I'm a 38 year old male who is still a virgin. I have tried to get a girl since I was 17 but has failed throughout. Why? Well, I wish I could understand that myself. Some reasons are that I have a huge lack of confidence (which has grown every time I have been turned down), I am quite introvert, and probably not too good looking (but far from bad looking). I have been on a few dates but it has never gone any farther. Except for twice (8 years ago and 4 years ago) when we were going to have sex. But I was so anxious about how it would be so I wanted to let them know that I had never been with a woman before. And both times they left immediately.

So, how does the majority of women look at old male virgins? Will I ever have a chance of getting sex and a relationship? I'm keen on getting sex of course but just as much I want a relationship with a woman who I can be close to, feel her warmth, her body, her love. Will this be impossible? Please be honest on how you feel about old male virgins and if you could (or couldn't) accept being with a 38 year old who never had sex.

Please?

If you want to date women in their 20s, they will probably be horrified that you are a virgin. On the other hand, if you date women your age or even older, you will probably find a few virgins among them and much more acceptance of and pleasure at your virginity.

Do you know how the male and female bodies are constructed and the logistics of sex? More important, do you know how to make a woman feel special, like she's your treasure?

Oh what fun I would have with you. *evil grin* ;)

I'm only kidding. If you knew me like the others in here, you would know I have a sick sense of humor.

On a serious side here, you are not old... yet. I for one, think that it is very sweet that you are still a virgin. As a woman, I can tell you that virginity in an older man would not turn me off. In fact, I would have more respect. If women have left you simply because they learned you are a virgin, then frankly, they are not worth your time.

Will you find sex? Perhaps.

Anyone can have sex for the sake of sex. It's having a caring meaningful relationship that counts.

First, nobody will know you are a virgin unless you tell them. Perhaps you might want to wait until there's more of a strong relationship established before you share something so personal about yourself. Second, the issue is really your confidence in yourself, not your sexual status.

I would recommend that you work on yourself esteem with counseling. You need to get to a point where you aren't worried about whether women will accept you or not, and instead just look for the connection. Don't make it about the conquest but about finding someone you enjoy being with. If there's love and respect, the rest will develop from there. And please, don't try to get "game". Women can't stand when men have pick up lines and try to act all smooth. Just be genuine.

Thanks for the responses so far.
@Wondergirl: Of course I know how man and women are constructed and the logistics around sex. Regarding how to make a woman feel special, I guess I have some ideas around that but since I really never had a chance to try it I may have things to learn. But I really would love to give a woman all my attention, care and love.

@Enigma1999: Well, I am not sure that anyone can have sex for the sake of sex as I have not been able to get that yet. However what I really want most is indeed a relationship. But I will never get that either as long as I can't attract women. Right?

@Dontknownuthin: You are absolutely correct that my lack of confidence is my biggest problem. However, as I have been turned down twice just because of the fact that I am still a virgin I really think this could have importance to some women. But next time I get a chance I will not say anything. However, when you have been turned down for 20 years, how can I build up my confidence in myself?

Any help, hints, ideas are mostly welcome. I need to understand myself why women turns me down to be able to move forward.

Soooooooo, let's work on building up your confidence. How about your physical appearance? Let's start there. How do you feel about how you look?

Soooooooo, let's work on building up your confidence. How about your physical appearance? Let's start there. How do you feel about how you look?
Well, there are better looking guys and probably worse looking guys. I am not styling myself too much as this would probably not be me. I'm quite thin (perhaps too thin), about 180 cm (5'11). I think I dress myself reasonably well. But I have no idea how women thinks my look is.

So far so good. And you are clean, smell okay, get your hair cut now and then, wear clothes that go together? etc. (Don't worry about "women" yet.)

How about social? You write well, so I am guessing you can hold your own in a conversation. Are you a good listener? (Women like to talk.) Do you belong to any groups? -- a church, the local historical society, Toastmasters, the garden club, a book discussion group at your local public library or a library writers' group? Do you volunteer anywhere -- at an animal shelter, a nursing home, a library, a hospital? To overcome that shyness a bit, it is good to be out and about with other people of all ages and both genders.

I'm a little shocked that 2 women would 'leave immediately' upon finding out that you are a virgin. I loved a man (he 25, I 32) who was a virgin. Our sex life started pretty bumbly and a bit nerve wracking for both of us, but we both wanted to work it all out, and we did. I don't remember how many different days it took. It wasn't really a definitive moment.

Anyway, I bring this up because I wonder what you said and how you said it that drove them away. Maybe you are so worried about failure that you set it up. A little hope and expectation for good goes a long way, whether in bed or out. I know some guys who are not so good looking, short, skinny, fat, acne scars, the whole bit, who are just the most lovable wonderful people because they are friendly and nice and don't act like they are about to be rejected. It's all in forgetting yourself.

It's all in forgetting yourself.
You hit the nail on the head, Joy!

He has to learn how to make the other person the most important thing that has crossed his path all day.

So far so good. And you are clean, smell okay, get your hair cut now and then, wear clothes that go together? etc. (Don't worry about "women" yet.)

How about social? You write well, so I am guessing you can hold your own in a conversation. Are you a good listener? (Women like to talk.) Do you belong to any groups? -- a church, the local historical society, Toastmasters, the garden club, a book discussion group at your local public library or a library writers' group? Do you volunteer anywhere -- at an animal shelter, a nursing home, a library, a hospital? To overcome that shyness a bit, it is good to be out and about with other people of all ages and both genders.

I guess I am clean, have my hair cut and then and wear clean clothes. I am not the fashion type of guy but I hope my clothes don't match too bad.

I'm very shy, particular when it comes to women. I'm less shy at work. I'm quite good at my job and have no problem with confidence there. I believe Í am a good listener. I may have problems keeping a good conversation alive though as I am so introvert. I have no problems being among friends (have a few, not too many) but meeting new people is more difficult. I play music with some people, go to sports events, movies, theatres but it's true I don't spend much time in groups where I need to talk a lot. Probably something I need to work on.

I want you to join one new group in December -- become a volunteer somewhere or join one of the other groups I mentioned -- or a group of your choice. Let me know which one you join.

I'm a little shocked that 2 women would 'leave immediately' upon finding out that you are a virgin. I loved a man (he 25, I 32) who was a virgin. Our sex life started out pretty bumbly and a bit nerve wracking for both of us, but we both wanted to work it all out, and we did. I don't remember how many different days it took. It wasn't really a definitive moment.

Anyway, I bring this up because I wonder what you said and how you said it that drove them away. Maybe you are so worried about failure that you set it up. A little hope and expectation for good goes a long way, whether in bed or out. I know some guys who are not so good looking, short, skinny, fat, acne scars, the whole bit, who are just the most lovable wonderful people because they are friendly and nice and don't act like they are about to be rejected. It's all in forgetting yourself.

