I'm 28 years old.
I've been married for 3 years, my wife and I knew each other for about seven years. We met on the internet and were casual pen friends. Four years ago, by a strike of luck, she found a job near me. She's american and I'm from a different part of the world. We started dating, and everything went all right.
The only problem with her is that she's very insecure. She actually told me that she suffered from this issue her whole life. She would be very sad if I ever dropped a hint that I didn't like something she did and sometimes, when I get annoyed by her questions (do you really like this thing about me), she can burst into tears and I would have to spend hours telling her about the things I love about her.
It didn't really bother me. Sometimes, I can be very tired from work and I would not be in the mood for a comforting session but I had a someone in my life with a similar issue and I understood that even though it's hard for me to reassure her, it's harder for her to be assured.

For three years, we were happily married, both young and comfortable in our jobs. Weeks ago, she started behaving strangely. She would spend her days off laying in bed.
I don't know if this detail stupid but since we moved in together she always would rub her feet against mine. Not every night, but usually. And sometimes I would touch her feet with mine and she would go on rubbing. But it no longer worked. Sex was suddenly out of the question, she would sleep turning her back to me, and she would jerk her foot away if I ever touch her.

Always depressed, always tired. At first, I thought she had troubles with her job or health. I even thought she might be pregnant. I have to admit that the idea of her cheating on me crossed my mind, but I never got some suspicion, like a stranger call or text for example.
Life started to get very suffocating and annoying with her mood so I confronted her and asked if there's anything wrong with us, or if she wanted a break or something and she kept fleeing the argument. But she always did.
At the same time, a couple of our friends were acting weird around me. They called at the last minute for my Saturday hang out to cancel. They were always logged off on Facebook and I know they were online.

Anyway, few days back she confessed that she had a "fling" with someone from her work. Also, american, I don't think it's relevant, but she kept telling me that he'll go back to the US soon and that we'll get through it. But I'm not sure.

She told me that it was a stupid mistake, that she hated it and that she suffered for weeks, but I'm also not sure.

I never thought that being cheated on would hurt this bad. And now I can't be around other people. I can't help but feel very humiliated and emasculated.
In our culture, we are very uptight about the persona of a man.
Very humiliating to be impotent or sterile, and even worse if you turn to be a cuckold. I'm open minded but still the thought of my wife with another man makes me sick to my guts.
And I'm asking a lot of questions. Is he the first one? Is he better than me in bed? All kinds of questions and thoughts that a male's ego would riot on.

I got very mad and left her. I went to live with my parent until I figure out what to do. We tried to discuss it but it's very soon. We will end up fighting, or her crying and me going crazy all over the place. She keeps saying that I should listen to my heart and not the rambles of a brainwashed society, but my heart's is out of service right now.
We don't have kids, so it would be easier for us to break up but it isn't easy. I'm angry at her, but I know deep down that I love her. And I can't help but think it's unfair for her to use my feelings as leverage.
She keeps telling me that she suffered enough and to find it in my heart to forgive her, but I'm so angry with her that hearing these things only makes me say aweful things back at her.

I really never asked for this. To be put in this position. And now a decision is forced upon me. Should I accept to be a cuckold and take her back, or should I suppress my feelings for her and leave her. I am also mad at her for making me feel like a victim. I really despise this feeling and I resent it.

So, what should I do? Are there members that have been through what I am experiencing right now ? Should I stay with her ? Leave her temporarily?
Divorce in our country is pretty easy for men, so that shouldn't be a problem but I really have to be sure that's what I want.
And most of all, how can I make the pain go away. I don't want to get back at her or anything, I just want to find the right decision.

