Hello Everyone,
This my first time on this site and it has helped me just by reading the comments that you gave to others. Everyone's situation is a little different so I decided to sign up. Three weeks ago my girlfriend who I lived with for 5 years told me that she needed time and

Space. We broke up 1 time about 2 years ago but reconciled about 4 months after and have been together ever since. Last time we broke up I almost immediately started seeing another woman. I know it's not right but at the time it helped. She was so

Heartbroke that she almost had a nervous breakdown. Well this time I decided to take it like a man and deal with all of the pain and emotions and I am literally dying inside and she is actually taking it a lot better. She still misses me and I know it hurts her. I have

Lost 10 pounds the first two weeks that I didn't really have to lose in the first place. All I think about is her all day. I poured my heart out which was probably a mistake, and now I am taking advice that I have read. Leave her alone! It is so hard but it's what I am doing.

A few days after we broke up I got 2 tickets to a concert which happens to be an artist that we both like so I asked her to go and she said yes. The concert is tomorrow but I did not call her because of the "leave her alone clause" but she called me yesterday so I brought

The concert up. She kind of acted like she was really unsure about going and asked if my new room mate would want to go instead. Already assuming this may happen I asked him and he does not want to go and I told her that. So she said OK I'll go. Should I take her and if I do how should I act. I have moved some of my stuff out but she told me that I

Don't have to move everything out right now as it is her house. She says she's not looking for anyone she just needs time. I have other questions and more details but this is an immediate concern as the concert is tomorrow. This goes against the leave her alone advise but she agreed to go. Help!!

So she said OK I'll go. Should I take her and if I do how should I act.
Since she has accepted you have little choice but to go, and leave the heavy stuff at home, and show her what a fun date you are, and make sure she has the time of her life.

I say just go... hell you bought the ticket. Don't waste it, then go back to your clause. In a similar state and my story is on this board too.

You initiated already, just looks so not smooth imo. You're a Gentleman, be one, you bought the tickets, then go, just don't be so down and what not. Show that you are having fun, it may hurt. You at least you showed her you got what it takes.

I don't think you should have asked her to this concert, it was obvious by telling you to ask your roommate she doesn't really want to go but she still might to be nice, if she's "wanted a break" twice now, how many more times will it happen. I think your idea last time of seeing someone was a better idea.

If you do end up going to this concert with her, if she shows, just act like friends and don't bring up going out all night long. Just see where it goes.

I don't know, those are my thoughts, others may disagree.

Hi there, what a terrible situation to be in and I undestand how hurt you must be. I'm also going through a painful situation with someone close too. Did you get any idea this was going to happen when she needed some space? Did she give any reasons at the time? I know how hard it is to keep going and stay busy when you're so upset. It would prob be best to find someone else to go with to the concert - if you remind her again she might feel that you're trying to pressurise her into getting back together before she's resolved whatever issue is really bothering her. Good luck :)

Ouch! I think since you invited her already you are obligated to take her, but ditch the idea of this being a date or step one to another reconciliation. Go to the show, drop her off at home, call the guys and go out afterward or the next night to get your mind off her. Keep it casual and try to remember, she is the one who asked for "space", so leave it up to her to bring up the subject of possibly getting back together later on, but in the meantime, LIVE! Do all the things you used to do as a single guy, or take up some new hobbies. People tend to lose themselves in long term relationships. So don't spend your time pining for her, spend it rebuilding yourSELF. She will probably see how different you are and want to be with you again and by then you will not have the interest in going back. Hang in there, it does get better.

Thanks for the advice. My friends tell me that I need to quit being so predictable. She and I have been going to the same neighborhood pub for years as we have many mutual friends. We basically go once a week and hang out with our friends and blow off a little

Steam. She is 44 and I am 41. She was in there last Friday night and I purposely did not get there until late. I called my friend as I always do when I am on the way there and she knows I call him as well. When he hung up the phone she asked him if it was me calling

And he said yes that I would be there in about 20 minutes. She asked him if I said where I was and he said no. She also said that she was going to leave before I arrived there. When I did arrive she was there she was still there. I eventually went to her and gave her

A hug and started to walk off and she asked where I had been. I told her I was just making the rounds and continued to walk off. I could tell by the look on her face that she was worried to some degree over where I had been. She also told a girlfriend of ours twice in the span of 5 minutes that I didn't arrive until really late. She asks for time and

Space yet when she knew I was on my way she still stayed. I have to make her emotions come alive as mine are. Should I stay away from this place and just drop off the radar for a while? It has a lot of my friends there which I get some sort of comfort in, but it is really

Difficult for me to be there when she is and us basically acting like we don't know each other. Her emotions were coming alive when I wasn't where she thought I should have been. If I didn't show the whole night I think it would have really made her think that

Much more. She probably had a great relief when I arrived alone. Sometime it all seems like one big game to me. Also thank you so much for your responses. I really love her with all my heart. I am just trying to make all the right moves to not lose her and get her back asap. She broke my heart into pieces and each piece is still loving her.