Well, that's exactly what happened. Let me tell about it. First time: We were on our 3rd date, had seen a movie and she wondered if I wanted to spend the night at her place. So I got extremely nervous as I did fear I would make a fool of myself so I told her that I certainely wanted but I need to tell her something first. So I did. And then she got a bit upset, close to freaked out, and told me that she was terribly sorry, but she couldn't take this. So she took off.

2nd time was close to a copy of the first but we were on our 4th date. So I have learned that I probably shouldn't mention this at all. However I know that if I get another chance I will worry a lot about it which probably will ruin it. May need some therapy perhaps to be calmer?

Where do you live? Maybe the dating climate is more relaxed there? After only a few dates seems a bit soon for the woman to be asking for sex.

Where do you live? Maybe the dating climate is more relaxed there? After only a few dates seems a bit soon for the woman to be asking for sex.

I agree!

I usually make a man wait at least six months before any type of sexual behavior. Funny thing is, men don't make it that far being that they can't wait that long.

Three dates is too . If you want to gain more friendships with men and women, then you need to learn how to be more outgoing.

You play music? What kind?

WG had many great ideas on meeting new people. Try to strike up a conversation with a woman.

I will be honest here. I love confident men. I like when men take initiative. Most women do. Try to gain more confidence in yourself.

Where do you live? Maybe the dating climate is more relaxed there? After only a few dates seems a bit soon for the woman to be asking for sex.

I live in the Boston area. The first time I was rejected because my virginity was when I lived in UK for a few years, the second time happened in Boston. I was born and grew up in Sweden but moved to UK when I got an offer for a good job. Later I moved to US when another job opportunity showed up.

I have no idea whether 3-4 dates is a short period before having sex or not but this is what happened. Perhaps they were more interested in having a sexual relationship?

In either way, it hurt quite terrible.


I agree!

I usually make a man wait at least six months before any type of sexual behavior. Funny thing is, men don't make it that far being that they can't wait that long.

Three dates is too . If you want to gain more friendships with men and women, then you need to learn how to be more outgoing.

You play music? What kind?

WG had many great ideas on meeting new people. Try to strike up a conversation with a woman.

I will be honest here. I love confident men. I like when men take initiative. Most women do. Try to gain more confidence in yourself.

Thanks for being honest. I appreciate that a lot and I don't think I can get any help if you wouldn't be honest.
I play classical music. Am a decent violinist for not being professional. Love to play chamber musich when I get the opportunity. I have come across a number of women this way too, but only a few accepted a date, and no one was interested in a second one. I do my best to take initiatives but my poor confidence makes it quite obvious that myself esteem is not on top. Do you think it is even possible getting the confidence back when you have been rejected for about 20 years? Honestly?

Thanks for being honest. I appreciate that a lot and I don't think I can get any help if you wouldn't be honest.
I play classical music. Am a decent violinist for not being professional. Love to play chamber musich when I get the opportunity. I have come accross a number of women this way too, but only a few accepted a date, and noone was interested in a second one. I do my best to take initiatives but my poor confidence makes it quite obvious that my self esteem is not on top. Do you think it is even possible getting the confidence back when you have been rejected for about 20 years? Honestly?

I do. However, it will take time as I am sure you already know that.

You as well as others have conditioned you, your thoughts, and how you handle things. As all of us.

Most people have something that they are vulnerable to. Something that we lack in confidence.

Here is a silly example. I am an A student. 4.0 (Alty can vouch) and I feel very confident that I will succeed with my PHD, however, I lack confidence in myself when I play any type of music. Not because I am horrible, but because I feel as if there are better musicians. Same with art. I am told I am a great artist, but I feel uncertain.

Point is, I try even harder to succeed at what I lack confidence in. This confidence can take time and practice.

You write very well. You seem knowledgeable. The introverts that I know are extremely intelligent. Not saying extroverts are not, but introverts usually spend more time on studies and observations.

I sit next to a guy in one of my psychology classes. He is very shy. Introvert as well. He can't even look me in the eyes. Not because he has no respect, but because he is very shy with no confidence. He has admitted that he finds me very attractive. I know this. I can sense it from him. He has no confidence, and I believe that he should. He is smart, sweet and charming.

So you see, we all have something that we lack in. Confidence, I mean.

Let me ask you this, why do you think these women don't go on a second date?

Are you still living in the US or are you back in Sweden? Have you ever considered asking out a shy, maybe even plain woman for lunch or maybe for coffee? One of our experts often says to date them all, no matter if they are short and fat or tall and thin or plain or pretty. You could have a date or two every weekend and just do a big sampling of women to find out what type/personality works for you (and her).

And I cannot stress enough to get out into the world. Even if you hang out with old people or married people, they all know an unfettered woman who is a relative or friend or neighbor whom they think might be a good match for you.

Are you still living in the US or are you back in Sweden? Have you ever considered asking out a shy, maybe even plain woman for lunch or maybe for coffee? One of our experts often says to date them all, no matter if they are short and fat or tall and thin or plain or pretty. You could have a date or two every weekend and just do a big sampling of women to find out what type/personality works for you (and her).

And I cannot stress enough to get out into the world. Even if you hang out with old people or married people, they all know an unfettered woman who is a relative or friend or neighbor whom they think might be a good match for you.

I'm still in Boston but have had thoughts moving back to Sweden alhough I don't have that many contacts left there. My parents are gone and have no other close relatives there (or anywhere for that matter). If I had any idea where I would have the greatest chance to get a family this would have a major impact on my decision but this is likely difficult to even guess.
I have asked plain women for dates and I think overall it is most them who have accepted. So I have tried. However I definitely see your point of getting out more. Will work on that.

One question: I may not need to worry but still, are you absolutely sure that the fact that I have never been with a woman won't matter for most women? I know there are some who deliberatily have waited with sex until they have met the right partner but this is indeed not the case for me. I would have though some would wonder what's wrong with this guy who always was rejected.
And can I be reassured that the women who rejected me for being a virgin are really not representative for women in general? That I only had bad luck meeting the wrong girls?

The women you have encountered are not the norm. And do not wear a big R (for rejection) on your shirt front! We women get rejected all the time. (Women should wear shirts with a big R on the front!) It's part of the human condition, to be rejected and to learn how to get past that and know how to like yourself and honor yourself and believe in yourself.

So stop obsessing over having been rejected (if you want to call it that) or thinking you will be. Put your date first over yourself. Make her the most interesting thing that has crossed your path all day. Don't even mention any previous rejections or even that you are a virgin. Look for an emotional connection -- and there may not be one most of the time, for you as well as for her -- but that's okay.

