I just read the "How to Break-up and survive 101"

My situation is not something unusual, she just does not love me any more. She says she need some space. I'm almost certain she is seeing someone else, but when I ask she never confirms it. Two days ago I asked her about it again and I asked that may be she wants me to move out, and the answer was just silence, and then she said that she just sorry for me (I had some problems this year), and she really cares about me, but she lost the spark and does not understand what she feels and need some time off. I cried, I could not stop it she cried too.

Next day we talked about it and she said that she needs time, I asked if I have to move out, she said she is in doubt, she does not know. I asked her to promise that if she will feel that she wants me to move out the she would tell me that. I have to say that I was not very nice with her this year, we had arguments few times, but I really really love her, it just hurts so much after what she said.

I'm 34 now and I feel really bad, I know if she does not love me any more, she never will, I'm so wrecked. I want this relationship back. I can remember us talking about the weddings and about children and now it is all disappearing, I feel so bad, I don't know what to do.

I have been in a similar situation(S) before.

You have to speak to her firmly and state what you want(ed) from this relationship and where you stand at the moment.
Do not be the "nice guy", be confident >>as if all the girls in the world are at your feet ! She is disposable.

After that do not try to contact her ( email, txt, letters,. ) she might try to contact you, do not answer. JUST DO IT. She will try to contact you again and again.

One of my ex-girlfriend contacted me and even 4 years after.

Do not fall into their trap, if she has done it once, she will do it again as she has lost all respect for you. She will see you as weak.

I thought I will not "fall in love again" lol. I did many times and met better people.

Good luck. It is hard but, you deserve better. Be the Man who takes the decision.

Well, the thing is I'm not sure that she is seeing someone, it's basically me jelouse guess I can't prove it. I talked about the matter with ours both good friend and he was sure she does not. And I trust her she never confirmed it. I do feel it is my fault and I can fix it. Maybe I'm delusional, but I want to fix it so badly. Anyway, I decided that I have to move out. I don't want to look disqusting and miserable in her eyes. I'm so upset, I just can't hide it at all.

I don't know that making her feel disposable is any way to act, no one should be made to feel disposable and it is a form of game playing.
In my experience "needing some time" is another way of saying "it is over".
I can't say that for certain in your case, I don't know your girlfriend.
You say you don't think that there is anyone else involved or that you distrust her.
The bottom line is you cannot make anyone love you. If it is her choice to take some time, then give it to her.
Moving out I think is a good choice, you are right, having her see you sitting around moping and miserable will not endear her to you at all.
What have you done for the last year that wasn't nice?
You don't have to answer, but consider the fact that they may play heavily into her decision.

I applaud your decision to move out my friend, as hurtful as it is. She may not of had the courage to say so, but you had the courage to act.

May you continue to show courage during the challenge of healing and moving beyond this hurt, and it will get better in time.

Thank you very much for the support, somehow it helps to read your answers, and yes, she did not have a courage to ask me to go, and I did not, but it is happened today, I moved out, I took the important stuff, but left quit a lot, I told her that I will take everithing on satururday in a week time, I asked her to not contact me. I could not hold my tears, at the end of the day it lasted over 6 years. I'm absolutely gutted. Everithing seems like a bad dream.

Still can't believe it is real, it is over, we were so close. The last year we did not go any holidays together, I could not, she knew that, she went few places, with friends that I know, and with friends that I don't. But I trusted her, I did not have a single doubt until some point, when I asked her if she met someone else, the answer was no and I accepted it. I know now that in fact she've met someone, I don't know how far their relationship went. But I did not noticed it when I should, and I did not try anything romantic, and I still think it is all my fault. I'm so upset.

Should I block her from my Facebook page? I keep thinking about her, and I'm worried about her so much, I can't sleep.

She sent me an email couple hours after I left, she wrote down: I'm sorry, I don't know how to love, I don't love anyone. I did not answer it yet.

I think blocking her from your Facebook is a good idea, no contact. No calls, no texts, etc, etc.
This may be of little consequence but at some time or other we have all dealt with a break-up or two or three.
It's not easy, break ups suck.
Time will make it easier, some take a little longer than others, but good that you have already starting moving forward by moving out, continue to behave gentlemanly and give yourself time to heal.

The problem I have is that we have a lot of common friends and I won't be able to block her completely. My friend opened the bar recently and it is just around the corner of her and I'm involved with the bar a bit, so I'll be passing her windows quite often. The job I'm doing is a bit lazy-boring type, lets say I'm involved for about 3 hours out of 8, so the 5 hours used to be browsing in-net, chatting people etc, but now I'm so down that I can't really do any of this and those hours go so sooo slow it's killing me, I'm thinking about her constantly. I still did not answer her email, I don't think I know what to write except that I love her and I miss her and I can't imagine my life without her. I'm going crazy.

Relax dude, its only been a day and its very normal for things to be very rocky at the beginning of a break up of such a long relationship. Your healing will take years before you have completely healed.

Just think of the hell that long marriages dredge up after a divorce. It happens and you are hardly alone, so for now do whatever it takes to stay busy, and not in contact with her, even if you must go a different way to work, or have some other activities while on the job to keep you busy.

Read these stickies to give you some good ideas, and guidance.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/

Relax dude, its only been a day and its very normal for things to be very rocky at the beginning of a break up of such a long relationship. Your healing will take years before you have completely healed.

Just think of the hell that long marriages dredge up after a divorce. It happens and you are hardly alone, so for now do whatever it takes to stay busy, and not in contact with her, even if you must go a different way to work, or have some other activities while on the job to keep you busy.

Read these stickies to give you some good ideas, and guidance.

