I've been with my wife for 21 yrs married for half that time, I just found out that she had a 3 year affair starting the year before we got married and continued for the for two years after the wedding. I've always been in love with her and still am, but I can't get the notion of her betraying me and the length of time is a killer.

How do I get over this? When we make love I see them together not me. I need help so I can continue my life with her because that's what I truly want, but I can't forget it. I don't think I'll be able to stay with her. We are seeing a Marriage Councelor but its not helping with the visions.

I am afraid that this could take years to get over, and you may never forget. Stick with the counseling. In time you will cope better with your feelings.

Does she still love you ? Big question

I believe she does, the other issue is that it in the past for her and fresh for me.

I agree that you should stick with counseling. It's a great step that you've taken to get outside help and that you're willing to work on your marriage.

It is new information to you, but be comforted that it ended between them several years ago. As for the visions, you might need to find other ways to distract yourself by replacing those thoughts with others. It's something you'd actually have to "work" at learning to put into practice. Your counselor might be able to help you with this sort of technique.

It may take quite a bit of time for you to move on, but that's understandable. If you're a man of faith, you might consider praying for the strength and wisdom to forgive and move forward.

Its never easy to forget and you may never. To forgive is for your sanity and your marriages. If we never lern to forgive we leave an open door for Satan. Go to YouTube and watch Pastor Mark Gungor. He explains it very clearly.It is very hard to do but if your marriage is importatnt you can get through this.