When I was your age, 90% of males and females were virgins, and we lived to tell about it. We were shocked and horrified if someone HAD indulged in sex. Too bad the world is changing into a sex-crazed place.

The women you have encountered are not the norm. And do not wear a big R (for rejection) on your shirt front! We women get rejected all the time. (Women should wear shirts with a big R on the front!) It's part of the human condition, to be rejected and to learn how to get past that and know how to like yourself and honor yourself and believe in yourself.

So stop obsessing over having been rejected (if you want to call it that) or thinking you will be. Put your date first over yourself. Make her the most interesting thing that has crossed your path all day. Don't even mention any previous rejections or even that you are a virgin. Look for an emotional connection -- and there may not be one most of the time, for you as well as for her -- but that's okay.

When I was your age, 90% of males and females were virgins, and we lived to tell about it. We were shocked and horrified if someone HAD indulged in sex. Too bad the world is changing into a sex-crazed place.

With all respect, but I doubt that 90% of the females and males ever were virgins at the age of 38 anywhere. The average age for givining birh has always been much lower and I don't think the age of 38 ever has been a norm even if it perhaps was more common earlier. Nevertheless I appreciate your support but I would also like to hear other women's view to get a balance picture.

With all respect, but I doubt that 90% of the females and males ever were virgins at the age of 38 anywhere.
In every generation there are adults who have never had sex, who go to their graves never having had sex. My uncle was one who died in his 70s without ever having had sex, his two maiden aunts had never had sex and also died in their 70s, an aunt on the other side of the family died in her 80s without having had sex -- and that's in a very small part of my family and were four people who were related and lived within three miles of each other.

My point is that one doesn't have to have sex in order to have a complete and interesting life -- and those four relatives had challenging jobs and wonderful social lives. What are you doing to have an interesting life apart from sex? You are making sex a much bigger issue than it should be. In the great scheme of things, on a scale of 1-10, sex sits at around a 3.

In every generation there are adults who have never had sex, who go to their graves never having had sex. My uncle was one who died in his 70s without ever having had sex, his two maiden aunts had never had sex and also died in their 70s, an aunt on the other side of the family died in her 80s without having had sex -- and that's in a very small part of my family and were four people who were related and lived within three miles of each other.

My point is that one doesn't have to have sex in order to have a complete and interesting life -- and those four relatives had challenging jobs and wonderful social lives. What are you doing to have an interesting life apart from sex? You are making sex a much bigger issue than it should be. In the great scheme of things, on a scale of 1-10, sex sits at around a 3.

OK, you have a point. I wonder, did they deliberately stay away from sex and relations or did they try to find someone to share their lives with? I am sure I can have a good social life with some practice, but I will never will be able to live a life without love, care, caressess, sharing happiness and sorrow with a woman. Sex is a part of this but not all of it. And my fear started with that women have difficulties with virgins who were 'old'.

With all respect, but I doubt that 90% of the females and males ever were virgins at the age of 38 anywhere. The average age for givining birh has always been much lower and I don't think the age of 38 ever has been a norm even if it perhaps was more common earlier. Nevertheless I appreciate your support but I would also like to hear other womens view to get a balance picture.

I have to agree here. WG, I am not quite sure of your age, but I am sorry to say that I don't agree with 90% of people were virgins at 38. John is correct. Many people were married with families in their twenties. I am guessing you are part of the baby boomers?

It is uncommon for a male to be a virgin at 38 years of age. I'm not saying it can't and doesn't happen, it's just uncommon.

Speaking for the present day, many teens are engaging in sex at an early age.

The only part I don't understand about all of this is that women are rejecting him AFTER they learn he is a virgin.

That I don't understand.

I have to agree here. WG, I am not quite sure of your age, but I am sorry to say that I don't agree with 90% of people were virgins at 38. John is correct. Many people were married with families in their twenties. I am guessing you are part of the baby boomers?

It is uncommon for a male to be a virgin at 38 years of age. I'm not saying it can't and doesn't happen, it's just uncommon.

Speaking for the present day, many teens are engaging in sex at an early age.

The only part I don't understand about all of this is that women are rejecting him AFTER they learn he is a virgin.

That I don't understand.

Thanks! I believe people (both men and women) generally starts with sex today than in previous generation. I'm also happy that you don't understand these women because this tells me I stumbled into the wrong women and that their view is by no means a common view among vomen. This is at least somewhat reassuring to me.

OK, you have a point. I wonder, did they deliberately stay away from sex and relations or did they try to find someone to share their lives with? I am sure I can have a good social life with some practice, but I will never will be able to live a life without love, care, caressess, sharing happiness and sorrow with a woman. Sex is a part of this but not all of it. And my fear started with that women have difficulties with virgins who were 'old'.
They all dated and had lots of friends but never found the right one for marriage.

Of course, in today's world with so much attention in the media and in movies being all about sex, any virgin over the age of 10 is going to have a problem with society.

It depends on where you are looking for and finding these women who are bent out of shape about your being a virgin at 38.


I have to agree here. WG, I am not quite sure of your age, but I am sorry to say that I don't agree with 90% of people were virgins at 38.
I grew up during the '50s and early '60s. Guess the world has changed for the worse.

They all dated and had lots of friends but never found the right one for marriage.

Of course, in today's world with so much attention in the media and in movies being all about sex, any virgin over the age of 10 is going to have a problem with society.

It depends on where you are looking for and finding these women who are bent out of shape about your being a virgin at 38.

I have looked to find women among friends, colleagues, at bars, next door, at the grocery store, on internet. So I think I have tried quite well despite of my poor self esteem. Even if you have concerns that I worry about not having had sex, do you understand my concern for living without love, caressess, sharing joy and sorrow, someone to snuggle with cold winters etc?

I have looked to find women among friends, collegues, at bars, next door, at the grocery store, on internet. So I think I have tried quite well despite of my poor self esteem. Even if you have concerns that I worry about not having had sex, do you understand my concern for living without love, caressess, sharing joy and sorrow, someone to snuggle with cold winters etc?
I totally have understanding. I have two virgin unmarried sons, ages 42 and 36.

Dare I suggest a sex therapist, to give you confidence?

We were on our 3rd date, had seen a movie and she wondered if I wanted to spend the night at her place... I told her that I certainely wanted but I need to tell her something first. So I did. And then she got a bit upset, close to freaked out, and told me that she was terribly sorry, but she couldn't take this. So she took off.
I am convinced she walked away because you brought up sex. Your virginity has absolutely nothing to do with it. The fact that you made it known that you were expecting sex turned her off immediately.

Because you believe women will find you unattractive because you're a virgin, you're actually sabotaging opportunities that come your way.