Relationships - Ask Me Help Desk (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/)
Thank you again for your time. I want to fix it, I feel it is my responsabity to do it as it was my fault. I moved out yeaterday, but I'm missing her so much, I feel she does miss me too, I know she is sad, I'm going through the memories of last year and I know I was complete with her, and I know now (why only now?) that she was trying really hard, but I was a d1ck, I kept my thoughts inside when I should have talk to her, I did not go out when I should have done, I did not care about her well being, I criticised her when I should have been supportive, I did not hold her hand when I had to. It is all my fault. After first day apart without any connection made I had time to think, I can see things better now, when emotions moved to the side. When we talked last couple times I was over emotional, I could not keep straight face and I could not stop tears, she was upset very much too. I feel I did not say everything I wanted, I feel I missed a point. I want to have a less emotional conversation with her, I don't want to put a pressure on her, I just need to talk with her without cry, I don't want to play silence games, it feels very immature to me now. I just want to explain her my thoughts, I feel I can hold my emotions now, I feel I can explain myself clearly. I want to set up meeting with her tomorrow, I really want to clear up some things between us. Is that too early to us to meet? Should I wait a bit longer, should I think a bit more?

You should think a LOT more. I know you will never see the logic and importance of letting her miss you and coming back on her own, without your influence. I doubt she even wants to hear of your revelations and fixes right now.

At least let the dust settle, and give yourself time to heal, think, and get a life without her. Get your confidence, dignity, and self respect back, then make a decision based on facts, and not just feelings.

You should think a LOT more. I know you will never see the logic and importance of letting her miss you and coming back on her own, without your influence. I doubt she even wants to hear of your revelations and fixes right now.

At least let the dust settle, and give yourself time to heal, think, and get a life without her. Get your confidence, dignity, and self respect back, then make a decision based on facts, and not just feelings.
We met, I was not emotional, mostly ) , I tried to explain myself, I asked her to remember the good times not only bad, but she said it was long time coming decision, and she asked me to not make her sad remembering things, she droped a tear couple times, but I think that is the end. She said she need some time on her own, she want to live alone, she want to understand what she really want, and I respect her, I did not push, I think this time I said everything I wanted to say, everything I needed to say. I'm going to leave her alone, I don't think we'll be back together, I need to heal, I needed a drink, that made me a bit stronger actually, I'm thinking now, that it's fine, I'll be fine. Not sur yet what I'll think when I get sober. I will have to see her in a week time to take all my belongings out of her place and leave the keys. Relationship sucks!

Relationship sucks!

Naw, just the breakups!!

Naw, just the breakups!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Exactly!
It's all right, I need to make a plan of healing process, need to delete her out of my mind, I kind of feel that if someone dumps you when bad time going through your life then that person was no good. So that meant to happened, sooner or later. I'm certain that I could not be that cruel to someone I spend almost 6 years with. Anyway, I'm staying at friends but in few days moving to my own room in house with couple people I know very well. Feels I'll have a lot of spare time, need to think about making myself busy. Thanks to all who gave me suggestions, they do help. And it helps a lot when you can let out your thinkings to someone.

Kind of the same situation with you months ago except that I was replaced. I suggest don't drink. Listen to some motivational audios, healing audios, empowering audios.
What I did was to listen to T harv Eker, Tony Robbins not to move on but to have a new direction in life to be a better me. Who knows what holds for us in the future best be prepared for anything because luck favors the prepared my friend. For example you meet a great hot smart new woman but you are not prepared because you have not moved on then that's going to ba unfortunate. Be the best you can be without anyone.

Here is what I did that helped me with the pain though sometimes I still miss her its been 4 months by the way for me, erase her number in your cellphone, don't use the gifts she gave you from all those years hide it, you don't have to block her in your Facebook, you just have to unsubscribe to her page so you don't see updates and be completely invisible to her in fb chat so you don't see her, remove the photos you have of her in your fb and finally do some fun things and post them in fb for the world to see. Whether you want her back or not this will ease the pain make you look good to all other women including your ex. Then that's the start where you will see opportunities of meeting new people new friends and a new life. You will be so fun everybody will want to be in your life including your ex and by that time you will look at things differently and there is a better life out there now you have the power of choice be excited for that my friend

here is what i did that helped me with the pain though sometimes i still miss her its been 4 months by the way for me, erase her number in your cellphone, dont use the gifts she gave you from all those years hide it, you dont have to block her in your facebook, you just have to unsubscribe to her page so you dont see updates and be completely invisible to her in fb chat so you dont see her, remove the photos you have of her in your fb and finally do some fun things and post them in fb for the world to see. Whether you want her back or not this will ease the pain make you look good to all other women including your ex. Then thats the start where you will see opportunities of meeting new people new friends and a new life. You will be so fun everybody will want to be in your life including your ex and by that time you will look at things differently and there is a better life out there now you have the power of choice be excited for that my friend

Thanks mate, I did the Facebook thing, unfortunately I can't sleep at the moment without drink, even not sober I slept 2 hours night before last and about 5 last night, what seems like a progress to me. I'm not a big drinker really it's just so hard at the moment. I'll do the phone nr delete after I move out completely, Im

here is what i did that helped me with the pain though sometimes i still miss her its been 4 months by the way for me, erase her number in your cellphone, dont use the gifts she gave you from all those years hide it, you dont have to block her in your facebook, you just have to unsubscribe to her page so you dont see updates and be completely invisible to her in fb chat so you dont see her, remove the photos you have of her in your fb and finally do some fun things and post them in fb for the world to see. Whether you want her back or not this will ease the pain make you look good to all other women including your ex. Then thats the start where you will see opportunities of meeting new people new friends and a new life. You will be so fun everybody will want to be in your life including your ex and by that time you will look at things differently and there is a better life out there now you have the power of choice be excited for that my friend

Thanks mate, I did the Facebook thing, unfortunately I can't sleep at the moment without drink, even not sober I slept 2 hours night before last and about 5 last night, what seems like a progress to me. I'm not a big drinker really it's just so hard at the moment. I'll do the phone nr delete after I move out completely, I'm not going to try to talk to her anymore, there was my fault, I don't deny it, but I feel she was unreasonably cruel, and every day I feel a bit more of it. At the moment I feel sorry for myself too, I should not think like that, I know, but it can't change that quickly. But at least I'm certain it is over, so I stopped thinking about how to fix it, what to say what to write, how to act. I'm not going to do any of it. There are still a lot of memories and thoughts that make me feel very much upset. I know trying to meet new people would be a good thing to do, but I can't see myself trying a new relationship just yet, not even casual. But I want to forget her as quick as I can, I mean not forget it but just stop thinking about it. I'm thinking about enrolling a course I always fancied to do. I want to make myself busier, I'm a lazy person, but may be that is the chance to change, just don't want laziness to take over me, then I will be all miserable and won't move on ever. I want to think it's all for good.