Did you not already post a similar question already? Have I not answered this before?

Just curious.

Hello Everyone,
This my first time on this site and it has helped me just by reading the comments that you gave to others. Everyones situation is a little different so I decided to sign up. Three weeks ago my girlfriend who I lived with for 5 years told me that she needed time and

space. We broke up 1 time about 2 years ago but reconciled about 4 months after and have been together ever since. Last time we broke up I almost immediately started seeing another woman. I know it's not right but at the time it helped. She was so

heartbroke that she almost had a nervous breakdown. Well this time I decided to take it like a man and deal with all of the pain and emotions and I am literally dying inside and she is actually taking it a lot better. She still misses me and I know it hurts her. I have

lost 10 pounds the first two weeks that I didn't really have to lose in the first place. All I think about is her all day. I poured my heart out which was probably a mistake, and now I am taking advice that I have read. Leave her alone! It is so hard but it's what I am doing.

A few days after we broke up I got 2 tickets to a concert which happens to be an artist that we both like so I asked her to go and she said yes. The concert is tomorrow but I did not call her because of the "leave her alone clause" but she called me yesterday so I brought

the concert up. She kinda acted like she was really unsure about going and asked if my new room mate would want to go instead. Already assuming this may happen I asked him and he does not want to go and I told her that. So she said ok I'll go. Should I take her and if I do how should I act. I have moved some of my stuff out but she told me that I

don't have to move everything out right now as it is her house. She says she's not looking for anyone she just needs time. I have other questions and more details but this is an immediate concern as the concert is tomorrow. This goes against the leave her alone advise but she agreed to go. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You should go to the concert because you both agreed already BUTT!! I do agree with the Leave Her Alone thing. When you go to the concert-just treat her like a friend-Kill her with Kindness-this really works in the long run if you stick to it. Treat her as if it is your first date. After that-Leave her alone-that is what she asked for give it to her other wise you will push her away. Do not show her you are hurting, do not pour your heart to her right now. Put sticky notes all over your house and your car to remind you to leave her alone. It sounds crazy but it really helps. She will either move on or start to wonder what you are doing and come around but when she does be elusive and like I said kill her with kindness. Stay busy and keep her on her toes. You don't know what you've got till it's gone and you won't know unless you go.

Well you cannot very well keep going on the course you have took already.. life is short why don't you start meeting other people that enjoy what you do?
The game of playing standoff to me seems childish.. as well as the I need space game... I say move on and find someone who knows what they want in life and is truly ready for commitment.
Give her those tickets I certainly would if I was you and tell her to feel free to do as she pleases.. tell her you are moving on now

GO TO THE CONCERT - BE THE FUN GUY!! NO TOUGH QUESTIONS.

Then leave her alone - you do not iniate any contact for several months.

She just called 10 minutes ago and asked if we were still going to the concert. I told her yes and she asked what time are you picking me up. I also asked her if she wanted to hit a drive through on the way and she said we could just get something once we got there. I know I shouldn't have asked her a couple of weeks ago, but I did. I know I could still back out, but I want just one more time with her to show her how much fun we can have together. I will keep it on a friend basis unless she decides to take charge. It's been 3 weeks today since our break-up and I still love her so much. My life could be normal again with just a few words from her. It's really a helpless feeling.

Be the fun guy - go - laugh. Do not bring up anything about the relationship!! At all. Laugh. Rememebr to smile - whe nshe gets in your car smile!! Smile like everuthing is OK and cool with you.

REMOVE THE Pressure TO NIGHT.

NO DUMB QUESTIONS.

ONLY if she brings up the relationshp - just please - one favor - lets just have fun tonight... no tough questions.

Be the guy you were when oyu first met.

Your goal is to remove all Pressure!! No more pressure.

Pressure is what drives women away.

Thanks MJ... you've brought so much joy into my life over the years and now here you are trying to help me on a personal level. Tinsign I know eventually I know that I will have to take your advice but my heart and soul is not there yet. MISSk I will try the post it

Note thing, hell I'll try anything to help ease the pain at this point. For the rest of you it's all great advice, but I am going to and be the fun guy. I feel if she really down deep didn't want to go she would have flat out told me. She is playing my emotions and I don't know

Why. She is really a great girl and she is worth trying for. I'll keep it cool tonight and not be down at all even though I know this may be our last time to be together for ever. Then tomorrow I will let her go. Mutual friends tell me to hang in there because she still loves me.

Good luck :) I really do feel for you...

Thanks to all of your for your advice. I really feel like I have new found friends. All it took was a little of your personal time to make a huge difference in a persons life. I intend to fully return the favor to others. In this world there are no strangers, just friends we have not met yet. Thanks Sarah for the vote of luck because I'll need it. I will let you all know tomorrow about the outcome of our night together. You all are great people!