Don't tell a woman you're a virigin unless your both naked and in bed. I guarantee she will stay in bed with you.

"I totally have understanding. I have two virgin unmarried sons, ages 42 and 36."

WG, I am not trying to pick on you, but why are two grown men sharing their sexual status with their mother?

"I totally have understanding. I have two virgin unmarried sons, ages 42 and 36."

WG, I am not trying to pick on you, but why are two grown men sharing their sexual status with their mother?
Both are Christian and don't believe in having sex before marriage. No one "shared" anything.

"Both are Christian and don't believe in having sex before marriage. No one "shared" anything."

WG, I am not sure that your advice is very helpful for John. I do understand where you are coming from, however, the fact that you stated that "90%" of people were virgins in your day, is inaccurate.

Also, your two grown boys are virgins because of religious purposes. This is not the case for John. You, and your family are a different case here altogether.

I just believe that if we are going to give John advice on this subject, we have to let him know that virginity in 38 year-old men is not as common as YOU are making it sound.

John, please understand that I am not saying that there is anything wrong with that, I just KNOW where you are coming from, and if it were ME in this very situation, then hell yes I would have many concerns as well. Not just about sex but love too. John, I know you are not trying to get laid, I see that you are confused as to why you haven't found love yet ALSO that women have rejected you when they have learned you are a virgin. I think Slapshot said it best! I strongly believe that you shouldn't announce that until either it is brought up by the woman OR when you two have grown to share one another.

Does that make sense? Also John, I DO think that three dates is too soon for making love.

You seem like a very nice guy. I am not just saying that either. I understand your concerns and questions.

"Both are Christian and don't believe in having sex before marriage. No one "shared" anything."

WG, I am not sure that your advice is very helpful for John. I do understand where you are coming from, however, the fact that you stated that "90%" of people were virgins in your day, is inaccurate.

Also, your two grown boys are virgins because of religious purposes. This is not the case for John. You, and your family are a different case here altogether.

I just believe that if we are going to give John advice on this subject, we have to let him know that virginity in 38 year-old men is not as common as YOU are making it sound.

John, please understand that I am not saying that there is anything wrong with that, I just KNOW where you are coming from, and if it were ME in this very situation, then hell yes I would have many concerns as well. Not just about sex but love too. John, I know you are not trying to get laid, I see that you are confused as to why you haven't found love yet ALSO that women have rejected you when they have learned you are a virgin. I think Slapshot said it best! I strongly believe that you shouldn't announce that until either it is brought up by the woman OR when you two have grown to share one another.

Does that make sense? Also John, I DO think that three dates is too soon for making love.

You seem like a very nice guy. I am not just saying that either. I understand your concerns and questions.

Thanks for understanding! You all may know better than I what is too soon and what is less soon. However I would like to say again that regarding the 2 women, they both suggested that I should spend the night with them. To me this sounded like that they wanted to make love. So this is where I told them. But still, I know I could have waited until we actually were at her place, or even not tell at all. But I just wanted to be honest so that they wouldn't be too disappointed. Next time, if it comes, I will probably not say anything until afterwards. And thanks also for confirming that being 38 and never have had sex is not common. I really had difficult to believe that. And I'm glad that you do think there is hope for me.

WG, I am not sure that your advice is very helpful for John. I do understand where you are coming from, however, the fact that you stated that "90%" of people were virgins in your day, is inaccurate.
Back in the '50s and '60s, most unmarrieds were virgins. Only in today's world with media and Hollywood influences has that changed.

Also, your two grown boys are virgins because of religious purposes. This is not the case for John. You, and your family are a different case here altogether.
People have all sorts of reasons for being virgins. Religion is only one of them. I was simply pointing out to him that there are probably more virgins in this world than he can ever imagine. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. And I still don't think he should be making a huge effort to not be one. Finding a woman who will love him with her whole heart --and he doing the same for her -- is his first order of business.

The only people I personally knew who were still virgins in their late 30's... had some very serious social problems... but then I haven't known all the virgins out there, or even most of them... only a few of them.

The only people I personally knew who were still virgins in their late 30's...had some very serious social problems.....but then I haven't known all the virgins out there.
Stick with me. I'll introduce you!

Stick with me. I'll introduce you!

I don't want to go through the training process again... I'll stick with someone that knows how to drive already if a vacancy for partner opens up in the future.

Im just going to throw this out there.

But if you believe that being a virgin, and being afraid of telling a woman to the point that its unnerving you and affecting how you would normally act, then you could pay for sex and then its not an obstacle for you when you meet women.

I don't want to go through the training process again
And miss out on that wondrous feeling of adventure and mystery??

Im just going to throw this out there.

But if you believe that being a virgin, and being afraid of telling a woman to the point that its unnerving you and affecting how you would normally act, then you could pay for sex and then its not an obstacle for you when you meet women.

Agree this could be a help on the way but I know that I would never be able to look at myself in the mirror if I ever paid for sex. I have thought about it many times but, no, that will not be an option.

"Agree this could be a help on the way but I know that I would never be able to look at myself in the mirror if I ever paid for sex. I have thought about it many times but, no, that will not be an option."

That's fine, I feel the same way, just trying to help

Back in the '50s and '60s, most unmarrieds were virgins. Only in today's world with media and Hollywood influences has that changed.

People have all sorts of reasons for being virgins. Religion is only one of them. I was simply pointing out to him that there are probably more virgins in this world than he can ever imagine. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. And I still don't think he should be making a huge effort to not be one. Finding a woman who will love him with her whole heart --and he doing the same for her -- is his first order of business.


Yes, however, many people were married at a young age, so you still don't know if unmarried people in their late 30's were virgins.

Again, I don't want to mislead John.

The only reason I am harping on this issue is because of his original question. So if there is any other advice we can offer you, John, then please let us know.

Yes, however, many people were married at a young age, so you still don't know if unmarried people in their late 30's were virgins.

Again, I don't want to mislead John.

The only reason I am harping on this issue is because of his original question. So if there is any other advice we can offer you, John, then please let us know.

Thanks Enigma1999. I appreciate any advice based on women's view today. I have received some good thoughts but welcome any additional thoughts or suggestions. One question I have is whether anyone ever heard of a case where a very introvert person managed to be extrovert? Or how a person my age with very low self-esteem (at least with respect to women) came out with good confidence?

Again any response is much appreciated but I want everyone to be honest. If you think most of the hope is gone by now then be honest about it. If you think there is still hope, please let me know your advice. I don't know if I sound pathetic but this is really awkward for me.

One question I have is whether anyone ever heard of a case where a very introvert person managed to be extrovert? Or how a person my age with very low self-esteem (at least with respect to women) came out with good confidence?
Well, I've had male clients who felt they were social misfits and losers, so we did role playing and some cognitive-behavioral stuff, all of which boosted their confidence. Have you considered counseling or finding a coach for something like this? It's a brief therapy thing, very targeted.

