I replied to a thread - an old thread and was told by a senior member I should post my own... so here was the thread

I have been with my boyfriend almost 2 years now. He has never been very affectionate. In the beginning we didn't have sex for about a month of dating. I just thought he was being a gentleman, but now I wonder if it was just a sign of things to come. I have a high sex drive and his is almost non existent. I rarely get kissed and when I do, it's just a peck. We rarely cuddle or be very close. We'll be watching TV at separate ends of the couch and 95% of the time never touch. He's not a very affectionate person.

As for sex, I am lucky if it's once every 30days- sometimes it's longer in between. There is no oral. Mostly always missionary and very very little foreplay. He used to think tickling me was foreplay until I said something. We have talked about the lack of sex and intimacy. His response is that it's just not him, then he accuses me of only wanting him for sex. So I stopped talking about it. Now I don't even try anything. I think deep down I know leaving is the thing to do, but I feel guilty for wanting to leave over lack of sex/intimacy. I don't know if it's because of his responses to me or my own feelings.

I struggle daily with whether I should stay and I think of the things he does that are nice things such as buying me clothes or taking me to the movies/ dinner etc. He watches my son if I have to work. He'll pick up my son when it's my time with him cause I don't have a car myself.

Then I think of the things I am missing and I get confused. Does anyone have advice about this?

(Sometimes I get a little short, but it is easy for us to distignish between the people we are giving advice too. Less confusion. :-) )

There is a book out there called, "The five love languages.", ISBN: 978-1881273158, Dewey Decimal : 306.872, That is enlightening on how different people show their affections differently.

I think he is affectionate towards you and might be showing love in his own way. The problem is that he isn't doing it in your way.

It sounds like he has a low libido and an almost Victorian sense of physical intimacy. The low libido could be natural or caused by his life conditions. These could include stress, exhaustion, substance abuse, or possible medical complications of an (un)known disorder. It is hard to say from what you've written.

Sex and physical intimacy is an important part of a relationship. Don't invalidate your feelings because of the taboo nature of it. There is nothing bad about leaving because the intimacy isn't at your desired level. People have ended relationships for a lot less. Google a website called "How I was dumped."

I think it is completely valid to leave a relationship because of a lack of intimacy and physical contact. I think you've made up your mind and just need to follow through. I would say that you should do it. It isn't really going ot get better and you're already stifling what you do, say, and think because of this issue. If you want to do this for the rest of your life... go for it. I wouldn't.

Good luck.

Two years is not a long time and finding ways to communicate and resolve issues is the core of any relationship. If you cannot find that communications as you learn more about each other then chances are you may not survive together.

You have had a preview of his nature, so talk to him and make sure you listen as well as express.

Two years is not a long time and finding ways to communicate and resolve issues is the core of any relationship. If you cannot find that communications as you learn more about each other then chances are you may not survive together.

You have had a preview of his nature, so talk to him and make sure you listen as well as express.

Thanks Taliman- I try to communicate with him, but he gets defensive and usually responds with- all u want is sex- I have tried to explain it's not all about that, that I need closeness etc. He doesn't get it though. He doesn't think he should have to change anything about himself. No compromise either. I either accept him as he is or not. He does other good things- and so I feel guilty that this area bothers me so much.

He is a boyfriend, not a life mate, and you both are learning each others language. Don't let his lack of understanding make you feel bad, because you can still make yourself happy without him, while he mulls over what you have been saying.

He may well feel the good things he does are closeness.