Good Evening,

I'm kind of new to this forum but I'm very depressed and don't have very many people who I can trust or talk to. I known my boyfriend for 8 years but I just started recently dating him a year ago and during that time I put him in Hospitals to get him detox and a 2 year rehab which he got out. I paid for motels, tried to get him to find a job only to find out that he got fired from pretty much all of them for drinking on the job. His recent stint was he stole a 6 pack from Walmart but they caught him. Anyway, my point is I been by his side, and now that his family has decided to help him as long as he does not drink. He abandons me. And from what I can tell he has stop drinking and is working at IHOP. He says its my attitude and that I always bring drama. I don't bring anything, he brings drama by making me upset. He has my IPAD and he doesn't want the letters I wrote him from rehab and everything that is at my house... I have all his stuff and he doesn't want it. Everything that's his... I have to figure out what to do with it but what really hurts me is he doesn't want my letters I wrote him in rehab. I wrote him everyday. I miss him... he was my best and only friend not just my boyfriend and I'm glad he's doing good but I don't understand after all I did for him I'm left with nothing. I just need some encouraging words of wisdom and advice to help me deal with this. I been crying non stop. And one more thing... what hurts too is no matter what I stood by him and he has done a lot of awful stuff but I saw the good in him and I believed in him and now... I'm nothing to him. Like I said anything to lift my spirits would be great... thank you.

Hello, I just got home from having a bad encounter with my separated and alcoholic husband, when I found your message. I am so sorry that you are getting hurt and treated so badly by your alcoholic boyfriend. I can only imagine the pain you are feeling from his having abandoned you and not bothering to keep or read all those caring and thoughtful letters you had written him, especially after all your loyalty and emotional investment you had in this relationship. I have learned that in dealing with alcoholics, it is an all too familiar trait that they have with the person they are closest to. One of the many alcoholic traits they will show is of utter selfishness towards their partner or spouse. You are not alone in this. The alcoholic brain is so distorted and their thinking patterns are not normal which is why they manifest these types of behaviours such as what is being done to you. You are not to blame when they lash out and try to make you feel responsible for their own unfair and selfish behavior such as when he accused you of "drama" simply because you were rightfully upset at his horrible treatment towards you. There arr many common traits that alcoholics manifest. Another is blaming others for their own bad behaviour, by inflicting blame on another, by trying to make the other person feel guilty for some perceived action from the past. They do not take respondibility for their own bad behaviour and instead continue to inflict emotional and often physical abuse on their partner. The only way to be free of this ongoing saga of pain is to not accept any further contact from him. Until he has had the proper help and is sober for at least a year, only then will his thinking patterns and bad behaviour have a chance to be normalized. Please remember that all his hurtful behaviour he has done towards you is the direct result of the alcoholic traits he has acquired from all that alcohol. I hope this helps a bit. Please write again if you need someone who will listen. I will be thinking of you.
Deniseanne

Hello, Kind of. I am sorry to hear that. I think, you need to calm down first. Then, you need to face the real life. And find sth interesting to do to start your new life.