Can I make a suggestion? The drinking to sleep thing is a bad idea, You're only dismissing the sad, hurt feelings for the moment and they are right there to stare at you when you wake up, ultimately you've only managed to potentially give yourself a hangover in the process.
You need to sleep, but try a sleep aid or benadryl to help you sleep instead.
By the time you're over this you could have a whole different set of problems should you continue to drink through it.
If I sound like a mother it's because I am.
You'll feel much better and be more clear headed, with nights of unpolluted sleep in your corner.

Can I make a suggestion? The drinking to sleep thing is a bad idea, You're only dismissing the sad, hurt feelings for the moment and they are right there to stare at you when you wake up, ultimately you've only managed to potentially give yourself a hangover in the process.
You need to sleep, but try a sleep aid or benadryl to help you sleep instead.
By the time you're over this you could have a whole different set of problems should you continue to drink through it.
If I sound like a mother it's because I am.
You'll feel much better and be more clear headed, with nights of unpolluted sleep in your corner.
Thank you, of course you are right, I know that, but it is just so hard and I don't like taking medicine, I almost never did, except for headache. I just want to forget all the matter, I don't want to think about it, it kills me, especially when I'm on my own. When friends around I'm not that bad, I know I bored them to death with my speeches, but I feel better spilling out my feelings and thoughts. I want it all disappear I want it all go away. My mum died this year about 4 months ago, and I was trying to support my father I knew it hit him badly, I was upset too, but I felt his pain, and now this, she such a selfish person, I feel my love for her dying every hour, but it does not make me feel any better.

I don't really know what really happened between you and her but I think she is in very similar to my position.I was with my husband for 7 years and married 2.in the last 2 years I was not happy at all,he had no job,depress,no social... I also having affair to other,I think it is the way out for me.I don't make my decision to leave or stay and fix my married yet but I want to know my other more for sure.so the chance for your girl friend to come back to you is very small.Calm yourself and take good care of your health,job,outside look.how come she can love you if you don't even love yourself?life is hard but please guys can you stay strong because we need strong men.I really said this to my husband many time but he does not take it right.
If you still love her then let her go find out about the other.it take 1 min to love some body but it take your whole life to understand them.so if she can't find a comment between her and him then she will be regret about break up with you and she might want to come back.by that time if you are tolerant man then you can welcome her back and I'm pretty sure that she will be totally loyalty to you after. To me love is not a revenge.if you guys love each other then nothing are really master.if she find him as her real love then you just need let her go and move on.

i don't really know what really happened between u and her but i think she is in very similar to my position.i was with my husband for 7 years and married 2.in the last 2 years i was not happy at all,he had no job,depress,no social....i also having affair to other,i think it is the way out for me.i don't make my decision to leave or stay and fix my married yet but i want to know my other more for sure.so the chance for your girl friend to come back to you is very small.Calm yourself and take good care of your health,job,outside look.how come she can love you if u don't even love yourself?life is hard but please guys can u stay strong because we need strong men.i really said this to my husband many time but he does not take it right.
if u still love her then let her go find out about the other.it take 1 min to love some body but it take your whole life to understand them.so if she can't find a comment between her and him then she will be regret about break up with u and she might want to come back.by that time if you are tolerant man then u can welcome her back and I'm pretty sure that she will be totally loyalty to you after. to me love is not a revenge.if u guys love each other then nothing are really master.if she find him as her real love then u just need let her go and move on.

Thank you for sharing your situation, I think mine a bit different, she just stopped loving me, most probably, I guess, she fell in love with someone else. I already accepted the fact that it is over, she won't come back.. I mean she won't ask me to be back ever. I know it is only few days gone, but the pain is unbearable. I have a mood swings all day long, and I know that woman wants strong man, but I can't help it. I'd like to take a long break from job and disappear somewhere, but I used almost all my holidays this year to spend with my father. I have to swallow it and eventually I will, but now I have no strength at all. It is not uniq situation, and it is not a first time for me, it is just that this relationship felt serious, lasted long enough to feel as a family.

A few days which will not explain anything for sure.it take time for her to realize that if that guy is good enough for her.I also fell in love with my lover but I'm too weak to walk out like your girl friend did.I also did not want to break my husband heart and he just start job for couple days ago and he is already hurt.
U need social at the moment,don't stay alone.Just don't do anything which make your life worse.if you do that you just make her feel like her decision were right.let's make her feel jealous that you will be better than the man you were before and the man who she is with.

Coming from a girl's perspective, maybe you should be a little more aggressive about how you're feeling (not physically lol). Just let her know how you feel and hold the tears back. Be a strong man. I stick to the philosophy that once you fall in love someone, you don't STOP loving them. It's more than likely that feelings begin to fade, not in all certainty completely vanish. Spice it up a little, she's probably tired of the same old things. 6 years is a really long time and if you guys weren't meant for each others you wouldn't even see 6 months! Not everyone is blessed to find and keep love, so once you've found it it's best to hold on TIGHT!