Bro.. I can completely understand your feelings.. And from what you've written I can figure out that you are an extremely sensitive person.. Just like me... :) But I don't see any point in you hurting yourself for her.. Time heals all wounds on its own.. I would suggest you just let things happen on their own... After a few more days you won't feel that bad about it.. If you feel like giving her a divorce , then don't hesitate (thats my suggestion)... Also why does she have to teach you things and say stuff about society brainwashing you? She has no right to teach you morals after cheating you this way... I think she should herself learn how to be faithful with a man who loves her... You loved her faithfully and she cheated on you... That's actually her loss, not yours because she lost a person like you who loved her with all her heart and you lost someone who was never yours... So why feel bad about it.. Look... Think what would have happened in the long term.. If suppose you had kids with her , if you had spent some more years with her and had later realised that she cheated on you, then it would've been even more difficult for you to handle things.. So its good that things came out now itself else she would've ignored you and would've treated you like her puppet for the rest of her life... But now, you have to move on in life instead of thinking about her.. You can always make a fresh start again.. Move on... Also the more you keep your mind idle or blank , the more you will think about her(its a true fact).. So keep yourself engaged in your job, go on a long trip with some good friends or you can just go alone and explore new places, make new friends, create your blog and keep posting about things , do some charity, or anything else which WON'T give you any time to think about her... In short just keep yourself busy with something or the other!! You are just 28... Enjoy life..! Do something for your parents... Roam with them... Our parents love us more than any girl can... So spend time with them... Also you deserve someone much more better... you will surely get a girl who will value your feelings and give you equal happiness in life as much as you will give her.. At 28 you have lot of things to do... Else when you become old you will regret that you spent the precious years of your life just thinking about a girl who never loved you when you could've turned those same years into something more productive... So please don't hamper your progress because of her... Like I said before , Time will heal all the wounds.. Also when the right time comes you will yourself find the right girl... Don't you worry...

Has she apologized at all for what she did? Couples have gotten past this but often with the help of counseling. It is going to take a while and understanding which she does not seem to be giving. You two need to have a deep conversation.

She sounds like she is making it worse by not simply apologizing and saying she loves you and letting you decide, instead of all her rationalizations.
I think you need and deserve a break. Does your background matter? Sure, some, but the pain is the same in any culture.
So I would take that break. You have a place to stay. I would make formal arrangements to talk every X days for X amount of time at X time of day (maybe once a week for 45 minutes at the max). If she gets loud or demanding, you leave. Meet in a public place.
I would also tell her that you will stay apart for a number of months, say 6, before you even think about going back to her, and that you will reassess that once a month after that.
Those are all numbers I just made up and you could choose ones that feel right for you.
It would help add some structure to the separation.
You may not want her back at any time. She may even find someone else. Nothing is ever certain. She admits she is insecure to an extreme and may either do this again if you get back together, out of a need for tons of attention, or she may find someone else out of the same need. She may not be right for you, period, unless she gets therapy.

Bro.. I can completely understand your feelings.. And from what you've written I can figure out that you are an extremely sensitive person.. Just like me... :) But I don't see any point in you hurting yourself for her.. Time heals all wounds on its own.. I would suggest you just let things happen on their own... After a few more days you won't feel that bad about it.. If you feel like giving her a divorce , then don't hesitate (thats my suggestion)... Also why does she have to teach you things and say stuff about society brainwashing you? She has no right to teach you morals after cheating you this way... I think she should herself learn how to be faithful with a man who loves her... You loved her faithfully and she cheated on you... Thats actually her loss, not yours because she lost a person like you who loved her with all her heart and you lost someone who was never yours... So why feel bad about it...? Look... Think what would have happened in the long term.. If suppose you had kids with her , if you had spent some more years with her and had later realised that she cheated on you, then it would've been even more difficult for you to handle things .. So its good that things came out now itself else she would've ignored you and would've treated you like her puppet for the rest of her life... But now, you have to move on in life instead of thinking about her.. You can always make a fresh start again.. Move on... Also the more you keep your mind idle or blank , the more you will think about her(its a true fact).. So keep yourself engaged in your job, go on a long trip with some good friends or you can just go alone and explore new places, make new friends, create your blog and keep posting about things , do some charity, or anything else which WON'T give you any time to think about her... In short just keep yourself busy with something or the other !!! You are just 28... Enjoy life.. !! Do something for your parents... Roam with them... Our parents love us more than any girl can... So spend time with them...Also you deserve someone much more better... you will surely get a girl who will value your feelings and give you equal happiness in life as much as you will give her.. At 28 you have lot of things to do... Else when you become old you will regret that you spent the precious years of your life just thinking about a girl who never loved you when you could've turned those same years into something more productive... So please don't hamper your progress because of her...... Like I said before , Time will heal all the wounds.. Also when the right time comes you will yourself find the right girl... Don't you worry...
Thanks for the help, I really appreciate it.
It's too soon for me to think about divorce, but right now we're really separated and I don't feel like seeing her or talking to her.
We tried to do it two days ago, but I was so angry and snapping at her to the point where I, myself, felt like a .
She has a lot of issues. It is comforting to be in the internet because I can be really honest to myself.
She's not really a bad person, just very stupid with little thought about consequences. It's just that this time she hit the fan. She has to understand that people won't pat her hand on everything she does.

