On a regular basis now I consider throwing myself in front of a train at the subway or on freight tracks. Either that or I considers parking my car with the headlights off in the middle of the highway. I want to get out of this world I have had it here, there's just nothing left and every day is tortue. How long someone expect to put up and live like this?

I'm not going to play into this suicide thing in any way other than to ask why you would need to involve someone else in your attempt? Park you car on a highway without the lights on? That's nice. Kill someone else who plows into you just so you can die.

I don't usually get involved in these suicide questions on here but when I read that, I needed to comment... that's even more selfish than just killing yourself.

And you kill someone else, but end up bedbound for the rest of your life?

You don't have to 'play' into anything if you don't want to, nobody forcing you. And I don't see suicide as 'selfish' it's just craps people say to make a person feels guilty, doesn't work anymore. Well past that point. And also no guarantees someone else is going to die. I never heard of train conductor dying when hitting someone with their train.

And you kill someone else, but end up bedbound for the rest of your life?

Hi wondergirls

Like I said to that other lady/man no guarantees that's going to happen to someone else. Anyway not sure I care anymore about other people anymore. At my wit end with life as it is.

Oh, for Pete's sake! You have the best of this world!

you don't have to 'play' into anything if you don't want to, nobody forcing you. and i don't see suicide as 'selfish' it's just craps people say to make a person feels guilty, doesn't work anymore. well past that point. and also no guarantees someone else is going to die. i never heard of train conductor dying when hitting someone with their train.

Hey, if that's what you want to believe... but yeah, you park on a highway and someone else hits you at highway speed, they're likely to die. So why do you need to involve someone else? You can't find a way that only harms you?

Really, no need to answer me as I'm unsubscribing to this post and won't see your answer.

The biggest fear that train engineers have is that someone will drive his or her car on the tracks or will lie on the tracks to commit suicide. An engineer told me there is no way he can stop the train in time, and will have horrible nightmares for the rest of his life. Pieces of your car will fly all over the place and hit waiting cars and any pedestrians. Your car will be dragged down the track and shut down any train traffic for hours. People will be finding pieces of your body for weeks.

I'd hate to think that you would kill anyone, much less a family with kids, when they hit your car if you park on the road with lights out.

You have an almost perfect life. You do know that, don't you.

Hey, if that's what you want to believe....but yeah, you park on a highway and someone else hits you at highway speed, they're likely to die. So why do you need to involve someone else? You can't find a way that only harms you?

Really, no need to answer me as I'm unsubscribing to this post and won't see your answer.



Good I'm glad, that was dumb to respond and then 'hide' yourself so you can't see any answers. Good bye though.

The biggest fear that train engineers have is that someone will drive his or her car on the tracks or will lie on the tracks to commit suicide. An engineer told me there is no way he can stop the train in time, and will have horrible nightmares for the rest of his life. Pieces of your car will fly all over the place and hit waiting cars and any pedestrians. Your car will be dragged down the track and shut down any train traffic for hours. People will be finding pieces of your body for weeks.

I'd hate to think that you would kill anyone, much less a family with kids, when they hit your car if you park on the road with lights out.

You have an almost perfect life. You do know that, don't you.



Like I said past the point of caring about other people. I am mostly sick of them anyway. They never change and mostly all are the same or end up same... who cares if someone find pieces of body months later? I will be dead already. Lmao@ having a perfect or almost perfect life. Sorry wondergirls to say something like that is ridiculous. I have no home of my own, no jobs, and no money half the time. I lives alone with not one friend or anyone. Depression, suicide thought every single day, I been eating tuna fish for a week straight but I have a PERECT life right? Please don't tell me about the starving homeless. That is a shame and all but has nothing to do with me.

Anyway pretty obvious to me I don't have any real reason to stay in this world

There is help for you -- disability money, counseling, food stamps, your own apartment, and more.

Your counselor can connect you with all sorts of services.

Do you walk to Shoprite, or does someone (your brother?) drive you?

I thought you said you like to cook and bake.

I do lieks to cook and bake. I have a car and I drive but I am not good at driving at alli I can only go certain distances. I am on food stamp or else I would starve to death. I have no way to budgets it correct and always run out end of month and have to eat tuna sandwiches. Sigh.

you don't have to 'play' into anything if you don't want to, nobody forcing you. and i don't see suicide as 'selfish' it's just craps people say to make a person feels guilty, doesn't work anymore. well past that point. and also no guarantees someone else is going to die. i never heard of train conductor dying when hitting someone with their train.


