My daughter is turning 7 this month. She just broke down crying today and told my sister that her dad's girlfriend of two years hits her in the mouth when she is "bad". I have repeatedly told my ex that I want NO ONE but the two of us to physically punish our daughter, and despite the fact I have been remarried for two years, I do not allow my husband to spank or hit my daughter. This woman is 15 years younger than my ex, has three children that were taken from her by child services of another state, the returned. My kid doesn't want to go to her dad's, and I don't know what my legal options are. I have contacted a therapist for my daughter to speak with, whom I have taken her to before due to her father's inappropriate behavior in front of her. But I have not heard back yet. I am hoping she can help guide me in the next step, and how to best approach the situation for my daughter. What sickens me is that I have to send her back in two days, and she told me the girlfriend does this right in front of her dad, and he does nothing! HELP!! :confused:

I don't know what the laws are in PA, but I do know that if you suspect child abuse (which I believe smacking a child in the mouth would be considered) that you should call Children's Services. (I believe it's the law to report suspected child abuse in every state.) I wouldn't go into any of the details that you have outlined here, but I would say that your 6 year old cried and told you that this woman hits her across the mouth when she is bad and you are concerned, especially since your understanding is that the child's father, your ex, has been present when this has happened and he has done nothing as far as you are aware.

I would also contact an attorney about having the visitations changed to supervised visits for awhile.

Didi

She is abusive and your letting her go back in that situation. You need to go to court and get full custody of your daughter and make sure she never goes back. This is abuse and your daughter is being abused by somebody that already had kids taken away, if this is not enough proof for the courts, then I do not know what is.

Joe

Actually... in thinking about this... so you don't look like a vindictive ex-wife and because your daughter actually told your sister, it would probably be best if your sister made the call.

I would also call your husband and suggest he see your daughter for a community visit this week, and fill him in on what your daughter told your sister.

Didi

Thank you both for answering. Let me be clear in that my first reaction was to kick in this b#^%#'s front door and punch her in the mouth. GOD! That would feel good. But, in the real world I can't do that. (Although I have convinced my husband to bail me out if I do it anyway.) But, I don't legally have the right to with hold her from visiting without a court order. I have a lawyer, who is working on a modification order for me (unrelated to this, as I only found out this evening), so I will contact her tomorrow. But it's not just this woman's culpability that alarms me, I am sure my ex is just as responsible since he has witnessed it, and allowed it to happen, and yelled at our daughter when she cried about it. I am hoping my attorney tells me I have legal grounds to file for an emergency temporary full-custody petition, but I have never dealt with this before and am not sure how it works. To make the matter even worse, her father tried to have CYS investigate me for child abuse several months ago. I was cleared within a week, but the whole reason they investigated his call further was because she had a bruise... on her face. Now I wonder if it wasn't his girlfriend that put it there. And my daughter is very quiet about it, and only tells me she doesn't know how she got it.

I will say that I found the following sentence a bit disturbing: "I have repeatedly told my ex that I want NO ONE but the two of us to physically punish our daughter, and despite the fact I have been remarried for two years, I do not allow my husband to spank or hit my daughter." It sounds to me like vlee is not against corporal punishment in general, just when other people do it. Which may make the case more complicated, if the child's father can imply that his wife is doing nothing more than vlee is when discipling the child. I also have to wonder what message the child is picking up from mom. "No one else can hit you, because they don't love you as much as your dad and I do?"

I am not at all against corporal punishment as a parental tool. But I do not believe anyone other than the parents of a child have a right to spank, and I don't believe anyone has the right to slap or smack a kid's face under any circumstances. My daughter is very clear on the fact that only her parents are permitted to spank her and she does not think anyone who doesn't loves her less! What kind of garbage is that? Her dad and I made a rule that no one would spank her when we split up except the two of us to protect her from exactly this sort of situation. Ps - this woman is not his wife... she is a live in girlfriend with absolutely no legal relationship to my child, not that having one makes what she has done OK.

It don't matter what state it is in, it is still assult and child abuse.
I also have to tell you this.. when you said that only you and ex physically punish her that also is child abuse. NOT ANYONE has the right to physically harm another in any way, shape, or form

Well we will have to agree to disagree on this one. I am a firm believer in a parents right to use spanking on a child's bottom, within reason. Now while that may only occur 5 out of every 100 times my daughter gets in trouble, it is still an option in this house, and yes, in this state as well. Only if you are beating your child's rear and leaving bruises or welts, then is it child abuse in this state. Absolutely NO states have banned corporal punishment by parents. 28 states have banned it in schools, and many districts in other states have voluntarily abandoned it due to the fear of law suits.