And miss out on that wondrous feeling of adventure and mystery?????

I think the odds of finding a learning disabled female to be far greater than an exceptional student. Based on previous personal experiences.

I picked a good wife... what more can I say.

One question I have is whether anyone ever heard of a case where a very introvert person managed to be extrovert?
I am. I'm a natural introvert, but I go through phases which I force myself to be extroverted so I can meet new folks. The last time I forced myself into extroversion I created and account on OKCupid (http://www.okcupid.com/) (it's a free dating website that is profoundly better than any paid dating website out there) and went on a few dates. The last girl I took out on a date became (and still is) my steady girlfriend.

Speaking of which, create an OKCupid profile if you haven't already. There is a huge representation of Boston folks on there.

In addition, I strongly recommend you read this classic: How to Win Friends and Influence People (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People).


Back in the '50s and '60s, most unmarrieds were virgins. Only in today's world with media and Hollywood influences has that changed.
I beg to differ. Those were the years of the beat and hippie generations, both of which advocated hedonistic behavior. Promiscuity is as old as the earth. Blaming today's media is yet another version of the ol' "these darn kids today" spiel. Your generation is just as lustful as mine is.

I beg to differ. Those were the years of the beat and hippie generations, both of which advocated hedonistic behavior. Promiscuity is as old as the earth. Blaming today's media is yet another version of the ol' "these darn kids today" spiel. Your generation is just as lustful as mine is.
Differ all you want. I was there. Sex did not start becoming a recreational sport until the 1970s.

"Differ all you want. I was there. Sex did not start becoming a recreational sport until the 1970s"

Just because YOU were there, doesn't make it so.

This is not the world according to Wondergirl.

You are completely false on this.

Slapshot, if I could give you 1000 greenies, I would.

Differ all you want. I was there. Sex did not start becoming a recreational sport until the 1970s.

WG. My parents were both born in the late 1930's, and both of them, and all their siblings, had sex before marriage. My dad came from a very strict Catholic family.

My mom's oldest sister was a flower girl at their parents wedding.

Only two Uncles on my fathers side, and 1 Uncle on my moms side and 2 Aunts (dad came from a family of 6, mom from a family of 11) married because they chose to. The rest were shot gun weddings.

You may have been there, but you're basing your posts on how you lived your life. Not on how the rest of the world lived theirs.

Well, I've had male clients who felt they were social misfits and losers, so we did role playing and some cognitive-behavioral stuff, all of which boosted their confidence. Have you considered counseling or finding a coach for something like this? It's a brief therapy thing, very targeted.

I have started too look for options for therapy, but if there are coaches that would appopriate for my situation that definitively sounds like a good option. Any idea what is available in the Boston area?


I am. I'm a natural introvert, but I go through phases which I force myself to be extroverted so I can meet new folks. The last time I forced myself into extroversion I created and account on OKCupid (http://www.okcupid.com/) (it's a free dating website that is profoundly better than any paid dating website out there) and went on a few dates. The last girl I took out on a date became (and still is) my steady girlfriend.

Speaking of which, create an OKCupid profile if you haven't already. There is a huge representation of Boston folks on there.

In addition, I strongly recommend you read this classic: How to Win Friends and Influence People (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People).



Thanks, I will check it up.

Do you happen to have any lady friends?

I am more of an introvert that I am extrovert. However, there are times that I force myself to put myself out there and meet new people. I used to have confidence issues when I was younger, but I really don't any more. Partly because I don't care what people think. I am who I am. I have conditioned myself to think like that.

There is hope for you. What are some things that you want to change other than your confidence and selfesteem?

I have started too look for options for therapy, but if there are coaches that would appopriate for my situation that definitively sounds like a good option. Any idea what is available in the Boston area?
Maybe call a few of these guys to get a feel for them by phone --

Life Coaches in Boston MA | Noomii.com the Life Coach Directory (http://www.noomii.com/life-coach-boston-massachusetts)

Or just Google "life coach Boston Mass" or similar keywords but without quote marks. I got a number of hits when I did this. Often a telephone interview will tell you what you need to know -- plus just your feeling of ease with the office or coach, whoever answers. I had a life coach for three months back in the early '90s -- $200 a month with a phone conversation (or in-person, if preferred) once a week plus homework assignments. Diane got me unstuck and helped me realize a dream I had sat on for several years. It's quick therapy and very focused.

Also, call the reference desk at your public library and they will give you a list of professional life coaches.in your area (probably by Googling).

I think it's sexy when a guy is a virgin. I would have you all to myself. I wouldn't have run out if you told me you were still a virgin, however seeing how it turned out so far, you probably shouldn't mention it next time. If you find someone special and everything works out with them, you can tell them later.
If you are not sure of yourself, just ask what she likes in bed, she won't know that you are asking from lack of experience, she'll think you just want to please her.

Oh and by the way, I am a 21 year old female, so that you know how someone in there 20s feels about your situation. Get out there and be charming! ;)

I may not be the best person to offer my opinion on male sexuality, but you did want a female perspective, which I can give.

Not all women will be put off by a man being a virgin. You're main problem will probably be finding someone wanting/willing to date someone in their late 30's AND a virgin. Now that I've confused you, I'll try to explain.

Most women looking to date someone your age are probably around your age. By that age, they are probably looking to either have kids, or already do. Either way, they probably want someone with a history of stable relationships. A lack of relationship history is like a lack of job history, it makes prospective matches wonder what's up, and doubt your ability to perform well (meaning, having the skills needed to have a healthy relationship or stable job). That DOESN'T mean you couldn't, just that the lack of evidence leaves doubt.

Conversely, someone looking/willing to date a virgin is probably younger, and looking at people around their age. While there are women in their 20's looking for an older man, the draw is usually the added experience.

Now, I'm sure there exist women in either category who wouldn't mind dating a 38 year old virgin. The trick is finding one you're compatible with.

My first, and main, piece of advise is to quit looking. As counterproductive as that sounds, hear me out.

You're worried about a lack of confidence, so the dating scene is probably NOT the place for you. You're better off focusing on something you ARE confident in.

Join groups, either local or online, for things that interest you. Once there, talk to people. Make friends. Make female friends. Women you can talk to about common interests without worrying about trying to impress her or convince her to date you. If you're lucky, a friendship will become more. If not, then women LOVE setting their single girl friends up with their single guy friends.

Don't shy away from making guy friends, either. Chances are, they'll have girlfriends/wives with single girl friends.

