My husband and I argue over my 3 kids all the time, they are not his kids.
We have been married for 3 yrs. Part 1. About a year after we got married I found porn on his computer (we have separate computers), he also had signed up and paid for web sites like true.com and adult friend finder. Now I have trouble trusting him.
Part2. When we argue about my kids it is I am not raising them right it is mostly with my son He is really hard on him. He usually stays grounded weither it is for grades or behavior in school. Well this month he had a really good month he might have gotten into trouble for talking or getting up out of his chair. Well I ungrounded him. And here goes the yelling he said "I told you not to unground him he is just going to do the same thing and I am trying to stop him for running over you when he gets bigger (he is 9). I told my husband "you have to give him something for being good in school so I let him play with his toys but he does not get anything electronic at all". He always tells me that I am not raising them right. I honestly thinks he can not stand my son. He says the kids have no respect for him. But I tell him you have to give respect to gain respect. I do think the kids respect him now my son is a daddys boy (his dad lets him do anything he wants,He had taking him to the bar and drink a beer, he took him to his girlfriends house while he was married to another person (the wife was pregnant). I forget things like any other person. When we yell argue he always brings up the fact that I forgot to get his donuts at the store that happened over a month ago. Last night is when this argument happened. He always brings up stupid stuff. Yesterday I put oil in his car and I guess I forgot to put the oil cap on so we did the yelling and arguing Now after all this he says he is not going to do nothing but work and pay the bills and pretty much not have anything to do with my kids. I told him that the marriage might as well be over if he is not going to have anything to do with them. I love him, and my kids I have always told him that my kids come first over anything. I just don't know what to do.

I see two things going on here at the same time:
(1) He has a problem with lustful thoughts - this always leads to problems of anger. This will erupt on the nearest possible person that becomes a source of aggravation.
(2) You are under mining his authority.

Solution: First he has to deal with the porn issue. If he' going to be married to you he should be concerned with you and not other women. The Bible calls it adultery just by looking on another women and lusting after her. Porn is not meant do do anything but feed a lust which is already inside a man. It sounds like you have already had a run in with an adulteress relationship and unless you're prepared for another, he needs to find help. This is an addiction and like any other drugs or alcohol, it is not a "get over it" thing. Second, you need to sit down with him and discuss child discipline. If he is to be the authority figure in the house, you cannot look at the children as yours and not his. You wouldn't send them to school and expect the officials there not to discipline them because they are not their kids. Find a punishment appropriate for the age and the "crime" agree on it and stick to it.

If you both don't get a handle on these issues, you're headed for another divorce.

For me the porn itself wouldn't be a problem, my partner likes porn, but he likes me better! The adult friend finder thing, that is a bad sign. That's not looking at porn, that is trying to find someone else to have sex with.

As for the kids thing, you need to discuss his role in their lives. I have two children form a previous marriage, and when my partner and I got together we discussed the kids and they are my job to discipline. Don't get me wrong if they are really bad and not listening to me he will tell them off, but at the end of the day I make the rules not him. You need to establish a definite role for him, and let the kids know it too. It will save the arguments later on.