Hi,
My question is that how many times sex is normal in a month. By normal I mean average in a month. Is 4 to 5 times considered normal?

Depends on the couple. I have had relationships where once every two months was normal. With my wife, 6-10 times a week is normal.

Why do you ask this question.

Ok. I'm confused and I need help. I got married one and a half yr ago. The thing is, my husband I think is not much into sex. He is the only guy I've been with. He was sex only once a week. So we have sex only five to six times a month. When I say I want more, he says that he's tired or not in the mood. It happens a lot that he says no. Recently, we had a fight about it. He says that I'm very demanding. I replied that I'm demanding because the supply is less! Also. He doesn't

Also, he doesn't like to kiss. Doesn't like to try new positions and not much into oral(well he likes to receive only) I've tried to be understanding, we have spoken about it a lot. Recently we have started to fight bat it to, but the sad part is he he doesn't put any effort into it. He says I'm acting abnormal. Am I? I don't know what to do. I want us to have this intimate bond and closeness but he is content with the absence of intimacy. Sometimes it feels to me that he is not even attracted to me any more. I am Gudrun lurking and have a nice figure. I try to please him with everything I can when we make love, but still something is missing in our relation. Am I exaggerating it?

Are you exaggerating? Nope. You're feeling what you are and you want what you want. Is it unrealistic? Nope. Are you are the same page as your husband? Nope.

How old are both of you? Was your marriage arranged or chosen?

I'm 27 and he is 28. It was chosen and we knew each other for two yrs before getting married. He might be my first but I do know that guys are more interested than this. Aren't they?

Also I want to add that we don't have much of an emotional connection either. I try to make it up by creating physical intimacy but again he says that I'm over reacting. That it's not much of an issue. I mean, am I? Seriously? We are either fighting or not talking to each other. I just don't know what to do or who to talk to. We have a 1 year old son. Because of which, I don't want to leave my husband

Sorry for the double messages. I think my confussion and frustration is shown even in here...

I know how you feel, I've felt exactly like you for a long time. My husband has a lower sex drive than me. We also probably average 4-5 times a month. But it use to be less than that. Sometimes it was only 2 times a month. But that was when I'd fight with him about it. I use to get really frustrated about the lack of sex/ lack of him initiating and get mad at him. Even though (like you) I was right to be frustrated, but getting upset made things worse. It made him always scared to come onto me. Because he thought sex = fights. When really, No sex = fights! Lol But that's just how it felt to him. The advice on this site is usually that the added pressure is a libido killer. And I've come to realize that is very very true! I finally backed off and stopped getting upset and things got better and he started to come onto me more. I think talking about it to a point can help, but once you've beat the subject to death it is a big libido killer! We now have sex 1 or 2 times a week. Yea there are weeks here and there that I wish it was more, but I've learned to accept it and just masturbate!

When you feel it needs to be discussed, be as gentle, understanding, and loving as possible. I know easier said than done. But just try not to fight or blame him. And only talk about it when you're not doing anything sexual (or wanting to be sexual) and talk calmly about it.

Also a big thing is if you truly love him and want to be with him, you're going to have to accept the fact that he probably won't ever want sex as often as you. If his libido is sort of low (I think my husband's is) you have to be okay with that. Maybe once things are really great between you (in all aspects of your relationship), he might want to have sex with you more often. But the truth is probably that his normal is 4-5 times a month. If you accept that, then anything more than that will be a nice surprise. :-)

Do I wish my husband came onto me more strongly, not so subtly? Yes. And that he wanted it more often? Yes. But I can't have everything! No one is perfect. He is pretty much perfect in every other way, it's just our sex drives are different. It's not all that uncommon. You can see it posted on this site azillion times, and it seems to be more women complaining about it than men. I think because men expect to want sex more often than women, so if they have that problem with their girlfriend they think it's pretty normal. But when women have this problem with our boyfriend's we think it's rare thing we tend to take it personally.

So your husband is not affectionate at all? Did he use to be more affectionate?

That sucks he isn't into oral. :-( Has he said why? Do you orgasm from sex? The only way I orgasm is from oral sex (or manually) and luckily my husband is generous with oral. Does your husband at least do other things besides sex (use his fingers) to satisfy you?

Also even though you feel he is the one at fault and isn't putting effort into things, you should take a step back and think of the things you could improve on. And put effort into those things. Put effort into things that matter to him. He will notice. And it will make him want to reciprocate. Don't do it in hopes of having more sex. Do it only because you love him. You can only improve yourself, not him. If he loves you he's going to start putting more effort into the relationship too. :-)

Thank you so much for your detailed reply.

We have spoken about it a lot of times, but the thing that makes me mad is that he doesn't actually make any effort about it. He is just fine the way he is. And he is not very affectionate or considering in other aspects of our relationships as well. He is just OK. This, along with the lack of sex is creating a lot of issues in my marriage. Sometimes I just want to pack things and leave, but then I start thinking about my son who loves his father as crazy.

I do not know how much longer will I be able to continue in this relationship. You are very lucky that your husband is almost perfect in other aspects. Maybe that makes you less mad at your husband than it makes me at mine..

We have come to a point where we fight all the time. If we are not fighting then we are not speaking with each other. Go on without having sex for more than a month. I wonder how much talking would clear all this...