Hey guys. I've been dating this girl for 7 months and I really love her. We were great at first but like 10 days before asked me to break up for a month and let her calm her nerves down.

The reason for this is because I was a bit jealous and told her not to be with only guy friends around her, I was insecure that she will cheat on me, cause she hides sometimes things for me and when I find out about it she tell me right away but doesn't tell me without me asking her. We're both on the same college too.

She told me that she loves me and says she hasn't met anyone else.When she first asked for a break she told me that we will be together again as soon as I give her some alone time but after I started calling her the next 2-3 days, being needy she told me we will see. Yesterday when we talked a bit told me that it doesn't have to do with anything like doesn't want to be with me or things like that but she just wants some quiet time.

When I call her sometimes she doesn't answer but we talk online sometimes and when we bump into each other at college. When we're at college and she is hanging with her friends, she sometimes looks at me and as soon as I look at her she turns around.

I don't want to lose her but I don't know what to do. I have spent a week without calling her right now but I fear I might lose her while we don't talk, I fear she will forget about me and move on.. Can anyone help me, I'm desperate.

Just a few more details.. I talked to her on the phone couple of days before and told me she will let me know when the break is over.. She also wanted to meet my family while we were together but I denied it said to her there is still time we will do that soon.. We talked about marriage and having kids and stuff, she really wanted to do all those things with me

Why are you so needy and insecure? Has someone failed you in your past?

It sounds like she loves you. You do realize you are smashing your chances with her, don't you?

Take a deep breath and leave her alone.

I was insecure cause yeah someone else did fail in the past and also people talked crap about this girl, saying she will only use you for money,she has dated a lot of guys (making her a slut) but I didn't believe that but just wanted to make sure.. I do realize now that I was terribly wrong even though its too late.. I'm just desperate and scared that we won't be together anymore..

The only possible chance you have is to leave her alone and not act all needy and insecure with her by calling or texting or trying to be near her. Let her see you are a good guy and a patient one who will cooperate and put her needs first before your own.

I'm really trying to do that but its really hard.. The thought of losing her while being on this break for some stupid mistake of mine just kills me, I couldn't even live like that

I'm really trying to do that but its really hard.. The thought of losing her while being on this break for some stupid mistake of mine just kills me, I couldn't even live like that
Well, you're going to have to do it or definitely lose her forever if you can't control yourself.

Now, learn from your "stupid" (your word) mistake and think before you say and do something similar in the future. Are you feeling the power flowing through you that you are becoming a better person?

Yes definitely.. I actually even want to call her to say that I won't repeat those things and I will do everything I can to make her happy but I think I will just push her away by calling her.

Yes definitely.. I actually even want to call her to say that I won't repeat those things and I will do everything I can to make her happy but I think I will just push her away by calling her.
Yes, you will push her away. Now, you do realize there is no guarantee that backing off will win her back to you, but if she sees you can be a gentleman and be honorable and be willing to respect her, she might rethink things. Also, don't talk about her with mutual friends, and meanwhile do an excellent job in school to show her you are a good and dedicated man.

You WILL push her away by calling.

I'm thinking you should try and remember the guy you were before you started dating. That is the guy that your girlfriend fell in love with.

I've been in a similar situation. Anxiety and insecurity are turn offs.

For me, exercise and hanging out with friends helps keep me on track. Your friends will help you out as well, chat up a brother over a beer. Much better to talk out your insecurities with a trusted friend or family member right now.

Once you get back to your emotional baseline, you will be in a much better position to simply talk to your gal.

You should read the stickies above, there are some pieces of advice that are germane to your situation right now.

I feel for you, I've got anxiety issues that get triggered by relationship insecurities myself. But they are MY issues, and up to me to get under control. Somebody else can't fix these things...

So basically there is nothing that I can do besides waiting.. I asked her if she could talk to me in person the day after she asked for a break but that was a cover so that I try take her on a romantic date and show her that I can and will change but she didn't want to.. I just pray to God that I'll be with her again and I'm certain I won't repeat all those things. Thank you also a lot for taking the time to reply..

Please stay in touch.

And if you are tempted to contact her, talk to us first!!

You're jealous, overbearing, and controlling. She may love you, but love doesn't solve everything, it doesn't solve the fact that you try to control her, and she doesn't like it.

