Had one night stand and called weeks later saying she's pregnant and I'm the father. She moved to Texas shortly after telling me. She returned, came to my job with the kid already 2 at the time then contacted my wife on a social site to tell her I have a 3yr old daughter with her. I asked for paternity tests a few times and she still hasn't agreed yet. I don't have any info on her and I don't want to hurt my girl again by asking her to find her and contact again. I feel she's refusing, what should/can I do?

What you should have done as follow-up and file for joint custody as soon as the child was born. But I'm gathering that you were just as happy to not have to deal with it at the time.

If she bothers you, get a restraining order. If she goes to court for child support, demand a paternity test.

Thanks for responding ScottGem, I will do. However, should I have to wait for her to suit for child support to find out cause I really want to know. If I am, my wife thinks I should be part of her life. Why doesn't the mother feel this way and my wife whose hurt behind this mess does?

Thanks for responding ScottGem, I will do. However, should I have to wait for her to suit for child support to find out cause I really want to know. If I am, my wife thinks I should be part of her life. Why doesn't the mother feel this way and my wife whose hurt behind this mess does?

No, If you want to force the issue, then file for custody. You can file for joint legal custody and visitation. The problem with doing that is, as I understand it, you don't know where she is. This means you may have hire a PI to find and serve her with a summons.

As to why your wife feels the way she does, its not a legal question, but it means she's a standup person who cares more about the child than her feelings. You don't make it clear whether you were married to her at the time of the one night stand. If you were then it makes your wife even a more remarkable person and someone you should do everything in your power to keep.

18 years together, 11 married. The child is almost 4. I am bending over backwards for my wife. I messed up horribly and feel like I can never make it up to her. It's being thrown in my face a lot, I guess so I'd feel the way she does. Idk! But thanks for your response man.

18 years together, 11 married. The child is almost 4. I am bending over backwards for my wife. I messed up horribly and feel like I can never make it up to her. It's being thrown in my face a lot, I guess so I'd feel the way she does. Idk! But thanks for your response man.

I hate to be harsh but you NEVER can make this up. The best you can hope for is to put it behind you and move on. Even if the child isn't yours the fact that it might be represents a betrayal to your wife.

But I believe it is possible to move on from something like this. It does require extraordinary people and effort, but its possible.

The bottom line here is the child. The child was not a party to this and she shouldn't be used as a pawn or object of revenge. The mother was, apparently, a willing participant and should also put the best interests of the child at the forefront. So that means you being a father supporting her financially and emotionally.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Yes Sir
Indeed I will. Thanks again!

I am in your same situation but I am the Wife. It is going to take a long time to get over, and will never be forgotten. We are going through the DNA test now... when the storm hits is when your love is tested. Hopefully you NEVER make that mistake again, I pray that I am never going to regret staying, I'm sure your wife feels the same way.

As far as the other woman, if she was a real woman than she would just be about the business of the child and nothing more. The fact that she has the nerve to contact your wife but will not agree to a DNA test is obsurd. Good luck. And remember, YOU ARE NOT YOUR MISTAKE. I think it is so wild how a woman can have a one night stand with a man knowing that he has a family and when she does get knocked up, expect the "sperm doner" to be there...

I think it is so wild how a woman can have a one night stand with a man knowing that he has a family and when she does get knocked up, expect the "sperm doner" to be there....

Really?

First a sperm donor is someone who donates their sperm to a sperm bank to help infertile couples. A man who has sex with a woman is not a sperm donor.

Second, the man has a part in this too. The man knows that having sex can result in a child. So I see little wrong in ANY woman expecting the man who impregnates her to, at least, financially support HIS child.