I have been married 20 years and been with my husband 22 years, over the last 6 months things seem to have changed drastically. We used to have sex 2-3 times a month now it has been twice in 6 months. He has recently started up his own business (beginning of July) so I understand the stress of finding work is a strain. But where as he used to initiate sex, it has stopped, I have tried initiating it but all I get is (I just don't fancy it) when I ask why he says I don't know. Which doesn't help me whatsoever... I have also gone through the he is having an affair situation, but to be honest he works so much I don't think he would have time. I put on make up every day I have not put on weight (I am 5ft 8 and weigh 9 1/5 stone) The house is clean etc I bake him cakes, now it is at the stage where I don't know how long I can keep up this embarrassing lie that everything is perfect. It makes me feel alone/rejected/ugly a loser and my confidence is now rock bottom. I have no answers it what to do next, but I cannot live another 6 months with no sex??

Just a quick update I actually asked him this morning why he doesn't want sex anymore and he answered he doesn't know (thats helpful) when I tried to get him to talk he went on the defensive and said he didn't think there was a problem?

Which usually means that he's getting enough for him or that he is having some problems getting up for sex.

The stress of starting up a business could be what is reducing his libido. Often forced it is harder to perform because he isn't as turned on. I know the thought of a male that isn't turned on by a naked woman wanting sex in bed is a little startling but it happens. Especially if he's unsure about where his next meal/mortgage payment/car payment/etc. is going to come from. Supporting is far more important than sex in a man's mind. So the stress and strain is probably what is doing it.

It isn't because you're ugly, or not beautiful in his eyes. It is more that he wants to keep the roof over your head. What can you do?

So the possible reasons are medical or psychological. I would recommend a professional in each field look at him. A good doctor, and maybe couples counselling.

Thank you for your reply things have gone from bad to worse, he disappeared for 7 hours at midnight (walking the streets and thinking) so he says. His conclusion was he is ruining my life and our boys lives (they are 21 and 18) so maybe its best if he moves into a hotel for 2 nights (his words)!! I managed to get him talking and he has said he love me to bits but isn't in love with me any and doesn't find me attractive or fancy me that was heartbreaking. He says its to do with years of things like when I had a few drinks I would be horrible and say things like " you repulse me, you make my skin crawl" that is horrendous and I have said so and apologised profusely. Also he now wants me back at work (after 21 years) so I contribute to the household, I have no problem with that but feel 1st I gave up smoking for him, then stopped drinking for him, now back to work for him. What next its like I whatever I do there will always be something else. I love him to bits and am scared that yes this is it...

Sounds like lots of old problems, no one talked about.
1. he was hurt before and has never gotten over it.
2. most likely with age his sex drive is down.
3. if he has ever had any issue, then fear of failure makes them not even try
4. I would not be so sure there is not someone else, wanting to move out, in love but not in love line is fairly common one.
5. He is also defensive over past, I would say get into counseling and get talking about years of trouble
6. Perhaps business is very going a lot worst than you know, perhaps he needs you working to help pay bills

He moved into his mums last night and he said we will talk at some point, I am absolutely distraught. I am looking for work but I feel to little to late you right about the above I feel I have hurt him in the past and now is has been building up

He is still at his mums (sleeping) he goes to work comes home to eat tea then goes again, I cannot see how this is getting better for me it is worse. I don't know how to act around him I feel so miserable where as he seems OK. I totally sympathise with others who are going through this and would like some advise as to where to go from here.

I am a man with the same problem, just reversed. She has started therapy, about a year ago, but does not seem promising. I have been reading about a marriage encounter, I think it could help, you may want to look into it too.

Hi its been 1 month since he moved into his mums I have asked if he is ever moving back in, he said "yeah probably" I then said well that's not quite fair either you are or your not he then answered "yeah" he also said the reason he moved into his mums is because of the bedroom situation!! To make matters worse my son moves into his own house today so another sad day. The marriage encounter you talked about is it on here? Totally understand how you are feeling keep me informed