Dear People

I recently found a friend that I had not seen for several years due to a misunderstanding plus age difference, currently late 20’s and 30’s. At one time we were alumni’s together. Didn’t realized how much I missed and cared about him till I saw him again. I inquired if he was married or had a relationship with anyone in which he stated he was single as was I. I found it ironic that either of us after all this time had actually found someone special in our lives yet.

Started to hang out with him things went rather quickly and in a short period and I slept with him. Something told me to slow down and that I couldn’t expect this person to feel the same way after all these years, things changed, both had changed. I figured since neither of us had a commitment with anyone there was nothing wrong with it.

Soon after I started to suspect that he was not thinking the same way about our friendship when I noticed his eyes looking at other people while in my company. Then finally one time I found a love tag on his neck and this is when I decided it was time to come clean and lay the cards on the table.

He confessed that he had been screwed over by other relationships and friends in the monetary sense. He felt he had to start over and as a male felt incompetent because he had nothing to offer anyone therefore was incapable of giving anything to anyone. He did however express that he did value our friendship. Meanwhile I must confess it hurt and although I wished he would fall for me; I value our friendship more than anything in this world. We still hand out and have lots of fun when we are together. But I can’t help to still hope that this friendship could develop into something more meaningful. I would like to continue and find out but I do not want to set myself up for failure or disappointment nor want to be disrespected with Mr. wondering eye. I find it to be a sign of disrespect when you are spending time with the opposite sex whether it is a friend or especially a loved one and that type of behavior is going on. Is there potential or am I kidding myself?

Sincerely don’t want to give up that easy

Hmmmm that's a tough one. I've had guys say stuff like that and sometimes it's to get rid of me and keep me as a friend, but sometimes it's genuine. I recently got dumped by someone that was my friend until we had a sexual relationship. However, he launched into boyfriend mode, and 3 weeks later dumped me, saying he values our friendship. So we do hang out, and he is the best friend I could hope for, but I do notice him look at me in "that way" occasionally. So, I always believe there is hope. Keep your chin up!

You said you do not want to give up then don't. Even if it does not eventually work out at least you can say you tried your best and took the risk to become more with this person.

If it turns out that it does not work out then just think of all the good times you had together and know it was a good experience for you.

If it turns out that it does work out then that is even a bonus if you both enjoy each other company and he makes you happy.

It is a win win eighter way, but it also depends on your outlook of the situation.

Good luck and have fun and just enjoy your time together no matter how long it may be or if it is just as friends or more.

Joe

Slowing down is a good thing, and the best relationships start with friendship. Communicate, and don't let your own baggage cloud the issues and mess this up. Go slow and have fun and enjoy getting to know each other, what's the hurry? Take the time to do this right, and leave the pressure to rush things out of the equation. No risk, no gain. No communication, No relationship, so be honest and talk and listen and enjoy. That's what dating is all about. Even if it doesn't work in the long run it will be well worth it.