Hi all!

I'm an about 31-year-old-bi guy, more one the gay side sexually speaking. I have never had something lasting either with a female or male, and I'd like to have your opinion on what follows:

Recently, I have been talking to a 28-year-old girl on the phone and Facebook. (We also met a couple of weeks ago to have a coffee - the first contact was via the Internet - and I feel she's the right one for me for a stable relationship, which is what I seek in a girl. [ I think she's interested in me too.]

Now the point is that - as implied in the first line above - I've been suffering by a [maybe unreasonable ] performance anxiety, which has kept me away from girls. This also somehow instilling in me fear of them. Anyway, once, before meeting her, I managed to get a full erection talking with her over the phone. (In my case, getting erection is the issue, not maintaining it.)

I feel it's time for me to settle, and I'm positive I'm not prepared to do that with a male. With a male, it's basically just sex.
Should I continue seeing her? Do you think this [unreasonable?] performance anxiety will go away, as we get closer to each other? (The point is that I don't want to let her down either, sexually speaking, in the future.)

Any advice is highly valued, and thank you for your time.

Short answer(s):yes. Yes.

Not so short answers: Yes, continue seeing her. Yes performance anxiety will go away.

Long answer:

Are you settling because you've Ms. Right or ms. Right Now? I get the feeling that you might be only looking at part of the picture, specifically sexually, rather than the entire scene. It sounds like you like her, and it sounds like things should continue.

As for your second question. There will be times that sex will suck. You know this, and she will too. The first few times will probably suck too because you're learning the other person's quirks. So relax, give yourself a break, take it slowly and don't be nervous. Which I realize won't work but what can you do eh? Be comfortable around her before being intimate with her. Talk about things beforehand that might be relevant to the situation at hand.

Good luck.

Not to add anxeity, but do you thing your bi-sexuality will get you in trouble?

Hi. Thanks for your opinion. Well, I'm aware that I'm not 50% gay and 50% straight, sexually speaking, but emotionally I can attach more easily to a female. And I'm sure that my anxiety or erectile dysfunction is mainly psychological, not physical (at least, for now)
What exactly do you mean by "do you thing your bi-sexuality will get you in trouble?" ? Are you referring only to sexual performance?

Hi. Thanks for your opinion. Well, i'm aware that i'm not 50% gay and 50% straight, sexually speaking, but emotionally i can attach more easily to a female. And i'm sure that my anxiety or erectile dysfunction is mainly psychological, not physical (at least, for now)
What exactly do you mean by "do you thing your bi-sexuality will get you in trouble?" ? Are you referring only to sexual performance?

Do you think you'll crave sex with a man while in this committed relationship?

I have noticed in a scant few of my bi-sexual friends that there is a sense of entitlement to having Significant others of both sexes because they swing both ways, or to be able to sleep around with one sex when the crave hits while in a committed relationship with the other. I am doing quite a poor job relating this idea. Does this make sense?

I also noticed that this is more of a personality not sexuality trait. I don't mean to offend the right and responsible Bisexual people out there.

My main advice to you was to stay put and not worry about it. It will work itself out.

Hi. I don't think I will fling myself at a man, once I have found something fulfilling with a woman.
I do understand you perfectly well, and I appreciate your comment. The point is that, where I live, you can't really confide in bisexual feelings to your partner, and so on. I know it's wrong to start a relationship with such a lie (or call it a secret), but I hope, as you said: " It will work itself out."

Thanks again.


Do you think you'll crave sex with a man while in this committed relationship?

I have noticed in a scant few of my bi-sexual friends that there is a sense of entitlement to having Significant others of both sexes because they swing both ways, or to be able to sleep around with one sex when the crave hits while in a committed relationship with the other. I am doing quite a poor job relating this idea. Does this make sense?

I also noticed that this is more of a personality not sexuality trait. I don't mean to offend the right and responsible Bisexual people out there.

My main advice to you was to stay put and not worry about it. It will work itself out.