I have been dating my boyfriend for over seven years now and have always thought we had a decent relationship.
He's not very open when it comes to expressing himself so at times it can get frustrating when trying to communicate.
About 2 years ago he had an accident in work and as a result had a long battle with his company in order to get paid and help him.
He's previously suffered from depression in his teens and due to the accident it sparked off again.
Since then it's become increasingly worse for the both of us, I know I can't understand his depression but have tried everything humanly possible to help.
He has a really tough home life and doesn't earn enough to be able to move out, and I know that he has a crazy amount of things going on all at once.
The thing is he's retreated so far into himself, it made me think its more than depression and so started to do silly things like check his phone and such.
I started to find things that made me doubt him being faithful which has really torn me open, I've tried talking but he never really gives me an answer. I've been deceived before and very very badly hurt so I know a lot of things is due to my isecurities which I've tried to help resolve.
Its gotten to a point where we're never intimate which I understand because of the depression but it feels abit hollow and I miss the way we were in the beginning. I really hate myself for feeling like I'm letting him down by not doing more but his depressions now starting to affect me so much.
Practically every night I cry my heart out, I feel useless and what's worse is apart of me blames him when I have no right to.
My family think we have the perfect relationship but I can't talk to them and so signed up to a website to find friends.
I started speaking to a guy and it was refreshing being able to talk about serious things as well as normal.
He's so opposite to my partner, he's open and a romantic and abit of a geek like I am.
He's become a really close friend of mine, and we meet when we can to just chat about things in our lives.
He knows everything about my situation and really helps me to open up and listens to me without judgement.
The problem and question really is the last time we met he confessed he's fallen in love with me but doesn't want to do anything because of ruining not ounly a friendship but he doesn't want to ruin a relationship.
I suppose my question is what the hell should I do?
My boyfriends family hates me because I don't want kids, I feel like our trust has slipped but the worst part is sometimes I see glimpses of the man he used to be in there. It kills me to see the only peace he gets in life is when he's sleeping.
I will never get along with his family, we can't afford to move, his dads health has gone to hell and I just don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore.
I always thought he was my soulmate but I feel like a part of him has been lost and I just don't know if he'll ever come back.
What should I do? I feel so weak.