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View Full Version : My Girl Friend Says She Loves Me But Need A Space/Break ?


dederek
Oct 23, 2012, 06:46 PM
I had an argument last Fri with my girlfriend over some simple matter and I texted her back that she's blocked from my phone and I deleted her from my FB as I was mad at her. She was in the hair dresser early in the morning and didn't respond to my calls as she said they were putting aluminum foil stuff to her hair and she couldn't facetime with me, I got mad she wasn't texting me back while she was having political arguments with her friends on FB.. I'm under a lot of stress in life and she knew about it yet she got mad at me for blocking her phone ( I never did it was a fake text message I sent her when she called me back ). Ever since she doesn't want to see or talk to me and need a break. She says she still loves me and she will but need a break.
We had many ups and downs in the past. She has a brat teenage daughter with so many problems with her and ex husband which I have been her support all time long. She says no one ever loved her like I did and no one has ever done anything like what I did for her. She always felt she's unlovable and I"m the only one she loved ever. she's 8 years older than me. we are both physicians. she's a practicing one and I'm still receive training. So we have so much in common to talk about. She's smart, brilliant and beautiful. Numerous times I criticized her for stuff she does wrong and she's always appreciative of that and called it " positive input" but when we fight, she yells at me and gets mad how much I criticize her...
We had one major argument last summer which our relationship almost fell apart and worked really hard to get it back together. Two weeks ago, I surprised her by taking her out of state to VT where she likes and celebrate her birthday. We had another argument in the last day of our staying there and ever since she brings that up. I'm so tired of this, I love her and I can't think of leaving her or she leaving me and not being with her.
Right now, I'm out side the state where she lives as I'm getting training and we used to see each other almost every weekend. Last weekend, I went back home and again her brat lazy daughter caused some argument between us... She planned for all thanksgiving holiday to go to Amsterdam together and holloween as well. Now she says she needs space/time and I need to go back to church and get counseling because I'm not happy with myself.. she's not sure if she wanna marry me at this point and I've been trying to remind her stuff she tells me all the time like
" We need to see each other, distance doesn't work, when we are together, we do better, out company is our counselling or she said she would never leave me or could stop loving me, she want to be with me for rest of her life etc "

What do you guys recommend? She wants space/time and doesn't want to spend holiday together... she says she won't rush into any relationship, she loves me and will always do...
I'm afraid distance will freeze her heart and make her break up with me...

new texts from her: from one side, she says she loves me and I need to see a counselor for my temper and she needs to focus on her board exam. She says she's not planning to see anyone. She just needs a break. She talked to me twice and blamed everything on me that I criticized her a lot. Eventho I wasn't agree with her, I took all the blame and apologized and ask her to give me another chance. I told her I would see a counselor and she said if there is an improvement, we could see each other for new year holiday but until then, she can't see me. She talked to her dad and he said Derek is depressed and he needs help after passing of my mother and my girlfriend can't be my mental remedy. So she's taking a step back. She said she can't make any promises to take me back or not. Time will tell. This is the second time we had this major argument and for her she acts as her jar of love has got emptied and I didn't appreciate her enough... until last week, she kept saying, she couldn't live without me, I'm the love of her life and kept sending my love text xxxxx I love you derek x infinity... now she barely talked to me as she felt I had been mean to her.

please help!

Rjkal
Oct 23, 2012, 09:23 PM
I think that you should do what your heart says. Even if she may upset you at times, you need to ask yourself if you love her. Also you need to ask yourself if you really want to live the rest of your life with all the ups and downs.

Fr_Chuck
Oct 23, 2012, 09:32 PM
Normally "needs space" is a nice way of saying it is over and I don't want to fight about it any more.

I have read your post several times, is some of her complaints that you are controlling and demanding. Since you do appear to be very much so here.

How old are you ? How old is she, How old is her daughter ?

dederek
Oct 23, 2012, 09:52 PM
Thanks Fr_Chuck.

Yes, she said sometime I'm controlling or criticizing her too much.
We just got off the phone and she said she want me to go counseling if I love her to show I love her and get some help, healthy relationship requires both parties to be healthy and I need to respect her more and not being mean to her. For the past month, she kept saying I have been mean to her. She said she would call and talk to me every day about normal day to day stuff except the relationship.. She's also stressed out as her board exam is coming up and she';s so distracted with these roller coaster emotional drama. She says once I see counselling, we can work on stuff.

Im 30- she's 39- her brat spoiled daughter is 18. She goes out for dinner with her daughter every Wed since the brat can't make friends at school and mom takes her out to keep her happy and feed the already overweight daughter some good food... I asked her why not canceling the dinner this week and focus on your board and she was like Her daughter's dinner is an obligation, and when I asked about the relationship, she said that's not an obligation. The obligation is my board exam and your ( means me derek ) mental health. And before we hung up, she said please derek go get help, I love you, you are such an amazing man please get help if you love me and don't think about the relationship now...

What's the verdict ?