My partner and I have known each other since March of 2010. There is a lot of back history to our relationship, as friends and partners. We have been together for a year and nine months now. We rarely have sex. I am not the type of person that usually losses a sex drive, but after the continuous rejections, I find myself more and more depressed, even withdrawn. When we do have sex, I feel like it's not quiet right. I feel like I am not pleasing her. I feel as if her attraction to me is gone. (Which may be a result of my own self-conscious nature. I do understand how it affects others around me.)

I just want things to feel right again. I want to feel complete again. There are a number of things that contribute to our level of stress (specifically her level of stress). She doesn't seem to take stress very well at all and has a hard time letting go of things that we can not change or do anything about. I let this affect me. Once the rejection happens, I withdraw and find myself in this "zoned out" state of mind where numbness takes over. Our love for each other is very deep. Perhaps we really should seek counselling, but I feel like this is way too soon to be experiencing these sort of issues in a relationship.

Any advice as to what I should do? I've tried the romantic "tips" - being upfront about my sexual needs - and giving things time. I don't know what to do anymore... I miss her. I see her every day, but I miss her.

Stress is a huge libido killer. It is hard to have sexy times when you're stressed out. IT does get to the point where you're afraid to ask because you don't want to be rejected again. I have had that happen to me in a couple of my former relationships.

Has the sex always been this bad? Or rather infrequent?

Anyhow, Things like this don't have a tendency to change. Maybe once the stress is gone but it sounds like that isn't going to be happening any time soon.

Some counselling would probably work wonders, I am just not sure how well it will stick.

Pooy bum face :: . Partner = female. Lol I am a lesbian.

And trust, I go far and beyond initiating. Lol


CravenMorhead:: It wasn't ALWAYS this way, no. In the beginning, it was every day, several times a day.. we were crazy for each other. However, after six months into the relationship, it slowed way down. At one point, I even asked if she was putting "it on" for me just to snatch me before someone else did, and of course, the answer was yes. Lol Go figure. Counselling... I don't know if I want to go through that just yet, esp if it is just going to be a waste of time/money. PLUS! Once you get that on your medical history, you always have to explain it *in my line of work*.

Any other advice?

There is a difference between couples counselling and genuine psychological problems. I wouldn't worry about having to explain that.

How old are you two? The reason I ask is that it seems to be a very juvenile relationship. I am not sure I understand what you mean by "putting it on." It sounds like she's with you because you're a good person (lesbian?) but not because she is in love/has feeling with you. If that's the case, dump her.

Serious talk time with her. Let her know how you're feeling. Make sure it is about you and not about her and how she's not living up to your expectations. There is something fishy here and I am not sure what. If this doesn't come out well. I think you should evaluate your options and the longevity of this relationship. If you know it will not work out than it is better to stop now than later.

Thank you for your advice. You did point out a point that I didn't think about, however, I will have to look deeper to find the answer. At this point - I am convinced that she does, indeed love me. We have been together for two years now. I am 26 and she is 25.