cr8319
Nov 11, 2012, 03:14 PM
Okay,
I have not been dating this girl very long, but we match in several ways as well as she is incredibly sweet with me. Through our dates I have learned a few things that I would normally consider deal-breakers but the fact that she has shown a lot of interest towards me I have been seeing where our relationship takes.
So I've listed a few disadvantages where I am concerned about:
1. she's 35, I know most women at this range will have difficulty or additional risks with pregnancies. I'm honestly not looking to have children in at least 3 years of a relationship (given we have only been dating 2 months and maybe she might not be heading towards marriage). However the level of attention, care, and interest I've had with her is way more than previous relationships I have had with ex-girlfriends. Is it just me, or am I being too overly concerned that she might have my first child at a age of 39? And I'm looking to have at least 2-3 kids in my future.
2. she has at least 100k college loans. Although she works in her field for a professional job, I'm not sure to what scale her salary to debt is aside from knowing she basically take one of her bimonthly paychecks into the college loans. She also lives currently with a friend (sorta rent free for the past 8 or so months). The one other asset her car is over 10 years old. I do not want to say exactly that she is frivolous with her money, yet I have really seen how expensive our dates have been, and couldn't imagine how she could keep it going at this rate.
I'm 30 years old, making a moderate 80k salary, basically no debts, living on my own, making various ways of saving for retirement.
How do you confront this situation, what best ways would you ask a new girlfriend whom you like a lot about the potential of our relationship? Maybe I'm asking for too much, but I believe that even for someone at my age should be potentially financially stable to own a home, provide for children and spouse. I know love can conquer all, but even the best can get stressed quickly with heated financial debates with a spouse. What should I do?
I have not been dating this girl very long, but we match in several ways as well as she is incredibly sweet with me. Through our dates I have learned a few things that I would normally consider deal-breakers but the fact that she has shown a lot of interest towards me I have been seeing where our relationship takes.
So I've listed a few disadvantages where I am concerned about:
1. she's 35, I know most women at this range will have difficulty or additional risks with pregnancies. I'm honestly not looking to have children in at least 3 years of a relationship (given we have only been dating 2 months and maybe she might not be heading towards marriage). However the level of attention, care, and interest I've had with her is way more than previous relationships I have had with ex-girlfriends. Is it just me, or am I being too overly concerned that she might have my first child at a age of 39? And I'm looking to have at least 2-3 kids in my future.
2. she has at least 100k college loans. Although she works in her field for a professional job, I'm not sure to what scale her salary to debt is aside from knowing she basically take one of her bimonthly paychecks into the college loans. She also lives currently with a friend (sorta rent free for the past 8 or so months). The one other asset her car is over 10 years old. I do not want to say exactly that she is frivolous with her money, yet I have really seen how expensive our dates have been, and couldn't imagine how she could keep it going at this rate.
I'm 30 years old, making a moderate 80k salary, basically no debts, living on my own, making various ways of saving for retirement.
How do you confront this situation, what best ways would you ask a new girlfriend whom you like a lot about the potential of our relationship? Maybe I'm asking for too much, but I believe that even for someone at my age should be potentially financially stable to own a home, provide for children and spouse. I know love can conquer all, but even the best can get stressed quickly with heated financial debates with a spouse. What should I do?