Now, I'm sure you've heard ALL about the dreaded 'friend zone.' It's BS. Most women want the person they're with to also be a friend, that means TONS of relationships evolve from friendships. Even if they don't, once again, women like to play matchmaker. If all you end up with is a good friend, then you're already a step ahead. Women like to know their friends approve of their relationships, so having a friend SUGGEST they date you is already severla brownie points. You'll also get brownie points because she'll know you won't mind hanging out with her friends, since you'll already have at least one mutual friend.

Oh, and unless asked, don't mention your lack of experience until it becomes actively relevant. Let an emotional connection form, first. If a woman invites you to spend the night in the first few months, smile, politely decline (tell her you're old fashioned and want to wait a bit), escort her to her door, and kiss her goodnight. Being a gentleman will make a better impression, and have a better chance of creating a lasting relationship.

Honestly, someone willing to jump into bed on the third date is probably NOT looking for something longterm. Casual sex is fine, if that's what you want. If it is, then you can probably find women on craiglist or dating sites happy to teach you any number of things. Just make sure that both of you are on the same page. Having casual sex with someone wanting a relationship, or vice versus, will only end badly.

Heath, all I can say is bravo! Best advice yet! I wish I could greenie you more than once. :)

I think it's sexy when a guy is a virgin. I would have you all to myself. I wouldn't have run out if you told me you were still a virgin, however seeing how it turned out so far, you probably shouldn't mention it next time. If you find someone special and everything works out with them, you can tell them later.
If you are not sure of yourself, just ask what she likes in bed, she wont know that you are asking from lack of experience, she'll think you just want to please her.

Oh and by the way, I am a 21 year old female, so that you know how someone in there 20s feels about your situation. Get out there and be charming! ;)

Thanks! Glad to read this!


I may not be the best person to offer my opinion on male sexuality, but you did want a female perspective, which I can give.

Not all women will be put off by a man being a virgin. You're main problem will probably be finding someone wanting/willing to date someone in their late 30's AND a virgin. Now that I've confused you, I'll try to explain.

Most women looking to date someone your age are probably around your age. By that age, they are probably looking to either have kids, or already do. Either way, they probably want someone with a history of stable relationships. A lack of relationship history is like a lack of job history, it makes prospective matches wonder what's up, and doubt your ability to perform well (meaning, having the skills needed to have a healthy relationship or stable job). That DOESN'T mean you couldn't, just that the lack of evidence leaves doubt.

Conversely, someone looking/willing to date a virgin is probably younger, and looking at people around their age. While there are women in their 20's looking for an older man, the draw is usually the added experience.

Now, I'm sure there exist women in either catagory who wouldn't mind dating a 38 year old virgin. The trick is finding one you're compatible with.

My first, and main, piece of advise is to quit looking. As counterproductive as that sounds, hear me out.

You're worried about a lack of confidence, so the dating scene is probably NOT the place for you. You're better off focusing on something you ARE confident in.

Join groups, either local or online, for things that interest you. Once there, talk to people. Make friends. Make female friends. Women you can talk to about common interests without worrying about trying to impress her or convince her to date you. If you're lucky, a friendship will become more. If not, then women LOVE setting their single girl friends up with their single guy friends.

Don't shy away from making guy friends, either. Chances are, they'll have girlfriends/wives with single girl friends.

Now, I'm sure you've heard ALL about the dreaded 'friend zone.' It's BS. Most women want the person they're with to also be a friend, that means TONS of relationships evolve from friendships. Even if they don't, once again, women like to play matchmaker. If all you end up with is a good friend, then you're already a step ahead. Women like to know their friends approve of their relationships, so having a friend SUGGEST they date you is already severla brownie points. You'll also get brownie points because she'll know you won't mind hanging out with her friends, since you'll already have at least one mutual friend.

Oh, and unless asked, don't mention your lack of experience until it becomes actively relevent. Let an emotional connection form, first. If a woman invites you to spend the night in the first few months, smile, politely decline (tell her you're old fashioned and want to wait a bit), escort her to her door, and kiss her goodnight. Being a gentleman will make a better impression, and have a better chance of creating a lasting relationship.

Honestly, someone willing to jump into bed on the third date is probably NOT looking for something longterm. Casual sex is fine, if that's what you want. If it is, then you can probably find women on craiglist or dating sites happy to teach you any number of things. Just make sure that both of you are on the same page. Having casual sex with someone wanting a relationship, or vice versus, will only end badly.

Thanks for sharing these thoughts. Actually I find advice from women more helpful as part of what I need to learn and understand is how women feels, thinks, loves etc. I found thiis very helpful although it made me feel puzzled at the same time. But I think I do understand what you are saying and it does make sense when I think about it.

I think I have a way forward. I will start looking for some kind of therapy and/or coaching. I need to join som activities to meet more people. Hopefully I will have more success with dating if therapy works. Although it primary is a real relationship I want, casusal sex could also be very helpful since this would both give me opportunity to 'practice' so to say, as well as boosting my ego. To find a woman in my age (which is really what I would like) may be challenging due to the reasons you described so well, but at least I think I know better how to move forward.

Sorry about that. As a few people here can tell you, the confusion has more to do with me being me, than me being a woman. I'm glad you were able make sense of it, though. That's something I'm not always sure of.

Don't stress yourself out trying to understand women. It won't happen. Women don't always understand women. We're a complicated species, that often contradicts itself.

Good luck. You've already done more than many are willing to do by deciding work toward improving things. You're willing to accept and implement advise, instead of expecting an instant fix, which will work in your favor (in finding AND keeping a relationship).

Jonathan,

You are so focused on being a virgin at 38 and not focused on the bigger picture, ROMANCE. A woman loves romance.

The first thing is making sure you focus on cultivating your mind, nurture your body, meditate, bring peace to your innerself. The climax with that special someone will come.

I dated a virgin and he did not broadcast it but his actions told the story. He just laid on top of me and I flipped over this 6'2" man and gave him a beautiful hot oil rub down, kissed him ever softly, told him how I enjoyed giving him a rub down. However, his hygiene was intact, he had clean fingernails, no smelly feet, behind his ears were not stinking of old sweat, his breath was fresh and clearly romance was in the air. I could tell he was embarrassed but I went out of my way to make him feel like superman.

Months before our intimate evening, we went to Shakespeare plays, attended late night movies and dinners, went to house parties and jazz dinner clubs, we did so many wonderful things together. He would sing to me and made a fuss and I loved it.

I remember showing up at his hotel early morning with coffee, tea and me in a trench coat and all we did was cuddle. It was beautiful.