Hi Guys,
We went to the concert and had a great time. When we got to her house about midnight I was dropping her off and she said I did not have to leave yet but she would be going to

Bed soon. So we went in and watched TV as she laid on the couch. She did have to go work today so I told her I was leaving in 5 minutes while I was sitting next to her rubbing her back. After a few minutes she said "lets go to bed because I'm tired. I told her I would

Love to hold her all night. As we got in bed I immediatedy held her for a few minutes then she wanted to make love. I had a hard time doing this if you know what I mean because my emotions were so high. She got upset because I was having a hard time and she started assuming I was guilty about something. I told her you just don't understand how

Emotional I am right now. I also told her that the last girl I was with is her. We eventually made love but it had no where the impact it could have had or should have had. How can I explain this to her and should I ask her to lunch today? Pleaser help as I know these are important issues.

Don't say anything. Trust me. Let it go.

The soft sensitive type with all the questions and answers is what drove her away.

Just enjoy the thoughts of last night. You open your mouth and a whole can of worms will flow and you WILL be back to where you were. Don't go back to where you were.

You're the fun guy!! Fun guy going forward for a long time. Mr. Sensitive WILL push her away.

Going forward - have her call you more - wait for her to contact you. Seriously the #1 problem most guys get into that come here is OVER communicating - e-mails, cell phone calls, text - all kill relationships.

Wasn't last night over all really great? What you wanted?

Lay low now and be cool - don't be needy. Let her miss you a little bit now.

Be the fun guy!!

DID WILDCAT STEER YOU WRONG??

Keep cool and relax. Do not bring it up. Fun guy.

No you steered me in the total right direction last night. She told me that she had a good time. When I got to her house I left my truck running in the driveway and walked her in.

With my truck running she knew I was leaving and that is when she said that I didn't have to leave just yet. If I had lunch with her I wanted to explain about the sex thing last night and how much my emotions were involved. I don't want her to think I am doing

Someone because I promised her at the beginning of the break up that I wouldn't do that. Could it possibly be good for me to make her wonder? She also made a comment that I

Didn't try to hold her hand and I told her that I was not sure if that is what you wanted me to do. She said she adways had to make the first move in the past but she was not doing it last night. Come to think of it she made the move for me to stay.

A lot of great advice has been given here. Now your biggest challenge is clearing your head:

1) You had fun at concert. Nothing HEAVY.

2) Her last memory of you (the one she will lbe living with) will be 100% positive.
**Note, because you had sex, I would respond in a short positive way,
and let her still see you can live without her, but respect her.

3) NOW WALK AWAY.

4) SHE WILL FIND YOU if she wants to go another round.

5) All the burden of responsibility is gone. It's all on her. Enjoy that.

If you give her time and she comes back it will be GREAT. If she does not, you know it was not to be and *you will have saved yourself from divorce proceedings (10x worse than any break-up) years down the road.

Enjoy, and raise a lighter for me.

Yep.

I can't imagine how your night would have gone if you kept brining up the relationship and how YOU feel - and why you can't be together - blah, blah, blah

She would have gone home and you would never have seen her again.

Should I leave a note or a short phone call being as sex was involved ?

No - lay low - be cool. Wait for her to call you. Be busy. Quit rushing things. I'd wait a day or two if she doesn't call. Do not contact her today. Make her guess a little bit - keep her on her toes - make her miss - she will love you for it! Seriously - you're always in her face and she will run.

(for the love of good I hope you haven't already)

No I have not contacted her or left her a note. You're saying if she don't contact me in the next day or two that I should contact her? If so than what should I say to her?

Yeah - just be cool about this.

Say HI!! I had great time the other night!! It was a lot of FUN (you're the fun guy)... mention something fun that happened that night. Tell her how GREAT it was to hold her. TEASE HER!! TEASE!! "You're actualy fun to go out with!!"

See - let HER talk - women talk 70% OF THE CONVERSATION AnYWAY - GUYS DON'T GET THAT.

You really think she wants Mr. Sensitive. Mr. Sensitive almost couldn't have sex. Evict Mr. Sensitive.

AGAIN - no women wants Mr. Sensitive - needy guy.

Wildcat, She just called me and asked if I was still at the house so I could do something for her. I was able to tell her what I wanted to about last night and she totally understood everything. The wheels are rolling in the right direction. So at this point just leave her alone right? Your advise has been priceless.

You do have other things in your life to tend to don't you? You aren't just sitting by the phone are you? If you are get busy with a life. The less you say the better.

Lonely Guy,

Your work is DONE. You survived.

Now leave it ALLLL on her.

Any violations, errands, calls, texts, drop-bys inside of 3 months will downgrade your man-stock. Enjoy your freedom.