I'm sure you guys should be fine. Give it some time. If she comes back you know it's meant to be. If not, there is someone out there that God has waiting, just for YOU. :) good luck :)

a few days which will not explain anything for sure.it take time for her to realize that if that guy is good enough for her.i also fell in love with my lover but I'm too weak to walk out like your girl friend did.i also did not want to break my husband heart and he just start job for couple days ago and he is already hurt.
u need social at the moment,don't stay alone.Just don't do anything which make your life worse.if u do that u just make her feel like her decision were right.let's make her feel jealous that u will be better than the man u were before and the man who she is with.

I actually start thinking about things I can do when I have ao much time on my own, it makes my mood change, the weather is sunny and it feels OK, I start thinking that she made mistake, I do hope she will find what she is after, or if she did, I hope she is happy, deep inside I feel A bit of an anger, what is not good, I know, but it helps to cope a bit, probably it is mood swings too.


Coming from a girl's perspective, maybe you should be a little more aggressive about how you're feeling (not physically lol). Just let her know how you feel and hold the tears back. Be a strong man. I stick to the philosophy that once you fall in love someone, you don't STOP loving them. It's more than likely that feelings begin to fade, not in all certainty completely vanish. Spice it up a little, she's probably tired of the same old things. 6 years is a really long time and if you guys weren't meant for each others you wouldn't even see 6 months! Not everyone is blessed to find and keep love, so once you've found it it's best to hold on TIGHT!

I'm sure you guys should be fine. Give it some time. If she comes back you know it's meant to be. If not, there is someone out there that God has waiting, just for YOU. :) good luck :)

Thank you for the wise words. I agree that true love never die, what meant to be will be. If it was not real and she saw it, then may be I'll see that too at some point. The emptyness inside will be full.

Have time for yourself,enjoy watch your favorite TV show again.don't make any decision when you are still angry,hurt,love confuse.your girl friend cried when you moved out which mean she still care about you and not totally over you so if that guy is not good enough for her then she going to be regret.
Forgive her and forgive yourself and move on.don't u feel happier when nobody get angry at you when you go out to drink until late?I hate it when my lover did it.nobody boss you around.get your life back together.sometime good things come along with bad things.be strong.I also hope I will make right decision too.wishes someone can just do it for me.

Just give it time until you can start thinking rationally rather than emotionally then see things from there. See what went wrong with the relationship and with you, you can't change her only you

have time for yourself,enjoy watch your favorite tv show again.don't make any decision when u are still angry,hurt,love confuse.your girl friend cried when u moved out which mean she still care about u and not totally over you so if that guy is not good enough for her then she gonna be regret.
forgive her and forgive yourself and move on.don't u feel happier when nobody get angry at u when u go out to drink til late?i hate it when my lover did it.nobody boss you around.get your life back together.sometime good things come along with bad things.be strong.i also hope i will make right decision too.wishes someone can just do it for me.

Thank you for sharing that and I hope you will sort your problems and doubts, I hope you will find a courage to speak to your husband about everithing you feel, I hope that you will give him the last chance, and after that another chance, man need that, we can't hear, we can't see, even if we really care, we need to be shaken, then we see things clear again, and we all have to make decisions for ourselves, may be my girl was scared to do it, may be she was waiting for me to make it, may be because I was so blind, did not treat her as I should, as she expected, she had doubts and stopped believing in our relations, stopped believing that I love her and finally decided for herself what is best for her. I can't blame her for that. I'm sad she does not want to rethink. She cried because I was so miserable, she cares about herself more, not me, I had to care about her and I failed to do it, failed to show my appreciation for her.
I had a dream last night that we made up, that she accepted me back, it was so painfull to wake up and realise it was just a dream.

just give it time until you can start thinking rationally rather than emotionally then see things from there. See what went wrong with the relationship and with you, you can't change her only you
I thought that she can change, I thought that I can, I still think I can, she says that I will never change, but you are right, I have to give it time.

6 years together are along time.it was more than just love,like her soul mate.if she made her decision to leave then I don't think she will come back.
You need to go to the therapist.my husband was depress so bad when the news were hit him.he drunk so much and got DUI.when I wanted to give him a chance but he made his life worse then I need to think again.we still love you but we can't stand to see you being miserable.we don't get any younger to waiting for you guys to change.my husband felt better with the therapist and he accepting the fact.
You should move on and find someone else and don't make the same mistake again.always fins out why your girl friend does not want to be home a lot.we want to be around happy guys.I don't know if I want to give my husband another chance because it hard to change who he is.better just done now than hurt 1 more time.

6 years together are along time.it was more than just love,like her soul mate.if she made her decision to leave then i don't think she will come back.
you need to go to the therapist.my husband was depress so bad when the news were hit him.he drunk so much and got DUI.when i wanted to give him a chance but he made his life worse then i need to think again.we still love you but we can't stand to see you being miserable.we don't get any younger to waiting for u guys to change.my husband felt better with the therapist and he accepting the fact.
you should move on and find someone else and don't make the same mistake again.always fins out why your girl friend does not want to be home a lot.we want to be around happy guys.i don't know if i want to give my husband another chance because it hard to change who he is.better just done now than hurt 1 more time.
But sometimes there are circumstances, that make you sad, I never wanted to upset her with my problems, I do understand now that I had to share my thoughts with her, but it did not happened, she could have been a bit more sensitive and try to understand too. She wants to be around happy guys? But why don't she remember who was near her when she had hard times? I mean, why women only remember bad things, you saying to be positive, go out, enjoy the beautyful world, don't be miserable and sad, but when you look back, you only see sadness. As it was said earlier it was almost 6 years, if it was that bad, why so long? There are bad times in life, everyone has them, they will go away. I accepted that arguments is part of very close relationship, we do have them with members of our families. She become part of my family, I do know I treated her not fairly, but there was a good times, there was so many good, perfect times, beautyful moments together much more of them that sadness and we both enjoyed them. Why suddenly that is deleted from memory and does not want to be remembered?
I understand that I was not good enough where I could, I did not make effort where I should, but why she does not understand that she is doing just the same now? Is that revenge? If it is, then I agree, we did not meant to be together and I just wasted nearly 6 years of my life on a doomed relationship.

