I live in New york state. My husband is trying to adopt my daughter. Her bio father hasn't made any attempts to see or have contact with in the last 5 years. I got a hold of him recently and asked if he would consent to the adoption. He replied with 'only if you file papers to clear my support arrears ' (he is currently behind $16,973.85).. I don't want it... so my question is how do I go about getting that cleared so he will sign the adoption consent? Please help! Thank you!

I live in New york state. My husband is trying to adopt my daughter. Her bio father hasn't made any attempts to see or have contact with in the last 5 years. I got a hold of him recently and asked if he would consent to the adoption. He replied with 'only if you file papers to clear my support arrears ' (he is currently behind $16,973.85).. I don't want it... so my question is how do I go about getting that cleared so he will sign the adoption consent? Please help! Thank you!


When you say [you] "don't want it" are you saying you will waive the back support, you don't want to collect it, or are you saying you don't want him to sign anything waiving back support?

The same Attorney who is handling the adoption will handle this. I'm also in NY, and this is not unusual.

IF he owes any money to the State or Country for the child, any type of aid, that cannot be waived.

I'm saying that I don't want the back support anyway. I'm never going to see it. And yes I want to waive it. I'm also doing the adoption without an attorney.. I know it might not be a good idea but for the most part I do know what I'm doing. But I don't know however to get the back support waived in order for the bio dad to consent to adoption. As far as I know he doesn't owe money to the state or another country and neither do I.

I'm saying that I don't want the back support anyway. I'm never going to see it. And yes I want to waive it. I'm also doing the adoption without an attorney ..I know it might not be a good idea but for the most part I do know what I'm doing. But I don't know however to get the back support waived in order for the bio dad to consent to adoption. As far as I know he doesn't owe money to the state or another country and neither do I.


It's not a good idea, particularly when what you are doing could be seen as trading back support for his signature on adoption papers. At some point in time someone (for example, the birth father) could go back and try to reopen the adoption on just those grounds - traded money for the child. It's harsh, but it could happen. I've seen it happen.

I think you're making a mistake by representing yourself. I would probably be less concerned if you knew how to handle this waiver.

I totally agree with Judy that you are being pennywise and pound foolish. As long as the bio father is willing to agree this should not be expensive. And with an adoption making sure the paperwork is ironclad is important.

At the very least you can have a para-legal prepare the forms for you.

I'm trying doing what is in the best interest of my child. She is 11 yrs old and in her eyes everyone around her has a father but her. I'm not trading anything but if that's what it takes for him to consent and that's the only reason he won't is low on his part. I know that I can do this without the high expensive attorney fees. So is anyone going to answer my question?

I'm trying doing what is in the best interest of my child. She is 11 yrs old and in her eyes everyone around her has a father but her. I'm not trading anything but if that's what it takes for him to consent and that's the only reason he wont is low on his part. I know that I can do this without the high expensive attorney fees. So is anyone going to answer my question?

Who said anything about not doing this for your child? Don't get us wrong, we think your husband is a great guy for agreeing to adopt her. I personally am all for step parent adoptions as long as everyone is in agreement.

And if it takes waiving support arrears to get the agreement, especially arrears you probably would never see, then go for it.

Where we disagree is that there should be "high expensive attorney fees" for this or that whatever attorney fees there might be are not worth it. If your concern is your child, then why would you risk the adoption being overturned because you didn't do things right?

The problem with answering your question is there is no answer we can give. We don't know the court, what the court requires how formal they are or any of the other factors. Its possible a simple document:

I, <insert your name> do hereby waive any claim to any child support arrears owed by <insert his name> based on the child support order <insert date and docket info of the original order>.

Will suffice. Or a more formal document might be needed. Like I said, at the least you can have a para legal prepare the documents without requiring an attorney to represent you in court.

I'm trying doing what is in the best interest of my child. She is 11 yrs old and in her eyes everyone around her has a father but her. I'm not trading anything but if that's what it takes for him to consent and that's the only reason he wont is low on his part. I know that I can do this without the high expensive attorney fees. So is anyone going to answer my question?


