I'm 30 and he's 33. He works midnight shift and I run a successful company, so we both are tired and stressed daily... is it just an excuse that we average sex once every other month? He's put on some weight plus he's been a slob with letting junk lay around the house... and I'm pretty sure he used porn daily... and makes excuses that he can't perform when he drinks on wknds, and complains that I never make the first move nor does he rub my shoulders if I have a rough day... so I'm just
Wondering if one or both of us has the issue here?

You all have 100's of issues

Communication is the main one.

1. so he watches porn, he can do it every day and still do it at night at 30.
2. The schedule is one, when was the last time you both took one or two days off and did a date night ? You should have at least one, if not two date nights a month.
When work is more important than relationship, there is no relationship any longer
3. so he is heavier, 300 lb men have sex all the time

If you aren't making an effort to have a relationship, it won't happen. I agree with what Fr Chuck said about making time to go on dates or at least setting aside time when you focus only on each other and your relationship.

With you both working demanding schedules, I'm sure that being out of shape doesn't help his energy level, but it shouldn't keep him from sex either. And if he says his drinking is negatively impacting his desire, why not ask him to drink a little less? Perhaps one of the ways in which you two could make/spend more time with each other is in exercising together. Two birds, one stone.

From your last couple of sentences it does seem that you both could try a little harder. If he wants you to initiate intimacy, then do it a few times and see if he responds. If you're wanting him to rub your shoulders, try asking. Communication involves one person speaking and another listening and responding. Take the time to do some more of that and see if you two aren't able to improve your relationship.

Thanks guys... I realize I may be to blame too. I took your advice and took the day off work today to spend with him, we had fun and did dinner, watched a movie... and when I offered sex, I was told "in the bedroom" - so I said OK and got ready to go up, and I find him heading to the fridge for leftovers. I'm a bit hurt and am now supposed to wait until we go to bed... well guess who is tired now and not interested? Me. Just had to vent... kind of down and frustrated.

Thanks guys... I realize I may be to blame too. I took your advice and took the day off work today to spend with him, we had fun and did dinner, watched a movie... and when I offered sex, I was told "in the bedroom" - so I said ok and got ready to go up, and I find him heading to the fridge for leftovers. I'm a bit hurt and am now supposed to wait until we go to bed... well guess who is tired now and not interested?? Me. Just had to vent... kind of down and frustrated.

What did you say when he headed for the left-overs instead of following you to bed? Have you discussed the 'miscommunication'?