Well this is my first time doing this, the only way to say it is that I am deeply in love with a married man, we have been together for almost a year and I just adore him! I don't know what to do, I always wondered how I would know when I me the "one" and when I met him I knew that he was the one. It's so confusing when we see each other or shall I say when he is able to come over and hang out we have the best time, we laugh talk and just have fun he is so happy with me. Every time he leaves it gets harder and harder. I have cried so many tears over this person its not even funny. He always tells me that I'm the one that he is in love with and I'm the one he loves, But yet he is still living with her and I don't understand why. If it's that bad why isn't he leaving. They have no children together and he says that there is nothing there for hey anymore but yet he is still there ane I have no idea why! I am so in love with him and all I want is a fair chance to make him happy I mean he knows how happy he is when he is with me as well as I am. I just can't imagine my life without this person but I am starting to get real impatient and I'm getting sick of waiting. And then sometimes he won't call or show up when he says that he will which is not right and I forgive him all the time, because I really have faith in this and I just think of all the good times. I don't know what to do this man has my heart and has from day one! I need some guidance, this overtakes everyday of my life I wake up its on my mind, I go to sleep and its on my mind. I just miss him so much, I just wish that he would take a chance on being truly happy, any advice out there??

Im sorry to feel your pain, but really and truly its obvious you feel this way... He is married... doesn't that say something to you?
He is not showing any signs of leaving his wife!

And seriously how can you trust a man who is having an affair with you, lives with his wife... do you also think that if he left his wife and got with you, he wouldn't cheat on you?

What goes around comes around.

You are stuck in a racket.

Move on with your life - without him.
Its already gone too far, 1 year, imagine how you will feel if you keep this going on for longer.

You are his bit on the side, open your eyes, he has his cake and he is eating it ALL..

Hun this man no matter how much you love him is just using you, he won't leave his wife.
If he did leave her for you , it would always have you wondering is he doing it to me also?
He is not a man hun doing this to you and his wife, if he was a man he would have at least got a divorce before seeking out another.
I hope you tell him his days of deserts is over never allow someone to play with your emotions.

He already has a happy life with a female he loves and a chick on the side he can be with anytime. What more could he ask for? Why would he change something that is working so well for him? His wife is happy, he's happy and your willing. I don't see your problem, unless you are so dumb that you can't figure out that with a married man, YOU are second. Now understand how it works, and just wait until the wife lets him go, and stop being greedy.

I have no respect for you, you are just the other women and you deserve to get heart broken, you are as bad as he is and you both probably deserve each other and whatever is to come out of this.

Getting involved with a married man is never a good idea. As good as you two feel when you are together is - on the flip side - going to cause that much pain for his wife and family.
The reason he is staying with you is because some people get "off" on doing the wrong thing and the prospect of getting caught.
If you have been with him for a year and his wife has not caught on - he must be a great liar. So, if he ever left her, you will never know if he is doing the same thing to you. It will always be in the back of your mind.

And, what goes around comes around. Even if you don't stay with this person - the pain that you are knowingly inflicting on this unsuspecting woman - will come back to you and you will know what it feels like. And then, and only then, will you truly understand what devastating effects your actions have on other people.

Honey... you need to end it. He's not being honest with anyone here.

True relationships are fun and happy... but they're also honesty, trust, and communication.

You deserve to be something more than someone else's second place. He may make you happy sometimes, but I'm betting you are UNHAPPY more often than you are happy.

Please, for YOUR sake (because I know that from your shoes, you don't really give a flying duck about his wife), leave this liar and cheater and find someone who wants to make YOU happy.

Sigh. Brooklyn, do you really want advice? I think you know what the answer is already. If not, you have had five people tell it to you. I guess I will be the sixth.

You are in a relationship with a married man. He says you are the one. He loves you, not his wife. There are no children involved. It has been a year. His personal situation has not changed. Have you asked him to leave his wife for you? What was his answer? Did he say he would? Honey, it has been a year.

I am not going to judge you. What I am going to do is to tell you that you need to end the relationship. Now. If he truly loves you, he will leave his wife if you give him an ultimatum. If he continues to make excuses and begs you to take him back, without leaving his wife first, then you will have your true answer. Which is, that he loves his wife more than he loves you and you need to find someone who wants to be with you only. But, just be forewarned, as Krs mentioned, if by chance he does leave his wife for you, will you be able to trust him completely, knowing that he met you and kept you as the woman on the side? Do you really feel that you can trust him not to do the same thing to you as he has done to his wife?