I did answer your question. You just want to hear what you want to hear. I find it hard to believe that "everyone" has a father but her, not today, not in public schools.

Yes, you are trading - you are trading past due support for his signature. Maybe you don't like to hear it in those terms but that is exactly what it is. Some day when your daughter asks where her real father is you can explain exactly what happened.

If you can "this" without high expensive Attorney fees, do it. I find that difficult to believe when you had to post this common question on AMHD but, sure do the adoption without legal advice.

With luck the father will never reconsider and go back to Court to reverse the adoption because of the trade off OR because he wasn't advised of his rights or... who knows.

If the attitude you express here is the attitude you display in Court, expect to have problems. This comment was totally unwarranted: "So is anyone going to answer my question?"

So - is anyone here going to listen?

*sigh*

I hear the same thing all the time about adoptions and legal fees---"oh no! Someone might have trained for many years to know more than I do about this, and will CHARGE me to do it! They'll get it right, but I've got a good shot at getting it right, so I'll save the money and take the chance".

First, if everyone is in agreement, adoption fees are not that high. You're not talking the $20k or more for an infant adoption through an agency here.

Second... I can set bones. I can! I read how to do it in a book! I don't need a doctor to set a bone! I can just do it myself because I read how to do it on the internet!

You don't NEED a doctor to set a bone. Just like you don't NEED a lawyer for an adoption.

JUST LIKE THAT.

Get an attorney. The peace of mind you get KNOWING that the biological father isn't going to show up later and overturn the adoption and STILL refuse to pay the arrears is WELL worth the couple thousand dollars (TOPS! ) for an attorney. You're willing to write off nearly SEVENTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS to do this! How in the world can you NOT justify attorney fees after writing off THAT much money?

*sigh*

I know you're busy, but I was going to ask you for your thoughts on this one.

Well said - should be a rubber stamp.

You are basically wasting your time without an attorney, one slip up and there may be a reason to contest the adoption latter, or it just gets thrown out of court.

Spend a few 1000 dollars and at least have an attorney write up the paper work.

I doubt the judge will allow the waiver, but it will be up to the judge. So it can be submitted and you will have to see if it gets denied or not. If denied, then you refile without it.

If you start child support enforcement, take hm back to court, garnish his pay, perhaps he would be happier to sign

Judy- my daughter has been asking for a couple years now. I'm not going to lie to her. She's very mature for her age and is extremely smart. She even asks her cousins if they know her dad.. No one has answered my question except kind of scottgem... chuck.. I'm not sure if I understand what you are saying? He's not going to sign anything if I take him back to court for child support. I asked a question because this is a forum for questions and answers correct? Also I know how to speak in a court of law. I've done it plenty in the past and I just say the truth. But when I get this all said and done ill come back and report what I needed and didn't need. And if I'm trading the arrears for my daughters best interest so be it. I will do whatever it takes so she can have a happy rest of her childhood. She already missed out on too much.

Judy- my daughter has been asking for a couple years now. I'm not gonna lie to her. She's very mature for her age and is extremely smart. She even asks her cousins if they know her dad.. No one has answered my question except kind of scottgem... chuck..I'm not sure if I understand what you are saying? He's not going to sign anything if I take him back to court for child support. I asked a question because this is a forum for questions and answers correct? Also I know how to speak in a court of law. I've done it plenty in the past and I just say the truth. But when I get this all said and done ill come back and report what I needed and didn't need. And if I'm trading the arrears for my daughters best interest so be it. I will do whatever it takes so she can have a happy rest of her childhood. She already missed out on too much.

You don't seem to want to understand what we are telling you. You seem to expect a black and white answer You seem to think that we can tell you to do a, b & c and it will clear the arrears. It doesn't work that way. You have to prepare a document that waives your claim to the arrears (which we have told you). The exact wording of this document is dependent on the requirements of the court. You then have to present this document to the court that issued the support order for approval. If its approved, then he agrees to the adoption. If not you are back to square one.

You keep saying "I will do whatever it takes so she can have a happy rest of her childhood." Yet you refuse to consult a local attorney who is the only ones who can give you a black and white answer and even they may not be able to. All the responses here have tried to help you and all have given you good advice. But you don't seem to want to understand or accept that advice. Yet you keep saying you will "do whatever it takes...".

