He could barely get an errection and when he did, it wouldn't last long and go soft again within minutes. He didn't really crave sex as much as I thought he would because he would go weeks without it. He always wanted to hang out with his make friends rather than soend alone time with me, Could he be gay?

He could barely get an errection and when he did, it wouldn't last long and go soft again within minutes. He didnt really crave sex as much as i thought he would bc he would go weeks without it. He always wanted to hang out with his make friends rather than soend alone time with me, Could he be gay?


Here's a thought - ask him.

He also may be having difficult adjusting after spending 10 years behind bars.

Or maybe he just isn't attracted to you for reason or other.

Again - ask him. Presumably, he knows.

EDIT: I just realized you've asked for advice on this relationship recently - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/why-did-he-cut-me-off-so-cold-cut-me-out-his-life-completely-687764.html

Here's a thought - ask him.

He also may be having difficult adjusting after spending 10 years behind bars.

Or maybe he just isn't attracted to you for reason or other.

Again - ask him. Presumably, he knows.

EDIT: I just realized you've asked for advice on this relationship recently - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/why-did-he-cut-me-off-so-cold-cut-me-out-his-life-completely-687764.html

Well since you have read my other post you now understand that he wants nothing to do with me do I can't ask him anything. And he would never tell me something like that if he is!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/why-did-he-cut-me-off-so-cold-cut-me-out-his-life-completely-687764-3.html

If he wants nothing to do with you, why are you worried whether he's gay? Let him live his life as he feels.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/why-did-he-cut-me-off-so-cold-cut-me-out-his-life-completely-687764-3.html

If he wants nothing to do with you, why are you worried whether or not he's gay? Let him live his life as he feels.

What the hell does living his life have to do with the fact that my health could be in danger. Please keep your personal feelings out of it and just answer the question. This is supposed to be a help desk not tell me how I should feel about whatever it is that I am asking!

You didn't mention anything about your health being in danger until now. I'm not a mind reader.

But since you so rudely mentioned it. Yes, there is a possibility that your health could be in danger.

You didn't mention anything about your health being in danger until now. I'm not a mind reader.

But since you so rudely mentioned it. Yes, there is a possibility that your health could be in danger.

I didn't rudely mention it. I just don't understand why when myself and others ask a question, most people go into attack mode instead of answering the question at hand. I asked a question for it to be answered and didn't feel that I had to add the additional information of my health. If he is intact gay and I don't know about it that is a very serious situation. Being the fact that he cut me off "cold" ( as ststed in my extrnsive previous post) I can't talk to him, let alone ask him a question specially about this. I asked a question, gave facts and all I am looking for is opinionated answers based on the information given... Didn't mean to sound rude that was not my intention...

What the hell does living his life have to do with the fact that my health could be in danger. Please keep your personal feelings out of it and just answer the question. This is supposed to be a help desk not tell me how I should feel about whatever it is that I am asking!


Here's my answer when people come back at a respected member (who, by the way, has none of the problems that you have) - "the person who might be gay" has known you for a long time and apparently doesn't like you any more

It only took me two minutes.

Then go to your doctor and have a check up including blood tests for the condition(s) you are concerned about.

Then go to your doctor and have a check up including blood tests for the condition(s) you are concerned about.


I answered this question: "He could barely get an errection and when he did, it wouldn't last long and go soft again within minutes. He didnt really crave sex as much as i thought he would bc he would go weeks without it. He always wanted to hang out with his make friends rather than soend alone time with me, Could he be gay?"

But that's not the question. The question is about any possible health problems due to the OP's relationship with the ex-con -

He could barely get an errection and when he did, it wouldn't last long and go soft again within minutes. He didnt really crave sex as much as i thought he would bc he would go weeks without it. He always wanted to hang out with his make friends rather than soend alone time with me, Could he be gay?

This was the question I answered as well and I see no mention of any health concerns.

Well since you have read my other post you now understand that he wants nothing to do with me do I can't ask him anything. And he would never tell me something like that if he is!
I didn't rudely mention it. I just don't understand why when myself and others ask a question, most people go into attack mode instead of answering the question at hand. I asked a question for it to be answered and didn't feel that I had to add the additional information of my health. If he is intact gay and I don't know about it that is a very serious situation. ..

There is something else going on here. You posted this in the Adult Sexuality forum which means feelings enter into it. Nobody went into "attack mode" except you. If your concern was for your health, then that's what you should have asked.

But, if he wants nothing to do with you then how is your health at risk? I'm just not getting that. How does his being gay make it a serious situation for you if you are no longer together?

Scott, it was moved from the mobile uncatagorized forum to the adult sxuality forum.

Scott, it was moved from the mobile uncatagorized forum to the adult sxuality forum.

Same difference. This is not a subject that requires a black and white answer. I don't see a health concern nor do I see any concern that the OP should have.

I'm curious if she is concerned that she may have contracted something along the lines of AIDS (for example) after having a sexual relationship with a man who may have had sex with other men while in prison.

I'm curious if she is concerned that she may have contracted something along the lines of AIDS (for example) after having a sexual relationship with a man who may have had sex with other men while in prison.


