Oonaka
Nov 16, 2012, 07:51 AM
Hi everyone,
Gosh I feel like such a crazy person writing on the internet for help - but I really need some objective, non biased advice. It's going to take me a while to write everything down so bare with me.. I thank you so much for your patience if you manage to get to the end of this!
So I met a guy last Christmas and we totally hit it off. Like nothing before, both in our thirties, out after a wedding one night and were inseparable for days after that. I had promised a friend I would go away for NYE so had to say goodbye to him for a few days. But those few days were so perfect. The first night we met we just clicked, both so comfortable, relaxed and real. We spent the followign day strolling through the city in our wedding clothes, joking that we would buy this house or that house and then spent the afternoon sitting closely by a fire in a lovely hotel. That night he called and said let keep this going and head to dinner - it was just so easy - I thought I was floating. We had the loveliest night together later that night - we were both so exhausted we fell into bed like innocent 10 year olds who had played too much and peacefully fell asleep.
Anyway then I went away for NYE - he was having some sibling/family trouble at the time, his brother wasn't behaving and was a little unwell. He called first morning I was away and said that he really missed me waking up, he just missed talking to me, he was worried about his brother and he wished I was there to discuss it I guess. I remember on the phone I flinched inside and knew I was in trouble. I think I remember saying gently to him, please don't say things like that unless you mean them (I realised at that point, I had fallen so hard and saw real scope to get hurt). I have add here that I'm not girl who meets guys and falls for them all the time, far from it. That's why I guess this has jolted me so much. It was so real, yet so romantic and normal - that honestly I just thought, it's him, I have met the one, this is what it is supposed to be like.
Anyway the crux is - he lives half way around the world and he was just home to his extended family for Christmas. He's a really ambitious guy and is doing incredibly well where he is. Our first day together sitting by the hotel fire he got so enthusiastic, 'Oh my god you would love it there, you should move, come visit (I was flying somewhere in a few months time and he suggested I stop off on the way), and even he suggested meeting half way in Europe for a weekend a few weeks later as he was there for work.
So anyway - I got back from my NYE weekend away. He was very worried and preoccupied about his brother but I saw him that night. I was with a friend at home and he popped over with a bottle of wine, he was due to leave to go back around the world the next morning. I proceeded (out of character) to have a few glasses of wine, stupid and dangerous as I was dreading the next day so much. He ended up staying, there was an air of sadness about the evening - soft but very sad and then I go upset - stupid wine, and it ruined everything. But then again I can't regret it too much, he was leaving and just couldn't believe it. We didn't discuss anything about the future apart from the above, how could one, it seemed ridiculous as we had only met.
So anyway - I texted a few weeks later when booking my flight, and said if the offer still stood for a stopover I would - he wrote back that he wished he wasn't trying to find someone so much, and that the distance was just so great, that he really liked me but it probably wasn't a good idea. So I left it at that - devastated and said that I understood, how could it work.
So needless to say - I was a waste of space for a few months. I just had the biggest broken heart ever (still do). There hasn't been one day that I don't think about him 50 times, and more. I was just truly gutted and also a bit ashamed about my getting upset on the last night, it must have made him think that I was some sort of needy, silly girl, which I am not - I knew that for the first time in ages, I met someone I admired, respected and laughed with and also someone I really care about and that he's going to go.
