My husbands ex won sole custody in court about 9 yrs ago. (his lawyer didn't show and he decided to proceed anyway). Even though he's a great father, (even accepted the daughter his ex had before they got together as his own) she hardly ever lets him see either kid. Now, he's decided that maybe getting a paternity test will help persuade the courts to let him see his son because his son should be allowed to know his baby brother. The plan was to get the test done out of court (much cheaper for both parties) and then go to court after. However, to do that, he needs her consent. She won't give it, tried to say that it won't happen then cause she won't consent. He then told her that it will happen because he'll take her back to court to get it done. She then tried to say that they already did a paternity test, which they definitely didn't. To me, that says she's worried about the results. Opinions?

I would take it to court if she refuses to give permission. IF your husband is not the father, she will be made to pay the courts the cost of the test.

My husbands ex won sole custody in court about 9 yrs ago. (his lawyer didn't show and he decided to proceed anyway). Even though he's a great father, (even accepted the daughter his ex had before they got together as his own) she hardly ever let's him see either kid. Now, he's decided that maybe getting a paternity test will help persuade the courts to let him see his son because his son should be allowed to know his baby brother. The plan was to get the test done out of court (much cheaper for both parties) and then go to court after. However, to do that, he needs her consent. She won't give it, tried to say that it won't happen then cause she won't consent. He then told her that it will happen because he'll take her back to court to get it done. She then tried to say that they already did a paternity test, which they definitely didn't. To me, that says she's worried about the results. Opinions?


DNA other than at a Court-recognized facility is not admissible in Court - I don't know what type of test you are thinking of using BUT testing is "usually" Court ordered. The mother will have no choice.

Getting or not getting her permission is this is done through the Court, at a Court-recognized facility, will accomplish nothing.

Have the reasons the "ex" got sole custody changed - OR was it only because the lawyer failed to appear and your husband wasn't familiar enough with the system to represent himself?

In my area (NY) the person requesting the DNA pays for it.

We were planning on going to a facility that is court recognized. It could have been a combination of his lawyer not showing, him living back with his parents (he had to for awhile after they split) and her saying in court that he's a bad dad (we have a son together, and he's a great dad to our son, as well as to their son and his ex's daughter). We own(I guess technically the bank does cause it's mortgaged) our house in which both the son AND daughter have their own rooms. So, yeah, the situation has definitely changed. And we already knew we would be paying for the test, that was never the issue.

We were planning on going to a facility that is court recognized. It could have been a combination of his lawyer not showing, him living back with his parents (he had to for awhile after they split) and her saying in court that he's a bad dad (we have a son together, and he's a great dad to our son, as well as to their son and his ex's daughter). We own(I guess technically the bank does cause it's mortgaged) our house in which both the son AND daughter have their own rooms. So, yeah, the situation has definitely changed. And we already knew we would be paying for the test, that was never the issue.


This is the first post I read this morning and the "bank owns the house" comment made me laugh out loud.

Yes, it sounds like circumstances have changed significantly. What would I do? I'd go back to Court and ask for the change.

As far as whether your husband is a bad dad his "ex" would have to PROVE it. It's one thing to make accusations; it's another thing to have proof.