You really need to give this a lot of thought, my dear. It would be a much wiser move on your part to end your relationship with him and open yourself up to meeting someone new who is available to make a permanent commitment to you.

brooklyn1380,

Sweetie, move on. I was with a man, newly separated from his wife, for five years. Then one day he turned around and told me that he had been seeing her - his wife was the other woman - they got back together and I was left licking my wounds. Start right now to make a new life for yourself.

He wants his cake and he wants to eat it too. You deserve better.

Also, when he is with you - his reality world stops. You probably don't make him accountable for anything - like when he doesn't show and you always forgive him. Where at home - he is accountable for everything. You are fulfilling a need. If you put that to a test - like no sex or getting a little more upset if he misses a date - see what happens. He is with you for his pleasure. If you started treating this like a 2-sided relationship - you may see that he is running for the door. Have you ever noticed that he gets on the defensive if you question him or don't give him exactly what he wants?
That is not healthy for you - always wondering if you are measuring up to keep him around.
Find a man of your own. Someone who will put you first.

All good things must come to an end, that is the problem w/ these types of relationships someone always wants more!! Honestly you need to have someone else on your mind because there is know way he is leaving his wife, and if he does you can't be so sure that if you to get together that he won't do the same to you!!

well this is my first time doing this, the only way to say it is that i am deeply in love with a married man, we have been together for almost a year and i just adore him!! How can you adore him when you know that he cheating on his wife? i dont know what to do, i always wondered how i would know when i me the "one" and when i met him i knew that he was the one. It's so confusing when we see eachother or shall i say when he is able to come over and hang out we have the best time, we laugh talk and just have fun he is so happy with me. Everytime he leaves it gets harder and harder.Is it hard becasue you know that he going back to his wife? I have cried so many tears over this person its not even funny.A man worth your tears won't make you cry. He always tells me that im the one that he is in love with and im the one he loves, But yet he is still living with her and i don't understand why. Becuase he wants to eat his cake and have it to. If its that bad why isnt he leaving. they have no children together and he says that there is nothing there for hey anymore but yet he is still there ane i have no idea why!! I am so in love with him and all i want is a fair chance to make him happy i mean he knows how happy he is when he is with me as well as i am. What about your chance for happiness? Are you going to be happy in this realtionship in the long run? I just can't imagine my life without this person but i am starting to get real impatient and im getting sick of waiting. And then sometimes he wont call or show up when he says that he will which is not right and i forgive him all the time, because i really have faith in this and i just think of all the good times. I don't know what to do this man has my heart and has from day one!! i need some guidance, this overtakes everyday of my life i wake up its on my mind, i go to sleep and its on my mind. I just miss him so much, i just wish that he would take a chance on being truly happy, any advice out there??? Yeah I would say leave his cheating but behind... it will hurt at first but in the loing run it will be best.:)

I totally relate. Almost same situation. Except the fact that with your man there are no children involved which concerns me a bit. My boyfriends sole reason he says for not leaving his wife is the kids. I just wonder what keeps your guy staying with her? But I so do feel your pain. Because I am experiencing the same heartache. I cry almost everyday. I can't sleep. I miss him all the time. I honestly LONG & YEARN for him. It sounds so pathetic but it's the truth. And I know that it is wrong for me to be with him. Not just because he is married and so am I, but because it is becoming potentially emotionally dangerous and maybe unhealthy for me psychologically, you know. But still, I feel it is impossible for me to give him up. I love him so much and when we are together he makes me happier and feel more loved than I ever have felt before. And I want it to work out. And I want to be strong and patient and believe that it is truly meant to be and that we are right for each other and will ultimately will be together for real. I hold out hope. But I hurt so much too. Just like you. Im sorry that any of us has to go through this cause certainly its not something we would just CHOOSE if we made a conscious decision. Love just happens. You don't CHOOSE who you fall in love with. Stay strong. As will I.