DO NADA!! (You gain control by relinquishing control)

All I have to say is you absolutely should not have gone inside last night-what happened to all the great advice we gave you. In my opinion, YES it is healthy for you to make her wonder. Remember she is the one that told you she needed space so give it to her. Stand up for yourself, regain some control or you will be right back where you started.

Where are your post its? I think you should not have any contact with her what-so-ever for at least a week. I have been in this very same situation-make her wonder and want you again-the way it was before. Then you can work on the details.

Ugfhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Be busy. You don't always have to answer the phone. You can be busy - you don't always have to do things for..

This isn't a game either. It's about having balanace in your. Balance is key

WHY on earth keep bringing up the tough stuff all the time. QUIT IT!!

This is part of having a spine. You shouldn't always have to run to the phone when she calls. It also shows you have a life and your life doesn't revolve around her ever.

GO SLOW!! There's no rush here - she'll appreciate that.

Ash - good stuff.

I think it was great he went inside. They had not been together for a while.

See - and the women here are going to kill me - women love drama!! Love drama. You be all boring and predictable and be there for her and she will lose interest quickly.

See - and the women here afre going to kill me - women love drama!!!
I got news, not just women love drama. Men come with their own version of drama too. Some men. Some women. In fact, you only need look at how some of the posts are "styled" here to see some male drama in action. LOL Lots of repeated letters, over use of certain punctuation, regular use of all caps for emphasis. Hmm? Time to realise this is one man's personal prejudice. :p

(And you were doing so good there for a while, WC)

I can only state that though I haven't necessarily agreed with everything that WildCat has had to say it is my experience that every prediction, analysis and hypothesis he has made has been dead-on balls accurate...

Val - I agree... I get caught up it in a lot!!

Progress? One of the things she always tried to get me to do is to sing karaoke. She has asked me on numerous occasions to sing. Well the "fun guy" started singing on Sunday

And I surprised many friends. I told her at the concert that I started singing and she was a little upset for a minute. Told her maybe she can hear me one night and she said she

Didn't want to (playing hardball). Anyway, last night I went to sing with a friend that does karaoke. After that I went to my hangout to sing. When I got inside she was there. I went

And picked out my song and waited. After I sang she called me over to her and hugged me and told me that she was proud of me and it sounded really good. So she did hear me

Sing after all. I told her that I had to leave because it was getting late and I had to work. She said "I Love You" and I left. She also called 15 minutes after I left and I DIDN'T answer. She

Left a message just making sure I got home OK. Ever since the concert things really have changed. I've followed your advice and it's really making a huge difference. Do you all think this is a smoke screen or am I really making progress??

Oh, she also told me when I sang it brought tears to her eyes.

No it's sincere... BUT - don't rush this... GO SLOW!

It sounds like you're in.

Understand now about being the fun guy?? No pressure. No dumbass relationship questions.

Don't go rushing to call her... that cal lalso may have been kind of a booty - call be it's GREAT you didn't answer.

Right now you don't and shouldn't talk with her every day.

Did I remind you to go slow??

A lot of guys don't get this - but it's an old show business tactic...

LEAVE THEM WANTING MORE!

Always - I bet every gal here will agree with this.

I agree with wildcat-See it's working. Doesn't it feel good? I definitely think you are making progress. I have been in this exact situation. My boyfriend of eleven years had told me he needed space on several occasions and finally after all the temptations I had, I finally put my foot down and left him alone and I did all of the things everyone here is telling you to do and he finally realized he didn't like the games anymore and wanted to grow up and have a relationship. Like wildcat says go slow-you are making her see you in a different way and she is going to respect you for that. Hope this helps and makes sense.

It most definitely males total sense. I would love to talk to her but I will not call. She told me she may go out of town to visit her mom and sister as she took today and tomorrow off. This could be good for me as they both really like me. She also has time alone at the house this week as her daughters are out of town with their dad for spring break. It does feel good that things are changing and I will stick to my guns. I still feel empty inside even with the changes for the better. She has not attempted to contact today and hopefully she is really thinking about the "fun guy" and how she misses him.

Evict the serious and sensitive guy - and then that stuff won't matter - she'll love you for it!

Yep - leave her be - let her ENJOY time with her Mom and sister. That's important too AND if show and respect that... well she will come flying back. Let her have some fun on her own - BUT you must have fun away from her as well. Balance and boundries for now.

I want to take the time to thank you all for helping me to this point. I know its not over yet, but at least it's going in the right direction. Wildcat, you have one hell of a friend. I've

Been dealing with this break-up for three weeks and it's very painful. With you guys to talk to it really does help, not to mention the awesome advice. I hope to be able to write

To all uf you one day soon and say "WE WON". I will never forget all of you and I will start helping others on this site to kind of pay it forward. It is a miserable spot to be in and I can see how some people can go off the deep end. Once again, THANKS.

