Hi,

I've been dating a guy for 3 years and we had a terrible misunderstanding which led to disastrous embarrassment and humiliation in the presence of friends of family... For the past two years he has been begging to have me again... and I have been doubting it(so this would bring it to 5 years in total). He had given me a ring this year with the intention of proposing to me but said that I should keep it nevertheless and 2 months later requested to have it back. At his request of meeting him to return the ring he declared his love for me once again with tears in his eyes. I insisted that he move on and he was very disturbed at the thought of being with some one else whilst thinking of me. 10 DAYS after me meeting him I hear he is getting engaged and is engaged now. I cannot stop thinking about him! I feel as if I've made a mistake... Did I make the right decision... Why is he doing this? In 10 days how do you get over that person... I want you guys to bear in mind that 1 of the greatest influence on my decision for not being with him is my family... They have disliked him ever since the humiliation and shame that he caused me... What do I do? Is it normal to feel like this? Is it normal to feel that maybe I would have been happy with him... maybe he was the ONE? How do I move past this? I feel hurt because he poured his heart out to me and then 10 days later get engaged? Why would he do that? Am I finding excuses for him? I feel as if I would never find a love like his... but then I think if he really loved me would he do this? Would I ever find love? Please help me... I am hardly sleeping as this is taking a toll on my life... I keep thinking about him... when I never used to... I keep thinking I've done the wrong thing and that it was a mistake... etc etc...

Confused friend...

You are thinking selfishly. You are not taking a step back and looking at it unbiasedly.

First off, u are not coming up with excuses for him, instead u are coming up with excuses for yourself.

Like they say, "you don't know what you had till you loose it".

How can you say if he really loved you you how would he move on in 10 day?
It's incredible the guy waited 2 years for you and you have hurt him over and over and over again. And you probably would have continued to say no but your thinking this way because he's gone now. You always thought u had him so u never realized anything. It's not 10 days... it's 2 years. He tried so hard for you and after what you said to him, that was probably his wake up call that he was chasing after a lost cause. You told him to move on and u shattered all his hope.

If you really did love him, you would have appreciated him and all he offered before he got to this situation. You cannot string him along. It doesn't matter what your excuse is, whether its your family or whatever. The decision was yours and you said no.

You are feeling withdrawl. It's too late. There is nothing you can do. If you love him make amends an let him be happy in his life. Hope for his best and be a great support to him. Don't use manipulation or anything to get him back. Leave him be.

It's high time you both move on. Clearly it's not meant to be and I don't think you two would have been happy if it took all this just to make you realize. Learn from your mistakes don't miss out on this lesson. Learn what u did wrong for its demise. Don't do anything drastic or stupid. It's natural. He may be the greatest at this moment and u may be feeling like and it may seem overwhelming but time will heal. Don't bear yourself up about it. It wasn't meant to be. You two are Better off apart. Appreciate the good times and let the man be in peace from now on he has been through a lot.

If you really regretted what you said to him then it wouldn't have taken you till he got engaged to realize. You would have apologized right after. I am deeply sorry for you loss. Please read the sticky on this site about what to expect after a break up. It will help trust me. It will be hard but it will get better. You will find your way through all this. We are always here to help.