My boyfriend of 2/3 years has completely shut down on me. This is the third summer this has happened except this time it seems worse. The first year, 2010 we had only been together a few months and when June arrived he became depressed and withdrew. He explained to me by e mail how he gets like this and after a couple of months he was OK again. We starting seeing each other again in September and apart from the odd few days here and there, and Christmas where he shut himself away, we were OK. Then May 2011 he starting to withdraw again and I didn't see him for weeks and weeks. He still contacted me here and there by e mail but that was it. In the August we passed each other in our cars, he text me to say hello and that he had pulled the car over to talk but I had disappeared. We starting texting each other daily, he was his old self, we had lots of banter like we used to. So we agreed to meet up in October.

He asked me to stay at his place for the weekend. We met up and it was wonderful. He told me how much he loved me and missed me and how he now realised just how much I meant to him. He mentioned that I was always there for him. In fact we talked for the first time in depth about his issues. He apologized and said that all that was behind him now and that he was going no where. So we have had a lovely year, lots of loving and caring. He tells me how much I mean to him and I believe him. He was working hard in his career to build a future for us. And it was us, not just him he said, for us. We planned holidays, where we might like to live, everything, we just wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Grow old together he said. We are no spring chickens; we are both in our early 50's.

So July came this year and I felt him becoming a bit odd again, going off for a couple of days here and there but when he did get in touch he apologized if it seemed like he was pushing me away, it was just his work. He was very aware of when he was leaving me out. He booked us a short holiday beginning of August with my 2 teenage kids. The week before we went I never heard from him at all and I thought, here we go, I'll be going alone. He rang me the day before we were due to go and he was OK. He told me that he had been depressed that week and that he had managed to snap himself out of it.

Well the holiday was a disaster. From day one he kept losing his temper with my kids, not something he has ever done before. He kept threatening to go home. It’s like he was panicking to get away using any little thing as an excuse. I and he never argued once but he really had it in for my kids. Eventually he lost his temper with them and was really nasty to them, shouting and swearing over not very much at all. We decided to go home a day early. He couldn't get packed quick enough. Me and him were still fine, we didn't fall out once over it. The journey home was OK, we were fine together. When we arrived home, we unpacked the car and he just grabbed his bags, said he couldn't be in the same house with my kids a minute longer and went home. He said he would ring me the next day but he never. That was 8 weeks ago. I rang him, text him and went to his house but he never replied to anything. He wouldn't open the door. He shut out his best friend too but as he has to work with him sometimes, he had to contact him once or twice. I send him an e mail or FB message once every few days or so to tell him that I understand and that I love him and I'm here for him when he's ready.

I lost my mum 2 weeks ago, he has always supported me through it but he only managed to send me a text to say he was sorry and that he wasn't in a good place right now. He left flowers and a card at the crematorium.

This time seems worse to me. He does usually make some contact but when he does, the problem never gets mentioned he will almost change the subject. I really don't know how to cope with this at the moment. I want to, I am a strong person and he knows that. But I get mixed feelings. Does he really love me; did he just think he did? Does he want me to be here for him or would he rather I just go because he believes he is no good for me. He has had a very troubled past involving being hurt by and ex who took his child away from him and has made the last 15 years impossible for him to have contact. This seems to be the root of the depression. He told me that he has been hurt 3 or 4 times in the past, most likely because the women couldn't take this behavior. He is struggling with earning a living at the moment because of health issues but he really works hard to build his career. I want to be here for him. I love him very much and when things are OK its wonderful.

Do you think he believes I am going to stick by him? I will, for as long as it takes but how can I prove that to him if he won't talk to me or see me? Is he trying to forget me? He has not once said that he wants to end anything so I am trying to take that as a positive. It’s almost like he has just forgotten everything, we had so much fun together and I know he was really happy with me. Maybe he thought that being with me had put an end to his depression and when he realized it hadn’t he withdrew into it again?

Any thoughts or advice would be very much appreciated.

Yes, I have some views on this.
You go into good detail about what sorts of things happen, but you gloss right over his son he doesn't get to see, and his current medical problems. You seem to be aware of the root of his depression but it isn't clear that you understand it, and that you aren't just taking all this very personally.
Also, whenever someone asks online what their spouse or s.o. is thinking or feeling, something we can't possibly know, it tells me that there is communication lacking. Does he love me, does he believe I love him, is he trying to forget me? It also asks us to draw conclusions based on one side of the story, another sign that communication is lacking. You are telling us all about him and we are to tell you what he thinks and feels based on what you say, not what he says.
So again - I think these are signs that you take a lot of his behavior very personally, and either don't know enough about his life or don't really see how it applies to the present. I would give him room to be depressed each summer, not try to go on holidays together, and maybe even try to help him connect with his son, who must be old enough, even an adult, by now.

You have high hopes in a really bad situation and I hope he gets the help he needs. As for you though he doesn't seem like a good choice to give your heart too, or build a life with.