My husband and I have been together 22 years married for 17, we met very young 17. We have 3 children now 18, 15 and 11.

We've had our problems over the years of course as anyone does, he always had an issue that I was always too busy with the children and never had enough time for him, too tired in the evenings never initiated sex etc... don't get me wrong when we did it was fantastic but just never enough for him, we have had issues over the years with him using other means i.e. the internet (he even run up a huge credit card bill many years ago) and I have been told and had proof in the past that he had been seeing someone else.

But we got through it and had some happy times, Sadly my father in law died 2 years ago so we all moved in with mother in law as she's disabled to look after her, I gave up my job to be a full time career to her and we were moving into my husband's child hood home, we looked on it as a fresh new start, A few months down the line was when the cracks really started to show, hubby wasn't happy... I was very stressed and admit grumpy. I was looking after everyone (hubby was never good around the house and he admits that he never done enough throughout our marriage). Christmas this year he said he wasn't happy and wanted a break... I was devastated... we hung on for 2 months things weren't great although I did try and make more of an effort in the bedroom and really realized what I was doing wrong before and it turned very exciting. Unfortunately rows still happened and he left in March.

My world fell apart... I was left looking after his mum and had lost my soul mate... months have passed he comes and goes, although he does not ever talk to his mum ( strange he has said before that he blames her sometimes) I've begged pleaded lost all dignity, we have made love many times but I always feel lost afterwards as I don't know what it meant, he said a few times we weren't getting back together then we would, then when we rowed he would always use that as an excuse to not come back, so I never knew where I stood. Sadly my father died 2 months ago and when I needed him he wasn't there for me, the day after my dad died he disappeared for 5 days, we couldn't ring him or text till he suddenly turned up on the Sunday. I felt very let down that he was not there for my children and I... since then it's been too and fro... bits of sex between and naughty texts and he says he loves and misses me even up to a week and a half ago, he sees I've changed and says it fantastic but is hurt that its after he left (which I regret too)... he has never taken the children out or really seen them for quality time... just when he "pops" over.

He does go quiet in the evenings and most weekends where we don't hear from him but if ever his texts or calls me and I don't reply he gets very stroppy, he has always been possessive and controlling in that way and others but it's just the way it's been since the beginning.
Then on Monday... bombshell. He told me he went out with a woman from work last week, I don't know any more than that my head works overtime though! I'll never know as he has never been completely honest with me, he said he wants to move on but don't know how, blames me for not letting him. Although I never let on how upset I was about this woman. (I waited till I put the phone down and beat hell out of the sofa) he openly admits to checking up on me on Facebook to see if I have someone new. And even accused me on Monday of being seen out with guys (I have never cheated in my life) so do I read that that he still wants me? Wants to know what I am up to because he's worried? Or so it eases his guilt of what he's doing?

I'm so confused about it all. I hope all that makes any sense, is it too late to save my marriage? I love him, but I don't know if I can trust him, he's all I've ever known. My mum says I'm in this state because I'm scared of the unknown. I would really like some advice on what to do next. I have many friends and family that advise me but it would be nice to get an outsiders opinion.

I can imagine how hard this must be for you. Me and my fiancé are going through something similar.. we've always been amazing, but lately it's like he's been depressed, and suggested a break. I refused (this was like 2 days ago), and now we're just dealing with it. He seems so sad, and I'm trying to be loving and hope it'll go away.
It seems like you're in a similar situation, but 10x harder, because you have split up, have kids together, and have been together for a long time.
It seems to me like YOU need a break. You're an amazing woman, have handled so much, taken care of so many people, and have the world on your shoulders. On top of all that, you're still trying to make things work with your husband. He should appreciate what you're doing for him.
Maybe it's time YOU take some time for yourself, focus on finding your happiness and get to know you. Maybe take a little trip alone? I think that would be so helpful, time to think. Or if that's not easy at this time, take more "you" time.. go for a walk, volunteer with something that you care about, go to the gym and blow off steam, join a yoga class, go get a massage, get a manicure, take a bubble bath with a glass of wine, etc..
It seems to me that he's given up. He of course still loves and cares for you, that's why it's like a yoyo with him, but he seems to want something else. Make him come to you, if he wants. Give him space, show him you don't need him, and maybe one day soon, he'll realize he misses you. Or worst case scenario, at least you'll find happiness and contentment in yourself, and it'll be easier to move on :)
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know how emotional I've been since my fiancé suggested a break.. I can't imagine my life without him. Relationships are so hard. And one thing I've learned is never rely on someone completely to be happy.

I think the first thing you need to do is stop having sex with him. He has been ale to come and go at will with no expectations or responsibility, he does not even see his kids. He has left you to handle everything.
I know you must be hurting, I would be too, but you must be strong and stand up for yourself and your kids.
Tell him if he wants to go, go. If he wants to date, do it, but the only reason he needs to come back home is to see his kids.
He needs a reality check.

Thank you to you both, your replies make so much sense, but my problem is I'm scared of hurting him... pushing him away... and annoying him so that causes a row... I know its silly, I've been told by so many people that I'm toosoft, but that's my way, I don't know how to toughen up!
I think its also being scared of rejection... thats why I'm so confused,

Afraid of hurting him? What about what he is doing to you and your family, to your children? How much longer are you going to let him jerk you around? He will keep this up as long as you let him.

You need to toughen up if not for yourself, but for your kids, who are bearig the brunt of this selfish brutal behavior and getting the message what he is doing is acceptable.

Its not!