I have something that I don't quite understand. Last night I went to sing karaoke and when I was done I was going to go my regular hang out to be with my friends. I was

Informed by a phone call that she was there. She and I have gone there for years together but if she needs space why does she go to a place that I will more than likely be

At? I know she has friends there as well but her needing time away from me does not make sense to me. What's up with this?

Wha tdo you think? Yes.

Make her pursue you... women sometimes need the chase - the challenge.

Let her contact you. If you wait - you will hear from her.

I know she has friends there as well but her needing time away from me does not make sense to me. What's up with this?
You still have stuff at her house? This is not over. She just wants to see if you'll show up where you know she is. Who called anyway, your friend or hers?

One of my best friends called me. She became friends with him through me a couple of years ago. He is usually who I mostly hang out with when I am there, and now her as

Well. She was there when I got there the night before last which was the night after the concert and I went in to sing anyway. She once again went last night but I didn't go just to stay away from her. Should I go even though she is there?

Not every time. Be mysterious. Be busy. If your always there she can't miss you.

The other thing I wonder about is when I am in there with her do I ignore her, talk to her briefly or hold a conversation if she seems to want to talk? I am going to be the fun guy either way but how do I handle this situation?

I say just talk to her like she is your friend just like you would any of your other close friends. Kill her with kindness. It will make you mysterious and she will be attracted to that, but you are still being nice to her at the same time so she can't get upset with you. It will drive her kind of crazy and make her want to be with you even more. The ball is in your court now. Keep it there for a while. Trust me, she is not going anywhere-she said she needed space and to me it is just game playing. Your friends already confirmed to you that she loves you and you already knew that anyway so just keep being the fun guy for a while and save the serious stuff for a little later. That's just my opinion!

I don't like games or tests. I would go about my life and let her call me. When you run into her be polite but busy. Once you start playing games that's exactly what you'll get. Now if she wants to hold a real mature conversation about how to work together for the benefit of you both we can talk.

I'm not saying play games, but that is what it is about right now-she chose this game. That is why she told him she wanted space in the first place. Almost like she wants her cake and eat it too. I am just saying don't give her the cake. I agree with talaniman but when you are at the same place talk to her just don't pour yourself out there.

This isn'y games - it's just changing gthe way you approach things.

Games are like flirting wit hother people in front of her. Her throwing a temper tamtrum.

Yes it is actually playing a game at this point and my best chance to win is to be the happy guy and give her the space she asked for. It is very uncomfortable for me to be in our

Hang out together and yet we are not together. She told me the other night when we were in there "you sure have been going out a lot". Don't know why that concerns her because she

Is the one that wanted space from me. Not too sure what or why she made that comment but I am going there a lot to help keep my mind occupied and to where I can get

Exhausted so I can actually sleep when I get home. I don't like games either Talaniman but it's where I am at with her and I love her enough to do it for a while - - I just need

You alls help to win. Great advice Missk. That is exactly how I have been handling it so far and everything seems to be slowly working.

Makes sense Wildcat it just feels like a game at times.

She is keeping a close eye on you. Don't sweat just get busy with your own issues, AND GIVE HER WHAT SHE ASKED FOR.

Wildcat, what's your advice on how to treat her when we are at our hangout at the same time. Missk's advice sounded pretty good. Or is it best to just try to stay away from there

And make her wonder because we have been there together probably over 50 times. We have our spot where we hang out with our friends. It has to bother her when I am not

There because it makes her miss me and also wonders where I am at. What do you think?

Just for now :) I mean to me that is not the kind of game I am thinking about Wildcat (flirting, and tantrums). When I say game I am talking about like you said the way you approach it-it is a game, but you are also growing and learning from this experience and it is going to make you a stronger person whether you work things out with her in the future or are with someone else. Thanks for seeing it from my point as well Lost Guy-considering I am not an expert or anything-I have just been there done that.

Well said Talinman. Also Missk sounds like you've been there and done that and have a T-shirt torove it.

Missk put it perfectly. That's why I did not jump on that.

See I kind of look at relationship you have to be her friend 80% of the time - make her laugh always, tease her (tease her karaoke)... talk. Don't bring up the relationshp - especially now. NO Pressure. Did I say make her laugh? Treat her like one of the guys - she'll love you for it.

20% is romance.

Well after the concert on Tuesday and karaoke on Wed there was no contact on Thurs or Fri. I brought my friend to my hang out as his car is in the shop. I was leaving to go to another place and as I walked out the door there she was coming in. We talked a little and I gave her an extra long hug on purpose to see if she would embrace that long as well and she did. She asked where I was going and I told her I was going to watch our favorite band play. She said OK and we kissed once and I was gone. I had to go back there later to pick my friend up. Well I returned around 12:30 with the drummers wife that followed me there because she wanted to go. She is also friends with my girl. She was quizzing her on what I was doing over at the other place.I ended up dancing with(my girl) a couple of times and we hung out together and had a good time amongst our friendslike we always have. When it was time to go she asked me if I wanted to go to her house and I said OK but I just want to hold you and she said that's fine with her. So I brought my friend home and went to her house and that's exactly what we did. I know I probably shouldn't have gone there but I couldn't help it because I miss us so much. Why did she ask me to go there and then she probably won't contact me for no telling how long after?

