My girlfriend dumped me after five years and I am still very much in love with her. I started to get depression in the last two years of relationship and I am a very bad, rude, drunk and she had enough. I am sure there was other reasons but these were some of the key ones.

When we broke up we kept chatting, I was begging her to take me back.. She kept saying she was confused and didn't know what to do. Eventually I convinced her to come out with me. We had a really good night at the casino, went back and had sex on her insistence. The next day she messaged and said 'I had a really good night and hopefully we can do it again soon x'. I was stoked. I kept asking her to come out with me and she said 2 weeks after the night out 'maybe I could come out with you and your friends' and I said I'd do whatever she wants. Anyway that weekend she pulled out at the last minute. Then over the next 3-4 weeks I tried with no success to get her out. Pathetically I had been monitoring her fb status that whole time. When she changed it I raced around to her house and begged her to take me back. I was crying and begging her but she had made up her mind. She said she loved me but she was not 'in love' with me. That hurt. In our following messages she said we both need to work on ourselves, she was feeling better about herself and didn't want to go back and put herself through all that again, I said surely there must be a chance for us in the future I love you so much and she said 'I can't say that, because atm I don't think that's fair, I don't want to put ideas in your head, or give you false hope... We both need to work on ourselves.. who knows what the future holds'

I was so devastated. Anyway a week after I broke down, I messaged her and said I was really sorry for acting like such a , I hope we can be friends in time, all I want is happyiness for you', she replied saying 'I hate that I've hurt you so much. I want you to be happy to. I hope we can be friends in time to, hope you had a good weekend'

I didn't reply and cut off all contact since then. It was 3 weeks until then and I was still hurting badly but was feeling a little better by completely blocking it out... then she wrote to me a message saying 'hey... (used my name not nickname) its been ages since Ive heard from you and I hope that it's a sign that you doing better and you don't mind this random text'... I chose not reply... It just sent me back to square one, I just felt devastated and I didn't know what to say...

Anyway two days later I stumbled out of the pub and of all places she turns in the bottle shop with hers brother friend (Im not worried about that though Im sure there not hooking up) and she tried to come over and say hi, I turned around and walked back into the pub.. its just to painful to talk to her... I came out and they were still there, and I spoke to her friend who I had initially ignored while she watched on sitting in the car...

Anyway Im devastated and don't know what to do... I really want her back I love her so much... I know I shouldn't be hoping to get her back but I am... I saw she posted on Facebook 'bored bored bored might have to go to the pub by myself', which then I think if I had messaged her back on the Thursday maybe just maybe I might have got to see her on Friday... I don't know what to do... it was really rude not to reply to her message and then ignore her on Friday night but Im just so confused... I want her to miss me so much she wants me back... but I think have I ruined any chance by ignoring her, she probs thinks I'm an...

I was thinking of writing this 'hey.. sorry for not replying to your message I didn't mind the random text, and sorry for ignoring you the other night, I'm not trying to be rude I'm just not sure how to act with you atm'

The other thing is, which is really ed up, I have her fb password and I been going into it. I saw this conversation of this guy trying to hit her up hard. I don't think she was giving too much away but was defiantly flirting with him and who knows. So I think if she is at all missing me I need to be hitting her up now before some dude muscles in there... what do I do please help me...

NO you don't muscle in on some dude, that's a disaster, it won't work.
STOP spying on her. Message her on FB to change her password ASAP.
STOP hoping. She's bored and doesn't like being alone so she is thoughtlessly allowing you back in her life a little bit, but she can't realize how much it hurts. The person doing the dumping rarely understands the pain.
You can't undo the damage of being a mean drunk. There's no going back. She is right not to take you back; why should she go through it all again? The odds of you 'changing' just because she takes you back are a million to one. What you can do is change your life for the next relationship. If that means staying out of the pubs and not drinking at all, or getting some sort of help, then do so. Prove to YOURSELF that you won't be the same person.

The other thing is, which is really ed up, I have her fb password and I been going into it. I saw this conversation of this guy trying to hit her up hard. I dont think she was giving to much away but was defiantly flirting with him and who knows. So i think if she is at all missing me I need to be hitting her up now before some dude muscles in there.... what do I do please help me...


Well, for starters stop invading her privacy. What are you thinking? I'm assuming she isn't stupid and she WILL find out.

Quite frankly I think you are obsessed and out of control. If you are as controlling and obsessed as you sound I can well understand why she is concerned about how you are taking the breakup and why she doesn't want to be your girlfriend. Not only are you "very bad, rude, drunk" and depressed, you are also scary.

I also note that this is posted under "divorce." Why?

Leave her alone until you get your own act together and stop being a mean rude drunk. The Facebook stalking has to stop friend, that does you no good.

How old are you both? Is this a high school sweetheart thing?

Leave her alone until you get your own act together and stop being a mean rude drunk. The Facebook stalking has to stop friend, that does you no good.

How old are you both? Is this a high school sweetheart thing?

I am 26 and he is 23... we met when she was 18 and I was 21... we have been together 5 years... we survived some big hurdles, I cheated on her which was wrong and I admitted to her because I realized how unfair that was, especially if she heard it from someone else... anyway she cheated on me not soon after which I found out about through a friend... anyway we survived that and it made us strong... we went for another two and half years with no indiscretions until now... I know it was all my fault and I agree I need to fix myself...

I know the much greater majority will never work again but I have heard of other stories where people have got back together and it has made them even stronger... anyway she has been really nice to me since dumping me... anyway I went for 3 n half weeks without talking to her after ending on good terms and as I said she sent me that message and then I accidentally saw her and had to ignore her... so now after she has been so nice to me, I mean I caused the breakup, I am now being rude... but I don't want to ruin things between us... should I just say 'thanks for the message and sorry for ignoring you, I just need more time before it is easier to speak with you again'... do you think that is OK, should I say anything else? I just want to pay her the same respect she has me and not rule out any chance in the future... I'm sure she still cares for me things just weren't right for us atm there is too much for both of us to fix, specially me...

I just want to pay her the same respect she has me and not rule out any chance in the future..... im sure she still cares for me things just werent right for us atm there is to much for both of us to fix, specially me.....


I find it odd that you mention "respect" in the same thread where you discuss spying on her via your (unknown to her) access to her Facebook account.

You cheated on her, she cheated on you. You got over that.

Believe me - when she finds out you've been spying on her she will not only panic and wonder if you have mental problems, it will very effectively and permanently end the relationship. I'd have a restraining order against you the next day.

Respect yourself first my friend and keep your dignity and self respect.

Ok it seems most of you are being a little unaffair. Of course I know I shouldn't be spying on her Facebook, curiosity can easily get the better of you, but it is a little difficult when a) her password is my name and favourite number, and b) its automatically saved to my computer because she always used mine... I would have thought she would have changed it but Im not about to call her stupid or anything for not doing so...

Anyway I have no interest in going into her account again. I saw the conversation flirting with this guy and honestly don't want to go anywhere near of that again... Im not going to go into her account and that is final, so she won't find out, and she won't catch me because I promise you I won't be doing this...

Ok it seems most of you are being a little unaffair. Ofcourse I know I shouldnt be spying on her facebook, curiosity can easily get the better of you...


I see absolutely no hope for this relationship as long as you are defending your own bad behavior.

I'm an investigator by profession and I have never gone into anyone's FB - although I have the ability to do so.