Hey guys I need some outside advice I have nobody to talk to about this!


I'm a 28 year old, good looking woman, I met my boyfriend online 2 months ago, he's 33 6'9 (tall) and good looking, he told me he was an illegal immigrant, he had no car, no job, no money, and he was sleeping on his friends couch. He was about to turn himself in to immigration and go back to turkey because the only way he could get citizenship was to marry and he just couldn't find the right girl (he wouldn't just settle). I didn't judge him for any of these things, I had just moved to the area and I didn't know anyone at all I was very alone so I felt that having the company around would be nice, and he's tall and attractive so why not?

We started dating and immediately I let him stay with me and we've been together ever since (2 months), we both claim to be in love with one another. But I find myself constantly fighting with him about things that bother me.

For example, I have a very high sex drive, sometime he goes 3-5 days without wanting to have sex. I would like sex every day or every other day at least, he says I am obsessed with sex and need to put my mind on other things other then sex and leave him alone and when he's ready to have sex he will. Secondly, he never makes the first move, not even if he has an erection, he just sits there and waits for me to touch him, thirdly, there's no foreplay other then me giving him head, he says he DOESN'T eat girls out, he doesn't like to do it. Well that's my favorite thing on the planet! This makes me very upset, so I fight with him, sometimes he tries to do it but I can tell he doesn't want to so it feel forced and doesn't turn me on at all. He says I should just respect that he doesn't like to do that and stop trying to force him. OK but what about what I want? ALSO, he doesn't like to kiss! We just peck all the time, he says its just not something he's really big on, well me I love to kiss I feel like I'm missing out!

Another thing, his personal hygiene... sometimes he goes all day and night without changing his clothes or showering or brushing his teeth! This drives me crazy because I am a germaphobe I like men that look and smell fresh. I am constantly asking him from the moment we wake up to please take a shower and brush his teeth, and sometimes he still won't. I feel like I am living with a teenager!

Another thing, I just lost 70 pounds I was really fat, now I am curvy not fat not skinny, I still have another 40 pounds to lose till I get to goal, but when we met he didn't know I used to be fat or that I wanted to lose more weight so he met me the way I was. Well now that I told him he's constantly commenting on what I eat, and that I need to go excresize and he wants to see me fit and blah blah, 2 of his exes are models and rail thin, this makes me feel like ****.

Another thing:
He has a very sexual past and it bothers me, he says he used to be a huge player but now he wants to settle down with just one girl, he has been with over 100 women and loves threesomes, anal, swinging, etc... he asked me if I'm into girls and he'd love to see me with one, this makes me very uncomfortable and now I wonder if I'm enough for him. I am a very jealous person and this has made me even more so!


Also,
Music is a huge passion for me ever since I was a child, and he hates all the types of music that I love, so I never listen to my music anymore because we're always together and he complains. I feel like part of me is missing and music is also a huge way that I connect with people it evokes a mood, a bond and emotion and when in love I feel music is an important thing to connect to.. . am I wrong?


We are comfortable with each other, we do have moments of happiness, we kid around a lot, when we do fight we make up really easily with no grudges, we are supposedly in love, we do care about each other, we are both good people... but all of these things feel wrong to me and I feel like there might be someone out there that matches me better and is more compatible with me that I would be happier with... here is the kicker:

If I break up with him he has nowhere to go but to turn himself in to turkey where he would have to immediately inlist in the army and turkey is at war right now things are really bad over there and I would never see him again. So I feel horrible about this and talk myself into working things out... but I don't know if I'm making a mistake or not... what do you guys think? I have self esteem issues from when I was really big and this is my first relationship since I lost weight, no man ever wanted me before and I'm afraid if I let him go I will be stuck alone again!

He is not your problem. His situation was as it is before you met him. Why would you stay with someone you have so many issues with, just to have someone?
It does not seem like he is happy with you either and things won't get any better. Tell him you're sorry but it's not working and he needs to leave.

It sounds like yes you lost the weight and then you gained it back from taking in someone that you really don't know. This is the problem when you get sexually involved with someone that you haven't really got to know mentally. You guys just jumped into this full fledge with out getting to know one another. Why would you take some guy in that doesn't work any where. Doesn't have a home or a car. You've basically taking on a child sounds like it. Sex is so overrated with out a true relationship that's exactly what it is SEX. Your right there is a guy out there that is right for you but you've got him their now so you'll probably not meet him. A women should not have to look for a man. The men look for her. Men really don't like women who pursue them. They would rather purse you.Oh yes they'll sleep with you but in their minds their thinking free meat. Honey I would recommend you to figure out who you are and learn to love you not just the physical you but the inner you. When you don't really know who you are and love yourself you let people come in and change who you are. Like your love for music why let someone change that. Stay true to yourself. Be who you are beca use if who ever your with can't except that then they don't really love you. That's just a quote their saying to keep something that they want. As far as him not having anywhere to go he had somewhere before he meet you. That's your way of talking yourself in to keeping him with you. So your going to do what you want anyway. But when you get tired of being used think about what I said.

Looks are superficial they fade away choose a mate based on things that are going to last like character, morals, the way he handles pressure, ability to keep a job longer than a month. Things like that.

Send him packing ASAP! You really don't have much in common at all. You can meet people more compatible elsewhere.