It confuses and hurts me but at the same time it's worth it just to be able to hold her for one night. What do I need to do?

What do I need to do?

Get on with your life. This was only one night.

She is totally playing you. You have got to let go. Set a goal for yourself to stay away for at least a week. If you don't keep your goal then you can't even trust yourself. It is not worth it to hold her for one night if you are right back to where you started. Otherwise you wouldn't be asking the question "What do I need to do?" She has you right where she wants you. Is that what you want? Because if it is then fine, but if not, then you better put your foot down and do what you think is right. It doesn't matter if you had sex or just held each other-she's playing you-because you are so bothered right now. If you keep giving in every time you are not going to get stronger and gain the respect that you want and deserve. I am not sure what else to say at this point. Sometimes it is easier to get across by talking than typing.

Man honestly you should have held yourself back and this time you should have played hard to get Don't!! MAKE Yourself CONVIENTENT! For her she got what she needed! Now! Your back in the same process of waiting for her again play it cool now no touching!

It's a GAME! We all know these people still have feelings for us! They will always miss us! And they know they have us! Its hard for us but its time for all of us in this situation to flip the cards WE NEED TO PLAY OUR CARDS RIGHT NOW.



I really think people in a long relathiship minium 1yr +. They have to miss us... they do not as much as we miss them but they do... and we keep messin up because we always think they feel the same as we do... I got to try now so do you were all here it sucks but there's notthin wrong in trying to flip the GAME around

Hello Everyone,
This my first time on this site and it has helped me just by reading the comments that you gave to others. Everyones situation is a little different so I decided to sign up. Three weeks ago my girlfriend who I lived with for 5 years told me that she needed time and

space. We broke up 1 time about 2 years ago but reconciled about 4 months after and have been together ever since. Last time we broke up I almost immediately started seeing another woman. I know it's not right but at the time it helped. She was so

heartbroke that she almost had a nervous breakdown. Well this time I decided to take it like a man and deal with all of the pain and emotions and I am literally dying inside and she is actually taking it a lot better. She still misses me and I know it hurts her. I have

lost 10 pounds the first two weeks that I didn't really have to lose in the first place. All I think about is her all day. I poured my heart out which was probably a mistake, and now I am taking advice that I have read. Leave her alone! It is so hard but it's what I am doing.

A few days after we broke up I got 2 tickets to a concert which happens to be an artist that we both like so I asked her to go and she said yes. The concert is tomorrow but I did not call her because of the "leave her alone clause" but she called me yesterday so I brought

the concert up. She kinda acted like she was really unsure about going and asked if my new room mate would want to go instead. Already assuming this may happen I asked him and he does not want to go and I told her that. So she said ok I'll go. Should I take her and if I do how should I act. I have moved some of my stuff out but she told me that I

don't have to move everything out right now as it is her house. She says she's not looking for anyone she just needs time. I have other questions and more details but this is an immediate concern as the concert is tomorrow. This goes against the leave her alone advise but she agreed to go. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bless your heart babe.. just read your question how did it go at the concert.. are u OK.. love and hugs

OK I see that I am getting played. I don't know why she would do this to me. She knows that I am hurting and yet she still does this. Why? What do I do when she shows up to my hang out again?

Stop trying to figure out why. It does not matter why. We all have the why questions but sometimes they should not or can not be answered. In this case NO CONTACT. If she shows up at the hang out. Cold shoulder. Pretend she is not even there.

Joe

OK I see that I am getting played. I don't know why she would do this to me. She knows that I am hurting and yet she still does this. Why? What do I do when she shows up to my hang out again?

Be friendly polite and busy. The time for talk is over and now get some action in your game. No Contact and be busy with your own life. Don't waste time tryingto get answers as you are mostly to blame for your feelings being hurt. Trying to change someone else's mind to get what you want is a foolish waste of energy and can never work out the way you want it to.

I know what I need to do (no contact). I just can't understand how she could hurt and treat me this way after the years we've had together. Most of my stuff is still at her house

And I still have keys. Its been 4 weeks tomorrow. How much time should I give her? This is a living hell for me. Why can't I just forget it for a while and let some time pass? It's on

My mind all the time even after 4 weeks! Nothing I do is complete without her and that really bites. She handed me my heart back in pieces and each piece is still loving her. Why?

