I was in a relationship with this guy for almost a year - he is 20 and I'm 21. The thing is, we have so much in common and after my previous relationship of 3 years (of abuse), I truly believed I had found someone worth keeping. I love him with all of my heart and would have loved to have spent the rest of my life with him.

Then why did I dump him a month ago?

Well, from the beginning of our relationship I noticed that he was prone to massive outbursts of anger over small issues - he would scream his head off at me to the point where even if I covered my ears, it was still loud. He called me a "scumbag whore", a "slut", an "idiot", "retard" and even went as far as to say that he enjoys treating me like this as it is all I deserve, taking my ex's side on his abuse and saying that my ex had the right idea in cheating on me.

I broke up with him after one huge argument a month ago at his parents house. I was using his phone to text my mum and I know I shouldn't have but I used the opportunity to check his Facebook and twitter messages (I had a feeling he was up to something). I found messages to another girl about how much he regrets getting with me and how much we don't have enough in common. I was so hurt. I woke him up to confront him and he went completely insane! He was screaming at me, I was crying, and to this day he won't tell me anything about this girl.

I am so heart broken, I love him so much still, I dream every night that he comes to me to apologise and has realised the error of his ways. He blames me for finding the messages and says I'm just a "dirty whore" anyway so its no loss to him.

We still love together in a student but I am moving out in a few days. It is so difficult, every time I see him I just want to hug him and have it all go back to how it was before. I don't understand why he believes this is all I am worth. I don't sleep around, I was, and still am, fully committed to him despite us being broken up a month.

I have told him that I still love him and I'd give anything to make it work but he just said he hates me, he still cares but never wants anything more to do with me.

Did I make the right decision? Why do I still want him back?

You certainly did the right thing to leave him. He was being a pig and given what he said about agreeing with your ex, he probably at some point would have hit you.
Why do you want him back? You are apparently comfortable with abuse and feel you don't deserve better.
Get some counseling. I think every woman who has suffered abuse should have counseling before she enters into another relationship because they often go right back into another abusive one.

My ex never hit me, neither of them did, it was always emotional abuse to the point where he denies ever having shouted at me and says I am going mad, it is all in my head. I know what I heard, I just often doubt myself and feel that since this has happened with every guy I have ever loved, it must be something that I am doing wrong. I have tried counselling but I just don't believe that I am worth more than this, it is all I have ever known. If a guy isn't yelling, in my mind, he doesn't care. I miss him so much and have begged him to take me back which has diminished my self-confidence even more. I dumped him yet he is the one who is glad to be rid of me.

You should continue the counseling. If you don't feel you deserve better you will continue getting with guys who abuse you leave you and you want them back. That is dysfunction.
Get some counseling so you can break this cycle. To cry your eyes out and miss a jerk you does not give a fig about you is senseless.

I know this is true, it just helps to hear it from someone else. He has me so brain washed right now that I often doubt my own thoughts or opinions, I don't even know who I am anymore.

Thanks for your advice.

Get some help young lady.
I wish you well.

Thanks, hopefully when I move out this weekend with my friend and get back to uni it'll all get easier. It's so reassuring to see that other people think I've made the right decision in leaving.

Your decision was a good one.

I agree with Homegirl. You do not deserve either of those males. I, too, think some counseling might help. If not one-on-one, a support group or group counseling. You need a strong support system in place so that you don't repeat the cycle of abuse again.

Take time to build up your relationship with yourself. Do things that encourage you to feel good about who you are. Build up yourself confidence. It will make you stronger and better able to let go when you know the relationship isn't working.

If a man ever calls you names, belittles you, makes you feel like less than the wonderfully unique person you are, walk away from him. See the behavior for what it is-insecurity. He is trying to tear you down so that he feels bigger and in control.

A person who truly cares about you won't treat you like dirt.

Good luck.

Be strong, get moved out and stay broke up, And stay in your counseling, often there are cycles of abuse as a person finds a new relationship. Often they don't realize it even.
Be strong in who you are and in yourself. First know that you don't NEED anyone to make you happy, and then find someone to share happiness with