Just like you. Im sorry that any of us has to go through this cause certainly its not something we would just CHOOSE if we made a conscious decision. Love just happens. You don't CHOOSE who you fall in love with. Stay strong. As will I.
You have made a decision based on your feelings. Knowing it was wrong and now you will pay the consequences of that decision. True enough, you can't choose who you fall in love wth. But you can choose the actions you take.

I can't say I agree with these ngative answers. When my husband and I met he was married. Had been married for 35 yrs. They had not slept together in 28 yrs. Hed paid the bills and bought for her and took her places but there was no love. When we started getting serious I gave him an option Me or Her not both. And he reallized that she was only after the money and all she could get when he left. But we are now happy and married.

rshaynes, I think you actually are agreeing with most of the people here! Let's get past the moral issue, which is what I was trying to do in my post above and others have done. Okay, maybe we are stating it more negatively than you would prefer but, you said yourself "i gave him an option Me or Her not both." She has not done this, or if she has, he still is not leaving his wife, allowing this situation to continue, thus ensuring her unhappiness. It is time for brooklyn to put her foot down and do what you did. Hey. You got what you wanted. Maybe she will get what she wants. But, until she decides to start being proactive, she will continue to be sitting in her unhappy limbo. And, if he chooses his wife over her, then she will know where she truly stands in this situation, and for her own mental well being, she needs to move on and open herself up to someone new.

rshaynes, I think you actually are agreeing with most of the people here! Let's get past the moral issue, which is what I was trying to do in my post above and others have done. Okay, maybe we are stating it more negatively than you would prefer but, you said yourself "i gave him an option Me or Her not both." She has not done this, or if she has, he still is not leaving his wife, allowing this situation to continue, thus ensuring her unhappiness. It is time for brooklyn to put her foot down and do what you did. Hey. You got what you wanted. Maybe she will get what she wants. But, until she decides to start being proactive, she will continue to be sitting in her unhappy limbo. And, if he chooses his wife over her, then she will know where she truly stands in this situation, and for her own mental well being, she needs to move on and open herself up to someone new.

No I don't agree with all these that have not done that, been there. I say she should give him the A or B option and if he can't choose or chooses the wife then she should say buh bye. And if she doesn't want to do this then she needs to quit belly aching and continue how she is.

I understand exactly how you feel and I appreciate reading this advise because I'm in this situation and at a point where I know I need to move on because it's getting too painful... but can't seem to turn my heart off after 9 yrs. I also appreciate some advice without someone passing judgement, because if we're on here it's to get an outsiders advice not for them to play GOD's role. Everyone please be mindful that although your sin isn't 'being in love with a married man' we all have our own situations to work out. By all means, after reading some of the replies I certainly am feeling a bit better about how to go about moving on and how important it is for my own well-being.

No I dont agree with all these that have not done that, been there. I say she should give him the A or B option and if he can't choose or chooses the wife then she should say buh bye. And if she doesnt want to do this then she needs to quit belly aching and continue how she is.

Heehee, well you didn't mention that in your original posting. I guess you are as negative as the rest of us in a way.:p

I don't know if I fully agree with that, but I guess you have a point. She needs to do something to stop feeling sad. Life is too short for that. But as an FYI, I was in hers, and your, shoes too once. So, I have been there, done that. You are one of the few who managed to get what she wanted. I actually did what I have advised her to do. Six months later, I found my husband. My happiest memories are of my life with him. I lost him to cancer way too early, but I am forever grateful that I created the opportunity for myself to have met him. Brooklyn won't stop bellyaching until she becomes proactive with her life. You know how it is. People can't be objective about their own situation and get lost in the quagmire of their sorrows. And, if the guy is always around her, she will keep feeling the way she does and will keep complaining. Not all women are tough cookies like us. ;)

Ragmuff, Not to be judgemental but if your actions cause pain and misery because it is wrong, how can one not express that. Especially that all the people who come here with this problem, never take responsibility for their action but as victims, and the best way to overcome mistakes in life, is to admit it and move on, not make excuses and blaming your heart for a bad choice or decision. For sure the men that cheat are at fault for their actions but the ones who fall for them have to face the fact that they have made a bad choice.