When we made the step to making love, we worked at the same location and would have afternoon delights in the bathrooms, my oh my what was I thinking. We would have trysts at a local hotel during lunch, it was beautiful. However, his heart belong to another and we both went our separate ways. Good memories:)

Take your time in cultivating yourself, read current events, travel even if its to the next town, attend events you normally would not go to but the event sounds interesting enough for you to attend, join a group of business men and network because these organizations have balls, dances, and they have conventions. Attend wine tasting events and culinary arts events. Single cruise excursions are also good. Get involve in your community. Women do attend these venues. Cultivate the mind Jonathan, cultivating the mind broadens your conversation.

Soon you will be the George Clooney of your neighborhood. Stay focus on yourself and nothing more and everything else will fall into place.

Keep us posted.

I've been on therapy a while and I thing this have helped me be somewhat more secure on myself and have helped me conversing with foreign people, particularly women. However, I have still not managed to get a date yet.

I've been on therapy a while and I thing this have helped me be somewhat more secure on myself and have helped me conversing with foreign people, particulary women. However, I have still not managed to get a date yet.

Great to hear about therapy! That is the first step.

Sometimes it is hard for people to take that first step, but you did, and that is great to hear.

Just keep practicing your communication skills with new people. Things will get easier for you as time goes on. The right woman will come along.

Keep up the great work!

Well, since I'm a 39-year-old female virgin, I think you're pretty damn cool. :) I can't give you any advice since I've never been on a date, had a boyfriend, or even kissed. You're just cool to me. I guess it'll happen when it happens.

I'm about to give up everything. A while ago my last relative died so I have no relatives left. I thought I had a few friends but no one but my boss (and she probably checked just because she is my boss) kept in touch while I was grieving, preparing funeral etc. So now I am living a life with no love, no care. And probability for ever finding a woman is probably quite low. I have not been able to find a date even since last time. So what's the point of keep going really?

I'm about to give up everything. A while ago my last relative died so I have no relatives left. I thought I had a few friends but noone but my boss (and she probably checked just because she is my boss) kept in touch while I was grieving, preparing funeral etc. So now I am living a life with no love, no care. And probability for ever finding a woman is probably quite low. I have not been able to find a date even since last time. So what's the point of keep going really?

The point is that you obviously don't want to be alone. You obviously want to be with someone. Many people don't. There are people that spend their lives alone, and prefer it that way. From what you've written on this site, that's not you.

So you continue therapy, you continue growing as a person, and growing your confidence, and you continue asking women out. They won't all say yes, and they won't all be the person you're meant to be with. Sometimes you have to throw a few fish back in the lake before you catch one that's worth keeping.

If you continue with the attitude of "What's the point, I can't do it" and all the negativity, than no, you won't find anyone. No one wants to be with someone that's always down on themselves, has no confidence. That's a real turn off.

The point is that you obviously don't want to be alone. You obviously want to be with someone. Many people don't. There are people that spend their lives alone, and prefer it that way. From what you've written on this site, that's not you.

So you continue therapy, you continue growing as a person, and growing your confidence, and you continue asking women out. They won't all say yes, and they won't all be the person you're meant to be with. Sometimes you have to throw a few fish back in the lake before you catch one that's worth keeping.

If you continue with the attitude of "What's the point, I can't do it" and all the negativity, than no, you won't find anyone. No one wants to be with someone that's always down on themselves, has no confidence. That's a real turn off.

I know you are right, guess I just was looking for some sympathy during this tough period. Pathetic, I know...

My concern wouldn't be the virgin. My concern would be the person making a very large deal, at 38 years old, out of being a virgin.

No problem with, "This is my first time." A lot of problems with "this is my first time" followed by a ton of insecurity.

My concern wouldn't be the virgin. My concern would be the person making a very large deal, at 38 years old, out of being a virgin.

No problem with, "This is my first time." A lot of problems with "this is my first time" followed by a ton of insecurity.

Thanks. And I certainly see your point. I will not even mention "this is my first time" if I get another change although I am quite sure I will be nervous as hell. However, I would like to ask you; With my background, do you find it strange that I am insecure about this?

Talaniman Rule -Date them all, fat, short, skinny or tall! 18 to 80, blind, cripple, or crazy.

You want confidence in yourself, don't let rejection stop you and never take it personally. If you are scared to fail, you never will succeed. And why on earth would you tell a female you are a virgin?

Expand the dating pool my friend and create more options and opportunities for yourself and stop looking for romance and look for fun. The more you interact, the more you will gain confidence through experience. You don't have to be great friends, or best friends forever, just share good experience through activities you love, and enjoy
And the sex thing works itself out.

If I was your therapist I would order you to engage every human you encounter with eye contact, a smile, and a greeting. Doesn't matter what the response is, pass over the sourpusses and focus on the friendly.

I find it odd you are willing to pay for therapists and not someone just for sex to learn and grow, given you are having a hard time with dating and getting sex but to each his own. Never paid myself because I never had to but then I had MANY female friends and they had friends and it worked.

But that was in my youth, and yours is gone so don't act like a scared virgin and who will know? Just have confidence in what you do. Don't ask don't tell and go for fun. Make changes and stop scaring yourself.

Thanks. And I certainly see your point. I will not even mention "this is my first time" if I get another change although I am quite sure I will be nervous as hell. However, I would like to ask you; With my background, do you find it strange that I am insecure about this?

It's not strange that you would feel insecure about this. The thing is, insecurity is a very unattractive quality. Women do not like to date insecure men. So you really have to learn how to deal with your insecurity, and counseling is a good way to do that. You stated that you're in counseling. That's a very good idea.

If you continue to dwell on the past, that's where you'll always be. If you want to meet someone, want a relationship, you have to let the past go, and you have to find some confidence. Women won't judge you for being a virgin, they will judge you for being whiny and insecure about it.

If you are asking me specifically if I find nervousness over your first sexual experience to be strange, no, I don't. If I met you would I want you to keep your virginity a secret? No.

I have no problem with, "Hey, look, I'm a virgin. This is all new to me. I'm pretty nervous." No problem at all. I think anyone with a new sexual partner has to sort of cover the bases - "I like this, I like that." I don't find this any different.

I did disagree with the person who posted earlier about giving the oil massage, etc. I don't see the point in that particular game. A woman who is having sex with you because she legitimately cares for you isn't going to shocked - in fact, I'd be flattered!

You waited 38 years for me? Wow!

What's puzzling me is that two women left when you told them. I just don't think that's the norm, and wonder if there was something about the way you told them that was off-putting. Therefore I wouldn't tell anyone! At least not until you are in bed together and it is obvious.

As I said earlier, I dated (and then married) a virgin, and I can't remember how many days we fumbled around until we got somewhere. He was anxious, shy, and I could tell it was very tough on him, but I admired him all the more for his resoluteness. A shy man with determination and resolve is very attractive to many women.