Read what you posted: "parking my car with the headlights off in the middle of the highway"

like i said past the point of caring about other people. i am mostly sick of them anyways. they never change and mostly all are the same or end up same.... who cares if someone find pieces of body months later? i will be dead already. lmao@ having a perfect or almost perfect life. sorry wondergirls to say something like that is ridiculous. i have no home of my own, no jobs, and no money half the time. i lives alone with not one friend or anyone. depression, suicide thought every single day, i been eating tuna fish for a week straight but i have a PERECT life right? please don't tell me about the starving homeless. that is a shame and all but has nothign to do with me.

anyways pretty obvious to me i don't have any real reason to stay in this world


If you didn't care you wouldn't be on AMHD on a regular basis with your suicide threats.

I well understand why you have no friends.

I don't even understand why your threads are still here - the girl who threatened suicide yesterday had all her threads pulled.

You are eating tuna fish on a daily basis but own a car, pay insurance, repairs, maintenace - and you only drive the car "short distances?" Where is the NJ DMV when you need it?

I realize that last month you were losing your apartment and had no money for utilities - are you using a library computer? Where are you living?

i do lieks to cook and bake. i have a car and i drive but i am not good at driving at alli i can only go certain distances. i am on food stamp or else i would starve to death. i have no way to budgets it correct and always run out end of month and have to eat tuna sandwiches. sigh.
There are people in your area who will help you with budgeting. Ask your counselor about this.

What about disability payments? What are you living on otherwise besides food stamps? -- e.g. how do you pay for gas for your car, clothes, utility bills?

You live in a house (not an apartment), right?

There are people in your area who will help you with budgeting. Ask your counselor about this.

What about disability payments? What are you living on otherwise besides food stamps? -- e.g., how do you pay for gas for your car, clothes, utility bills?

You live in a house (not an apartment), right?


I have a problem asking peoples for help. I do not like to be a burden. Everyone is so busy :(

Nobody really have time for me here. That is why I hate it and want to leave this world every single day. I just gets in the way anymore.

I get deny for the disability I want to work at a job like everyone else does. I get money from my aunt who live in another states. She send me $300 a month to uses for myself. I live in a hosue that's not mine. I wish to have my own house but I could never figure out how to get one or a good job like other people.

i have a problem asking peoples for help. i do not like to be a burden. everyone is so busy
There are people who do exactly that -- help other people connect with services. If you don't seek help, you are not being fair to yourself or to the people who can help.

Okay who do I ask and how do I say it? I am very embarrassed. Other adult can do for themselves and I can't. It's pathetic at my age.

okay who do i ask and how do i say it? i am very embarassed. other adult can do for themselves and i can't. it's pathetic at my age.
You ask your counselor to connect you with someone who can help. She will know who.

When do you meet with her again?

I do not meet her for another 2 week. She don't know any way I can get jobs. She send me to the easter seal. They cannot help me get jobs neither. Said it's economies fault.

i do not meet her for another 2 week. she dont know any way i can get jobs. she send me to the easter seal. they cannot help me get jobs neither. said it's economies fault.
Did you ask at the library?

The library want volunteer. I had my easter seal lady ask them on the phone. Nobody hiring. Just like your son that don't work nobody want to hire us. We are basically throw aways far as this world is concerned. Not to sound pathetic but its really true.

the library want volunteer. i had my easter seal lady ask them on the phone. nobody hiring. just like your son that don't work nobody want to hire us. we are basically throw aways far as this world is concerned. not to sound pathetic but its really true.
Volunteers can become employees. That happened at the library I worked at for 25 years. Volunteer!!

My autistic son has worked part-time at a library for over 20 years.

Sigh. Well even your son have a job then and steady works. How pathetic I cannot get anything. I do not want volunteer I need money.

sigh. well even your son have a job then and steady works. how pathetic i cannot get anything. i do not want volunteer i need money.
You have to start somewhere and learn library skills. That is what you will do as a volunteer.

If you do a good job, you can ask them to hire you. The staff at libraries are always coming and going as they go off to college or move or get married or find new jobs. There are always job openings or some coming up. If you are already on the inside doing a good job as a volunteer, they will consider hiring you.

Well one thing though. That is not true arounds here. I been in this town my whole life. Those 2 librarian work there, been there since I was FOURTEEEN. Lol.