If this relationship is going to stand a chance you have to stop being a control freak, you have to get over your jealousy, and you have to accept that just because one girl failed you, doesn't mean this one will. Not all women are alike, just like all men aren't alike.

Stop calling her. Give her the time she asked for, and show her that you can take a step back, let her make up her own mind without trying to control the outcome. Your control is what she's worried about, by continuing to call her when she asked for a break, you're showing her that she has reason to worry.

Fix yourself. Get counseling about the issues you have. That's the only way it will work.

It may already be too late with her, but if you ever hope to have a normal relationship you have to get over your issues.

I really try hard not to call her and I think I'm doing good so far, she told me to call her when there is an update on exams or stuff and I do that but still won't answer my calls, and just the thought of her moving on and finding someone else just scares me

I really try hard not to call her and I think I'm doing good so far, she told me to call her when there is an update on exams or stuff and I do that but still wont answer my calls, and just the thought of her moving on and finding someone else just scares me

You can't force someone to love you, and like I said, it doesn't sound like love is the issue, it's your behavior. Most women aren't submissive, especially in today's world. Being told who you're allowed to talk to, who you're allowed to have as friends, the jealousy, the constant nagging because of that jealousy, well, love can't stand up to that. It's something that only you can change. That's why she needs a break. She's deciding if she can accept your controlling behavior, and the fact that she backed off from you because of it, leads me to believe that she can't, and won't accept it.

She may take you back, because sometimes love is blind. But, if you continue the way you've been acting it will only be a matter of time before she ends it for good.

If you can't change how you treat women, then find yourself someone that will accept your controlling jealous ways. Good luck with that, there aren't many women out there that are willing to let a guy control everything they do, and that's what you were doing, and continue to do.

The fact is, your behavior is why she needs time to think. Instead of allowing her that time, you have continued to try to control her by calling when she asked for a break. You're showing her that you're not willing to change, that you want to control her. That's a big negative, and reason enough for her to end things with you.

You can't force someone to love you, and like I said, it doesn't sound like love is the issue, it's your behavior. Most women aren't submissive, especially in today's world. Being told who you're allowed to talk to, who you're allowed to have as friends, the jealousy, the constant nagging because of that jealousy, well, love can't stand up to that. It's something that only you can change. That's why she needs a break. She's deciding if she can accept your controlling behavior, and the fact that she backed off from you because of it, leads me to believe that she can't, and won't accept it.

She may take you back, because sometimes love is blind. But, if you continue the way you've been acting it will only be a matter of time before she ends it for good.

If you can't change how you treat women, then find yourself someone that will accept your controlling jealous ways. Good luck with that, there aren't many women out there that are willing to let a guy control everything they do, and that's what you were doing, and continue to do.

The fact is, your behavior is why she needs time to think. Instead of allowing her that time, you have continued to try to control her by calling when she asked for a break. You're showing her that you're not willing to change, that you want to control her. That's a big negative, and reason enough for her to end things with you.
I'm normally not like this jealous.. I'm not even a control freak, its just what people say that frustrate me, I don't want them to think bad about her so instead of not listening to them I did this (which was really wrong).. I haven't called her to take me back or anything, I just called her the same day she told me to give her a break and told her that I will change and I regret for having done all those things and I asked for her to forgive me and she said I forgive you but still asked for a break..

I'm not even a control freak,


The reason for this is because I was a bit jealous and told her not to be with only guy friends around her, I was insecure that she will cheat on me, cause she hides sometimes things for me and when I find out about it she tell me right away but doesn't tell me without me asking her.

Sorry, but this is control. She doesn't have to tell you anything if she doesn't want to, but you expect it. You told her (not asked, told) not to be with guy friends. That's control.

You are trying to control her, and she doesn't want to be controlled. That's why she wants a break, and unless you give up the control, and the jealousy, even if she decides to take you back, your relationship won't last.

Either change how you act, stop the jealousy and control, or no matter what, this relationship won't last. No relationship you have will last until you change this.

It's up to you. You don't have to believe me, that's fine. Most people don't want to hear the truth. But, when this relationship ends, and the next one ends, and the next one ends, maybe then you'll realize that this is your issue, and until it's fixed, you won't be able to maintain a relationship.

You need to work on you, not her. She knows what she wants, and being controlled isn't one of those things. Can't blame her. I'd run too.

