I am almost 50 years old. I have been married 13 years. 2 daughters. 10 and 12. My husband and I are done!! We live separately in our home. He is the sole financial provider. Pretty much always has been. I haven't worked since 2009. I told him I wanted a divorce. He told me to get out! All I have is family out of state to go to. He has been physically abusive to me in the past. If I leave my children temporarily and file for a divorce in another state, will he be awarded custody and say I abandoned them?

I am almost 50 years old. I have been married 13 years. 2 daughters. 10 and 12. My husband and I are done!!! We live separately in our home. He is the sole financial provider. Pretty much always has been. I haven't worked since 2009. I told him I wanted a divorce. He told me to get out! All I have is family out of state to go to. He has been physically abusive to me in the past. If I leave my children temporarily and file for a divorce in another state, will he be awarded custody and say I abandoned them?


You have to be a resident in a State before you can file for divorce in that jurisdiction. That is usually 6 months.

Why don't you go to an Attorney where you are now and file for divorce? Your husband can't force you out. Ask that HE be ordered to pay your legal fees.

And, yes, you will not look good if you walk away from a physically abusive man and leave your children with them.

It's kind of hard to stand up to a man 6'3 tall. 250 lbs. I have no job, no money of my own. I don't know of any attorney's that will take my case and demand payment from him. I have tried legal aide but they will only take domestic abuse cases. Current. My case was 2 years ago.
Mentally, I am broke down to the core. My children are suffering emotionally as well. Life just goes on fine and dandy for him... so unfair.

It's kind of hard to stand up to a man 6'3 tall. 250 lbs. I have no job, no money of my own. I don't know of any attorney's that will take my case and demand payment from him. I have tried legal aide but they will only take domestic abuse cases. current. My case was 2 years ago.
Mentally, I am broke down to the core. My children are suffering emotionally as well. Life just goes on fine and dandy for him..... so unfair.


Then ask another Attorney - an Attorney would represent you and ask for legal fees from him. I have no idea why someone in your area won't do so.

No, it's not hard to stand up to a 6'3" tall, 250 pound man if your children are suffering, and you need to both protect them and keep them safe.

Fair or not fair - here are your choices:

Go without your children and risk losing them in the long term. Keep in mind that you are leaving them with a man who is causing them emotional upset, a man who has been physically abusive to you.

Go and take your children.

Retain an Attorney and file for divorce now.

Stay and be unhappy.

There are no other options.

It's kind of hard to stand up to a man 6'3 tall. 250 lbs. I have no job, no money of my own. I don't know of any attorney's that will take my case and demand payment from him. I have tried legal aide but they will only take domestic abuse cases. current. My case was 2 years ago.
Mentally, I am broke down to the core. My children are suffering emotionally as well. Life just goes on fine and dandy for him..... so unfair.

Have you gone out to get a job? If not why not? And if it's that bad... why have you not left and gone to a shelter?

I don't know of any attorney's that will take my case and demand payment from him.

You don't know of any, or you haven't found any? Have you even been looking for an attorney? Those guys sit around waiting like wolf for steak for these kind of cases.

You have to be a resident in a State before you can file for divorce in that jurisdiction. That is usually 6 months. ....

Actually, more to the point, under the UCCJEA, only the childrens' home state (where you now live) has jurisdiction to award custody. This won't change even if you do establish residency in another state. So you perhaps can get a divorce in another state, after you comply with the residency requrements if any, but that other state court cannot decide custody or visitation.

Have you checked with woman support groups? They can usually refer you to a lawyer.

Actually, more to the point, under the UCCJEA, only the childrens' home state (where you now live) has jurisdiction to award custody. This won't change even if you do establish residency in another state. So you perhaps can get a divorce in another state, after you comply with the residency requrements if any, but that other state court cannot decide custody or visitation.