That's my guess. Seems a little late in the game for the concern, however.

I'm curious if she is concerned that she may have contracted something along the lines of AIDS (for example) after having a sexual relationship with a man who may have had sex with other men while in prison.

I have not contracted AIDS or anything else for that matter. The issue is that something is not right and we are on a brake right now but if I were to get back together with him I would like to know if he may be that way for my safety. He will never tell me that so I'm taking things that I observed and am asking if my assumption is along the lines of him being gay. I am not asking about my health. The health issue came up because I was asked why I was worried about if he is gay or not and health risk is a valid reason to be concerned.

I have not contracted AIDS or anything else for that matter. The issue is that something is not right and we are on a brake right now but if I were to get back together with him I would like to know if he may be that way for my safety. He will never tell me that so I'm taking things that I observed and am asking if my assumption is along the lines of him being gay. I am not asking about my health. The health issue came up bc I was asked why I was worried about if he is gay or not and health risk is a valid reason to be concerned.


Now I'm really confused - your other post indicates he's, at best, abusive. You apparently have made a decision to stay in the relationship.

I don't understand the taking a break but if you do get back together would his being "that way" be a danger to your safety. What aspect of your safety are you asking about, if not your health?

IF you have had sex with him since he was released and if you think he was having gay sex (although that's certainly not the only way AIDS is passed) you've already been exposed.

Have you been tested so you can make an informed decision if/when you decide to engage in a sexual relationship with him again?

(If he was straight going into prison I'd venture a guess that he's straight coming out - what he did in prison didn't change his sexuality, or that would be my guess.)

Ruby, unless he was gay before he went to prison, then he isn't now. That does not mean he isn't bi-sexual.

However, his sexuality probably has little to do with his libido. It probably has more to do with suppressing thoughts about sex and arousal for most of ten years. His mind has probably been hitting him on the hand with a 'mental' ruler when he thought about enjoying sex. After awhile of suppressing those thoughts, it takes a while for the brain and body to agree it is okay to be sexually active again. Until they get together, his libido is probably not going to be very strong and he will probably continue to have issues. However, they are his to 'fix' if he thinks they need 'fixing'.

If his partner thinks he should be wanting and doing more, it could be adding pressure that turns him off sex even more causing him to back off and spend time with his buddies who aren't putting unwanted demands on him. It might also put him on the defensive and feeling like less of a man even though it isn't something he is consciously causing to happen.

As for diseases, that should have been discussed before sexual contact was made whether he had be incarcerated. It is a part of being with someone who has had other partners than yourself.

ruby, unless he was gay before he went to prison, then he isn't now. That does not mean he isn't bi-sexual.

However, his sexuality probably has little to do with his libido. It probably has more to do with suppressing thoughts about sex and arousal for most of ten years. His mind has probably been hitting him on the hand with a 'mental' ruler when he thought about enjoying sex. After awhile of suppressing those thoughts, it takes a while for the brain and body to agree it is okay to be sexually active again. Until they get together, his libido is probably not going to be very strong and he will probably continue to have issues. However, they are his to 'fix' if he thinks they need 'fixing'.

If his partner thinks he should be wanting and doing more, it could be adding pressure that turns him off sex even more causing him to back off and spend time with his buddies who aren't putting unwanted demands on him. It might also put him on the defensive and feeling like less of a man even though it isn't something he is consciously causing to happen.

As for diseases, that should have been discussed before sexual contact was made whether or not he had be incarcerated. It is a part of being with someone who has had other partners than yourself.

FINALLY a valid response. Thank you so much for shring this, I wanted to know if there was a possibility that he him be gay and you have shed light in this area. Thank you.

This post was NOT supposed to discuss anything about diseases and from one response it completely took a different direction. I have been tested and do not have anything. However he was showing suspicious behavior which is why I thought that being "gay" may be a possibility since there are such thing as "undercover men" the fact that I was even questioned about why I was concerned about his sexuality was baffling as anyone would want to know if their partner or previous partner was engaging in homosexual activity. I asked a very straight forward question, gave reason as to why I thought that way and haven't gotten an answer that addressed it until now. Again, thank you for explaining.

We hear and read a lot about men in the military coming home and having trouble adjusting to their wives and girlfriends. Some of it is about sex, a lot of it is about the strange world they have left that is now the world they know, and the one they come back to is the one that is now strange. Many, many couples just don't last.
Guys getting out of prison after 18 months are the ones (I think) who run out to the bars trying to get in the pants of any woman they see, if their woman isn't waiting for them. Ten years is a totally different scene.

If you still love him, and you get a chance to talk to him, I would tell him that you are backing off and letting him do what he wants. If it means waiting and waiting and eventually finding someone else, so be it.

FINALLY a valid response. thank you soo much for shring this, i wanted to know if there was a possibility that he him be gay and you have shed light in this area. Thank you.

This post was NOT supposed to discuss anything about diseases and from one response it completely took a different direction. I have been tested and do not have anything. However he was showing suspicious behavior which is why i thought that being "gay" may be a possibility since there are such thing as "undercover men" the fact that i was even questioned about why i was concerned about his sexuality was baffling as anyone would want to know if their partner or previous partner was engaging in homosexual activity. I asked a very straight forward question, gave reason as to why i thought that way and haven't gotten an answer that addressed it until now. Again, thank you for explaining.


