So like the title says, I was recently dumped by my ex; however, it was not a completely one sided break up id say it was about 75% her decision, 25% mine (meaning it hurts like hell for me anyway).

Well here is a little background on our relationship.

I have been with this girl for about a year and a half and during that time we have had a wonderful relationship full of fun and laughter and of course your rough spots. We had a long distance Relationship so of course things were a little more challenging than it normally should be. During our year and a half relationship we have broken up and gotten back together a few times, this was our third break up.

While I understand the nature of our issues, I was having trouble controlling my temper and often would end up over reacting and picking fights that weren't worth the trouble, and seeing as how she had some insecurities as baggage from some of her earlier relationships she would often say things to provoke fights as well. It was typically over things such as I didn't show her I cared about how she felt or cared about what she thought, or about how I felt she was keeping me a secret, which sometimes lead to false accusations.

Well when the break up happened about 2 months ago, we continued talking daily and often almost as if nothing had changed. She still had the same feelings for me she always did, still cared just as much as always, and at some points( after re-reading our old convos) seemed like we were one fight-free week from trying again. She would often tell me that she was tired of all the fighting and fighting against each other instead of to make the relationship work. So after about a month of what I thought was her teasing or playing games with me by saying she loves me but doesn't want to be with me, I finally called her and got things settled for good with a long converstation where she still seemed hesitant but eventually settled for not trying again but she still seemed like being with me was still an option(she asked me what would happen if the answer was yes). We still talked after she decided this, and after about 3 more days, I finally called her up and told her that I couldn't talk to her anymore, because I was hurting too much and then thinking about my word choice sent her a letter clarifying that it wasn't because I angry with or or that she did something wrong it was because I needed space to get over the pain. She understood what I wanted/needed. But answered my question from the phone call to tell her we weren't going to be talking. Even after the month and a half of pseudo-relationship to fights and back again, she still ended our call with an I love you, and sounded sincerely romantic about it.

The question I asked was if there was another guy she was interested in, and her reply was that there was, but they weren't dating, weren't official were the words she used. I have since then backed off on my communication with her greatly, replying only once to a message she sent me on Sunday and nothing of great importance or emotion. It simply let her know I was doing fine because she asked, and addressed a few points she messaged me about in her message.

So I have continued to resist the urges to call her or message or anything further, because I want her to decide if this new guy is who she wants to be with or if she loves me enough to come back and give it another try. However due to a severe case of insomnia, I have very long days and at night I begin to miss her terribly.

I have focused on myself since our break up and feel much more emotionally stable, and feel much more in control of my thoughts/feelings. I know I still have a lot of work to do to bring my confidence back up, and further my control of myself and my emotions but working out and taking juijitsu has helped a great deal.

I understand that we both haven't given our all to this relationship as we should have and there were MANY things I should have started fixing about myself much sooner, but I have recently started to practice different ways to stop my emotions from ruling the things I do or say and after a long period of though I have decided that this girl is worth doing what it takes to get her back. I won't say the break up was all my fault, but I know where I went wrong to cause it. But do not misunderstand me, I am in no way disillusioned about this girl, I know very well her faults but I think what she brought into my life was worth more than the hurt and fights we went through.

I guess what this long post is saying is that, I love her enough to let her go to be happy, but I dearly wish to have her back and what I can do to get her back or when/if I should contact her. I have stayed strong while not talking to her, and I know that is the advice most people will give, but she isn't someone I want to give up on so easily.

So to recap, 1 1/2 year relationship, she made final decision to end it, I want her back, I am currently not talking to her, I want to know what ways I can show her that things will be different, and what I should do knowing there is possibly another guy in the picture seeing as it has only been about 4 days since I decided to stop talking to her.

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this and to anyone who takes more time to answer.

If you need any additional information or any clairification( I know this post is a little messy) please let me know. However I am well aware that most of you will probably tell me to just move on and I want you to know that I am in no way neglecting to take care of myself or work on healing. I feel considerably stronger than I did when I first stopped talking to her. However my ideal solution would be to simply get her back and keep her and never let her go again.

This has made me so sad reading this because I have gone through a very similar situation with guy I love so much. We would break up because he would have a little fling with a girl but has come back both times it happened. I am sure this other guy has absolutely nothing on you, you sound like a genuinely kind hearted person who cares about her very much. She probably does realize and does not want to hurt you. Since she is still communicatiing with you I feel as though this is because she does care about you and she does not want to see you hurting. Keep focusing on yourself and see how things play out. Maybe he is just something new, she will be missing you in less than a few months if this is the case. While I do not think you should give up on her, I do think you are doing the best thing you could do by focusing on yourself. Try not to let her consume all of your thoughts and try not to let the what ifs not take over your head. Time is the only thing that will tell what's going to happen. While being broken up with is super rough, you have to tell yourself to let go and enjoy yourself. Just stick to your morals and values and have fun. Talk to other girls. Your ex may get a little jealous but she is the one who has not tried to work things out and has admitted to having something another guy. Do not wait around for her but certainly do not force yourself to change who you are or how you feel. Allow time for you grieve about the loss of the relationship. Don't reherse how things could have went differently, everything happens for a reason. Just be strong and enjoy everyday because you are just that much more intuned with yourself. Which I feel helps in the long run. Good luck, everything will work out somehow! You will end up being happy, no matter what :)