How long were you have been miserable?if you think it was too long then you can't expect her to handle it through that long.Because it is long time relationship so peoples get bore,don't put enough work on it to make it work.if both of you does not refresh it then break up will be in the option.I think your girl friend is a bit heartless she did not explain why she wanted to left and let you dry.so she is not worth it with what you did to her.she wants to move on so she does not want to think about good memories with you.Every time I think about our good memories then I don't want to leave him.But staying with unhappy person which is very bad situation to us.it make us feel like we can't bring you happiness and it make us sad.
I'm not agree that you said that you feel like you wasted 6 years of your life in a doomed relationship.your girl friend also ages.she spend 6 years of her youngest ages with you.you said the same thing as my husband said and I got mad for that.I have been with him since I was 20 and I almost 30 now so stop saying that.

Today I feel all the power of breaking The Silence rule, I had to text her as I messed up about one money issue, and I had to notify her because if I would not and she would find out later it would look nasty and intentional. My text was casual, consisting only facts, but my heart was beating faster until I've got an answer. Which consisted of Ok, and couple questions about the issue, that were really explained in my first text, but I answered, and it ended with thanks and notatalls. And now all day I feel pain, and emptiness, and sadness and unfairness of life. Sh1t. And I have to move my belongings next week, which means that I'll meet her again. I want this pain go away now, I want to sleep properly, wake up in a good mood or at least neutral. Eh..


how long were u have been miserable?if u think it was too long then u can't expect her to handle it through that long.Because it is long time relationship so peoples get bore,don't put enough work on it to make it work.if both of you does not refresh it then break up will be in the option.i think your girl friend is a bit heartless she did not explain why she wanted to left and let you dry.so she is not worth it with what u did to her.she wants to move on so she does not want to think about good memories with you.Every time i think about our good memories then i don't want to leave him.But staying with unhappy person which is very bad situation to us.it make us feel like we can't bring you happiness and it make us sad.
I'm not agree that you said that u feel like u wasted 6 years of your life in a doomed relationship.your girl friend also ages.she spend 6 years of her youngest ages with you.you said the same thing as my husband said and i got mad for that.i have been with him since i was 20 and i almost 30 now so stop saying that.
Well said, of course it was not waste of time, it was good time mostly, only about year and a half I was down, not social, boring, but I had an explanation. She could have tried to change my moods. Well I don't blame her, I blame myself.

One and half year in depression is long enough to make her life miserable too.I don't think she can change your mood if you don't know what you want and can you do for your life.if you feel like you are useless,loser... then only you can help yourself.let accept life is suck sometime and deal with it.the strongest man can date a very stupid woman but woman always need a strong man.have time yourself to think what will make your life better,what do you missing to do while you were with her.Single life isn't that bad,you can do what ever you want,no need permission from anyone,don't have to share your moneys you earn,. there will be good things along bad things.Accept the fact and don't look back.it is hard to do but you can do it,just need time.
When I was teenager,you boyfriend dumped me and I was depress and sad,did not want to eat,sleepless for awhile but I though again,he will not come back to me if I looked like this.I tried to eat and made myself look good again.He saw me look better then he came and asked me back.I knew it is just kid story but he actually asked me back.
I'm in very hard position too but I will not let myself down,if I look shabby then I will lose them both.I just signed up for the gym last week and it help a lot.

one and half year in depression is long enough to make her life miserable too.i don't think she can change your mood if you don't know what u want and can you do for your life.if you feel like you are useless,loser....then only u can help yourself.let accept life is suck sometime and deal with it.the strongest man can date a very stupid woman but woman always need a strong man.have time yourself to think what will make your life better,what do u missing to do while u were with her.Single life isn't that bad,you can do what ever you want,no need permission from anyone,don't have to share your moneys u earn,....there will be good things along bad things.Accept the fact and don't look back.it is hard to do but u can do it,just need time.
when i was teenager,you boyfriend dumped me and i was depress and sad,did not want to eat,sleepless for awhile but i though again,he will not come back to me if i looked like this.i tried to eat and made myself look good again.He saw me look better then he came and asked me back.i knew it is just kid story but he actually asked me back.
I'm in very hard position too but i will not let myself down,if i look like then i will lose both of them.i just signed up for the gym last week and it help a lot.

You are not my girlfriend, are you? You do speak similar. :) I know and understand that what you are saying is true, but at the moment my brain and my feelings live separate lives.. apparently.. I guess hers too.

No,I'm not your girl friend.I think we have similar situation and she left you without explanation so I tried to tell you how she might feel.I hope it helped you to understand the reason why she left.
I think I would like to check out my boy friend life and if it does not work then I will be on my own again.my husband would not want me anymore if I go to him.but other side life is too short not to dare to do what you curious about.soon you are regret then life is almost over.
Don't waste more time of your life,times are running.stand up and run.

don't waste more time of your life,times are running.stand up and run.

I believe that my girlfriend was advised to do exactly that :( .
But I can't agree. We put a lot of effort to get where we are together, why destroy everything? Why hurt yourself and the one you love, may be not the same love you had some time ago, but in life there are ups and downs, and feelings are just the same, you feel in love and then may be not so much, but you have respect, and you know it all will be good, don't you think?

Are you trying to talk yourself into straying from the healing path? Or just ruminating? Don't be distracted by the business at hand to make the final push for a clean break. Until then you of course will struggle with your own feelings.