Sorry, but this is control. She doesn't have to tell you anything if she doesn't want to, but you expect it. You told her (not asked, told) not to be with guy friends. That's control.

You are trying to control her, and she doesn't want to be controlled. That's why she wants a break, and unless you give up the control, and the jealousy, even if she decides to take you back, your relationship won't last.

Either change how you act, stop the jealousy and control, or no matter what, this relationship won't last. No relationship you have will last until you change this.

It's up to you. You don't have to believe me, that's fine. Most people don't want to hear the truth. But, when this relationship ends, and the next one ends, and the next one ends, maybe then you'll realize that this is your issue, and until it's fixed, you won't be able to maintain a relationship.

You need to work on you, not her. She knows what she wants, and being controlled isn't one of those things. Can't blame her. I'd run too.

Thank you, I know you're just trying to clear it up for me and you're right about everything.. Believe me I realized that I was wrong the second she asked for a break.. And I will do everything, not controlling her or being jealous just to see her smile by my side.. I just couldn't live with myself if I won't be with her again..

I'm really thankful with each and everyone of you.. You've really helped me a lot more so that I respect her decision and give her time as much as she wants cause I wasn't sure what was I going to by myself do if I continued like this.. I've made my own bed,now I have to lie in it.. And if anyone has anything else to add feel free, you can say what ever you want, I know I deserve it for being an a**. I will keep you guys updated if you wouldn't mind helping me more with this topic.

I'm really thankful with each and everyone of you.. You've really helped me alot more so that I respect her decision and give her time as much as she wants cause I wasn't sure what was I gonna by myself do if I continued like this.. I've made my own bed,now I have to lie in it.. And if anyone has anything else to add feel free, you can say what ever you want, I know I deserve it for being an a**. I will keep you guys updated if you wouldn't mind helping me more with this topic.

You're not an a$$. If you were an a$$ you wouldn't be asking for help to fix this.

You're listening to the truth, and accepting it. That means that you're not an a$$, you just need help dealing with your issues.

I really do recommend counseling so you can deal with your control issues and jealousy. I'm not sure if that will be enough to save this relationship, but you shouldn't only be doing it for her, or any girl. Do it for you.

Guys is it OK if I text her, to say that if she decides to be together again, I promise not to do all those bad things I did, and just make her happy without me being jealous and a control freak?. Would that be a good idea or I will just push her away ?

I think it would be a bad idea.

Are you coming from a place of selfishness right now? Trying to bargain for a way to keep her in your life? Perhaps manipulate the situation so that it brings you what you want?

Its like the guy who constantly tells his girlfriend "I Love You" to elicit the "I Love You Too" response. You want to hear the affirmation. That is selfish... and manipulative.

I feel pretty confident that when/if your girlfriend wants to reach out to you, she knows you would like that. You aren't telling her anything new.

You should go out for a run with a friend instead.

It's not my intention to manipulate her or anything.. A part of me is ready to move on and give her as much space as she wants but another part says to me I should just say to her that I will not hurt her or try to control her and would only try to make her happy with me..

... A part of me is ready to move on and give her as much space as she wants ...

Listen to that part of you.

She asked for space. Be a good FRIEND and honor her request.

I think the part of me that's ready to move on just disappears every time I see her in person or online and we don't chat.. My hearts starts pounding fast and when I think that I'm not with her for the things I've done, I get depressed and really don't know what to do.. I don't know how long I can hold on like this.. Can someone give me an advice how to keep it together, I honestly don't know if I can continue like this

I honestly don't know if I can continue like this
And what other choice do you have except to ceaselessly contact her and drive her nuts and make her hate you totally.

And what other choice do you have except to ceaselessly contact her and drive her nuts and make her hate you totally.

You have a good point there.. It's just, I'm so attached to her and if I don't end up with her again my life would suck.. Would be even better to get hit by a bus that will probably hurt less.

I can relate. Tonight is the last night that my Ex will be at my condo with her stuff around. She moves out on Monday, but I'm out of town starting tomorrow. So I'm torn up inside. I know intellectually I should be happy that I'll get my space to myself, but I'm terrified of being alone.

Why? Because we just broke up and the pain is really bad. All I want to do is call her, hold her, comfort and be comforted. I'm hurt, and she has been my rock for the last 2 years.

But I know that if I do that, I'll get rejected and hurt even more.