Anyway I have lost all hope again and just want it all to end.

well one thing though. that is not true arounds here. i been in this town my whole life. those 2 librarian work there, been there since i was FOURTEEEN. lol.
And you asked to become a volunteer.

Face it wondergirls there some of us that's never going to get opportunity to work. Even if wewant to do that. It doesn't matter what we want. We're stuck on public assistance forever I guess. This world was not created for us.

face it wondergirls there some of us that's never going to get opportunity to work. even if wewant to do that. it doesn't matter what we want. we're stuck on public assistance forever i guess. this world was not created for us.
So you are going to sit down and refuse to make any effort to check into volunteering at the library. "Poor little Lena."

I am so ashamed of you!

So you are going to sit down and refuse to make any effort to check into volunteering at the library. "Poor little Lena."

I am so ashamed of you!



Oh well wondergirl if you fail mostly in life then you would stop trying to. I am done trying. I will be glad when its all over with. I hate it here

You haven't failed. You haven't even tried.

That is not true at all. I have try most of my life to be normal and it NEVER did work out for me. I try several thing: join clubs, go to college, try to get dates, try to make new friend and try to find jobs.

that is not true at all. i have try most of my life to be normal and it NEVER did work out for me. i try several thing: join clubs, go to college, try to get dates, try to make new friend and try to find jobs.
No, you don't try to be "normal." You are who you are. You figure out your talents and abilities and work with them to figure out how you fit in.

But that's what I done most of my life wondergirl. It now has been proven obvious that I odnt have any talents that I don't have any abilities and that I don't fits in. that is why everyday I wish to die. I am tired of living like this and not belonging. If I had great talents they would have been discover by now and put to use so obviously I am one of the peoples that's considered throwaways with nothing to offer anyone

I have asked a quetsion and it's not showing up in 'my questions' it is in mental health section on here

Yes, you have talents and abilities. And there are certain things you want to avoid.

For instance, my autistic son will never be a warm and friendly person, so he has never applied for jobs where he has to deal with people a lot. But he is very good with keeping things in good order, with cleaning, and with noticing mistakes, so the job he has at the library shelving books is perfect for him.

A job coach would figure out what you are good at and would help you find the right job for you.

Yes, you have talents and abilities. And there are certain things you want to avoid.

For instance, my autistic son will never be a a warm and friendly person, so he has never applied for jobs where he has to deal with people a lot. But he is very good with keeping things in good order, with cleaning, and with noticing mistakes, so the job he has at the library shelving books is perfect for him.

A job coach would figure out what you are good at and would help you find the right job for you.



I am like that too. If he is good at the library he is lucky. He have a place they want him and where he fit in every day :(

I just stays home and wait to die.

The job coach lady is looking for me jobs and so am I. nobody want to hire me I am not good enough to work with my low skills and cannot get along with peoples. My other jobs I do not have any references because I do not talksto any of the people when I work there. They only want to socialize I don't understand that on the job where you're paid to be working not talking.

i am like that too. if he is good at the library he is lucky. he have a place they want him and where he fit in every day
I was the volunteer coordinator at a different library and trained everyone who volunteered (ages 16-85, from any culture you can think of). Some had Down's syndrome, some had cerebral palsy, some had Asperger's, some were under a psychiatrist's care, some didn't speak much English, some were deaf, and some were just wanting to get out of the house for a couple of hours. I always found jobs for all of them--getting DVDs and music/book CDs ready to check out, barcoding and putting security in magazines, putting plastic jackets on new books, etc. I would have found a job you could do.

These volunteers got confidence, learned how to follow instructions and do good work, and then stayed with me or found real jobs somewhere else.

That's what I would check into for you--volunteering at your library to give you skills.

Let me tell you something else wondergirls. One thing put me over the edge is that every SINGLE item online have to do with as men. I am basicallyconsider invisible to as community. Every time I tries to help myself by reading online its direct at MEN and how the world can help aspies men, how they be normal and get dates, etc. it's bullsh*t.

I can do some of those things at the library that you list. I am afraid if I go in there's and ask a about voluteer I will mess something up on that job. I cannot afford to mess up there because I go to the library all the time.

All my old job where I work I refuse to go back in there. How can I ask about volunteer to try it out and see how it works first? I have to know how it works.