Did you put any more effort in the last one and half year?just like a business,if you want your company keep going and expand it then you need to keep work more and more everyday.if you stop work on it,it will stay stable for a while then get shaking then collapse.
Me and my ex teenager boy friend had relationship for 3 years,we were dated the whole time in high school.but we broke up because it did not worked for both.I was very sad and tired then I met my husband later so I was glad that me and my teenager boy friend broke up.bad thing gone and good thing come along.

did u put any more effort in the last one and half year?just like a business,if you want your company keep going and expand it then u need to keep work more and more everyday.if you stop work on it,it will stay stable for a while then get shaking then collapse.
me and my ex teenager boy friend had relationship for 3 years,we were dated the whole time in high school.but we broke up because it did not worked for both.i was very sad and tired then i met my husband later so i was glad that me and my teenager boy friend broke up.bad thing gone and good thing come along.
I believe that I would have noticed if it was shaking, it's changed rapidly, it was something that I did not expect, and I did not know how to cope with it straight away, I was very emotional, I still do not know how to cope with it. I'm trying hard to not remind her about myself, I do not know will that make her happier now. I hope it will, it's just there is feeling that something was not said, not talked through properly. I know words would not change anything straight away, but in a long term may be there will be positive reflection. I don't know what to say when I'll be back to collect my belongings.

Don't be back there unless u feel less emotional.don't let her to see you weak.give yourself a few weeks,time is miracle,you will see.do you know who is she with now?u need to look better when u go there and get your belongings.

I don't know what to say when I'll be back to collect my belongings.

Say nothing but thanks for the memories and leave the emotional drama out of it. You keep your dignity, self respect, honor and grace.

Cry later in your own privacy if you must.

don't be back there unless u feel less emotional.don't let her to see you weak.give yourself a few weeks,time is miracle,you will see.do you know who is she with now?u need to look better when u go there and get your belongings.

I don't know if she with someone, I'm not sure, she never confirmed it, I'm terrible reading between lines, but I feel that it must be, otherwise all this does not make any sense. I think I will be better by next week, I will ask her, I mean as hard as it can be, I can accept that, if she fell in love with someone, I'm happy for her, at least I will understand her, I won't cry anymore. What goes around comes around, I was in similar situation if that's really what's happened. I'll wish her well.

She will tell you the truth if you show her that you are more understanding man then she used to know.I'm sure there is other guy involve.you can't keep her happy then she seeking somewhere else in secret.she will only make decision when she almost sure that guy is good enough for her.woman are evil and selfish.
I spoke to my husband today.He look skinner which is good because he were a bit fat before.I did told him he was fat but he told me that it was not very nice to say.See ,you guys just does not like to hear the truth and our feelings at all.

You sound better today so good work,keep it up like that.

she will tell you the truth if you show her that u are more understanding man then she used to know.I'm sure there is other guy involve.you can't keep her happy then she seeking somewhere else in secret.she will only make decision when she almost sure that guy is good enough for her.woman are evil and selfish.
i spoke to my husband today.He look skinner which is good because he were a bit fat before.i did told him he was fat but he told me that it was not very nice to say.See ,you guys just does not like to hear the truth and our feelings at all.

you sound better today so good work,keep it up like that.

Thank you, I'm staying at good friends that I know since childhood, they keep me busy and they support me greatly, the beautiful weather outside does help too, it's worm and quiet and sunny, my friends live in village with nice locals, friendly community. I lived in central part of megapolis, I'm going to move back in that area next week, but at the moment it is fantastic retreat and I enjoy to be here.
Your husband might loose weight because of stress he is going through. I did, I'm skinny :) , but now I become even skinnier. I lost 4-5 kg in a week or so. Anyway, it is not nice to say to your husband that he is fat, it does sound rude, I mean there are ways to say that in a more polite way to tell the truth.

It is nice to hear that.keep me update.soon you will realize that single life isn't that bad.Sometime I think I need to be with husband or boy friend,I felt like I need one of them in my life but I'm alone now,both of them are far away in different countries,feel like single and actually enjoy it.
Have a nice vacation,get some fresh airs and refresh yourself.will you go back to work next week?

it is nice to hear that.keep me update.soon u will realize that single life isn't that bad.Sometime i think i need to be with husband or boy friend,i felt like i need one of them in my life but I'm alone now,both of them are far away in different countries,feel like single and actually enjoy it.
have a nice vacation,get some fresh airs and refresh yourself.will u go back to work next week?

Thanks, I'm glad you sound happier too. And yes I'm working in Monday, I really wish I could have some time off, it's not possible now. The Wednesday scares me a little, I promised to move my things, but I'll be fine, I think the uncertainty feeling caused most of my stress. Thank you verydarkhere for anticipating in my situation, you did help me to understand more.

Maybe work also help a lot,it will distract you from thinking about her.you know she gone so you only 1 option which move on.
I'm also still in very difficult circumstance.I want to go visit my boy friend and want to know him better but my husband asked for another chance.I don't want to break his heart but on other hand I want to be happy and I have chance to do it now.I'm curious if out there is another person who could make me more happy than husband does.if I come back to him now,my soul and body are not complete to him then I will break his heart again so why not done it now.

I guess people go through similar experiences in their life, I do believe it is all up to us, if it is break up or falling in love it can be one persons feelings but it takes both to move on, I was in love once with girl that had a boyfriend for quite few years, she was not very very happy, they were good to each other, but she came to me, she needed support and I just fell in love madly, I felt she did too. She was in very hard situation, we all were as we were friends, and she decided to disappear for some time, she wanted to be alone for some time, I was still in touch with her, but there was a moment when I should have done a move, but I did not, It is hard to understand women, so she moved on, she met someone else, they have a happy family with 2 kids.

I guess people go through similar experiences in their life, I do believe it is all up to us, if it is break up or falling in love it can be one persons feelings but it takes both to move on, I was in love once with girl that had a boyfriend for quite few years, she was not very very happy, they were good to each other, but she came to me, she needed support and I just fell in love madly, I felt she did too. She was in very hard situation, we all were as we were friends, and she decided to dissapear for some time, she wanted to be alone for some time, I was still in touch with her, but there was a moment when I should have done a move, but I did not, It is hard to understand women, so she moved on, she met someone else, they have a happy family with 2 kids.