Love hurts... It is hard to understand... sometimes people just need a break for whatever reason... it is not you-it's her-it may have nothing to do with you... the more you accept this for what it is, the easier it will be for you... like your friends said she still loves you so just take a deep breath, relax, and don't ponder so much-stay bust.

People are selfish sometimes-it takes a step back to realize and evaluate your life-maybe this is what she is doing. So just keep on being the fun guy for a while-yes it's been four weeks but it was only a week or so you were with her. You haven't given her a chance to really miss you. Just be strong and remember these things take time. Just my opinion.

Great Advice MissK. What do you suggest I do when she shows up at my hang out? I've gotten mixed reviews thus far. I know that I need to let her miss me. But why does she continue to go to a place that I will probably be? Should I stop going there for a while? I have a few friends there that just hanging around with them helps me get through this to some degree.

Don't go where she goes then ;P

Honestly no contact helps so much! It helped me and I havet talked to her for two days! Haha you I know that's a little bit... but its such a relief! It will be so much eaiser on you if you don't even go to that hang out forget it! Don't go! Do your own thang... just like you I never gave my girl the chance to miss me... you've been through so much let her do what she's got to do... it hurts but its so much more easier w/ no contact listen to everyone were in this w/ you were basically on your side.. we don't know her, were going to tell you what we feel is right... I would basically not see her for lets say 3 weeks straight! If she calls or texts you make it short that's all! Don't be convienent for her at all!

And ask yourself question when you miss her...

Like if she's having fun why can't I?
If she's happy I should be to..


If you truly do love and care for her... let her be.. she's happy you should be too now... she will miss you no matter what others say they will you guys prob been through so much.. and its your turn to give her that space to miss you..

I agree with Jiser-don't go where she goes. The more time you spend away, the stronger you will be.

You might want to put your foot down. Go get all your stuff and just say I can't handle this anymore. I need to move on.

I know it's kind of an ultimatum... but you do need an answer, maybe closure.

This will also show having a spine and showing her you are more than willing to move on.

It seems right now she wants her cake and eat it to. It's not fair to you.

It's been a month. How much time is sufficient for this type of situation? Why does she keep my stuff at her house and lets me keep my keys to the house. I know I am going to have to put my foot down at some point, but have I given her enough time? We have not gone many days in a row without seeing each other since this started which hasn't really given her consecutive days to miss me. I want to feel that I did all I could before jumping the gun. How much more time should I give?

Personally - it's different for everyone. Obviously I don't know everything. But, I think it's getting to be time.

If you wait. Just don't go calling her or contacting her for now.

I'd go get my stuff though. It would give you a lot of your power back.

In response to putting your foot down,

All I can say is I did that same thing. It did feel like an ultimatum, but it made me feel better. Everyday it makes you feel a little better about yourself.

How do I respond to this. The money issue is money she took out of savings a long time age to catch up bills that I have that are in her name. I have been paying them on time for the last two years and have paid back $500 of the $1500 in the last month. What do I need to say. Its been a month today since we've broke up. She is continuing to leave me in limbo and I feel we could work our issues out together and not apart. This is an e-mail she sent me just now. Help me to reply please!


Hi, how's your day going? I had you on my mind so thought I would drop a
Line. I miss you but still need my time. Be patient. I am confused about
A lot of things and still angry at things. I still think about you
Oweing me money and again you haven't tried to give me any of it lately.
Why don't you just give me what you got from the car? And not giving it
To me all at once just makes me more angry. Or at least half of it. I
Took out 1500.00 all at one time for you, and me too I guess I had to,
To save my credit.
I just can't see how things will change that much in the future. I will
Become bored and resenting you again and you will get tired of me
Ing and whatever else bothers you about me. I'm sorry for the pain
I have caused you but I feel differently these days and have for a
While. I don't know what I want but do know I want my space.
Hope you understand. I do still love you but I am fighting it right now
And think that is what I need to do at this time. I want to call you so
Bad sometimes but I can't. Hope I didn't upset you again too much but I
Needed to vent.
Love...

This is where break-ups get really messy. When there is a co mingling of money, finances, and property, without the benefit of marriage. An argument can be made that all debts accrued during the relationship should be split, so more info is needed as to where this money went, and if it was indeed to your benefit this money was used for then you owe it. She doesn't want to work this out so continue to pay as you can since it will look better in a small claims court should she pursue it. Is this the only area of disagreement as far as money and finances go? Could there be offsets so far as property she took during the break-up? These are factors in mitigating any debts.

No, this is money she pulled out of her savings 2 years ago to catch up bills that was accrued for me to open a business but they are in her name and I have not attempted to pay it back and she's mad about it.The actual bills have been paid on time by me for the last 2 years. There is no issue that I owe it and am paying them off. She is trying to deal with our issues by herself. How should I handle this?

All I can say is WHY don't you pay her back??

You should never owe her money. This is a deal breaker at your age.