I didn't address custody - I addressed divorce. My feeling is that if she leaves her children for 6 months with a man she states is abusive while she establishes residency and X months while she attempts to get a divorce he will have custody and that won't change. She will have abandoned them, and I suspect he will use that as a weapon against her. It also pretty much takes the steam out of her allegations of abuse.

I actually said: "You have to be a resident in a State before you can file for divorce in that jurisdiction. That is usually 6 months."

I'm curious to see what the OP does, if she takes any advice.

He is or was abusive and you wish to leave your children in the home ?

Custody has to be done where the children live ? So if you take off, yes he has a good chance to get cusotdy.

You need to get a job, get a place to live and move out with the kids

I have only told my husband I was divorcing him. I am doing it by self representation. He as already said he will not let the children leave the house.
Not sure when he will be served, but I do know he will make me leave the house for sure. What can I do?

I have only told my husband I was divorcing him. I am doing it by self representation. He as already said he will not let the children leave the house.
Not sure when he will be served, but I do know he will make me leave the house for sure. What can I do?

If you are deluding yourself into believing he can "make you leave the house for sure", who knows what other nonsense you are telling yourself. Please, consult with an attorney before it's too late.

I am unemployed and cannot afford to hire an attorney.

I am unemployed and cannot afford to hire an attorney.
You can't afford not to at least talk to one. Find an attorney who does free consults. It may be the court will order your husband to pay your attorney fees.

I have only told my husband I was divorcing him. I am doing it by self representation. He as already said he will not let the children leave the house.
Not sure when he will be served, but I do know he will make me leave the house for sure. What can I do?


You are in this over your head. You don't understand the basic laws that are involved here.

You need legal representation. After "he" makes accusations (and whatever else he plans to do) and you lose custody it will be too late to retain legal counsel.

Who is serving him?

I have already gone to Community Legal Aid. They are preparing my documents for free. Not sure what happens next. I have submitted all the paperwork with information with signatures.
He is the sole provider. I know I'm pretty much screwed.

He hasn't hired anyone yet. He hasn't been served yet. I just recently turned in my paperwork to Legal Aid. He will get an attorney. He knows several.

I have already gone to Community Legal Aid. They are preparing my documents for free. Not sure what happens next. I have submitted all the paperwork with information with signatures.
He is the sole provider. I know I'm pretty much screwed.


I have asked that your threads be combined. One of your other threads said you cannot get any legal help.

You NEED to know what happens next. I have trouble believing that there isn't a single Attorney in your area who will represent you and look to "him" for legal fees.

At any rate - you could lose your children if you don't stop being the victim and start protecting yourself, and them.

And I don't care how big your husband is (which you mention in one of your other threads). Get a protective order. If my children were at risk I would be protecting them with everything I have in me. I don't understand why you aren't.

I contacted several with no interest representing me without payment from me. That's how I ended up with Legal Aid. I don't know if it's too late now with me turning in the paperwork to Legal Aid.

1. He can not just kick you out of the house, while you are married,
He can ask the divorce court to order you to leave. But you can do the same thing.

2. you can ask the court to order him to pay you support.

3. you may leave the house anytime you want and move out with the kids. The divorce court will decide who gets custody. If you move out , without the kids, it is harder for you to latter get custody.

You have already accepted defeat.

Most women in this situation, go to the bank, take out every penny in checking and savings and/or have hidden household money away for some months to give them money to hire attorney and /or have a place to leave.

We never had a joint bank account.

You don't know of any, or you haven't found any? Have you even been looking for an attorney? Those guys sit around waiting like wolf for steak for these kind of cases.

I've called 7 attorneys today. Not one of them would take my case without cash up front.

Have you checked with woman support groups? They can usually refer you to a lawyer.

I have already filed with Legal Aid. I have been looking for a job for a long time now. At 50, and no degree... slim pickings. And for the record, he is not abusive to the children. We have only had one physical altercation. Verbal and mental abuse runs rampant with this marriage more so.

I appreciate the advice. Thank you.