I think you need to take a step back and try to understand what doing "whatever it takes" means. One of the things it means is spending money on professional advice when you need it. It means spending money to make sure you do thinks right so your efforts aren't' wasted.

Your question has been answered to the best of our ability to answer it. You are free to take the advice we've given and use it or ignore it and do what you think is right. And yes we would like for you to report back what the result was.

Judy- my daughter has been asking for a couple years now. I'm not gonna lie to her. She's very mature for her age and is extremely smart. She even asks her cousins if they know her dad.. No one has answered my question except kind of scottgem... chuck..I'm not sure if I understand what you are saying? He's not going to sign anything if I take him back to court for child support. I asked a question because this is a forum for questions and answers correct? Also I know how to speak in a court of law. I've done it plenty in the past and I just say the truth. But when I get this all said and done ill come back and report what I needed and didn't need. And if I'm trading the arrears for my daughters best interest so be it. I will do whatever it takes so she can have a happy rest of her childhood. She already missed out on too much.


How is being adopted going to change your daughter's interest in her bio father?

I don't understand how not being adopted has caused her to miss out on too much.

I don't know what you're trying to "sell" here, but I'm not buying it.

I don't think you do know how to speak in a Court of law because if you did the bio father wouldn't be thousands of dollars in arrears.

My very specific concern is that you've pretty much blown off advice from people with experience from all sides of adoption, believing that your way is the best way. I truly don't understand why you bothered to ask the question if you didn't want to hear the answers.

How is being adopted going to change your daughter's interest in her bio father?

I don't understand how not being adopted has caused her to miss out on too much.

I don't know what you're trying to "sell" here, but I'm not buying it.

I don't think you do know how to speak in a Court of law because if you did the bio father wouldn't be thousands of dollars in arrears.

No one can force anyone to pay arrears not even the courts.

Her never having a father in her life. She has missed out on that father /daughter bond because that person didn't want to step up. She wants to be adopted and our last name but unfortunately in NY you have to be 14 to have a say in court.

As of right now she has no interest in her bio dad. When she's older and if she wants to ask him, then she can ask him why he was never in her life.

No one can force anyone to pay arrears not even the courts.

This is not quite accurate. The courts have many tools that can force someone to pay support. However, if a person is able to not hold down a job and to hide income, they can get away with not paying support.


Her never having a father in her life. She has missed out on that father /daughter bond because that person didn't want to step up. She wants to be adopted and our last name but unfortunately in NY you have to be 14 to have a say in court.

You don't say how long your husband has been in your life, but its not entirely true that she has never had a father. A father is not just the person who contributed the sperm in your birth. It would seem that your husband has been a father to her since some point after he entered your life.

But you keep throwing in side issues. No one here has said you should not pursue the adoption. We have encouraged you to do so. But the question was how to waive the arrears so the bio father will agree to the adoption. All we have been saying is that you should get an attorney to make sure it is done right to prevent future problems.


As of right now she has no interest in her bio dad. When she's older and if she wants to ask him, then she can ask him why he was never in her life.

Again, this is a good way to handle it, but it has nothing to do with the situation or the questions you were asked. You are presenting your daughter has somehow disadvantaged because her bio father is a deadbeat dad. But she has someone who has volunteered for the role of father, that's even better since he chose to be her father unlike her bio dad.

Anyway, I see no sense in continuing this since you don't seem to believe in the advice you have been given.

Bottom line is you need to prepare a waiver of the support arrears to be approved by the court. Once you do that, the bio dad will agree to the adoption. It may be possible to have a court grant the adoption over the objections of the bio dad if he has not been a part of your daughter's life. A local lawyer can better advise you on the mood of the local courts as to doing this.

...
Like I said, at the least you can have a para legal prepare the documents without requiring an attorney to represent you in court.

You do know that for a paralegal to take money in exchange for preparation of documents for a "clent" is, in most states, the unauthorized practice of law, a felony?

Paralegals may only legally work for attorneys. An attorney, on the other hand, might agree to supply the required document without appearing in court. That might be the cost-effective solution.

