So I met a much older man online. We met and had a good time. After he said the age made him uncomfortable. I asked him if he knew my age then why did he bother to ask me out. He said he threw caution to the wind and did not think through all the reason not to go out with me.

After the initial date we kept in touch by emails. I let him know I like him and found him attractive and all the good stuff. I also said I understand he is in pain from his separation as he said he cannot pursue a serious relationship right now.

5 weeks after the first date he took me out again. We had a great time and he said all the right things, he finds me attractive, kind, caring, smart good company etc. The next day I get another email saying the age is an issue and he wouldn't become my lover. He had said the night before when we were leaving the restaurant he want to make love but wasn't going to that night.

So here I am knowing he has feelings, knowing he isn't ready or willing to act on them. Knowing he cares a lot about me, enough to mention the first date to his father who suggested the age difference was not an issue. So knowing he wants to be in touch and see each other sometimes, I am not sure if this is something I want to wait for him to heal from the separation and be his friend in the mean time or simply walk away from it all together as I know I want more and I am not sure he will ever or if he will eventually want more from me.

How do I know how long to give it or to wait at all for him to heal?

Go on with your life. He says he will keep in touch , which probably means he won't. What is the age difference?

Enjoy your life without him and don't wait at all for him to get over anything.

Whoa whoa Slow down here. Even if I was the man in this situation ,and had zero problem with age I wouldn't want to take things as fast as you.
Its been 2 dates and you already are complaining that he won't be your lover and you want so much more. Just calm and slow your role sea biscuit

One issue that he might not want to mention is CHILDREN! Not every man on the first or second date will ask you what your wishes are in that regard, because it's a huge leap into serious. He may have children and not want more. Very common. So.. have you dropped any clues on that subject? More to the point, would you settle for a childless life, or a childless life with HIS children visiting?

A separated man is a married man. He can return home anytime and probably will. Find someone in your own age range you will be a lot happier as you grow older. He continues to say he does not like the age difference accept it and move on.