Honestly, anger or not, I really don't think she's the right girl for me. Even though I still have feelings for her, it has to stop.

Has she apologized at all for what she did? Couples have gotten past this but often with the help of counseling. It is going to take a while and understanding which she does not seem to be giving. You two need to have a deep conversation.
She did apologize for it, but it was too soon and too confusing.
She's suffering because of her mistake so she's expecting me to consider her my suffer-buddy.
I know, she's a whole emotional package but I'm really used to this.
She admitted she's wrong, which is really a breakthrough. I don't remember she has ever gave away at least a shred of a hint that she's wrong before.

But it's not sufficient. The more I think about it, the more I see it clearly.
I've always put up with her issues and while her family was always at her throat, I was the one defending her and considering her issues serious and whatever.
BUT I thought that our love was an exception. Something that is in the process of chilling her out. But whatever.

Also, she knows how I feel about betrayal and yet it didn't hold her from stripping down to a stranger.

During our last talk, she kept telling me that it didn't mean anything and that she hated every second of it. I believe her, maybe because it strokes my ego, but also because knowing her, if she liked being with him she would've fled in tears seeking comfort in him.
But you know, I'm tired of being patient and I wdon't want this to become yet another experience-that-she-learned-the-hard-way. I think that this is the first time I'm going to treat her as an adult.

She also keeps talking about the self destruction behavior, and how she couldn't do it alone. But I'm done. I'm not going to be her shrink anymore, not after this.

Now I got past the need of revenge and make her feel bad. I am going just wait, see and work on healing the gash she left.

She sounds like she is making it worse by not simply apologizing and saying she loves you and letting you decide, instead of all her rationalizations.
I think you need and deserve a break. Does your background matter? Sure, some, but the pain is the same in any culture.
So I would take that break. You have a place to stay. I would make formal arrangements to talk every X days for X amount of time at X time of day (maybe once a week for 45 minutes at the max). If she gets loud or demanding, you leave. Meet in a public place.
I would also tell her that you will stay apart for a number of months, say 6, before you even think about going back to her, and that you will reassess that once a month after that.
Those are all numbers I just made up and you could choose ones that feel right for you.
It would help add some structure to the separation.
You may not want her back at any time. She may even find someone else. Nothing is ever certain. She admits she is insecure to an extreme and may either do this again if you get back together, out of a need for tons of attention, or she may find someone else out of the same need. She may not be right for you, period, unless she gets therapy.

She did apologize, I am sorry if I didn't put it in my post.
What you wrote in the last paragraph is actually what I think about constantly. I don't think she's messed up to the point of doing it again, then again I can never tell for sure what she would or wouldn't do.
But you're right. I've put up with loads of crap during my child hood, from an abusive father to a hostile family and I don't need more drama in my home.
And I'm really, really, going over the question that whether she's the mother of my future children or not.
I know I'm very angry right now, but now that's how I'm thinking.

Thanks for the help, I really appreciate it.
It's too soon for me to think about divorce, but right now we're really seperated and I don't feel like seeing her or talking to her.
We tried to do it two days ago, but I was so angry and snapping at her to the point where I, myself, felt like a .
She has a lot of issues. It is comforting to be in the internet because I can be really honest to myself.
She's not really a bad person, just very stupid with little thought about consequences. It's just that this time she hit the fan. She has to understand that people won't pat her hand on everything she does.

Honestly, anger or not, I really don't think she's the right girl for me. Even though I still have feelings for her, it has to stop.

I know . For example my GF gets irritated a lot over small things... But then, she is really kind of immature.. She is like if I do something wrong then it's a big issue while if she does something wrong then ts OK... I tell her that the world won't be as kind to her as I am and for that she replies that she can handle it... But mostly many girls are this way... And your getting angry at her is totally justified.. Like I said before , just don't think about her now , else it will frustrate you even more and you won't be able to concentrate on anything.. Chill and enjoy life.. Someday when you find a good girl who loves you truly, then you will gradually forget her... Its true.. All the best for everything \m/