My niece works as a para legal in FL. As I understand it some clients will come into the law office and request that court papers be prepared. The office will assign a para legal to prepare the paperwork at a reduced billing rate. It was my understanding that such arrangements could be made in other areas, like NYS as well.

You are correct that a para legal cannot hang out a shingle or solicit work on their own (except from lawyers, some para legals can work freelance).

This is not quite accurate. The courts have many tools that can force someone to pay support. However, if a person is able to not hold down a job and to hide income, they can get away with not paying support.



You don't say how long your husband has been in your life, but its not entirely true that she has never had a father. A father is not just the person who contributed the sperm in your birth. It would seem that your husband has been a father to her since some point after he entered your life.

But you keep throwing in side issues. No one here has said you should not pursue the adoption. We have encouraged you to do so. But the question was how to waive the arrears so the bio father will agree to the adoption. All we have been saying is that you should get an attorney to make sure it is done right to prevent future problems.



Again, this is a good way to handle it, but it has nothing to do with the situation or the questions you were asked. You are presenting your daughter has somehow disadvantaged because her bio father is a deadbeat dad. But she has someone who has volunteered for the role of father, that's even better since he chose to be her father unlike her bio dad.

Anyway, I see no sense in continuing this since you don't seem to believe in the advice you have been given.

Bottom line is you need to prepare a waiver of the support arrears to be approved by the court. Once you do that, the bio dad will agree to the adoption. It may be possible to have a court grant the adoption over the objections of the bio dad if he has not been a part of your daughter's life. A local lawyer can better advise you on the mood of the local courts as to doing this.

Ok I'm going to consult with an attorney.. The courts nor myself can't make one pay the arrears and/or child support if that person does not work. That's how the arrears got so high in the first place. In my county its just a slap on the hand. I am going to seek legal advice about my situation and ill be happy to report back what the outcome will be.

My niece works as a para legal in FL. As I understand it some clients will come into the law office and request that court papers be prepared. The office will assign a para legal to prepare the paperwork at a reduced billing rate. It was my understanding that such arrangements could be made in other areas, like NYS as well.

You are correct that a para legal cannot hang out a shingle or solicit work on their own (except from lawyers, some para legals can work freelance).

OK. We are both singing from the same sheet. :)

To OP:

What you need is something to make the non-custodial parent (as opposed to the judge) happy. A release of past-due child support signed by you in exchange for consent to adoption should work. You might want to specify that this only is valid if the adoption goes without a hitch.

No one can force anyone to pay arrears not even the courts.

Her never having a father in her life. She has missed out on that father /daughter bond because that person didn't want to step up. She wants to be adopted and our last name but unfortunately in NY you have to be 14 to have a say in court.

As of right now she has no interest in her bio dad. When she's older and if she wants to ask him, then she can ask him why he was never in her life.


How odd - I'm in and out of Court - in NY by the way - and I'm not aware that the Court can't force anyone to pay arrears. I do a brisk business locating non-custodial parents so that the custodial parents CAN collect support for the children.

"As of right now" may be the magic words.

Your husband hasn't taken an interest in the child because she's not legally "his"?

You are saying two different things - here she has no interest in her father; before you posted "She even asks her cousins if they know her dad.. "

Which is it?

OK. We are both singing from the same sheet. :)

To OP:

What you need is something to make the non-custodial parent (as opposed to the judge) happy. A release of past-due child support signed by you in exchange for consent to adoption should work. You might want to specify that this only is valid if the adoption goes without a hitch.
Ok thank you :) that's exactly what I was looking for!

Ok thank you :) that's exactly what I was looking for!


Isn't this exactly what Scott suggested several posts ago?

Isn't this exactly what Scott suggested several posts ago?

No judy its not

No judy its not

Actually yes it is. I suggested that you write up a waiver (same as a release) and even gave you suggested wording for it. Post #7


Its possible a simple document:

I, <insert your name> do hereby waive any claim to any child support arrears owed by <insert his name> based on the child support order <insert date and docket info of the original order>.

will suffice. Or a more formal document might be needed.