I am 30 years old working in a IT major. I'm in relationship with a girl since one and a half years. Although she was my college junior, we never got a chance to talk while in college. We started talking online, then progressed on to phone calls and finally started meeting up when she fought with her family and came to my city on pretext of finding a job, though she didn't even attend one interview during the couple of months that she stayed here. She came to my place a few times and we did have some intimate moments, but always stopped short of actually having sex. She is traditional and I didn't want to push it with her.

But things started deteriorating ever since. I always tried to be honest with her and used to tell her everything. She started getting insecure to the point of paranoia. The time I realized this was 6-7 months before. She would ask me questions about girls in my office, or about the past relationships I had with other girls. At first I was OK with it, but soon it started getting annoying as we would hardly talk about anything else! She took this as a further confirmation of her fears that I was trying to avoid talking about it as I had something to hide. This got so worse that for she would cry for hours on phone and her mental and physical health starting getting worse. I tried to comfort her; told her that I had nobody in my life except her, which is true. There might be some mistake from my side in the fact that I did not understand her emotions fully at times and may be did some things which gave her a feeling that I didn't love her deeply enough!

Her family got concerned about her health and asked her to come. After a lot of protests and tears she finally gave in and went to her native place. But her condition did not improve. I tried my best to console her; thinking it was due to stress that she had endured in her earlier life. She never had close friends and thinks all boys are cheats. She claimed that I was different so she came for me. She had lived a troubled life with her brother bedridden with terminal illness. She never had any physical abuse but the childhood and early youth were troubled. She always felt alone and has a fear of happiness. I think she feels every happy moment that she gets has a hidden dark side to it. Even if it's not there she tries hard to find it (or in her words, to make sure that happiness is genuine!). She keeps hunting till she finds something (real or imaginary!).

She's broken up with me more than 10 times in the past two months, swearing never to call me again. But she'll call me in a few hours again, cry and say how sorry she is. After spending a couple of hours on phone crying and getting me emotional, she'll be OK. But it's short lived. Again she'll call me and start asking questions about who I spend time with and what is happening with girls in my office! This gets to be a cyclic process where she'll curse me, blame me for ruining her life, cry, say sorry, promise not to repeat this again and so on. I generally don't say much during such calls although at times I snap and yell at her. I have tried all I could but looks like I can't really take it any more. My life is in turmoil, my job is getting affected, I'm not able to make any moves with my career plans, my other interests (I am an amateur musician and an artist and like to spend some time there but she doesn't leave me any!) and I'm stressed generally. I said I wanted to break up with her as this relationship is making both of us miserable. She started crying and said she will die without me. I had to spend the whole day comforting her as I couldn't stand to see her in so much pain.. . I don't know what to do! I no longer see a happy future together, but I am scared to leave her as to what she might do! Please help

P.S. : I apologize for this lengthy letter but I didn't know what else to do!

She shouldn't have to blame everythig on u. She needs a lot of work on herself , she's looking for comfort in you and she should be happy wit herself before she has a relationship with anyone. My advice is to let her go while she takes time to work on herself and u get back on your feet. Stay friends if its possible .

The girl has no independence. She should spend a few hours a week investing in herself, making friends, (maybe introduce some of your friends friends) and making herself feel good.

Right now she is too dependent on you, which is affecting her life and yours. You're overwhelmed by her, and she is too needy at the moment to realise.

Perhaps don't accept the long phone calls. Don't pick up. Instead, just send her a message, or a voicemail saying 'I love you, I am here'... Merely sending something like this will help.

Speak to her on the phone about once or twice a week, just asking about her health, and talk about your needs and wants too. Don't even mention other women; and if she brings them up, don't take it seriously, try and make her feel secure by brushing the topic off, and instead talk about your love for her.

I've been in the position of this girl before, in fact, I'm still going through it - check out my question and see how you can help me as an opinion from the other side.

Hope this helps.

She sounds like she has deep emotional problems (perhaps guilt about her little brother dying, or her parents blaming her for their problems) and that has resulted in a clingy and suspicious personality. I don't see how you can do anything about it. Maybe she is desperate for you to ask her to marry you, I don't know, but I really do think you should make a clean break, and tell her the truth about why. And once you do, you CANNOT respond in any way, phone, email, Facebook, even snail mail.

It isn't fair of her (it's selfish actually) to say she will die without you. Don't let her even start talking about that.

Get as far from her as possible and have no further contact what so ever with her. No friends, no NOTHING.

Basically Disappear fom her life. She needs more help that you cannot, nor should not give.