So I'm going to go for a run with my running group. Coincidentally, this is my Ex's group, she started it and leads it. But we agreed that I get to keep the Wed runs, and she will not show up to run or to the bar after where I meet the runners for dinner.

So that is how I'm going to try and cope. Exercise and socialize. Then I have to go home and face her saying goodbye for the final time. Which again, leaves me full of anxiety and loneliness.

So you got to find a way to fill your time. For me it is running and then hanging out with friends, even if I don't want to run or hang out. I have to continue to go through the pain in as noble a way as I can, so when things start to subside, I'm going to be surrounded by my friends and in pretty good shape.

So far I haven't contacted her in 2 and a half weeks, but we still talk when we see each other and she smiles at me.. We went out me, her and a female friend of ours and things seemed OK.. That friend told me that she told her that she still loves me and said she hasn't met anyone or likes anyone else.. So right now I'm a bit confused.. Should I try to contact her now or talk to her when she's online (everytime she was we haven't spoken,wanted to give her the space)
Anybody has any advice for me please?

So far I haven't contacted her in 2 and a half weeks, but we still talk when we see each other and she smiles at me.. We went out me, her and a female friend of ours and things seemed ok.. That friend told me that she told her that she still loves me and said she hasn't met anyone or likes anyone else.. So right now I'm a bit confused.. Should I try to contact her now or talk to her when she's online (everytime she was we haven't spoken,wanted to give her the space)
Anybody has any advice for me please?

Keep giving her space. That's what she asked for. If she wants to come back, she'll contact you. In the meantime, stop living each day hoping she'll come back. Go out and live your life. This is her choice, not yours. You shouldn't have to put your life on hold because of it.

No Contact except what has to be done under the circumstances.

Keep giving her space. That's what she asked for. If she wants to come back, she'll contact you. In the meantime, stop living each day hoping she'll come back. Go out and live your life. This is her choice, not yours. You shouldn't have to put your life on hold because of it.

I'm trying to live life, I go out with friends, go out for a walk sometimes by myself, but still whatever I'll do I think about her and since when I heard that she still loves me, I still have hopes of being together again

I'm trying to live life, I go out with friends, go out for a walk sometimes by myself, but still whatever I'll do I think about her and since when I heard that she still loves me, I still have hopes of being together again

So how long are you willing to wait? How long before you say "Okay, love isn't enough, she loves me, I love her, but she's not coming back"?

I'm not saying that it won't work out. but, I will tell you that I've been married for 17 years, with my husband, and we've been together for over half my life. It may shock you, but he's not the only man I've loved.

The other man, we had everything, great sex, compatibility, but like you and your girlfriend, we had issue. I asked for a break to think things through, and realized that love wasn't enough. Our issues were too big. I ended up with the man I'm supposed to be with, because we click on every level.

Love isn't enough. You two have issues, that's why she asked for a break. Love may not be enough to solve those issues, and you have to accept that.

So how long are you willing to wait? How long before you say "Okay, love isn't enough, she loves me, I love her, but she's not coming back"?

I'm not saying that it won't work out., but, I will tell you that I've been married for 17 years, with my husband, and we've been together for over half my life. It may shock you, but he's not the only man I've loved.

The other man, we had everything, great sex, compatibility, but like you and your gf, we had issue. I asked for a break to think things through, and realized that love wasn't enough. Our issues were too big. I ended up with the man I'm supposed to be with, because we click on every level.

Love isn't enough. You two have issues, that's why she asked for a break. Love may not be enough to solve those issues, and you have to accept that.

I'll wait as long as I have to, knowing that she isn't dating anyone and still have a chance of being with her..
In the past in high school I've waited for a girl for 3 and half years to be together and still that didn't happen(she wanted to finish high school first) and I don't want to go through that again..
I know it may sound a bit stubborn but I just don't want to give up that easily, I'll do whatever it takes, as long as it takes to make this happen again..

My husband was also jealousy and it was one of the reason that we broke up.I should not talk to any strange guys who he does not know.so don't do that and give her some respect.

Guys if you can help with this one too..
I've been thinking about calling her to tell her that if she loves me either we get back together and fix things or we should just take a break forever or to ask her what has she decided about us, whether we will be together or not or I should still wait for her to contact me.. Anybody has any advice ?