Most of the Aspies are men. It tends to follow the male line in a family. My husband's sister is part-Aspie and has had lot of social and relationship problems through the years. She is 62 now and has Alzheimer's, so has new problems.

Can you sit still and listen when someone gives you directions? Will you follow the directions and do the work correctly? Will you ask for help if you need it?

For instance, the DVDs have to have the barcode in the same place on every one, the security strip has to be put on the disk in a certain way, the date due slip has to be stuck on in a certain place, and so on. Every DVD is the same, and none of the work is hard to do. It's the same with CDs--all look the same, with no creative work being done like the barcode on the back of this one and on the front of that one. All have to be done the same.

I'd call your library to see what volunteer work they have available and figure out if you could handle it. I would have to know your town's name, but not yours. Didn't you say you live near the Delaware River? Do the library people know you and seem to like you?

Most of the Aspies are men. It tends to follow the male line in a family. My husband's sister is part-Aspie and has had lot of social and relationship problems through the years. She is 62 now and has Alzheimer's, so has new problems.

Can you sit still and listen when someone gives you directions? Will you follow the directions and do the work correctly? Will you ask for help if you need it?

For instance, the DVDs have to have the barcode in the same place on every one, the security strip has to be put on the disk in a certain way, the date due slip has to be stuck on in a certain place, and so on. Every DVD is the same, and none of the work is hard to do. It's the same with CDs--all look the same, with no creative work being done like the barcode on the back of this one and on the front of that one. All have to be done the same.

I'd call your library to see what volunteer work they have available and figure out if you could handle it. I would have to know your town's name, but not yours. Didn't you say you live near the Delaware River? Do the library people know you and seem to like you?


Yes I can follow direction and I could put the dvds on the shelf and the books too I think. I cannot do math though. And at my other jobs they say I work too slow and have to speed it up because people don't have time. Sigh. That's why I am afraid to get different jobs. I probablywill not ask for help because I will be to nervous and embarrass.


I lives in warren county. The internet is not safe to giveout information.was your husband sister married? And what kind of relationship problems did she have? How do you know she have asperger if she's that old?

Also everything for aspies is for the men and we basicallydon't exist. People say if you're a woman all you have to do is wear makeups and let men know you wants dates but that's NOT TRUE.I have tried that and theyreject me anyway.

yes I can follow direction and I could put the dvds on the shelf and the books too I think. I cannot do math though. And at my other jobs they say I work too slow and have to speed it up because people don't have time. Sigh. That's why I am afraid to get different jobs. I probablywill not ask for help because I will be to nervous and embarrass.
No math at all. You would put stickers and labels and security strips on the DVDs and CDs, but not put them on the shelf. You would have to ask for help (if you need it) from the person who trains you so you don't do something wrong. I would train a volunteer and sit at the next desk and do my own work while the new volunteer put on the stickers, etc.

One job was to go through each new magazine and take out all the postcard things. Another job was to stamp the library's name on each magazine. I was nearby to watch and encourage good work.

was your husband sister married? And what kind of relationship problems did she have? How do you know she have asperger if she's that old?
Yes, she is married with no children. Relationship-wise, she did not like to go to parties or to visit neighbors --just to visit her own family. I've known her for 46 years. She hated to go out to eat, even to a fast-food place because she felt men were watching her and women were waiting for her to spill something on her clothes. She likes to wrap up tight in her blankets and that makes her feel better. She doesn't like small talk and chatting. Her father had Asperger's and her brother (my husband) does. She has many of the characteristics, but not all of them.

This following link lists several Aspergers Support Groups in New Jersey I think you may want to try:

Aspergers Support Groups New Jersey (http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/507.cfm)

I have what I consider mild OCD issues, my family may not say that, but I am not familiar with Aspergers, thou several of the symptoms sure sounds similar to mine.

Wondergirl is doing the best she can, amazing how she is trying to help you. Listen to her, and I hope one of the links will get you the help you need.

This following link lists several Aspergers Support Groups in New Jersey I think you may want to try:

Aspergers Support Groups New Jersey (http://www.parentingaspergerscommunity.com/public/507.cfm)

I have what I consider mild OCD issues, my family may not say that, but I am not familiar with Aspergers, thou several of the symptoms sure sounds similar to mine.

Wondergirl is doing the best she can, amazing how she is trying to help you. Listen to her, and I hope one of the links will get you the help you need.



Yes she was very helpful. Ty for the links bye

Wondergirl is a constant wonder.