Some one once said that when you choose a partner you choose with both your heart and mind...

Did you ever begin a relationship and loved someone with only your heart rather that your mind or chose to be with someone following your mind rather than heart??

What makes a man choose to be in a relationship using only his mind??


I'm asking this cause through out my relationship with my husband (2 years) arranged marriage, I always felt like something was missing,, he's the kind of guy that kisses my hand, forehead, cuddles and hugs me all the time and makes love to me almost on a daily basis, he even cooks for me and never says no to anything I ask for... but doesn't do the small things like valentines, small gifts, poems, songs, etc...

But we tend to fight a lot cause for some reason I just don't feel safe with him cause of his wandering eye, small white lies and mainly his ex who he loved deeply and worshiped,,

So one day after a huge fight he left the house for hours... when he came back I allowed myself to go through his e-mail,, I found out that he has been talking to a old female friend of his who he had a sexual relationship with... He had been talking to her ever since we met and going through the e-mails, she asked him if he's in love with me yet and this is how he answered "my marriage is nothing too special, it's true I had to get married and have a family But for me love isn't easy to feel"... reading that sentence broke me so bad especially that I always felt that he never got over his ex fiancée who dumped him and the fact that he was so deeply and emotionally attached sacrificing his ego, money and life for her!!


We have separated now, but I still want to know how could some one act for so long and not be in love and was it his heart or his mind who chose me??

Most men will look ( have wondering eye) I know of almost no man who breathes that will not look at a pretty women or a 1/2 dressed women that walks by, It means nothing and if you were making a issue from that, you were wrong.

This was an arranged marriage, what do you want or expect, in many you would have been treated as a second class person, expecting to put up with him.

It sounds like he tried hard to make you happy and no matter what he did, it was not enough. Many men, even in love marriage don't do the little things, that is not how THEY express their love, they think they show love by paying the bills, providing a good home, and wonder why the women can not see all the love.

It sounds lke he was not having any affair but was just talking honestly to a old friend about his marriage, Most men will talk bad about their marriage at various points.

You seem to be the one who caused all the trouble in this marriage,
It sounds like he was in love with you, just did not show it like you wanted, he was perhaps at this point of 2 years, tired of your not being satisfied and perhaps not showing her love the way he wanted it.

Why would he tell his friend that for him love isn't easy to feel only three months after our marriage... was he really telling her the truth!! Cause a few days prior to that I asked him if he loved me and he looked me in the eyes and said yes with a big kiss and hug!!

My husband and I have been together for almost a year and six months and knew each other for almost a year before marriage... at the beginning of the relationship I felt his excitement and love but I always had my guard up cause of his past.

Two years before we met he was engaged to someone for a year and they were together for a year and a half. I was a long distance relationship but he was crazy deeply in love with her... She was gorgeous and I would assume that she had a great personality. He loved her deeply it made him weak, he gave her everything he could and was very emotionally attached until a month before marriage, she told him that she didn't want to get married cause she wasn't ready!! He was so hurt and broke but hoped that she'll change her mind until three months later where she got married to her old lover!! I can't even imagine how he felt...

The day he met me he told me his entire story and I still felt that he was hurt and broken... so instead of loving him and making him feel secure... I demanded attention from him, I was so insecure and wanted him to love me as much as he loved her in such a short period... He put up with me and tried to make me feel safe and loved but I still felt like she was his no. one... We fought almost everyday, we never got along, and I felt so insecure with him and there was always something's missing!!

We fought and fought and fought until one day I heard him tell his female friend that he had to marry and have a family but for him love isn't easy to feel!! I was in total shock cause as much as we fought he still loved kissing me, hugging me and cuddling... he cooks for me, takes care of my needs and even makes love to me almost everyday!!

I became even more and more insecure about our relationship until one day I asked him to swear that he didn't love his ex more... but this time he was sick and tired of lying and said that he did love her very much and that I wasn't giving him a chance to love me as much cause he didn't feel comfortable!!

At that moment I felt like he stamped my hear with a sword... I knew that I wasn't all that good to him but I still couldn't believe what he said was true although it is the truth...


What do you think? Do you think he'll ever love me as much or his ex was his one and only true love?

I know its very difficult to accept our partners past. But I would like to ask you a question if he didn't tell you his past relationship to you, how would you get to know!
I mean look at his honesty. Its not that easy to forget love. At least he is trying to make you feel special. If you support him and always be with him. He will definitely starts to love you unconditionally.
I hope, I helped :-)
Have a happy life.

I've been with my husband for two years but I have always felt that something is missing... he's the type of guy who is very emotional, like to hug, kiss, cuddle and make love all the time... He needs my attention all the time and likes to be with me rather than spend time with friends all the time... but whenever we fight he never makes up with me, he takes all the time in the world to talk to me again and I never see spark in his eyes plus he never opens up to me and puts his family before me all the time!!

Over four years ago he was in love with a girl who dumped him a month before their wedding and I had a chance to get a glimpse about their relationship... he was so in love with her it made him weak... he did everything possible to make her happy and whenever they fought, he couldn't ignore her and tried everything not to make her sad... she was too special to an extent when she left him he gave her an excuse for not wanting to be with him!!

One day I asked him to be honest and tell me if he loved her more... what he said was I didn't love her more but I was more comfortable!! And when I asked him to swear to God he was saying the truth, he refused and got upset and irritated and left the house... later to find out that he spoke to his dad and told him that he couldn't do it!!


I know he was in love with her because until now he's hurt and broken due to the break up... which means that he's not in love with me because if he was he wouldn't feel the way he's feeling now...


I'd love your honest opinion please...

Why are you so insecure? Leave the poor guy alone regarding his romantic history, and be the fun and interesting person he wants to be married to.

She was gorgeous, confident, bubbly and sweet. She showed interest in him and he knew that he was and average guy and that a thousand other men wanted to be with her.

Although it was long distance but he fell so hard in love with her and few months after dating she started becoming cold towards him and what he did was try to regain her love back by doing the nicest things and spending all his money on her...

But she still didn't want to be with him and a month before their wedding she left him after he had spend all that time, money and emotions on her... surprisingly all he did was tell her that he will accept her decision because he loves her deeply... he didn't ever get upset about losing all his money and his dad's money for her!!

I get it love is important,, but he's a man with big huge ego,, Why did he lose his dignity for her??

People do stupid things for "love". Sounds like she was just using him for all she could get.

I'm too confused and don't understand what's happening... Now my husband and I got married through arranged marriage but we were engaged for a year before marriage so we got to know each other a bit... after marriage like any newly married we used to fight but it was all the time, almost everyday... I know we were that much in love yet but he is the kind of guy that wants to be with me all the time, the hugs and cuddles all the time, makes love daily, showed affection, he's too generous as well.

Until one day when we got into a huge fight, he left the house for hrs but then when he came back we made up and it was very affectionate. Later that night I saw his e-mail was open so I allowed myself to look at it and I found out the he was still in touch with a lady he used to know who's 12 years older than him but he had a sexual relationship with!! She doesn't live in the same country but she asked him that night if he loved me and he answered "sure I had to marry and have a family but for me love isn't easy to feel" he also was telling her that he had a new shack girl that was when we were engaged and told her that I was the one who planned for our honeymoon which wasn't true, he did!!


I confronted him and he swore to God that every word he said wasn't true and he was upset...

I'm thinking of separation cause I got 0 trust for him