As I have no one to talk about this except for my therapist I hope you don't mind if I ask you for some positive support. I am in a bit tough period and could benefit from some optimistic cheers and support. I'm fighting on this but I wouldn't mind some extra support from the readers here.

WHY don't you have anyone to talk to except your therapist? Tell us about your closest friend or two. They can be enlisted to introduce you to some shy women who will absolutely appreciate you for who you are. If you don't have one close friend, then that is first. You actually learn a lot about romance from friendships. I've never really thought out how that works, I just have a sense that it is true.

WHY don't you have anyone to talk to except your therapist? Tell us about your closest friend or two. They can be enlisted to introduce you to some shy women who will absolutely appreciate you for who you are. If you don't have one close friend, then that is first. You actually learn a lot about romance from friendships. I've never really thought out how that works, I just have a sense that it is true.

I have no real close friend. And among the few friends I have I can't think of anyone to whom I could admit that I never had a woman. Yes, it's true that I lack a lot of knowledge about romance and women.

I would work on turning a friend into a close friend. Go places together, talk about this with him, meet his circle of other friends, tell them you are shy and need their help - they will want to, I'm sure. You not only learn about how they handle problems with romance but you eventually chance upon a romance through them.

What's stopping you from building a life that you enjoy with people and activities that makes you happy?

What's stopping you from building a life that you enjoy with people and activities that makes you happy?

Primarily because I'm very introvert and shy. Having said that, I do have a good job and have no problem with communication there as I am quite a good expert on my field. I play music with some friends as well and do like to travel. But my main problem is that my shyness and lack of experience causes me problems to meet women.

I'm a woman. I'm no longer a virgin. If the man with whom I had my first sexual experience had referred to that experience in advance as "having" me - he would not have "had" me.

You really have to learn the lingo. Whether you meant that to offend or disrespect - it was offensive and disrespectful in my eyes.

If you want to "have" a woman you should not get into a sexual relationship with one. That sounds like you are keeping score.

I'm a woman. I'm no longer a virgin. If the man with whom I had my first sexual experience had referred to that experience in advance as "having" me - he would not have "had" me.

You really have to learn the lingo. Whether you meant that to offend or disrespect - it was offensive and disrespectful in my eyes.

If you want to "have" a woman you should not get into a sexual relationship with one. That sounds like you are keeping score.

My sincere apologies. I had no intention being disrespectful or being offensive whatsoever. What I meant was that I never had a relationship with a woman, sexual or romantic. I am sorry if this was not clear.

Make friends and connect over time and step out of that comfort zone you stay in because of fear, and inexperience. You would be surprised at the happiness you could bring yourself. Confidence and being happy with YOURSELF is what draws people to you.

You absolutely need to take a deep breath, don't fixate on women/sex/dating - and enjoy. You will meet a woman whose company you enjoy on many levels and "it" will come naturally.

The more interesting and involved you are the more interesting and involved women you will meet - and one of them will be the woman for you.

A virgin would not have made me run in the opposite direction. An insecure virgin who wanted to discuss his virginity would have.

Just relax.

Believe me, I will never ever tell a woman again that I am a virgin and suffer from it. If I find someone I will definitely let her know after we have been together for a while unless she guesses or asks. However, as I mentioned that I don't really have anyone to talk about this with I hoped I could do it here. If this is not appropriate I will just quit.

That's what we are here for. No problem.

Honestly, in my opinion, that would actually endear me to you. All humans make assumptions. But where that assumption leads, would tell you how the relationship could go.

Sounds like the majority of women you have been with, haven't been all that great to begin with, as they made the wrong assumptions.

I however, would have made the assumption that you were sweet, maybe shy, and/or wanting to save yourself, and that is a HUGE plus for many women, especially those of us in middling years rather than young. (I can't believe I am 30!! EEK)

I hope I helped.

Any woman who thinks it's a BAD thing because you are a virgin, probably isn't the right one anyway.

So, how does the majority of women look at old male virgins?

I'm in my early 20's and I find that to be interesting. A really good thing to be exact. And I can only imagine that if you find the right woman she would really appreciate that. Just my two cents.

I think I could use some encouraging comments or thoughts.

Please explain the events leading to your need.

No particular events really. I just don't think I am making a lot of progress. So the mood is a bit down. Just hope for some positive thoughts and encouraging cheers.

Unfortunately this is not a social site or a blog - it's a Q and A site. I think the entire "women and virgins" subject has been covered.

Is there another issue? You aren't making progress - in what?

Unfortunately this is not a social site or a blog - it's a Q and A site. I think the entire "women and virgins" subject has been covered.

Is there another issue? You aren't making progress - in what?

I am trying to socialize more, meet new people that hopefully can result in that I will meet a woman to share my life with. But I don't feel like I'm very successful.

OK, you have a that this primarily is a Q&A site. Do you have any suggestion on a good and serious social site where I can go instead? I know many sites with low quality but no real good one.

No, I don't know a reliable ("meet people") site. I'm sure they are out there. I've heard both good and bad about all of them.

Have you tried "in person" places - social gatherings? I'm "into" cars and cruise nights, and I've met lots of potential partners there.

Got hobbies? Find out where people with the same hobby meet. Build a happy life and others will be attracted and want to hare that happiness. Get out in public and practice those social skills and get comfortable being around people and interacting with them.

You should donate some of your time at a hospital or an animal shelter. Basically a place where you will most likely meet upstanding people.

I know it's hard out there...

I wish you the best of luck.

So I have practiced quite a lot being social with women. I feel some progress but I am not there yet. I have consulted therapists and also so called dating coaches. I have managed getting 3 dates in 2 years. With one of them we had 3 dates before she ended it, with the other 2 everything ended after the first date.

Just looking for some encouragement I guess.

That sounds nornal... not all people you get dates with will work out... you might find things don't click on the first date or a number of dates after that. You pick up and move on when that happens. Eventually you meet that one when even after a long time dating everything is right for both people. That's when you get married. Until then its all about getting to know everything about each other.

Keep making progress and learning. Never dwell on rejection, always look to the next adventure.

OK. A good start. I hope I do not offend anyone on this, but dating is just math... a matter of numbers... I was divorced a couple years ago.. So I started dating. Take a look at what I look like on my Facebook. I am old. Grey hair, fat. I have a bad eye, a limp and my left arm is scared from dozes of cuts.

Get the idea. Not the strong manly man... so to speak.

I had at least one date a week. Sometimes two. I did it by asking people out. Maybe just for coffee or something simple. First dates should never be too long and too complicated.

I did not keep a log book, but maybe 5 out of 6 dates, the first date was all there was. So anytime you get a second date, that means, there was at least some interest on the first date.
So you were showing good progress

You just have to understand, that you may ask 10 girls out, to only get 1 or 2 dates. And it is a on going process.