still seeing him almost every day, I don't look at him, I avoid that, I still feel the need of talking to him because I want to know what he trully wanted that night and was I as guilty as I feel to be? He might have told his friends things that were not true, he didn't get what he apparently wanted but just stayed with me, why? The next morning, I asked him to wake up and made him feel that I wanted to study and that I don't have time for him, he just kissed me and left. But the day after, we stumble upon each other and do as if we didn't even know each other, I didn't make an effort to talk to him, I was so obsessed with my own grief and I ignored him except 2 useless messages that he never answered... it's not about nagging someone into loving me, it's just making things clear and talking to take away some guilt. It's still too confused in my head and I can't trust any boy for now, I still have a lot of pressure from all around, they still talk about it the other students, I don't have the details of what they say and I actually don't care, but for my own sake, just talking with him will maybe bring me peace, wouldn't it? It's also urgent because I'm seeing him more and more and it's just annoying for me every time I see him...

Well go up to him and ask him if you could talk to him about something. Make a date for coffee and tell him what you are thinking. Otherwise this will go on and on.He may be angry, this may all be nothing but you will at least have your say so you can either walk away or be friends.

The problem is that I don't want to talk to him in front of others, they will build up their own stories and I just want them to leave me alone, so it's either talking alone or waiting to be courageous enough one day!

Send him an email or something, or make up your mind to talk to him. But this going back and forth just keeps it in the forefront of your mind. Pee or get off the pot. Say something or just put this behind you and forget it.

I sent a message some weeks ago, saying that I was sorry and that it was because of someone very close to me who made it difficult for me but that it was over fortunately, I told him he has been nice to me and so on! He kept silent, I think the message hasn't arrived or that he has something against me that's what makes me feel guilty, I don't mind just staying friends after all!

but for my own sake, just talking with him will maybe bring me peace, wouldn't it? It's also urgent because I'm seeing him more and more and it's just annoying for me every time I see him...

You are way to sensitive because of a chance meeting and playing on your own guilt and the attention of others and you have elevaed this to a sense of urgency to get closure for what?The way you have behaved?

You say you don't care what others say, but you do, you really do. Stopallthis willyou.Leave the guy alone and stop feeling the need to express yourself and relieve your own guilt. That's NOT his responsibility. Have you no close friend(S) to air your concerns with and have a shoulder to cry on?

Obviously you cannot handle your reality on your own, nor should you try, but that's what a friend is for.

You are seeing this guy more and more because you are more aware of him and made him the point of focus for your own flaws. That's not fair. He may have been a nice guy about it, but he wanted a booty call, free ex, no strings attached, just a use and be used session, and you rejected it. End of story, nothing else to see here. No explanations, no tripping, no texting. Let it go, and get a real friend to talk to.

No friends, no older trusted female, teacher, or school counsellor? That's how you handle a break up, not latching onto some stranger and hoping for a vent/feel good from him. Not being influenced by some annoying immature group of youngsters with nothing better to do. NOT being isolated and alone with your own thoughts feelings and fears.

Stop doing the wrongs things and making matters worse and get a friend to help you through this. Your path so far is NOT a good one. Do better.

Usually I just deal with issues on my own but seriously here, I got lost... and yes the others are not as unimportant to me as I might tell myself! I just do as if I ignore them and that's what they think but deep inside, my head is bouncing and I tend to get isolated from the rest of the world! I have difficulties to focus, I might need some help from a specialist or so on

Or a friend. Do you have close personal true blue friends? Just ONE?? NOT AN EX?!

Some one who knows you well? I want an honest answer. PLEASE.

Honestly, no! No one knows me well enough, all they have is an outsider look, they may think this or that but the truth I am the only one to know it!

You realize that you are churning up as much drama as you can, and then weaving all these stories into it and creating this confusion to entertain yourself, right? I think you are getting something out of the drama or you wouldn't do it.

Just forget these guys - the relationships are dead, not going to go anywhere. Focus on yourself. When you next meet someone you want to date, resist the urge to make it a big dramatic play - just have some dinner, enjoy a meeting and talk about something other than yourself. Show an interest in the other person in the conversation. Solve your own problems, and enjoy your dates as a diversion from your struggles.

Honestly, no! No one knows me well enough, all they have is an outsider look, they may think this or that but the truth I am the only one to know it!!

Maybe that's the change that must take place in your life. We all need someone to tells us we are okay, or ask are you crazy sometimes.

So, WHY no one in your life besides an ex, that knows you?

I have friends, my best friend was the one with whom I shared stuff like that some months ago and he helped me a lot. But when he confessed he was falling in love with me, I tried to keep just friends and promised not to talk about my personal love matters with him... the other ones are just good friends... my ex and I we were close, we shared a lot of things about ourselves, he knows me quite well and knows how sensitive I am... I should confess that he was there for me as I was for him...

I think you are tripping too much over this, almost obsessing. You sent him a message, he didn't reply, it is way past time to let this go.