Funny how the world works, about 3/4 months later I got a call that I had to meet a work person where he lives for work. So I thought wow, this is strange, is this crazy fate. Clearly it sort of became all consuming then, as I was going to see him again. I flew over (so this is about 5 months after we met) - to meet this very senior guy for work stuff, truth is the whole thing was very surreal, this particular guy wanted me to work on a big deal there, it was all very flattering and exciting. So a week or so before I left I contacted him by text (first time since) and said that I would be there for a few days and that it would be nice to see him. It was perfect, I was to call him when I arrived. Which I did, after a horribly long flight. I called from the hotel just before I had to leave to go to dinner (with the boss guy) and we had our first chat since Christmas. I mentioned my phone wasn't working there and he said, oh no problem he would bring a spare so that we could be in touch all weekend. He agreed we would all meet after dinner, his colleague and mine, him and me. I thought perfect the others can chat and we can chat and it won't be too intense. So dinner was fine, we headed to him afterwards. The boss guy was pretty excited and kept ordering drinks, I was so jetlagged that all I wanted was to head back as I wanted to be fresher when we met. But he arrived (he had said on the phone that I should go to a party with him at a friends that night but I was just to exhausted), he said he would go to the party for a few minutes as he had to show his face and then call over to me at my hotel. So I headed back to the hotel with my colleague, called to say I was back safe and feel into bed. Next morning I woke up, god not knowing where I was at all! I called him to see what had happened the night before, he told me he had come over and called my room a million times and no response. Then I noticed the phone off the hook, I either knocked it or didn't put it back previously the night before. He seemed rather peeved and I was so embarrassed. I have my suspicions as to why.
So anyway I called him later on that day and he had plans that evening - so we arranged to meet for lunch the next day. I was pretty upset with myself for screwing up on the first night. Honestly it shames to say - but I wonder if he thinks I jumped into bed with my colleague - which of course I would never do, but you can see why he could think that - why didn't she pick up the phone.
We said we would be in touch at noon for lunch the next day, he never called, I thinking he thought the above, was too shy or ashamed to call so I figured he was just being polite asking me to lunch and he didn't really want to meet at all. So after no call the next morning, I emailed him and apologised, he said for nothing and not to worry, but why didn't a call about lunch. I said I thought he was so annoyed and though the was supposed to call me. So a further comedy in our comedy or errors. I said I would love to take him for something to eat (my last night) and he said had to stay at home for a work call and did I want to come over to his house after my work dinner. So I did, and really it was so wonderful to see him. But I knew at that point everything had been such a disaster that it was useless. We chatted naturally as we did before, but all the cock ups made it awkward. I had been offered a job there in the city over the weekend, I casually mentioned it and I bluffed and said I didn't know what I wanted to do when as he was looking at me in a strange tentative way.
Gosh I feel like such a crazy person writing on the internet for help - but I really need some objective, non biased advice. It's going to take me a while to write everything down so bare with me.. I thank you so much for your patience if you manage to get to the end of this!
So I met a guy last Christmas and we totally hit it off. Like nothing before, both in our thirties, out after a wedding one night and were inseparable for days after that. I had promised a friend I would go away for NYE so had to say goodbye to him for a few days. But those few days were so perfect. The first night we met we just clicked, both so comfortable, relaxed and real. We spent the followign day strolling through the city in our wedding clothes, joking that we would buy this house or that house and then spent the afternoon sitting closely by a fire in a lovely hotel. That night he called and said let keep this going and head to dinner - it was just so easy - I thought I was floating. We had the loveliest night together later that night - we were both so exhausted we fell into bed like innocent 10 year olds who had played too much and peacefully fell asleep.
Anyway then I went away for NYE - he was having some sibling/family trouble at the time, his brother wasn't behaving and was a little unwell. He called first morning I was away and said that he really missed me waking up, he just missed talking to me, he was worried about his brother and he wished I was there to discuss it I guess. I remember on the phone I flinched inside and knew I was in trouble. I think I remember saying gently to him, please don't say things like that unless you mean them (I realised at that point, I had fallen so hard and saw real scope to get hurt). I have add here that I'm not girl who meets guys and falls for them all the time, far from it. That's why I guess this has jolted me so much. It was so real, yet so romantic and normal - that honestly I just thought, it's him, I have met the one, this is what it is supposed to be like.
Anyway the crux is - he lives half way around the world and he was just home to his extended family for Christmas. He's a really ambitious guy and is doing incredibly well where he is. Our first day together sitting by the hotel fire he got so enthusiastic, 'Oh my god you would love it there, you should move, come visit (I was flying somewhere in a few months time and he suggested I stop off on the way), and even he suggested meeting half way in Europe for a weekend a few weeks later as he was there for work.
