2 years ago I persuaded my boyfriend to move to my town so that we could live together and be together, knowing full well that things weren't going very well but thought it woud bring us together. It didn't work and I found out that he was quite emotionally abusive and uncompromising about everything, so eventually moved out whilst he stayed in the house we both lived in. We've continued to see each other and be in a 'relationship' when the truth is deep down, although I love him I don't really want to be with him but because I don't want to be alone and I feel guilty for getting him to move so far away to be with me when he knows no-one here and has no car. He does not work either, so whilst I'm at work I fee guilty for him being on his own and the fact that I in a way have left him on his own. If it weren't for me, he would never have moved.

A year later I got a job working for a boss who quite frankly treated me with a lot of disrespect and, over the months, athough I would stand up for myself initially with all the power games he played and pushing me menial tasks that were beneath what my role called of me, my confidence was eroded. I don't know what has happened but during this time I have gone off sex and, living on my own and seeing my boyfriend every weekend and no-one else (due to the fact that none of my family or friends know that I stilll see him because they would be devastated due to the way he has treated me in the past) is making me feel trapped.

It has got to the point where I don't want to see many people and I purposefully make excuses for not going out or inviting anyone around. I have pretty much alienated my family, only seeing them for short periods because I don't feel that I have anything to say because frankly I don't do anything. At work I have nothing really to talk about and the only thing I look forward to is coming home and locking myself away from the outside world. The worst thing is that I have no libido anymore and can't work out whether it's me, or because I'm not attracted to my boyfriend, or whether it's due to working in such an environment with a boss who has singled me out for mistreatment from day one and has now told me that my contract will not be renewed, even though there is a lot of work coming on board.

I used to be confident, happy and more sociable but all I want to do is avoid being around people as much as possible. I actually look forward to just being on my own to feel safe, but I know that I'm distancing myself from people more and more, even my family and I'm just not interested in anything anymore. On top of that, I'll be out of work soon and just don't know how much more knock backs and stress I can take. What is happening to me and how can I stop it?

Selfish get a grip

Does anyone else have anything a bit more supportive/constructive to say?

Rather than us trying to diagnose you, why not find a good counselor and meet with him or her for a few sessions?

I would suggest finding ways to live more cheaply first of all. When you lose your job, will you be able to get another one right away, or collect unemployment? You sound like you are in the UK because you use the word whilst. Have you been job searching, I hope?

I wouldn't worry about the boyfriend, who you shouldn't be seeing out of some sort of guilt over getting him to move there. He is free to move elsewhere. It's his own fault that he has no job and no car. Who pays the rent on his house? Some of this story just isn't fitting all together. If you have enough money, give him bus, train, or plane fare back to where he came from.

Find a roommate situation with other women or a mixed group to save money and regroup and find a job you don't despise. Keep a budget book and free yourself from the burden of a life you don't like. In fact, if your boyfriend is all alone in a house, take over the house and fill it with roomies.

This is my PRACTICAL suggestion. The emotional matters are for you to sort out. We have no idea how well you mesh with people or if you just ran into two tough relationships at the same time.

Have you considered accessing counselling? This may help you with your emotional state. Self-help groups are also a great support to speak about your issues - you can Google the internet to find an appropriate group near you that you could attend. There are also services that deal specifically with relationship counseling. This may also help you. Self-isolation is a sign that things are not going too well for your mental health. My advice is to seek help from such sources and try to avoid isolation if you can. Seek out friends. Seek out groups you might be interested in - it's a great way to make friends! Find a group that will help you with your depression such as beyond blue (Australia). Google Ron Coleman or Rufus May and access their websites. They have great ideals for your mental health and well being. Exercise. Eat well. Try to get good sleep. Take up yoga or ti chi. Take meditation classes. Maintain contact with people and avoid living in your head - this is called act, belong, commit.

In regards to the workplace bullying you are experiencing, it is illegal for bosses in countries such as Australia, the UK and the USA to bully their employees. You can make a complaint against your boss to the government regualting body in this area concerning the bullying you are experiencing at work. Such information is usually accessible on the internet. You must document all instances of workplacee bullying including date, time, place and what happened. If you havfe a witness, get them to sign the document. Present your complaint with the evidence to the body that deals with it.

Okay, first your boyfriend. It’s true that you probably shouldn’t have asked him to move in with you when you weren’t feeling confident about your relationship. Trying to slap a bigger commitment on a relationship that’s not working is just going to get you in deeper, not fix your problems. But, he chose to move so he at least owns that part in the move. If the relationship is failing, at least in part, because of his attitude/treatment of you, then that’s his fault. Furthermore, he’s been living there for 2 years and he’s not working? If he would get a job he could buy himself a car, another place, etc. The fact that he doesn’t have those things is entirely on him and you shouldn’t take responsibility for his failures to provide himself with the things he needs.

Regarding your boss and job. You seem somewhat unhappy about not getting rehired, but I think it’s a positive thing and you should look at it that way too. You say your job is one of those things that is dragging you down. This is your opportunity to find a different job, a better one with a more respectful boss.

You won’t be able to go out and build yourself a new social life overnight. I think you need to first end it with your boyfriend and find a new job and then start working on being more social. As adults many people’s good friends are coworkers and neighbors. Maybe work on making friends at the new workplace. Maybe try dating a guy that’s outgoing who might help you get back into the swing of things. Also, to help boost your mood and personal image, I think it might be good idea for you to take up an exercise routine (if you don't already have one). The extra endorphins will do you some good. If you feel comfortable, maybe try an exercise class in which you would get at least some human interaction, if you want it.