I've got the age old "partner doesn't like sex" problem. I guess my question is how to I break up with her? I feel like for it because I like her a lot and she I'd going to throw a fit for sure. Is there a way to make this less painful?

You can't.

Breakups are, by their very nature, painful.

What you CAN do is be honest and not point the finger completely at her---this is at least partly YOUR fault, too, even if you can't see it now.

If your partner doesn't like sex isn't it really YOUR problem and not there's?? Which would make it completely my fault?

If your partner doesn't like sex isn't it really YOUR problem and not there's??? Which would make it completely my fault??

WHAT! Don't think synnen is stating that. What are you doing that she doesn't like. Have you and she discussed different positions, ways to get her arroused, in fhe mood. Or are you a 'here is your hat what is your hurry' type of guy.

Maybe you don't like her enough to find out what she likes? Think about it.

Okay, you're breaking up with her JUST because she doesn't "like" sex.

Do you realize how big a douche that makes you sound?

If someone wanted to break up with me because of sex, I'd realize that person wasn't right for me anyway, or he'd have either tried to make things work (communication and compromise) or he would have accepted me the way I *am* and not left because I wasn't what he wanted me to be.

You asked about how to make breaking up with someone because they don't give you enough sex less painful, and I answered that there isn't a way to make that not painful.

You didn't ask how to make your sex life better. You didn't tell us about any of the things you tried to do to make your relationship better. You just said your girlfriend wouldn't put out so you wanted to break up with her and make it less painful.

To me, that DOES sound like at least half the problem is you. I didn't say it was ALL you--just that you have to accept that YOU are at least half responsible for where the relationship is today.

And actually... yeah. If you can't work with your partner to find out WHY they don't like sex, then it IS your problem. YOU are the one unhappy with the sex right now, right? Doesn't that make it YOUR problem, if she's not unhappy?

I think you are both really young and have no concept of the kinds of monkey wrenches life throws into your sex life. If you think she should like sex just because you do, you're REALLY young. For women, sex is over 90% mental. If you're not getting into her head to figure out how to make her like sex, you're sure not getting into her pants.

Don't get me wrong---I totally think you SHOULD break up with her, so that she can find someone else less focused on her vagina and more focused on her brain.

Bottom line, breakups hurt. Instead of talking to her about this issue you just want to break up with her because she's not putting out enough for you. She may not be happy when you breakup with her, but when she thinks things through she'll realize that it's better that she found out the type of person you are now, before she invested too much of her time and effort into a relationship with you.

She can do better, so let her go. If she's mad, she'll get over it very quickly.

Whoa. I'm sorry, I didn't clarify. I have talked to her in depth about it. And I have been patient about it. We've been together for just under a year. There are a lot of circumstances that get in way of sex between us. Sex is a huge part of a relationship. Without it your just friends. Right? Definitely don't want to be a "douche" about it.

Whoa. I'm sorry, I didn't clarify. I have talked to her in depth about it. And I have been patient about it. We've been together for just under a year. There are a lot of circumstances that get in way of sex between us. Sex is a huge part of a relationship. Without it your just friends. Right? Definitely don't want to be a "douche" about it.

When you talked to her about it what did she say? Is it lack of sex drive, fear of pregnancy, or something else?

Maybe it would help if we know how old the two of you are.

Without [sex] your just friends. Right?
Who made up that rule?

Over the years and even now, millions of people date, have relationships, and never have sex until their wedding night. They aren't just "friends" before marriage.

Yes, how old are you?

I agree with Syenne. There isn't really two ways about it. The sex has died off in the relationship and you're not sure why. Don't get be wrong, I do believe that intimacy is very important in a relationship. It is the connection that makes things... real.

The question I have is what have you done to try to correct this problem? Have you asked why? Have you tried to fix things. My Ex-wife was like that, hell my ex-gf was like that too, for each their own reasons. I had to get my ex-wife drunk to have sex. And my ex-gf had broke her lady bits so it was viable without pain. So I understand where you're coming from. I tried to make things work and relight the passion. It didn't work.

So it looks like you've done nothing to remedy this problem. How long have you been together? Do you live together? How old are you?