So anyway - I got back from my NYE weekend away. He was very worried and preoccupied about his brother but I saw him that night. I was with a friend at home and he popped over with a bottle of wine, he was due to leave to go back around the world the next morning. I proceeded (out of character) to have a few glasses of wine, stupid and dangerous as I was dreading the next day so much. He ended up staying, there was an air of sadness about the evening - soft but very sad and then I go upset - stupid wine, and it ruined everything. But then again I can't regret it too much, he was leaving and just couldn't believe it. We didn't discuss anything about the future apart from the above, how could one, it seemed ridiculous as we had only met.
So anyway - I texted a few weeks later when booking my flight, and said if the offer still stood for a stopover I would - he wrote back that he wished he wasn't trying to find someone so much, and that the distance was just so great, that he really liked me but it probably wasn't a good idea. So I left it at that - devastated and said that I understood, how could it work.
So needless to say - I was a waste of space for a few months. I just had the biggest broken heart ever (still do). There hasn't been one day that I don't think about him 50 times, and more. I was just truly gutted and also a bit ashamed about my getting upset on the last night, it must have made him think that I was some sort of needy, silly girl, which I am not - I knew that for the first time in ages, I met someone I admired, respected and laughed with and also someone I really care about and that he's going to go.
Funny how the world works, about 3/4 months later I got a call that I had to meet a work person where he lives for work. So I thought wow, this is strange, is this crazy fate. Clearly it sort of became all consuming then, as I was going to see him again. I flew over (so this is about 5 months after we met) - to meet this very senior guy for work stuff, truth is the whole thing was very surreal, this particular guy wanted me to work on a big deal there, it was all very flattering and exciting. So a week or so before I left I contacted him by text (first time since) and said that I would be there for a few days and that it would be nice to see him. It was perfect, I was to call him when I arrived. Which I did, after a horribly long flight. I called from the hotel just before I had to leave to go to dinner (with the boss guy) and we had our first chat since Christmas. I mentioned my phone wasn't working there and he said, oh no problem he would bring a spare so that we could be in touch all weekend. He agreed we would all meet after dinner, his colleague and mine, him and me. I thought perfect the others can chat and we can chat and it won't be too intense. So dinner was fine, we headed to him afterwards. The boss guy was pretty excited and kept ordering drinks, I was so jetlagged that all I wanted was to head back as I wanted to be fresher when we met. But he arrived (he had said on the phone that I should go to a party with him at a friends that night but I was just to exhausted), he said he would go to the party for a few minutes as he had to show his face and then call over to me at my hotel. So I headed back to the hotel with my colleague, called to say I was back safe and feel into bed. Next morning I woke up, god not knowing where I was at all! I called him to see what had happened the night before, he told me he had come over and called my room a million times and no response. Then I noticed the phone off the hook, I either knocked it or didn't put it back previously the night before. He seemed rather peeved and I was so embarrassed. I have my suspicions as to why.
So anyway I called him later on that day and he had plans that evening - so we arranged to meet for lunch the next day. I was pretty upset with myself for screwing up on the first night. Honestly it shames to say - but I wonder if he thinks I jumped into bed with my colleague - which of course I would never do, but you can see why he could think that - why didn't she pick up the phone.
We said we would be in touch at noon for lunch the next day, he never called, I thinking he thought the above, was too shy or ashamed to call so I figured he was just being polite asking me to lunch and he didn't really want to meet at all. So after no call the next morning, I emailed him and apologised, he said for nothing and not to worry, but why didn't a call about lunch. I said I thought he was so annoyed and though the was supposed to call me. So a further comedy in our comedy or errors. I said I would love to take him for something to eat (my last night) and he said had to stay at home for a work call and did I want to come over to his house after my work dinner. So I did, and really it was so wonderful to see him. But I knew at that point everything had been such a disaster that it was useless. We chatted naturally as we did before, but all the cock ups made it awkward. I had been offered a job there in the city over the weekend, I casually mentioned it and I bluffed and said I didn't know what I wanted to do when as he was looking at me in a strange tentative way.