Guys if you can help with this one too..
I've been thinking about calling her to tell her that if she loves me either we get back together and fix things or we should just take a break forever or to ask her what has she decided about us, whether we will be together or not or I should still wait for her to contact me.. Anybody has any advice ?

I've given you all the advice I can. You don't follow it. So my advice now is to do whatever you want and let the chips fall where they may.

Good luck.

I've given you all the advice I can. You don't follow it. So my advice now is to do whatever you want and let the chips fall where they may.

Good luck.

I know and I really do appreciate it but I don't want to let go,its really hard and I have hope that I can be with her again

I know and I really do appreciate it but I don't want to let go,its really hard and I have hope that I can be with her again

Then do what you want. Call her, don't call her, pour your heart out, don't pour your heart out. There is no right or wrong, she'll either want you back or not, and I'd bet that she made her decision about that as soon as she asked for a break, she just didn't have the courage to tell you.

So call her. But you have to be prepared that she may not give you the answer you want, and if that happens you have to move on.

You have no choice guy since you cannot let go and false hope has you waiting and wanting. We call it being stuck, and I think just seeing her around school is what keeps you stuck,and fullof false hope.

I hope you decide to go for 6 months of NO CONTACT what so ever. You being out of control and desperate was your downfall. You still are, and she knows it,and so does everyone who reads this post.

Hey guys a little update on this situation after my girlfriend told me that our relationship was over for good.
Lately we started talking again on the phone and one of the reasons she said it was over was because she thought that I told our mutual friend that she(the friend) tried to ruin our relationship and telling her some things I never said..

The next day my girlfriend (still ex) discovered that our friend was lying to her about the things I did not say and apologized to me for not trusting me..
Then she asked me if I still loved her and if I was with someone during our break.
She also told me she loves me but not the same as when we were together.
She said that things have a good possibility of working out and getting back together again soon.

Tomorrow she said maybe she would go to this concert but wasn't sure if she wanted to hang out with that friend that lied to her since she was going too.
I asked her what if I came would she hang out with me, she said yes.

I still love this girl but I still don't know what to do, should I be with her again or not, I'm just afraid that if we get back together she will leave me again and I don't what to do then, I couldn't do the same thing trying to get over her.

So if anyone has any advice I would be really grateful

She's not really interested I bet if you check her phn she's talking to someone else

I don't really think that's true, she's a honest person she would tell me if she doesn't want to be with me but with someone else..

Hey guys..
2-3 weeks ago I started talking to my ex again after we broke up, we cleared up all the things about the breakup, I apologised for being a douche (being jealous, didn't want her to hang around with guy friends) and she told me that she will think it through whether she will give me another chance..

After the break up I didn't talk to her for a week and did not see her, so I tried to move on but after few days I just couldn't take it anymore like that couldn't continue being sad all the time, thinking whether we will get back together or not, so I called her and asked her whether we will get back together or not, and she said that we will be together again but just wants to pass some exams first in the university we both study.

I'm trying to respect her decision but its hard, sometimes when we talk on the phone she seems cold, most we talk about is university, exams..

I want to ask her again about getting back together again or not but I'm afraid by asking her again she will get nervous and decide not to.

Does anybody have any advice for me or not, I'm getting really desperate..

And the more you bug her about this, the more turned off she will get.

Relax. Get your life together in other areas.

And the more you bug her about this, the more turned off she will get.

Relax. Get your life together in other areas.

That's the issue..
I can try move on with my life, I can try a lot harder, but I can't do that with her giving me this hope of getting back together again..
But if waiting is the only option for me, then I guess I have to endure it
(Sorry, I know I can be boring sometimes, but I'm just asking for some help)

Get into life so you will be interesting for her. Now you are NOT!!

Just one more question..
Is it OK if I call her sometimes just to see how is she doing ?

Just one more question..
Is it ok if I call her sometimes just to see how is she doing ?
I say no. I strongly suspect you are history for her.

Why must you learn about desperation and false hope the hard way? Oh well many of us do and will never give up until we have to!

This is going to hurt more later than it does now.

I'm trying to respect her decision but its hard

This is the whole point. This has always been the issue. You keep saying you'll change, you won't be so controlling, and yet you're still trying to control her. You haven't respected any of her choices, you keep contacting her when she asked you to stop, you keep nagging her about getting back together when she told you she's not ready. You won't give up the control, which means you'll end up losing her.

Until you learn that, you'll never have a lasting relationship.