Me and my boy friend can talk good to each other.he is very listener and understanding man.so we are very open to each other which is good relationship base on.I wishes me and my husband could have done the same then this situation would not happened.And I wonder if relationship born in infidelity can last long?as you said your friend has a happy family which make me feel a bit more confident.
Good luck to us.

me and my boy friend can talk good to each other.he is very listener and understanding man.so we are very open to each other which is good relationship base on.i wishes me and my husband could have done the same then this situation would not happened.
Probably there was a similar situation here. But it was not always like that. I think that we all want to be happy, and we all selfish in a way. We all different too, but love is such a great feeling, I doubt I will ever feel it again in a way I did, may be that is good thing. After this weekend I start understanding that what hurts me more now and will later is loneliness. The person who was by my side for a long time is gone, and I'm not strong enough for another and not sure when I will be. But Good Luck To Us!

Just concentrate on yourself buddy, like I said whatever happens in the future you want to be prepared for anything, build yourself and now is the perfect time because you are single and whatever you do now is something you will do on your own and there is no girl out there you owe for your future success.
Maybe in the future you cross paths with you ex and you still want her at least you are prepared maybe in the future a better woman comes along at least you are prepared time to grow yourself BIG really BIG so any person and thing that comes along you are prepared to accept.

Probably there was a similar situation here. But it was not always like that. I think that we all want to be happy, and we all selfish in a way. We all different too, but love is such a great feeling, I doubt I will ever feel it again in a way I did, may be that is good thing. After this weekend I start understanding that what hurts me more now and will later is loneliness. The person who was by my side for a long time is gone, and I'm not strong enough for another and not sure when I will be. But Good Luck To Us!

Hey,how is everything going?how is work?I'm pretty sad now because I still don't know what is the right thing to do.at least you know what u need to do.

Any news ? I'm in the same situation

I'm going to move out my things today, I'm very nervous, I accepted that it is over, as sad as it is, that is the end of my relationship with this girl, but I'm scared to see her.

Stay strong, and stick to the task of retreiving your things. High emotons will make it harder than it has to be. You've already taken some really big steps, don't waver now.
Keep any conversation courteous and to the point, "where is my so and so?" "thank you", etc.
You'll get through it fine.

I'm going to move out my things today, I'm very nervous, I accepted that it is over, as sad as it is, that is the end of my relationship with this girl, but I'm scared to see her.

How was moving out day?I hope u did acted right.

how was moving out day?i hope u did acted right.
No I did not act right, I collected all my belongings, almost all, some still left, she cooked some food, we had some beer, we talked, we cried she said that there is someone else, but she does not love him.. she does not love me either, I can see she is confused, at the end of the day she asked me to leave, I saw tears in her eyes, I promised her to fix something that had to do long time ago, so I had to come back today and spend most of the day doing it, she was cleaning. She is cooking now again for both of us. I'm going to leave now, I don't think I will see her again soon, I will be working more now as I do not know what to do in my spare time. I do love her dearly. I do not know how to get her back. I'm such an idiot.

No I did not act right, I collected all my belongings, almost all, some still left, she cooked some food, we had some beer, we talked, we cried she said that there is someone else, but she does not love him.. she does not love me either, I can see she is confused, at the end of the day she asked me to leave, I saw tears in her eyes, I promised her to fix something that had to do long time ago, so I had to come back today and spend most of the day doing it, she was cleaning. She is cooking now again for both of us. I'm gonna leave now, I don't think I will see her again soon, I will be working more now as I do not know what to do in my spare time. I do love her dearly. I do not know how to get her back. I'm such an idiot.

It was sad.don't contact her till she contact you.she loved you but it got kill by times and many bad things combine.But I don't think it was only your fault.Peoples does get bore in long relationship,special a rough one.Couple break up,move on then they can't find anyone who could fit in their life good as they used to have then they go back together.Focus more on work and may be sign up for course which will support more for your career.go to the gym.Prepare a good future for you and who ever to come you later.hang out with your good friends?
I give myself a month without contact either my husband and my boy friend so I hope I can find out what I really want.I also don't know how to kill my free time.my best girlfriend moving to London soon.what's bad timing.

It was sad.don't contact her till she contact you.she loved you but it got kill by times and many bad things combine.But i don't think it was only your fault.Peoples does get bore in long relationship,special a rough one.Couple break up,move on then they can't find anyone who could fit in their life good as they used to have then they go back together.Focus more on work and may be sign up for course which will support more for your career.go to the gym.Prepare a good future for you and who ever to come you later.hang out with your good friends?
i give myself a month without contact either my husband and my boy friend so i hope i can find out what i really want.i also don't know how to kill my free time.my best girlfriend moving to London soon.what's bad timing.

Thank you for support, it does make me feel better. I have mixed feelings. I was still waiting for her move, and it almost happened yesterday, but almost does not count ). And today I realised that it is pointless for me to try to be with someone who does not want me around. I will get used to be on my own. Hey, London is a really great city, you should visit your friend and see new places too.

Sometime singles is suck,special for peoples who have been in long relationship like us.it get worse at night.we need to use to it.or you should find new date.I think it is the fastest way to forget someone.hehe.
I would like to go to London to visit my girl friend but she need to settle down and find jobs,etc... and I can't go to UK now because my boyfriend is in European so my husband would not let me go there before I make my decision.my husband is American and I'm an Asian.I would like to go to Europe on this Xmas anyway.

sometime singles is suck,special for peoples who have been in long relationship like us.it get worse at night.we need to use to it.or you should find new date.i think it is the fastest way to forget someone.hehe.

Sorry, I have to disagree with this statement, it is not fair to either party to get involved emotionally or sexually with someone before the healing is done.
It's called rebounding and rarely works out favorably for anyone.

Sorry, I have to disagree with this statement, it is not fair to either party to get involved emotionally or sexually with someone before the healing is done.
It's called rebounding and rarely works out favorably for anyone.

