MentalParadox
Aug 18, 2012, 06:05 AM
Hey there. I've had this problem, along with a few dozen others, for about 5 years now. I'll cut to the chase. I suffer from the illusion that my thoughts can be heard by people around me (they don't need to be in my field of vision). Almost as if my mind can't see the difference between speech and thought. This is embarrassing, and it's getting so bad the last few months that I feel agoraphobia (I'm only "safe" in terms of "privacy" when I'm inside at home, or when no other humans are around) or hatred for the uninvited intruders (I know it's not real, but it feels so real - it's like an extreme form of paranoia).
I live a very lonely and dissatisfying life. I am almost always lonely. I crave friendship, love and intimacy; but I can't get that because I also suffer from Social Anxiety. My psychologist suggested this phenomenon was the reaction of my mind to the loneliness, and sure enough; I indeed "exploit" my condition... I have a bad crush on a fictional character (also for over 5 years now) and "think" to pictures of her... ed up, I know, but yeah... that's my sad life.
It's getting worse. I'm getting scared of losing my sanity and ending up like a mad shooter, or getting institutionalized eventually. You have no idea how scary "losing yourself" is. It feels like standing on the edge of an abyss of madness.
I will be going to a real psychiatrist soon, one with the legal power to diagnose me and prescribe meds. In the meanwhile, any thoughts?
I live a very lonely and dissatisfying life. I am almost always lonely. I crave friendship, love and intimacy; but I can't get that because I also suffer from Social Anxiety. My psychologist suggested this phenomenon was the reaction of my mind to the loneliness, and sure enough; I indeed "exploit" my condition... I have a bad crush on a fictional character (also for over 5 years now) and "think" to pictures of her... ed up, I know, but yeah... that's my sad life.
It's getting worse. I'm getting scared of losing my sanity and ending up like a mad shooter, or getting institutionalized eventually. You have no idea how scary "losing yourself" is. It feels like standing on the edge of an abyss of madness.
I will be going to a real psychiatrist soon, one with the legal power to diagnose me and prescribe meds. In the meanwhile, any thoughts?