I am a 20 year old female with an over protective mum. But to a point where it really upsets me and its making me ill! Its gotten to a point where I don't get to open my own mail and I am very rarely allowed to go out.

I start university soon and She has told me to order everything I need online. I used to have a problem with being around people and I feel as though this problem is resurfacing due to my mums orders. She hates my boyfriend so she stops me from seeing him apart from when she wants me out of the house.

Its gotten to a point where I have lost all enjoyment of doing things that I used to love doing, like getting dressed up in my new clothes and doing my makeup and going to parties with friends. Very few of my friends stay in touch with me any more because they find it ridiculous that my mum tells me I'm not allowed to go out (I am 20 after all).

I shouldn't have to ask if I can go out or if I can stay out. I find that I am literally heaving my guts up every time I am on my way home due to the anxiety I have about doing something wrong.

I have already tried talking to my mum about how I am feeling about her current behaviour towards me, but for some reason, even though I explain to her before had that I don't want to argue; arguing is how it always ends.

I am a young woman now and would like to be treated with a bit of respect. I am so lost and confused and really don't know what else I can do.

I no longer have control of my mail, my bank card or my social life. Is this how its always going to be for me?

The solution to your problem is simple. Move out of your moms house. You're an adult, not a child, so you can leave, start a life of your own, be responsible for your own needs, and your own mail.

If you can't move out, then you'll have to suck it up, or most of it anyway. The mail thing is against the law. She has absolutely no right to read mail that's addressed to you. She could be charged for doing that.

The rest. Well, it's her house, she pays for it, and allows you to stay. Her rules are the rules.

So stay and accept her rules, or be an adult and move out on your own. Those are your options.

Will you live at home while you attend university?

Talk with university counseling to find out your options. I'm guessing your mother is paying for everything right now. Get a part-time job, maybe on campus?

I'm no expert-- but I feel that you should do everything that you can to get out. Are you able to hold a job, take care of yourself? I understand that you may need your mother to help you pay for school but if she is controlling you to the point where you are becoming ill-- the best thing that you can do for yourself is find your own way.