Before this gets closed down - and it's run its course - this is what you said: "What the hell does living his life have to do with the fact that my health could be in danger. Please keep your personal feelings out of it and just answer the question. This is supposed to be a help desk not tell me how I should feel about whatever it is that I am asking!"

You're the one who went from asking the "why" question about his sexuality to bringing your health into the equation.

I answered your question. So did J9. Then YOU decided to snap at her - which I have quoted.

I don't even think you know what you posted and why.

Before this gets closed down - and it's run its course - this is what you said: "What the hell does living his life have to do with the fact that my health could be in danger. Please keep your personal feelings out of it and just answer the question. This is supposed to be a help desk not tell me how I should feel about whatever it is that I am asking!"

You're the one who went from asking the "why" question about his sexuality to bringing your health into the equation.

I answered your question. So did J9. Then YOU decided to snap at her - which I have quoted.

I don't even think you know what you posted and why.

I'm not going to keep going back and forth with this. I snapped at J9 because she was telling me basically that it shouldn't matter when obviously ro me, it does. I asked if he was gay or not and by responding and asking me why does it matter does not answer if he might/is gay or not. That is why I was annoyed. I then proceeded to explain why it would matter to me and then everyone jumped on the band wagon about my health. It shouldn't have mattered why ivwanted to know, the point is I wanted to know. Again, that was not the question. I got 2 answers that addressed the question.

I'm not gonna keep going back and forth with this. I snapped at J9 bc she was telling me basically that it shouldn't matter when obviously ro me, it does. I asked if he was gay or not and by responding and asking me why does it matter does not answer if he might/is gay or not. That is why I was annoyed. I then proceeded to explain why it would matter to me and then everyone jumped on the band wagon about my health. It shouldnt have mattered why ivwanted to know, the point is i wanted to know. Again, that was not the question. I got 2 answers that addressed the question.

First, this site is different from other Q&A sites. We don't just answer questions, we try to provide solutions. What you asked was off the wall, it was seemingly homophobic. Yes we could have told you a straight man doesn't turn gay oin prison. But that probably wouldn't have solved your problem. So we asked some logical questions to try give you a solution.

The fact is both your questions showed a prejudice that I, for one, found disturbing. If you thought there was a health risk, then you insist that he undergo a thorough physical.

If you expect black and white answers, then try a different site. If you want quality solutions to problems, this is the best place.

I worked years in prison and have worked with men getting out of prison.

Everyone has some strange ID that all men in prison have sex with each other. This is not the truth. Few do, some are raped , others use it to get store goods and other items if no one is outside sending them money. ( others steal, sell illegal things and more)

Most men just masturbate.

Most of the issue may be just the problem of being locked up, life controlled and maybe what he saw in prison.
If he was gay going in, he will be gay going out.
Being in prison does not make you gay, it may make you raped but not gay.

First, this site is different from other Q&A sites. We don't just answer questions, we try to provide solutions. What you asked was off the wall, it was seemingly homophobic. Yes we could have told you a straight man doesn't turn gay oin prison. But that probably wouldn't have solved your problem. So we asked some logical questions to try give you a solution.

The fact is both your questions showed a prejudice that I, for one, found disturbing. If you thought there was a health risk, then you insist that he undergo a thorough physical.

If you expect black and white answers, then try a different site. If you want quality solutions to problems, this is the best place.

I don't see how any of what I said was homophobic. My best friend is gay and when I asked him the very same question he did not get offended. I am NOT homophobic. The concern about disease is not necessarily from the fact of being gay but for the fact that he was in prison for 10 years and the STD rate in there is very high. That is statistics. To assume for any reason that I am homophobic is very judgmental and is NOT the case.

I worked years in prison and have worked with men getting out of prison.

Everyone has some strange ID that all men in prison have sex with each other. This is not the truth. Few do, some are raped , others use it to get store goods and other items if no one is outside sending them money. ( others steal, sell illegal things and more)

Most men just masturbate.

Most of the issue may be just the problem of being locked up, life controlled and maybe what he saw in prison.
If he was gay going in, he will be gay going out.
Being in prison does not make you gay, it may make you raped but not gay.

Thank you! I am not hoping he is gay I just wanted an opinion as to if they may have been the case. Thank you again!

You seriously need an attitude adjustment.

The concern about disease is not necessarily from the fact of being gay but for the fact that he was in prison for 10 years and the STD rate in there is very high. that is statistics. To assume for any reason that i am homophobic is very judgmental and is NOT the case.

Yet you apparently tried to have sex with him. If you were so concerned about disease, then why didn't you insist he be checked before having sex with him?

Try reading what I actually said. I said it was "seemingly homophobic". I stand my ground on that. So what did you gay best friend tell you? Didn't he tell you that prison wouldn't make a straight man gay? Frankly, I'll bet he was very offended by your question, but was too polite to tell you off.

I think you are being so defensive about this because you were caught.