Anyhow, there are a few things you can do:
1) Set her down and explain that your expectations aren't being met in this relationship and that you don't forsee them ever being kept. It is best for both of them to find people with compatible libidos.
2) Continue to work on the relationship and find a way to fix the sex problem.
3)I don't recommend this but it is an option and since you already seem a little heartless it might work. Sabotage the relationship so she dumps you.

Either way there are going to be hurt feelings, it is just a matter of what you're willing to accept. Man up and do it.

Heartless?? Ouch. We are both in our mid twenties. Together just under a year. The sex has always been mediocre at best. We do have sex I know she likes it and is getting because, frankly, she's a squirter. I can tell. And its not like I haven't done thing to try and help the situation. We both have kids and she has hers 24/7. I help her do her house work and whatever she is stressing about at the moment. Honestly, I'm worried that she doesn't respect me and sees me as her .

Heartless??? Ouch. We are both in our mid twenties. Together just under a year. The sex has always been mediocre at best. We do have sex I know she likes it and is getting because, frankly, she's a squirter. I can tell. And its not like I haven't done thing to try and help the situation. We both have kids and she has hers 24/7. I help her do her house work and whatever she is stressing about at the moment. Honestly, I'm worried that she doesn't respect me and sees me as her .

Her b****. I do all the nicey nice stuff. Send her a sweet text early in the day. Give her a back rub or what ever and take if super slow. She just doesn't like sex and I do. It would be a crime for me to let it go on.

There's no good way to end things.

Explaining things to us helps, though---You don't seem like such a jerk now.

It sounds like you are just incompatible. It happens.

I do want to point out though--I have a 10 month old. My husband and I used to have sex several times a week. Now we're lucky if it's once every 2 weeks. And I'm a stay at home mom whose husband helps with everything! He does the nicey stuff, he helps around the house, we share care for our son in the evenings--but I'm EXHAUSTED. There is no sex drive because sleep sounds soooooo much better to me than sex.

And even if she DOES do other things than sleep when she can--it may be something she needs. My husband used to get upset if I came to bed an hour or 2 after him and still no sex. I had the energy to sit up and read, but not be intimate? The thing is--that hour or two is often the ONLY time in my day where I am by myself. I don't even get to pee by myself anymore! I have my son 24/7, and even if my husband DOES help me out, I like having the extra time to find ME again. Frankly, if I don't get that time, I'm horrible to be around, unhappy, and even less in the mood for sex. I can't find sex goddess if I can't find my baseline me--do you see what I'm saying?

There's no good way to end things.

Explaining things to us helps, though---You don't seem like such a jerk now.

It sounds like you are just incompatible. It happens.

I do want to point out though--I have a 10 month old. My husband and I used to have sex several times a week. Now we're lucky if it's once every 2 weeks. And I'm a stay at for our son in the evenings--but I'm EXHAUSTED. There is no sex drive because sleep sounds soooooo much better to me than sex.

And even if she DOES do other things than sleep when she can--it may be something she needs. My husband used to get upset if I came to bed an hour or 2 after him and still no sex. I had the energy to sit up and read, but not be intimate? The thing is--that hour or two is often the ONLY time in my day where I am by myself. I don't even get to pee by myself anymore! I have my son 24/7, and even if my husband DOES help me out, I like having the extra time to find ME again. Frankly, if I don't get that time, I'm horrible to be around, unhappy, and even less in the mood for sex. I can't find sex goddess if I can't find my baseline me--do you see what I'm saying?

I totally get it. That's why I've been patient about it and done what ever I can do to help it. But, I've got to have it at least once a week or I start to get crabby and all sorts of things start to go through my brain. I can't give up what I need. I wouldn't be a real man if I did. Thank you all for the responses. For some reason I feel better now ;)

I totally get it. That's why I've been patient about it and done what ever I can do to help it. But, I've got to have it at least once a week or I start to get crabby and all sorts of things start to go through my brain. I can't give up what I need. I wouldn't be a real man if I did. Thank you all for the responses. For some reason I feel better now ;)

I'm glad that you feel better.

Bottom line, no matter what we think, or how we feel, this is your decision. You don't have to stay with her just because some people think you should try harder. If you've given it your all, talked to her, and you still can't meet each other half way, then it's best to end it now.

Good luck. :)