So, about two months ago I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, while traveling internationally for work. Approached her on a dare, and hit it off immediately. Given the nature of my visit, our time was limited at best. Nevertheless, I was falling fast (my friends would say "as usual" here). Honestly, I have to say she was falling just as fast.

Since meeting her, I've traveled back to her country twice more on business. The pattern that ending up developing was a little something like one week in her country followed by two weeks in my own. On visits we still only managed to get together three or four days out of the week I was within reach. Not surprising, given the kind of hours I work combined with her schedule at uni.

When we're together, it's nothing short of magic. Initially, communication was difficult over the distance, but I think we got the hang of it. I guess it's worth mentioning, we have different native languages, but in person, we always communicate unbelievably well. On my second visit, she invited me to stay with her family a couple days. Everything went well there, although I ended up getting caught off guard by how bad my nerves became when I met her parents. My spanish immediately took a dive, which is unfortunate because her parents speak almost no english. Things worked out well though; as far as I can tell, her parents really like me. Their only complaint being my spanish, or lack thereof.

By my third visit, our feelings for each other were monumental. The things she says to me... I swear our dialog was cut a pasted from a romance novel. She says that she melts at some of the things I say to her, I could absolutely say the same thing to her. I still get lost in her eyes.

Toward the end of my last visit, she admitted she was falling in love with me. Which I think was kind of difficult for her, I'm not so sure those words have ever left her mouth before. I could tell that maybe she was a bit shaken up by the intensity of her own feelings. I was in the same boat, but we were still so swept up whatever it is that have when we are together. Since then, most of our messages end with some form of I love you. She's been dropping suggestions for permanent jobs I could take in her country. I've been taking serious consideration to dropping everything and moving to her country just for the chance at seeing out our actual potential. I think a serious long distance relationship would be setting us up for failure. I think she probably feels the same.

The day I left from my last visit, things were as amazing as ever. Still, saying goodbye for the third time had somehow become more difficult than ever. That was the eleventh of October. I had some travel delays, so we traded a few short messages in the days that followed. Then something happened. I don't know what, but something happened.

I sent her a message on that following Sunday, she received it, but did not respond. It was a normal message. Something about missing her and planning to see her sooner than she probably expects. Days go by, I'm a bit sad that I haven't heard from her, but I'm dealing. I try to stay positive, she's probably just busy; she has a life. Wednesday comes, work is stressful, I begin to unravel. I join a yoga class; normally I maintain a workout regimen but work hasn't allowed for it. An hour and a half of yoga, and I still can't find sleep at the end of the night. So I send her another message, but I'm stressed and exhausted and using my cell phone so it's riddled with typos. Again, a pretty normal message. I try not to address the fact that she's been MIA and I've been utterly falling apart (slowly but surely). Thursday I do my best to pick myself up by my bootstraps. I start working on giving less of a frak. I don't have any legitimate reason to assume the worst, so I stay positive.

Saturday night, I'm glued to Facebook. I swear, I know better, but Facebook is our main means of communication. And maybe I'd catch her online and nonchalantly spark a conversation and things would be great and I'd have been worrying for nothing... right? Instead, I take a look at my photos and notice that she's deleted all of our photos that she had been the one to post, and untagged herself from all the ones that she hadn't. Red Flag. If you don't know Facebook, this kind of action takes considerable work. Red Flag. She hasn't "unfriended" me or anything.. just completely disassociated herself from me in our photo albums. Why? I lost more than half a night of sleep asking myself this question. As far as I know, nothing is wrong.. her last message to me ends with an I love you for goodness sake.

I'm a complete wreck, work is calling, "Of course I'll come into the office on a Sunday morning".. I don't think I'll be able to drag myself out of this apartment. I'm one sad love song away from interrogating our mutual friends about what's going on here. In a moment of particular weakness I already chatted with one of her friends and mentioned the Facebook thing and that her and I haven't talked. He's not her best friend ever, but they hang a lot and I've actually come to like him a lot... but he's prone to gossip. So I know that conversation will eventually make its way to her ears.

My main problem here is that I just don't know what to do with myself. What's my next move here? I have a general rule about messaging people: Never send more than three consecutive messages without a response. I am now at that three message ceiling. Was I supposed to have taken the hint here? Is she just saying that she's done with me.. without actually saying anything at all? I want to stay positive, have a short memory, and just do me. But in my head, I don't know how to address her. Should I start to let her go? Should I try to keep fighting for her? Should I just wallow in this sea of misery? Right now the wallowing part is coming pretty natural.

I swear I intended to keep this short, but thanks for reading.

It's only been a week, I'd just put the thought of what happened aside, there's an endless list of possibilities of what may be happening in her life. It's so easy to slip into the analysis paralysis mode of thinking. I've had incidences where my mobile wasn't working as it was dropped in cups of coffee when studying & sim cards not working. It does sound like she has genuine feelings for you, which may give you some comfort.

I once went above the three consecutive messages ceiling... it didn't end well. Don't make the same mistake I did! Instead, it's so important to distract yourself as much as possible. I find that if you use this time to really push yourself hard at the gym, by the time you get to bed, you're totally exhausted from your workouts & you don't lose sleep over it. Maybe use this time to make some big hairy goals that will take at least 10-15 years to complete to get your mind off thinking about her. It also helps to decide in advance that even if you don't hear from her in the next few weeks/months, you are committed to achieving your extremely hard goals (eg steep mountain climbing, write a book, learn spanish).

Hope all goes well & she contacts you : )