Quite honestly you should never OWE a women money. This sheds a lot of light on the situation.

Dude - quite honestly it doesn't sound like you have your SH++ together in her eyes. She needs a MAN!! Not a sponge. (sorry - but that's how she sees you).

Pay her back everything today. Then give her space. Give her a ton of space. This is such a deal breaker.

This money thing sheds way much more light on the situation. WHY haven't you paid he rback? She doesn't get it - I don't get. GET THIS MONEY ISSUE IN THE PAST!! It sounds like you have money and credit issues - that's your priority right now. And if you do you have no business being with a women with kids.

You need to pay her back today!

Total deal breaker. If you can't hear that in the e-mail

Yeah, pay her back and leave her a** alone. Seriously, leave her alone. I am beginning to think she is not worth the effort right now. She doesn't even like you right now so just give her the money and go on with your business. Once again she said I don't know what I want but I do want my space so get your stuff, pay her back, and focus on yourself and your happiness. You can be happy without her-it just takes time. Yeah you owe her money but if it were me, I would be really annoyed with her and that email-if she wants space then why is she still trying to talk to you? Unless you are bothering her... that second paragraph is really annoying-don't be sad be mad and leave her alone. I'm rambling... so I'll stop

You should have never borrowed the money in the first place. I see why she's not with you now. Women want a guy who can take care of them, not borrow money.

Pay her back today. All of it. Borrow from a family member or friend if you have to.

Don't go borrowing money from a lover - ever unless your married. Wow, that's just such huge deal breaker.

It sounds to me like you think this money thing is a game or something - like you hold something against her. WELL she resents you and DOES NOT RESPECT YOU AT ALL.

Pay her back and move on.

I know I am so wrong with the money issue but it's not totally like it sounds. The 2 years we've been back together I've spent a lot of moneyon her and her house. I've bought her a washer and dryer even though hers was not broke - they were just old and I wanted her

To have something nice. I've spent hundreds on home repairs and maintenance. I didn't mind doing these things because it was for her, but I should have paid her back first and then did these things. I also pay hundreds per month for electric, cable, gas, water, &

Phone as this was our arrangement. I have bought most of the groceries for her, her daughters, and myself. I've spent well over 1k and maybe up to 2k in just us going out partying in the last 2 years. I don't mind these things and I am not at all complaining, but

Things should have been handled differently especially in the partying and I should have been paying her instead. We love to go out together and hang out with our friends, but we should have cut way back. I am not making excuses as I know Iwas totally wrong. My

Priorities were not in the right place. I am off tomorrow and I will go hand the money personally. I feel so terrible about it and I wish I would have handled things differently. I go to work everyday and I pay all of my and her bills on time, I just neglected the most important one. I have not missed a day of work in years. I don't know why she has not asked me to get the rest of my things out of her house. Maybe she's just waiting for the money. I guess I'll find out tomorrow. I am a very loving man to her & I really treat her right other than this. We actually love each otherand are great together. I just really screwed this up and caused resentment and anger in her because I was a dumb a**. I will give her the money personally tomorrow as I am off and I will apologize then leave her alone. If I could turn back time I would. I have not seen or contacted her since Friday. She sent me a text yesterday morning that sais " Good Morning have a fantastic day I Love You" and then I received the e-mail later yesterday which you have seen. Hopefully she will find it in her heart to forgive me. I guess time will tell.

I feel for you man. I undrrstand the score is different between the two of you. Women keep score differently. The money thing appears to have FORCED her to resent you completley.

The only way to fix it is pay asap.

Then make her come to oyu.

Actually I think you have taken good care of her and your responsibilities and hope that you have gained a valuable lesson into the ways that this woman thinks. Especially combining the finances without the benefit of marriage, which would have protected your assets and efforts. Getting this behind you, is the point, and retrieve all your stuff for a nice clean break. That way you never have to look back and their will be nothing held over your head.

Why does she ask me to be patient and that she misses me and loves me? Why does she contact me and tells me to have a good day? Why is she doing this?

You are asking questions that only she can answer. Stop already and get busy making sure you stay focused on your path. That's the important thing right now, not what motivates her actions.

You sound like you did a ton for here. But like I said - women keep score differently. Pat her back then give her all the space in the world.

You know, maybe Wildcat she doesn't resent him for the money thing. Maybe she is just using that as an excuse...

It's possible. But she brought it up. He needs to clear that up. But you should never borrow money like that long term, from her savings and not pay it back. That would be the first thing you pay off. He let it slide for what ever reason - but read the e-mail she sent...

I think it's the money. I've seen this before - a women not able to get through ONE issue.

Did yo utake care of that?

Im having the same situation and I know its hard, but just let it go , stop thinking about her and think about u , that's wats helping me now I can do a lot of things I couldn't do before. Make yourself happy and shell love you for that