You are right but I mean that should not date someone else too fast till you understand what was happened without anger or want to revenge.. . the healing could take forever if you just be on your own and waste the time of your life.when you meet somebody special then you pay attention to them more and you would not have time to look back the pass.Dating someone else is always a part of the rebounding plan.someone else could take your pain away and replace happiness.or am I wrong?

I've never heard of the rebounding plan. And from experience I can tell you that healing doesn't take forever.
What you usually find when you start dating too early is that for a while that person is the high you have been needing, and then reality sets in and you realize that you have simply traded one set of problems for another set of problems.
Then not only are you back to square one, but you have involved and hurt someone else when you could have either 1) worked on the former relationship without the complication of a third party or 2) ended the former relationship and taken the time to get to know yourself again, be happy with you so that someone else could be happy with you minus the emotional baggage.
Going out is a good thing, friends and acquaintances help to keep you occupied, give you a support system, but to start dating with the intention of romance before you are healed from the pain of a failed relationship is not a good idea in my honest opinion.

I've never heard of the rebounding plan. And from experience I can tell you that healing doesn't take forever.
What you usually find when you start dating too early is that for a while that person is the high you have been needing, and then reality sets in and you realize that you have simply traded one set of problems for another set of problems.
Then not only are you back to square one, but you have involved and hurt someone else when you could have either 1) worked on the former relationship without the complication of a third party or 2) ended the former relationship and taken the time to get to know yourself again, be happy with you so that someone else could be happy with you minus the emotional baggage.
Going out is a good thing, friends and acquaintances help to keep you occupied, give you a support system, but to start dating with the intention of romance before you are healed from the pain of a failed relationship is not a good idea in my honest opinion.

There is always 2 sides,bad side and good side.
-Bad side is as you said' when you start dating too early is that for a while that person is the high you have been needing, and then reality sets in and you realize that you have simply traded one set of problems for another set of problems.'
-Good side is that when u date someone else who might guide you away from the pain and help you realize that you deserve better.Break up is hurtful and it is actually hurt in your chest.Special for peoples who had been in long relationship like us.we hate loneliness,feel like we can't live without them.And I think this way is the fastest way out in my opinion.it called move on.My girl friend got dump with a baby in 3 years relationship and she tried to heal her pain in 2 years,it did not go anywhere and cried every night till she works and she actually dating again and she feel so much better.

I prefer to not take the focus from dmitriz, after all this is his question pertaining to his problem.

I actually do see some misguided thoughts in your post, to my way of thinking.
I'd rather not take away form the OP to present that to you, but if you'd like I would be happy to express my thoughts to you...
Here: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/should-stay-should-go-699846.html

dmitriz, I hope things are going well for you. And you are holding up.

I prefer to not take the focus from dmitriz, after all this is his question pertaining to his problem.

I actually do see some misguided thoughts in your post, to my way of thinking.
I'd rather not take away form the OP to present that to you, but if you'd like I would be happy to express my thoughts to you....
Here: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/should-stay-should-go-699846.html

dmitriz, I hope things are going well for you. and you are holding up.

Thanks, it is either I'm taking it too well or I can't realise that it is happened, I still have mood swings, and I do get upset when something reminds me the time we've spent together. Unfortunately almost everything does, but I feel that she must have similar feelings, but I won't do anything to get her back, as it seems that doing so only make the things worst. Today is the last day when I have to go to hers to take the last part of my belongings, I'm trying to write a list to not forget anything, I don't want to go there any more.

I don't want to argue here because this is dmitriz's post.his Situation is similar to my mine.and I going to do something the same as his girl friend did to him.she left him without explain thing good.I'm here to cheer him up and help him know what we are thinking,we are know that we are heartless but things happens for reasons.
I don't really tried to tell him how to heal his pain but I do help him to understand what was happened.I spoke to him like the insider.and the way I told him about finding a new date which it was haft real and half joking but you never know it might help.He feel a bit better and he will know what is the best for him to do after.
I did not said that you are wrong but I don't think mine is wrong either.the way to post my link which is not very nice.

I'd rather not take away form the OP to present that to you, but if you'd like I would be happy to express my thoughts to you...
Here: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/should-stay-should-go-699846.html

I don't want to argue here because this is dmitriz's post.his Situation is similar to my mine.and I going to do something the same as his girl friend did to him.she left him without explain thing good.I'm here to cheer him up and help him know what we are thinking,we are know that we are heartless but things happens for reasons.
I don't really tried to tell him how to heal his pain but I do help him to understand what was happened.I spoke to him like the insider.and the way I told him about finding a new date which it was haft real and half joking but you never know it might help.He feel a bit better and he will know what is the best for him to do after.
I did not said that you are wrong but I don't think mine is wrong either.the way to post my link which is not very nice.

Things will be better after you have handled your unfinished business, and have a chance to breath and relax, and make adjustments.

Things will be better after you have handled your unfinished business, and have a chance to breath and relax, and make adjustments.

I hope so, she asked me to move things tomorrow instead of today, and I start thinking about all the good times we've spent together and almost start crying again, it is unbelievable, I did not cry since childhood and this year it seems like I cry for all those years. I can't get her out of my head, I can't believe she did, this is f*** up situation. I can't find a way out of it.

You are mourning the loss of this relationship, but time will heal you after you get your things. But it will take a while.

You are mourning the loss of this relationship, but time will heal you after you get your things. But it will take a while.
Thank you all for support, I won't be back here for a while, I will update this topic when the time will be right, and maybe it will be useful for someone else. I hope that people who meant to be together won't make mistakes like I did, I hope that if they will, they will have a courage to apologise, they will have a courage to accept apology, they will have a courage to give it another try, and maybe another after that and they will understand something important. Life is beautiful. It is much more beautiful when we have caring person whom we care about next to us. Peace.

Keep yourself well dmitriz, and allow me to thank you.
Your post was thought provoking to me, actually it made me think of something small but silly I recently said to my other half and I owe someone an apology.
The things we all learn form each other is amazing and, Yes life IS beautiful.
Keep your chin up and peace back at you.