For 18 years, I have, without a court order, voluntarily paid my fair share of support to our son. We all lived in NY the entire 18 years.

As soon as my son approached graduation from high school, his mom put her house up for sale, sold it and then moved into one of her dads homes in South Carolina to start a new life. She took our son with her.

Since there was no court order, and knowing that his grandfather has paid his tuition for technical school in full in South Carolina, I have reduced my voluntary contribution in half.

Now she is threatening to take me to court via her father's attorney to get her 17% support.

What are my rights? Can she do this now that son is 18 and there has never been a court order? She has not yet lived in S.C. for 6 months.

Unlike her, I don't have a rich father, I live pay check to pay check and am still helping voluntarily just at a lower rate. My fear is her dad, his millions and her dads attorney. I'm a average "Joe" worker I live paycheck to pay check.

Please provide insight.

For 18 years, I have, without a court order, voluntarily paid my fair share of support to our son. We all lived in NY the entire 18 years.

As soon as my son approached graduation from high school, his mom put her house up for sale, sold it and then moved into one of her dads homes in South Carolina to start a new life. She took our son with her.

Since there was no court order, and knowing that his grandfather has paid his tuition for technical school in full in South Carolina, I have reduced my voluntary contribution in half.

Now she is threatening to take me to court via her father's attorney to get her 17% support.

What are my rights? Can she do this now that son is 18 and there has never been a court order? She has not yet lived in S.C. for 6 months.

Unlike her, I don't have a rich father, I live pay check to pay check and am still helping voluntarily just at a lower rate. My fear is her dad, his millions and her dads attorney. I'm a average "Joe" worker I live paycheck to pay check.

Please provide insight.


Yes, NY is ordering child support through College. And, yes, child support for one child in NY is 17%. She appears to be a NY resident at this time so that's the Court with jurisdiction.

I'd wait and see if it's a threat or not. If it's not an empty threat I would consult with an Attorney.

(I'm also in NY)

I thought that would be the case. Now I worry because I wonder if I should keep paying her the reduced amount or stop paying to save up for an attorney.

I am so stressed. I love my son, never wanted him to leave state, it's what she wanted and it hurts.

I just don't have the money she wants on a monthly basis. I know she is living well off her dad and my son reaps the benefits too.

I think she's doing it to financially hurt me.

Your advice?

I thought that would be the case. Now I worry because I wonder if I should keep paying her the reduced amount or stop paying to save up for an attorney.

I am so stressed. I love my son, never wanted him to leave state, it's what she wanted and it hurts.

I just don't have the money she wants on a monthly basis. I know she is living well off her dad and my son reaps the benefits too.

I think she's doing it to financially hurt me.

Your advice?


Wow - hard to know. In NY if the Court decides support through College/higher education (and I've seen it written both ways, sometimes with an age cap) it will be 17%. An Attorney is going to make very little difference - it's by Statute. Legal advice, of course, is always a good idea.

I'd weigh what you are paying voluntarily against a rough 17% and use that information at least in part to make a decision. There's not a lot of "wiggle room" in NY.

This is a pretty good site with far more info than you need in your circumstance - https://newyorkchildsupport.com/dcse/non_custodial_parent_info.html.

Unfortunately funds that she and/or her family have are going to mean very little.

The part that worries me is that you have been paying voluntarily. Courts do not view paying voluntarily as paying. So you could be liable for even more. Did you have any visitation? Did you let her move without a fight?

The part that worries me is that you have been paying voluntarily. Courts do not view paying voluntarily as paying. So you could be liable for even more. Did you have any visitation? Did you let her move without a fight?

There was nothing to fight about. The child had already graduated High School and was 18 years of age. There is / was no custody issue to fight over.

At 18 the child is free to go as they please.

The part that worries me is that you have been paying voluntarily. Courts do not view paying voluntarily as paying. So you could be liable for even more. Did you have any visitation? Did you let her move without a fight?


Not that I can't be anal about details BUT I notice there has never been Court-ordered support. I wonder if there was some type of Court action, it just died or was withdrawn.

Depending on what happened "back then" any support until now is considered to be gifts, not support.

Need more info from OP.

There was nothing to fight about. The child had already graduated High School and was 18 years of age. There is / was no custody issue to fight over.

At 18 the child is free to go as they please.

Must have been asleep at the switch there. You're right child was an adult so custody and visitation no longer matter. But I agree on the other issue. Without knowing what went in the past. We are handcuffed.

Hi everyone:

Thx for responding here are more details.
1--no court order for support only went to mediator to document visitation rights since she wanted to leave state with him at a very young age (2 or 3) to move by her sister in DC. She came back "of course".
2--never married
3--I paid 17% plus covered extra expenses like: school pictures, braces, sporting equipment, etc... etc... etc.
4--Told son and his mom that I didn't agree with move and that it wasn't in his best interest since she has no job and there are fine colleges in NY. Plus he could live free with me to attend college and stay in touch with his friends.

Courts have traditionally held that if support wasn't court ordered it wasn't paid. That is the only worry I have. On the other hand, since she never filed, I'm not sure the courts would entertain a motion for support at this time.

Courts have traditionally held that if support wasn't court ordered it wasn't paid. That is the only worry I have. On the other hand, since she never filed, I'm not sure the courts would entertain a motion for support at this time.

Wasn't ordered because an order wasn't necessary; it was paid voluntarily. I wouldn't worry about it, especially retroactively. Courts rarely award retroactive child support.

The "bottom line" is that the mother would have to sue for child support for an adult child. There is no minority to which "child support" of a grown child (although attending college) can be hooked. If she had sued for chld support when the child was a minor, the court might have thrown in the extra "attending college" part, but I really doubt if it will do so after the child has reached majority.

Wasn't ordered because an order wasn't necessary; it was paid voluntarily. I wouldn't worry about it, especially retroactively. Courts rarely award retroactive child support.

The "bottom line" is that the mother would have to sue for child support for an adult child. There is no minority to which "child support" of a grown child (although attending college) can be hooked. If she had sued for chld support when the child was a minor, the court might have thrown in the extra "attending college" part, but I really doubt if it will do so after the child has reached majority.


It's happened in NY, particularly with old Orders that didn't address college.