You must have mistaken what I've said... I definitely take responsibility for my actions as does he, my point for being on here to see some suggestions as to what might work to move on Not just saying "move on and get over it".. I wanted some suggestions as to how to do this because just saying I'm moving on isn't working. We have kids together so I can't stop all contact neither do I want to.. . I just want to let go of the emotional feelings that I have towards him, not eliminate him as a friend or father to my kids... What's your suggestions on getting over my emotional attachment but keeping it strictly friendly and maintain him in our lives.

For now limit your contact and work on building a life that you enjoy without him, and balance your activities between kids and what you like to do, and get some fun people in your life. Not easy I know but give it time and plenty of effort.

I agree T-man. ragmuff, you pose a very good question and it might help brooklyn as well if some more of us give you constructive ideas. Your situation is a bit different and a bit more complicated than hers since you cannot just cut the ties with him as she can.

Do you have girlfriends that you can go out with? You need to start actively separating yourself emotionally from him, as talaniman has stated. Join some singles groups in your area. Get involved in volunteering, even if for only a couple of hours a week. If you are at all religious, get involved with groups that are affiliated with your house of worship. There is a group called Parents without Partners. See if you can locate a chapter in your area.

I am sure others will stop by with some additional ideas but it comes down to you actively searching out activities by yourself, and with your children, that will allow you to meet new people and build a new life for yourself. You need to do some leg work on your own to see what you have available to you in your area.

I appreciate your advice and I'm glad to see that there's lot of others out there in similar situations. I'm really enjoying this site this is my first time on here and I have been saying that maybe I need counseling but perhaps this site is all the counseling I need! Thanks everyone!

They say we choose our faith. We are in charge of our own situation. I don't know. One thing leads to another and you find yourself in a situation like the one you are in. To be honest with you nobody can give you the answer. There is no true answer I have noticed that some people only resopond to these type of questions. They basically say the same thing every time because that is how they feel about it. 85 to 90 percent of society will disagree with this type of behavior, but close to 80 percent of married couples have had an affair by one spouse. I advise you to pay close atttention to the red flags. Don't be a fool for anybody.

He has gotten bored with his wife, and he knows that if he left his wife for you, he'd get bored with you just like he is with her, Why bother? Like the old saying, "Familiarity breeds contempt" The "falling in love" feeling is like a drug that some people are addicted to and unlike most people who grow into am more mature and deeper love, this one can't get
That serious so it remains "fun". It's not real. It's pretend -Hollywood - fake happiness, please move on before it's too late.

I have read all the new posts and I think that I failed to mention one thing that I also work with this person. I mean its been 9 months of this crap and nothing has changed, it seems like he has changed but I guess he hasn't this is who he has been all along. A liar and a cheater, and I know that I could and can't trust him. I think that he sees that I see that and he also realizes that he can't control my every move like he controls her every move. The messed up thing is that he can't face any of this and I want answers but I know that I might not get them and if I get a few of them it's probably going to be a lie or a half truth. For the past 2 months (when he started to treat me bad) I have been very down, like there is a heavy weight on me. All I want to do is sleep, I don't want to talk to anyone, or see anyone or do anything, I've tried to work and keep my my mind off this and that just makes it worse. No one understands not my one friend that I have and I don't even trust her. I mean its almost like I'm in quicksand. I can't believe that the same person that told me all this "stuff" is doing this to me, like he doesn't have a care in the world. God what part am I not getting? And I want resolustion closure, don't I even deserve that? Like he is always playing mind games and I know that he is. I have asked him to be honest with me and just tell me what's going on but he won't and cant. He said he can't face it but he is just a coward. I always thought that things in my life were either black or white but now I see that there is always a gray area. And I had to learn the hard way. But as many people said on these posts we can't help who we love or who we fall in love with. I just don't know anymore I don't even know who I am anymore.

Brook

But as many people said on these posts we can't help who we love or who we fall in love with. I just don't know anymore I don't even know who I am anymore.

While I agree that you can't help who you love, you can help what you do about it. Your choice.

Brooklyn, it sounds like you are suffering from a major depression. Talaniman is right. You might not be able to help who you fall in love with but you are allowing this obsession over that man to rule your life. What you are doing is very damaging to your emotional health. I suggest you take a look at your insurance coverage and find a mental health counselor. You need some outside, one on one, help with this. Please give careful consideration to what I am saying. You need to start being proactive with your life instead of sitting around on your duff feeling sorry for yourself.