Hello there,

I have been married for over 8 years.Our married life was up and down but never reached the point when we could hate each other.

Two years ago we moved to a new country.My husband started a new job,met a new people there.I always knew his friends so I was not worried.Not this time.

All of sudden he claimed to meet people he never introduced them to me.I accepted it for some time.But when the frequency he met them was too often,I started to ask him questions like who are those people etc etc.I finally said I would like to meet them in our home because I was so much curious about people who had so much extra time after work and loved spending time with my husband.He got angry and never brought those people home.I said OK I can love without knowing them.

Later on strange things started to happen.My husband suddenly claimed he was too tired etc to have sex with me.I never pressed him during the week because I could understand he was tired from his work.But when the weekend came nothing changed.He either said he was tired or had some other things to do or was out with those friends.

Things became to look suspicious.When he eventually decided to have a sex with me he preferred not to face me.I felt like he was making sex with a man not a woman.No feelings,just mechanical sex from behind.I hated it.I really hated.And I was disgusted.

Meanwhile he became very much irritate over small things.All of sudden he was shouting at my face and if I touched him he was like:how dare you to do that.Not to mention I was not allowed to enter his room without knocking.It worth mentioning we have not shared one bedroom and bed for some time.He found million ridiculous reason why not to do so.

I do not have to add also he had very frequent going out.For example he could be very much tired and one phone call made him alert and he was ready to go out.Or he went out to the nearby grocery only to came 3 hrs later claiming he was in a coffee shop.I don't mind him going to the coffee shop.But the question was with whom.

I am seriously disgusted by his behavior.I tried to talk to him,confront him but his answers are so vague I found it pointless trying to fix anything.

My sixth sense tells me he might be a gay.Divorce will be on the way soon anyway.

"He might be a gay"

First off, let me ask you to STOP referring to homosexuals as "the gays" or individually "a gay". I'm homosexual, and I don't call you "a straight" or "breeders". Get negativity out of the picture. You're only going to bring more negativity if that's all you can do.

Have you tried ASKING your husband these questions you have? Communicate. It goes farther than you think.

And if the man you're married to IS gay, its not YOUR FAULT, and it certainly is not his. Some people don't know this automatically about themselves.

Some people also may feel pressure from society to fit into a mold. He's a man and society tells him he should be strong, fearless, protecting, and fatherly. Unfortunately, if that's not who he is, no one can force him into a lifestyle he's not happy with. Look at how you classify homosexuals. It's no surprise he'd try to hide something like this from you.
Be loving to him. You have no idea what's going on in his head, what battles he's fighting. Be kind, so later on when you need the kindness of another person, hopefully they'll show you love and kindness instead of disgust. Open your mind.

I don't think the wife is condemning homosexuality! She isn't being told why she is neglected and avoided.

He might be gay, he might be involved with another woman, he might be bi, he might be having group sex, he might be a voyeur - the possibilities are endless. He might not be having sex at all, and has some reasons for that. We can't know, because he isn't the one here.

You are going to have to figure out a calm, rational, non-confrontational way to ask him, listen to him, and tell him your feelings (not accusations, just what you are missing). If that doesn't work, see if he will go to couple counseling. If he says no, start planning your divorce. Unless you can live this way.

Well, if divorce is on the way anyway, get some documentation of his activities during the times he is missing from action. Your guesses of what is going on won't help you later on. Work toward getting the best financial settlement out of all this. Find a good lawyer and follow his/her advice on how to handle it and build the best case.

Seeker,

Homosexuality maybe the issue. But do not rule out other women as well. What I will say is this. He has disconnected with your relationship that part is soon to be finished and if you are not sharing a bed... together. Then there is on need to continue to waste time loving a man who does not love you.

Word to the Wise
Trust your instinct, but instinct will never testify in court.

Guardian

He may just be cheating, He may have two or three other women, and do not want to look you in the face when he has sex.

The issue here, is you and he do not have communication and thus no idea.

First why is he having all the friends, why are you not demading to go with him, if he goes out ?

Why does it have to be gay, sorry, not one thing you said, says gay to me ?